by C. L. Stone
“Get her out of there. Dr. Green said it’s not good for her throat to get all that dry air.”
“God damn it, Luke, why did you let her come back here?” Gabriel shifted, pushing me off of his lap and onto Luke’s.
Luke wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me as we knelt together on the platform. Being passed around like that was making my stomach flip again.
Gabriel had to angle strangely around the beam to weave his way out. He let go of the beam too soon, and fell on his back. He grunted, picked himself up and turned around, reaching back for me. I took his hand, stepping out next to him, crouching again under the short part of the attic space. He crept ahead of me toward the door. I shadowed him on my hands and knees. Luke angled himself around the beam to follow.
“Oy, Trouble,” Gabriel called from ahead of me. “Like my butt?” He stopped and wriggled it at me.
“I like Sang’s butt,” Luke said.
“Hey now,” Nathan said. “Stop talking about her butt.”
I stopped and crouched low, laughing against the floor. It was a mistake as I sucked in a lung full of super dry dust and I started coughing again.
Luke’s arms grabbed me around the waist and Gabriel gripped my arms. They pushed and pulled at the same time to get me out of the attic. I spilled out against the carpet next to Nathan and Gabriel. I coughed a few times. Nathan put a hand on my back, massaging.
I sucked in the cooler air. “I’m okay,” I whispered.
“You keep coughing like that,” Gabriel said, “your voice will never heal and we’ll never get to sing together.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” I choked out. “I can’t sing.”
I escaped the boys for a moment to find water from the bathroom across the hallway. Silas was still working on the shower. He was cursing at the pipes in the wall, smacking a wrench against one. I stood quietly to watch him work, lost in the smoothness of his strong muscles in his arms and the curve of his firm jaw. He sensed me and turned, his dark eyes focusing on my face. “Need something?”
I picked up a tiny paper cup from the counter, taking a sip of water from the sink. I held the cup to him. “Did you want some?” I was whispering and he probably couldn’t hear me, but he seemed to understand.
His smile returned. He reached out from the tub and I stepped in to hand the cup to him. Our fingers touched. A spark ignited in my stomach. His eyes held mine. “Thank you,” he said.
The moment was too intense for me and I turned from him, walking slowly back to my room. Why were my feelings so confusing? I felt the same flicker of excitement and fear whenever I touched any of them or any of them touched me. I couldn’t understand how anyone got used to those feelings. Part of me was afraid Silas would freak out on me again. Part of me wanted him to. I missed his arms. I missed Kota who was only downstairs. I wanted to crawl into their laps and remain there forever. I didn’t want to be here in this house anymore. I didn’t want them to leave me. How incredibly lonely I felt in that moment and they were all right there in front of me. I didn’t have the guts to ask for what I wanted.
I sucked in a breath, giving myself some control before I reentered my bedroom. Gabriel was on my bed, spread out on his back. Luke and Nathan were spilled out on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. I sank onto the foot of my bed next to Gabriel’s legs. He shifted slightly to give me more room, bending his knees until his feet were hanging off of the bed. I sat cross legged near him. I wanted to hide in the attic with him again and sit in his lap. I couldn’t find the words or the right way to touch him. I couldn’t reach out to him.
“What’s going on?” I asked. They were quiet enough that I thought one of them would be able to hear me.
Gabriel turned his crystal eyes to me. He heard. “Hm?”
“What are they talking about downstairs?”
“We’re trying to listen,” Luke said. He put a finger to his lips as he gazed up at me from the floor. He pressed his ear to the carpet.
I slid off the bed, crawling between Luke and Nathan. I put my ear to the carpet, too, and held my breath to hear better.
Kota and Mr. Blackbourne talked over each other. Victor and Dr. Green occasionally cut in. I couldn’t really understand what anyone was saying because of distance and how everyone was talking at once.
I caught one phrase from Kota, “Sang isn’t ever going to know.”
My hand fluttered up to my mouth, and I shoved my lower lip into my teeth. More Academy secrets?
I realized as I was listening that I was staring at Nathan’s chest while on my side. I looked up, catching his blue eyes gazing back at me. He caught my hand at my mouth and brought it to his chest, warming it. He pressed his palm over the back of my hand as he looked at me. “Don’t listen anymore,” he said softly.
“But is it about me?” I asked. “Did I do something wrong?”
Nathan’s face darkened and he reached out to me, pulling me across the floor to him. His arm wrapped around my waist, his fingers spread across my lower back. He held up his head with his other arm as he looked down at me. “We’re listening to conversations not meant for us. They’ll tell us when they want us to know.”
I swallowed. The secrets hung in the air like spider webs. They tickled across my skin but I couldn’t collect them to examine them.
“Sang should know,” Luke said. He rolled across the floor, bumping into me, pressing me back up against Nathan and smashing me between them. I smirked, trying to roll back into him and push him back. He kept coming at me, grinning.
“We’re not making that decision,” Nathan said.
Luke shoved me into Nathan again.
Nathan grunted, pushing at my back so I rolled against Luke.
“Hey, what the hell?” North called to us from the doorway.
I sat up on my knees to look at him, confused. Nathan propped himself up on his elbows.
“I leave for a minute and you’re all fucking around with Sang on the floor.”
Luke sat up. “We were just...”
“I don’t care,” North growled at him. “Stop it. Mr. Blackbourne’s going to come up here and kick the shit out of you and then we’ll all get it.” He pointed a finger at Nathan. “You come with me and help me haul this shit up. The rest of you find her homework and help her with it.”
There was a collection of groans. I blushed.
North caught my look and he pursed his lips. “Sang, keep these boys in line, will you?” He disappeared down the hallway. Nathan jumped up, following him down the hall.
Luke fell on his back against the carpet again. “Nag.”
“I don’t feel like doing homework,” I whispered.
Gabriel slid off of my bed, dropping in a heap on the floor. The glint from the light above caught in the three black rings in his ear, and the green stones in his lobes sparked to life.
“Let’s pretend we’re doing it,” he said.
My heart tripped. “Okay.”
Gabriel smirked and shook his head.
Luke picked up my textbooks off of the bookshelf. I grabbed my book bag sitting on top of my trunk against the wall. I sorted through the books, pulling notebooks out of my bag. Of all the things to worry about right now, homework and school were far from my mind. Still, with the work spread out in front of me, I thought if we were going to waste time anyway, I might as well actually do the work. I found a pencil and a sheet of geometry problems.
Gabriel randomly opened a notebook, thumbing through it. “What’s this?” Gabriel asked, holding on to some folded notes.
I blinked at him, sitting up again from the floor. “I thought my mom got all those,” I whispered.
Gabriel unfolded the notes, his lips moving as he read it over. “Goddamn. They’re nasty.”
“What’s that?” Mr. Blackbourne asked, walking in, frowning.
Kota trailed behind him; his eyes sought out mine. His skin bunched around his eyes, a pained stare. His fingers curled into fists.
I dragged myself to my knees, sitting back on my heels. Something was wrong. I sensed it from him. I stared at him with unspoken questions, asking in silence what was wrong. His eyes darted away toward the wall. Whatever it was, he couldn’t tell me.
“Notes from stupid kids from school,” Gabriel said. “A few that Sang’s mom missed, I guess.”
Mr. Blackbourne collected the notes from Gabriel’s hand. He selected one, flipping it around and read it. He frowned. “Can’t take her anywhere.”
“What does it say?” I asked.
Mr. Blackbourne scrunched his eyebrows at me. “You don’t know?”
“She doesn’t read them,” Gabriel said. “North told her not to.”
“North is right,” Mr. Blackbourne said. He folded the note and put it in his blazer pocket. “Gabriel, Luke and Kota, go hunt the house for any more notes that her mother might have found. I want every last one of them. If she gets any more, take them from her and hand them to me or North. We can’t risk her mother seeing them and setting her off in a frenzy again. Go and find them now.” He wasn’t just asking them to find notes. He was ordering them to leave the room.
Kota shot a glare to Mr. Blackbourne that made me shiver. I never saw Kota so cold before. Luke rose from the floor and put a hand on Kota’s arm, tugging him along. Kota gazed quietly at me once and stalked out after the others, closing the door behind him.
Secret Plans
I was alone with Mr. Blackbourne. I’d been alone with him before, but not in my own bedroom, and not under such strange circumstances. It felt worse than the first time I’d been alone with him. I felt naked, vulnerable. He knew so much about me now. Did he regret drawing me further into their circle?
“Would you sit down?” He stretched his hand toward the bed.
I rose from the floor, the dull pain in my tailbone intensifying. I’d been ignoring it before now, crawling around in the attic and playing with the boys, but it was starting to get to me. I sat delicately on the edge of bed.
Mr. Blackbourne planted himself next to me, his feet flat on the floor. He propped himself up with his elbows on his knees, his face buried in his hands. He rubbed at his tired cheeks. Was this the same strong and confident Mr. Blackbourne I’d come to know at school? He felt so out of place here with me, younger and looking for answers like I was. “Miss Sorenson,” he said. “Did you know your mother has cancer?”
My heart dropped. My mind solidified into a blank, shapeless mass. I shook my head. Cancer? What was that? I knew what it was, but in my mind, it was like I forgot what it meant for a moment. I was numb. I was hopeless. “I knew she was really ill,” I whispered. “My dad never told us the details.”
“It’s why she’s on so many medications,” he said. “When they did the biopsy, she almost died. They’re not sure if they want to do surgery because they think it might kill her.” He sat up again, twisting his body to put his palm on the bed, leaning against it to nearly hover over me. “If they don’t, it’ll spread and it might get worse. It might become untreatable.”
My eyes dropped to his hand, noting the smooth skin, and the trace of a scar across a knuckle. My mind, however, was a million miles away. How long had my parents known and never told me? Was this what Kota didn’t want me to know about?
“I hate to ask you this now,” he said softly. “Do you know anything about your mom’s past? About her parents?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never met them. They’re still alive, I think. She mentioned them a couple of times before she got sick. She never talks to them and they never call.”
His hand moved from the bed to my face. He dropped a forefinger against the tip of my chin, catching it and tilting it up. His fingertip was smooth and warm. He lifted until I was caught up in his soft gray eyes, leaving me breathless. “Have either of your parents ever touched you in a way that wasn’t appropriate?”
My cheeks enflamed. “No,” I insisted, as loud as I could with what little voice I had. “They’ve never beat me. I mean, they never...”
“I don’t mean in that way,” he said.
“Mr. Blackbourne,” I said, my eyes narrowing on his. I thought my heart was thumping so loud that he could hear it. “The most she’s ever done was to pull me by the arm to get me to sit or stand somewhere. I can’t remember the last time my father touched me at all. He’s never here.” I swallowed. “We’re not the closest family. We don’t touch.” How did he do that? All he had to do was get me to look into his eyes, and I was pouring my heart out, sharing secrets with him about things I never imagined I would tell anyone, not even Kota.
He searched my eyes as if looking for answers to questions he hadn’t asked out loud. His hand lifted from my chin and he traced a fingertip over my cheek. My body released a shiver. Didn’t he understand? I didn’t understand touching at all. Up until a couple of weeks ago, no one ever did touch me and suddenly there’s been an onslaught of boys all holding my hand, hugging me, wrapping arms around me. I’ve never in my life had anyone do that. While I was slowly beginning to not cower at every little touch, deep inside I was craving more than ever, because it was everything I had been missing out on. Maybe it was wrong of me to feel that way. I didn’t know what was normal any more. Everything I’d read in books or saw on TV didn’t match up to what I felt with them. All I knew was that every time one of the boys let go of me, I was desperate to reach back, to pull them back to me. I just didn’t know how.
And I tried to tell him this, to say with my eyes everything I wanted to tell them all but didn’t have the courage to. My tongue danced behind my teeth with the words that tasted almost right, but I knew I could never say it out loud. They would think I was crazy. They wouldn’t understand.
Mr. Blackbourne released me. “Miss Sorenson,” he said softly. “I promise you. If you give me a chance, if you’ll trust me, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you make it out of this situation safely.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered, confused by his overwhelming concern. He still hardly knew me. He and the others helped me set the stage to face off with my mother when she woke up. What more could they do?
The air stilled around us. There were only his steel eyes that seemed to swallow me up like a wave of water.
I forced my lips to part. “Mr. Blackbourne...”
He sighed, pulled back. “Until we get a better system together, one of the boys will stay with you here in your house.”
My eyes widened. “How? They’ll get caught.”
“Your mother needs to be monitored,” he said. “You’ll talk to Dr. Green and he’ll tell you what you need to do. If she wakes up within the next 24 hours, she can stay at home, but if she doesn’t wake up, she needs to be taken to the hospital. We’ve set up an IV for her. Whoever stays with you will be able to replace it as needed but I want them to show you how to do it, too. If she keeps it in while she’s awake, you should replace it.”
My mind was still whirling about what he said a moment ago. I swallowed back questions. “I’ll do my best.”
“I know you will,” he said. He stood up. “North and Silas should be about done. Victor will get you a new phone. The rest of us still have work to do before Monday.”
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. My eyes closed to force back the warmth of tears. I felt so badly about everything. I felt responsible for dragging them into this. I was a distraction when they were all so busy with trying to save the school and with whatever other Academy work they had to do. It seemed more important than my problems. They didn’t ask to be in the middle. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused.”
I was going to say more but his fingers sought out my mouth, closing my lips. “You were unexpected,” he said softly. “But you’re far from a burden. North was right. What kind of group would we be if we couldn’t look after one little girl?” His eyes told me more than he was saying. This wasn’t something I could take back. They made a plan. This was what was going to happen. I didn’t have a choice in
the matter. They were determined to intervene. He swallowed and stepped back, releasing my lips from his touch. “Let’s call everyone in. We need to make final plans.”
He turned away from me and toward the door, his commanding presence returning as he squared off his shoulders.
I pushed a palm to my cheek, trying to calm myself from the intensity of his words and touches.
Mr. Blackbourne twisted the handle and swung the door open. Kota was leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded over his chest. His face was grim. He wasn’t hiding that he had been trying to listen in the entire time.
“Get the others,” Mr. Blackbourne ordered. “All of them.”
Kota glanced at me, silently asking me if I was okay. I nodded to him, trying to reassure him I was fine. My mother was dying. I’d silently known that for years, only I’ve never known why. Putting a name to what was killing her didn’t change things. It only confirmed what I already knew. This wasn’t something she was going to recover from and be better. She was never going to go back to the mother that I had already mostly forgotten.
I may never again live in her house without the fear of what she might do next.
Kota reluctantly moved away from the doorframe. Mr. Blackbourne turned down the hallway to collect Silas and North. Within moments, they were all in my bedroom. Silas sat on the bed next to me. His hand sought out mine, covering my fingers with his against the bed. I wanted to pick my hand up to let him hold it but my nerves were rattling. I wanted to crawl into his lap, but with everyone there, it felt like too much. I didn’t have the guts to do it anyway.
Gabriel, Luke, Nathan and the other boys sat together on the floor. Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne stood and addressed us.
“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Mr. Blackbourne said in his stern voice. “Gabriel and Luke are staying here tonight.”
There was a commotion of protest. None of the boys wanted to leave.
“I’m not going to argue about this,” Mr. Blackbourne commanded. “We’ve all got things we need to do, and they don’t all involve Miss Sorenson. We’ve got to prepare for school on Monday. Victor, get Miss Sorenson a new phone, but bring it to me first. Kota, you’ve already got a job to do. Silas, North, I need you on Academy business. Nathan, you’re going with Dr. Green to the hospital for information.” He pointed to Gabriel and Luke. “You two will wait here until Kota comes for her tomorrow. I don’t care if you have to sleep in the attic, but don’t leave this room unless Miss Sorenson thinks it’s okay and don’t leave this place at all until Kota comes back. Call if anything happens. Call if nothing happens. I want updates.”