by Maria Duffy
Donna looked around her and wasn’t sure where to go next. She felt as though she should do something – but what could she do? She was shaking and there was blood pouring from her head. She was certainly in no fit state to be of any help to anyone. She began to walk in what she thought was the direction she’d come from but she wasn’t entirely sure. Everywhere looked different now through the black clouds of dust, and the loud, piercing sound of disaster was making her dizzy.
Her legs felt wobbly as she walked away from the square and down what had previously been a vibrant shopping street. A group of people were frantically digging through rubble outside a shop that had partly collapsed.
‘Stephanie,’ they screamed. ‘Stephanie, can you hear us?’
Donna paused for a moment and contemplated going to help when suddenly a doorway was cleared and a young woman staggered out. The group descended on her and lifted her up and over the rubble. She seemed to be relatively uninjured. She was one of the lucky ones.
As Donna stumbled further down the street, the extent of the damage was beginning to become obvious. There were cars buried under rubble and buildings completely collapsed. The sound of car horns, alarms and screams combined in the air to form an anthem to the disaster. The smoke and dust was making it difficult to breathe and she prayed that she’d get back to her little room in the guesthouse soon. Then an awful thought struck her. Mrs Garraway! Donna hoped she was okay. The thought of the guesthouse being flattened with the lovely old lady inside was enough to give her strength to push forward to try and get back.
‘Help her, help her!’ A woman appeared in front of her with a baby in her arms. The child was screaming and her face was covered in grey dust, blood flowing from a gash on her head.
‘Jesus,’ exclaimed Donna, looking around for help. Luckily a team from the emergency services had appeared on the street and one swooped over and took the child from the woman’s arms. The frantic mother followed him as he rushed to the truck they’d parked at the end of the street and Donna stood looking after them, fresh tears rolling down her face.
She began to walk again, slowly and steadily, as though she was walking through some awful nightmare. Thoughts of yesterday flooded her brain and she pictured William, standing outside that coffee shop looking gorgeous and so full of life. The lovely William. Where was he now? Had he survived the disaster? Maybe she’d never know. She was aware of unstable buildings shedding debris out onto the streets, but she didn’t care. Life had seemed perfect that morning and now everything was shattered into a million pieces.
After what seemed like hours, she arrived onto the street where she was staying and noted that there was very little damage to the houses there. Thank God for that at least. Just as she was walking up to the guesthouse, the door swung open and there was Mrs Garraway. Donna barely knew the woman and yet she felt her body sag with relief to see her.
‘Oh, sweetie, thank God.’ The old woman’s face was etched with concern. ‘Are you okay? Look at the state of you. Come in, come in.’
‘I’m fine,’ said Donna, but she was far from it.
‘Where are you hurt? Come in and let me have a look.’ The woman put her arm around Donna and led her inside. ‘Now let’s get you cleaned up a bit first and we can see what the damage is.’
‘Thanks, but I just have to make a phone call. They’ll be worried back home.’
The other woman nodded and Donna headed into her room. Thankfully her phone seemed to be still working and she called up a number on the display.
‘Hello. Jan?’ A sob caught in her throat then and threatened to choke her.
‘Hello, love. Are you okay? It’s not like you to ring so early.’
‘Jan, please get me home. I just need to go back home.’ And the tears came then, mingling with the blood from her wound and dripping onto her top. All the loss, tragedy and hopelessness of the last few years overwhelmed her and she cried like she’d never cried before.
How life can change in the blink of an eye. Yesterday she’d thought her time in Christchurch was going to be memorable and today she knew it would be. But for entirely different reasons than she ever could have imagined. She was sad for the city and all the loss it was experiencing. She was desperately sorry for those who’d perished or lost loved ones. But she was mostly devastated for the love she’d found and lost. Because she was in no doubt now. She may have only known him for less than a day, but William was – or had been – the love of her life.
Part Two
Chapter 20
October 2011
‘So, Bridget Jones or Love Actually?’ Bob waved the two DVDs in the air as he sat cross-legged on Donna’s floor. ‘Or I could go and rent something more action-packed if you’d prefer?’
‘I’m too exhausted for any action tonight so I guess you can stick on Bridget Jones.’
‘Too exhausted for action, eh?’ said Bob, raising an eyebrow. ‘And I thought I was on a promise.’
Donna laughed and threw a cushion across the room at him. ‘If your mother could hear you talking like that …’
‘She’d be well pleased. If she had her way, she’d be organising the wedding.’ He clicked the DVD into place and stood up. ‘I’ll go and make us some microwave popcorn while you fast forward the ads on that. Back in a sec.’
Donna picked up the remote control and tucked her legs underneath her on the sofa. She’d been seeing Jan’s son, Bob, these last few months and it was a lovely, easy-going relationship – exactly what she needed. She’d had enough drama over the last few years to last her a lifetime so she was grateful to lead a quiet life for a while.
It was eight months since the earthquake and things were finally beginning to settle down for her. She’d been so traumatised in the aftermath that Jan had organised a ticket home for her, and Donna hadn’t argued. The woman had taken her into her home, just as she’d done after the fire, and had mothered her for a few months. She’d been a mess. The earthquake had brought back all the feelings of helplessness she’d experienced after the house fire and she’d had to relive that entire trauma again. It had taken a number of sessions of counselling and a whole lot of love and support but she’d got through those dark months and was feeling human again.
The thing with Bob had happened unexpectedly. She’d known him for years and loved him like a brother but the kindness he’d shown to her when she’d returned from New Zealand had helped push their friendship to another level and they’d fallen into an easy relationship. He was everything she could ever want in a man – kind, considerate, smart – not to mention easy on the eye. His job as a fashion journalist ensured he always dressed on trend and, although she was never really into fashion herself, she loved his style. She’d never gone for the pretty boy look in the past but Bob was exactly that. With his trademark hairband atop messy blond hair and his perfect chiselled jawline, he turned many heads when they walked into a room.
She fixed the cushions behind her back and giggled as she heard Bob belting out One Direction’s ‘What Makes You Beautiful’. It seemed like the only glitch in his armour was that he hadn’t a note in his head. He probably knew the words to every single song in the charts, but unfortunately the musicality eluded him. They’d hired a karaoke machine for his thirtieth birthday party the previous week and his friends had barely got a look in. As birthday boy, he’d claimed the right to the microphone and had had a ball singing his heart out all night.
‘Here you go, love.’ He handed her an enormous bowl of popcorn and plonked down on the sofa beside her. ‘I thought I’d do two separate bowls since you eat so fast.’
‘Cheek!’ Donna pretended to be cross. ‘Are you saying I’m fat?’
‘Don’t knock the over-sized women,’ he said, ducking to avoid the friendly slap she was about to give him. ‘Sure look at Bridget there – I’d certainly give her one!’
‘So you are saying I’m fat?’
‘Donna, you’re perfect.’
He bent over and kissed he
r gently on the lips. His lips were moist and tasted of salt and she lay back and enjoyed the sensation. Bob was very affectionate and theirs was a loving relationship. When they made love, it was gentle and tender rather than wild and passionate. They didn’t do it very often but that was down to circumstance. Bob still lived at home with his mother and Donna was renting a flat on Dorset Street, close to where she’d rented in the past. She liked it there because she could walk to work and was still close to Bob and Jan. Bob sometimes stayed the night and, on those nights, they’d make love before going to sleep. It was lovely. But it was routine. Sometimes Donna wondered what it would be like to feel such passion that they’d want to rip each other’s clothes off there and then in the sitting room and make wild, passionate love on the sofa. But everyone to their own and that just wasn’t who they were.
She snuggled into him and they laughed their way through the entire movie. She loved that Bob had similar tastes to her. He loved rom-coms and hated anything with blood and gore. Just a few weeks ago he’d dragged her along to see Friends with Benefits and he’d been one of only a few men in the cinema. But unlike her, Bob was really self-assured and confident. He didn’t care what others thought and was relaxed and comfortable in his own skin.
The sound of gentle snores startled her out of her reverie and she saw that Bob had fallen asleep beside her, head tilted and mouth open. She smiled at the sight. He and Jan had helped her through so much and she’d be forever grateful to them. He must have sensed her looking at him and opened his eyes a slit.
‘I think I’ll just crash here tonight, if that’s okay with you,’ he said, closing his eyes again and snuggling back into her. ‘I’ve an early start so I’ll be up and out by six.’
Donna ran her fingers through his tangle of blond hair. ‘Me too. I have a pile of cakes to do tomorrow and I told your mam I’d be in at the crack of dawn. Come on. Don’t go back to sleep here. You head on into bed and I’ll lock up and follow you.’
Bob yawned and stretched before pulling himself up off the sofa. ‘Don’t be long. I know what you’re like as soon as my back is turned. You’ll be searching the channels for rubbish programmes.’
Donna laughed. He knew her too well. ‘Look, telly’s off. Now if you want to use the bathroom, I suggest you do it now before I get in there. I might be a while with all my lotions and potions.’
‘Well, let’s hope they work this time,’ he said, jumping away before Donna could react.
‘Oh, you’ll pay for that.’ Donna smiled as she watched him disappear into the bathroom.
She threw the remote control down beside her on the sofa and leaned back on the soft corduroy material. One of the things she’d learned in therapy was to give thanks for the good things in her life. So every night she took a moment to reflect. She was lucky really. She had wonderful friends, a great job, a home where she felt safe, and the best thing of all was that she had family. Because that was what Jan and Bob were now – her family.
But despite her new-found joie de vivre, there was still something missing. Obviously the fire had left a big hole in her life but it wasn’t just that. At first she hadn’t been able to figure out why she felt that way. Bob was wonderful and she knew she loved him, but he didn’t make her feel complete. It hadn’t taken her long to realise what the problem was – he wasn’t William.
Donna had never told another soul about William. Part of her wanted to savour the thought of him to herself but another part of her knew that nobody would take her seriously. How could she have fallen for a man she’d only known for about an hour? It seemed ridiculous, she knew, but that’s what had happened. She’d fallen into his arms that day when she tripped her way into the tourist office and her world had changed. He’d lit up something inside her. He’d made her feel complete.
She rubbed her eyes and forced herself up off the sofa. She needed to stop living in some fantasy world. She needed to concentrate on the here and now and stop pining for the past. She brought the empty bowls into the kitchen and rinsed them.
In the aftermath of the quake Donna had been in shock. But it hadn’t stopped her listening intently for news of the dead. She’d dreaded hearing that a young Irish man called William had perished. There’d been news of the death of an Irish man but it wasn’t him. Even back in Ireland she’d kept abreast of the death toll, praying for the man she barely knew. News of another Irish death had emerged some time later but, again, it hadn’t been him. She’d briefly toyed with the idea of contacting the authorities in Christchurch to check if he’d been registered in one of the hospitals following the quake, but she’d never followed through with it. With only a first name to go on, it just hadn’t been enough and she’d feared that she’d look like a fool.
She’d got through those first weeks by telling herself that maybe he hadn’t turned up. Or maybe he’d left when she hadn’t arrived on time and had been somewhere safer when the quake had hit. Those thoughts had given her some comfort and had helped her to move on with her life.
She filled a glass with water and brought it into the bedroom to leave on her bedside locker. Seeing Bob conked out with one leg inside and one outside the duvet made her heart swell with love. He was her life now. William would probably always hold a special place in her heart and she’d always wonder what happened to him but she was going to stop letting him rule her thoughts.
She padded quietly into the bathroom and closed the door. Looking at herself in the mirror, she realised she’d become thin and pale. Even her freckles looked dull and her usually bright eyes were devoid of life. Right, that was it. Beginning this weekend, she was going to start looking after herself. She’d get a good few inches cut off her hair and bring it back to life and she’d stock up on some decent face creams. Then she’d do a proper grocery shop and fill her fridge and cupboards with healthy food. Thinking about New Zealand always got her down but she wasn’t going to let it any more. It was time to move on.
She switched off the lights and slipped into bed beside Bob. He stirred and automatically threw his arm across her. She snuggled into him and despite the fact he’d been fast asleep only minutes before, his body began to respond to her. He pulled her in close until his warm breath was caressing her face. They kissed full on the lips and their bodies began to move in unison. It wasn’t long before they were making love – slowly and steadily, softly and lovingly. It was lovely and Donna knew that this was where she needed to be. It was safe. It was routine.
Chapter 21
‘A masterpiece, so it is,’ said Jan, looking at the retirement cake Donna had just finished making. ‘The detail is amazing. They’re going to love it.’
‘Thanks, Jan.’ Donna was becoming a whizz at making custom cakes and she was particularly proud of this one. A very smartly dressed woman had come into the shop a few weeks before, asking for a cake to be made for her husband’s retirement. She’d left the design of the cake up to Donna but she’d had specific instructions that it had to reflect her husband. He liked golf and played chess on occasion. He dressed mainly in suits and adored vintage cars. His favourite night out was in a swanky restaurant that served haute cuisine and fine wines. Donna had it all on the cake and, as Jan said, it was a masterpiece. She lifted up her icing bag to put on the final touch: ‘Congratulations, George’.
It was only ten o’clock but Donna had been in since six and felt exhausted. She placed the precious cake into a box and stuck the receipt on the top. The woman was coming in for it at lunch time and Donna couldn’t wait to see her reaction. She was planning to start making some of the decorations for an eighteenth birthday cake that was being collected at the end of the week, but she’d need a cup of tea first.
‘Right, I’m off to the wholesalers,’ said Jan, popping her head into the little kitchen just as Donna was filling the kettle. ‘Are you okay to get on with things here for a few hours?’
Donna nodded. ‘Of course. I’m already ahead of myself and it’s only Monday.’
‘Great. A
nd it’s quiet enough out front so Megan should be able to manage on her own. I’ll tell her to give you a shout if it gets busy.’
Donna sat down at the small wooden table and wrapped her hands around the steaming cup. She wasn’t very hungry today. She’d allowed William back into her head last night and it had unsettled her.
After returning to Ireland, she’d thought about how she could find him. He was the great love of her life, after all. There had to be a way. But as the days and weeks had passed, she’d realised that her search was futile. She’d gone through every option – Google, Twitter, Facebook – but it had been hopeless. If only she’d quizzed him more when they were in that little coffee shop. She remembered how they’d started to talk about where they lived when that surly waitress has interrupted them and they never got to continue the conversation. The fact that she’d never even asked his surname would haunt her for the rest of her life. If only she’d known. If only she could rewind time.
She took a sip of her tea and gave herself a mental shake. She’d promised herself last night that she’d be more positive from now on. After all, she had a lot to be grateful for. Her stomach began to rumble and she realised that she hadn’t eaten since the popcorn she’d shared with Bob the previous night. Right, the healthy eating could start tomorrow. She was going to sample one of those rosewater cupcakes that Jan had made earlier. She wasn’t usually a fan of fragrant flavourings but they’d looked and smelled delicious.
She flicked the switch on the kettle to make another cup of tea and headed out towards the front of the shop. She could hear Megan chatting happily to a customer and smiled to herself at the other girl’s sing-song Cork accent. But then she heard the customer’s voice and stopped dead. She pushed her ear against the door to listen. That voice. It was unmistakeable. She began to breathe heavily and felt light-headed. Oh God, her legs were like jelly and she wasn’t sure if she could move them. He was still talking and she was transported back. They were sitting in a little coffee shop in Christchurch and she was listening to him tell her about his journey around the island. He was gorgeous. Those eyes were mesmerising. She’d never met anyone like him before.