by C. L. Stone
I swallowed and rushed out of her room. I went back to the kitchen, grabbing the plate of grilled cheese and three bottles of water from the fridge and a bag of potato chips, taking them upstairs.
My door was closed, locked. I had to put the water and chips down to find the pushpin in the wall, opening the door one-handed.
When I peeked into the room, the boys weren’t there. I replaced the push pin and picked up the water and chips. I put everything on top of the trunk by the wall and closed the door again. “Gabriel?” I whispered.
Scuffling noises broke out from the attic and a moment later, Gabriel and Luke peeked out from around the bookshelf. They looked relieved.
“I thought it might have been your mom,” Gabriel whispered.
I pressed a button on the stereo, turning the volume up on the music to help mask our noises. I picked up the plate of sandwiches and passed it to them.
Behind the bookshelf, we sat on the floor to eat together. Since my mother was awake, it meant we had to be extra quiet now. I took the burnt sandwich and pulled the burned side off to eat it open-faced. Gabriel liked the apples.
When we were done, Gabriel sat cross-legged on the bed near the window and I curled up on the other end with the pillow. Luke remained behind the bookshelf on the carpet. Gabriel checked fashion blogs with the extra laptop. Luke was doing his work. I started texting everyone with the new phone.
Sang: Silas! What are you doing?
Silas: North’s giving me a lecture about spark plugs. Save me.
Sang: North.
North: What?
Sang: Just checking. Tell Silas I said hi and that I think spark plugs are interesting.
North: You’re still full of shit.
Sang: Do you still like me?
North: Yes. Do you still like me?
Sang: Yes.
Sang: Kota, I made grilled cheese. My mom woke up.
Kota: Did she notice anything?
Sang: She doesn’t remember. She asked when I called the doctor for the IV but she didn’t seem too surprised by it. She did ask about my throat but I lied and said I was sick.
Kota: If she forgets what happened, don’t remind her. Keep me updated.
Sang: Nathan, are you awake?
Nathan: Nope.
Sang: Sleep texting?
Nathan: Yes.
Sang: That’s a talent.
Nathan: I want to come hang out.
Sang: Will everyone take turns?
Nathan: Yup. I think that’s the plan. Don’t get caught before it’s my turn. If you get into trouble, run over here.
Sang: Thank you, Victor.
Victor: You’re very welcome. Keep it close.
Sign Language
After another hour, I slid off the bed onto the floor to go back downstairs. I collected the plate and the empty water bottles.
Downstairs, my mom was asleep again. The yogurt remained unopened. I slipped in quietly to take it back. I didn’t want it to spoil and have her eat it. I found some crackers and left them for her.
When I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and rambled back upstairs, Gabriel was sleeping in my bed again. Luke was still behind the bookshelf. With the door to the attic open, it made the room warmer. I hit the ceiling fan to help cool things off a little.
I angled my way behind the bookshelf and sat next to Luke on the floor. He was putting together some final touches to his map of the second floor. He wasn’t just doing exit points and a basic outline. He had images of furniture around the house as well. He tapped in the size of the platform in the attic. I had my cheek nearly pressed to his shoulder as I watched him work.
“I didn’t know the platform of the attic space met with the upstairs closet,” I whispered.
“It’s really convenient for us,” Luke whispered back.
“Why?”
He turned his head, pressing his nose to the top of my head. “It’s a secret.”
“Will you tell me?”
His nose rubbed against my hair. “Not this time.”
I pouted. “Is it bad?”
“No.” He shifted until he could thread an arm around my shoulder. His fingertips traced along my collarbone. He worked one-handed with the laptop. “I shouldn’t say secret. It’s more like a surprise.”
“You guys are full of secrets.”
“You are, too. Hidden hearts. I heard you know how to read Korean. Plus the sign language.”
“I only know the alphabet,” I reminded him.
“I could show you more, if you want.”
“Where did you learn how to do it?”
His fingers rested at the curve of my throat. “When I first met North, he wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t talk to Uncle, either. I’d say good morning, and he’d walk by me like he didn’t hear me. I thought maybe he was deaf. I learned sign language because I thought he’d know it if he was. I spent two weeks practicing with Kota.”
“You didn’t just ask him if he was deaf?” I asked.
“He wouldn’t talk at all,” Luke said. “I’d ask him a question and it was like he’d drift and wouldn’t answer.”
I sat up and his arm fell away. I was sorry I did it because it was cozy. “You had a brother you didn’t know anything about?”
“I didn’t know he existed. One day when I was eleven, he showed up in the middle of the night. My uncle said we were step-brothers but he wouldn’t tell me why or where he came from. That was it. North moved in.”
I couldn’t imagine an 11 or 12-year-old North, quiet and alone. How did he go from traveling around Europe with his father to ending up on Luke’s and their uncle’s doorstep? And he was so vocal now. “What happened when you tried to talk to him using sign language?”
“He glared at me like I was an idiot.” Luke grinned. “So it didn’t work, but I picked up something new. I used to practice with Kota for a while just for fun, but it’s been a few years since I’ve actually used it.” He placed the laptop on the floor. He sat cross-legged in front of me. “Let me show you.”
I wanted to ask him how he got North to talk, but the topic seemed out of place now. I sat in front of him and he wrapped his hands around my thighs, dragging me across the floor until our knees were touching. I hid a wince as my tailbone struck funny and pain crept up my lower spine. Thankfully, he was so focused on where he wanted to place me that he didn’t notice.
When he was satisfied with where I was, he started signing. “This is asking what your favorite color is.”
He showed me the motions and I mimicked as best as I could. When I did one incorrectly, he repeated the motion again and repositioned my hands. He started with some easier things, like asking about music and movies and showing me how to answer.
When he signed the word for ‘cute’, Gabriel flipped over on the bed. He shoved the blanket away from his face, watching through sleepy eyes.
“So when you do this,” Luke said, motioning with his hands, “you’re saying, ‘You are really cute.’”
I mimicked.
“Why thank you,” he said, winking at me.
I smirked at him.
“Try to guess what this is.” He made different gestures with his hands, but at the end he shook his hands in front of himself to indicate it was a question.
I tilted my head at him. “What are you asking?”
He grinned, but his eyes sparked something mischievous. “Say yes.”
“Yes?” I whispered carefully, making hand signs to say it.
“What did you just get her to do?” Gabriel said, yawning.
Luke smirked. He held up five fingers. Since it was out of context, I didn’t quite understand. It took a few moments before I remembered he kept score any time someone at school asked me to marry them.
“God damn it,” Gabriel said, and he must have realized the same thing. He grabbed at my arm, pulling me toward the bed. “You can’t do that shit to her.”
Luke laughed, tugging at my other arm. “Hey, you can’t pull
on my fiancée like that.”
“It doesn’t count. You tricked her.”
“Guys?” I whispered, grinning.
Luke let go of my arm. “She’s gotten a bunch of proposals already.”
“That makes you as bad as Rocky and that other idiot,” Gabriel said, pulling me onto the bed with him. I crawled up until I was sitting on the edge. Gabriel stuffed the blanket around his shoulders as he sat next to me. He rubbed a palm at his sleepy eyes. “Which reminds me, we need to figure out how we’re going to stop this stupid obsession. If this catches on, it’ll turn into guys bullying her instead.”
The house creaked. I froze, trying to pinpoint the sound. Was it a normal house-settling creak or something else?
Gabriel was oblivious. “And Rocky’s on the football team. We don’t need the whole team doing that to her.”
I leaned over, hovering above him, as I pushed a fingertip to his mouth to get his attention. His eyes widened and his lips closed. My cheeks heated. It was like he was kissing my finger.
A distinctive creak of the pushpin being pulled from the wall sent me falling to the floor in a panic. I meant to get out of the way for Gabriel to get past me to get inside the attic. Instead, he shoved the cover over his head.
Luke seized me by the waist, dragging me into the attic with him. I spilled out onto my back. My shirt got shoved up, exposing my stomach and my back scratched against the wood. My bad ankle locked into an odd position, and I bit at my tongue against the pain. Luke hovered on all fours over me, closing the door behind us.
The door to my bedroom crashed open against the wall.
“What are you doing in bed?” Marie’s voice filtered through to us. I heaved a sigh. While it wouldn’t be good for Marie to catch Gabriel here, it wasn’t as bad as my mother.
Through the attic door, I heard as Gabriel groaned, girly, muffled.
“Sick?” Marie asked. “Why’d you move your stuff around?”
More mumbling.
Dry air clamped down on my throat. I started coughing. Luke shifted above me, drawing himself down against my body and covering me with his frame. His hand found the back of my head and he stuffed my face into his chest. I tried to swallow and breathe, but it felt like the more I breathed in, the more I needed to cough.
Outside in the bedroom, Gabriel started coughing, too, masking my noise.
“You’re not going to puke, are you?” Marie asked. “I came to check in. I’m going back out. She’s asleep again.”
Tears threatened my eyes. My body shuttered against Luke’s as I tried to swallow back a cough. His lips found my ear.
“Hang on, sugar,” he whispered. “One more minute.”
I pressed my face to his chest and smashed my mouth against his shirt.
“You should get some water,” Marie said.
Silence lasted for a few minutes. I swallowed over and over again to hold back another cough.
The attic door burst open. Gabriel lunged inside and Luke pushed me out. Coughing spasms took over. I scrambled for the bed.
The door was still wide open but Marie was gone. I gasped for air, got up from the bed and crept to the door.
Marie was in her bedroom, digging through clothes on her floor. I crossed the hallway to the bathroom, tucking my head under the sink to drink from the tap.
Marie entered and nudged my body while I was upside down and I ended up with some water up my nose. I pulled back, pushing a palm to my face as I coughed and sneezed out water. Beautiful.
Marie yanked open a drawer and dug through the back for some makeup. She shoved some into her book bag. “I’ll be back tomorrow,” she said. She walked down the hallway and down the back stairs.
Did she really check in with mom? She didn’t even notice the IV. She also didn’t notice the bandages on my wrists and around my ankles. How often did my family walk by each other and never really see? The guys noticed bandages, bruises, my hair pulled back in my clip, the way I moved... How blind was I to their movements and the small things? I vowed to myself to start noticing everything. It mattered to me. I wanted to notice those things because it touched me when they noticed them about me.
I found a washcloth and cleaned my face. I selected a bottle of over-the-counter pain medications. I was tired of my ankle throbbing and my tailbone aching.
When I got back to my room, the boys were still behind the attic door. Did they not hear her leaving? I closed and locked the door again, moving to the attic door and pulling it open.
It was dark and I didn’t see them at first. “Luke?” I whispered.
His head popped out from the back. He crawled forward. “How did you hear her coming?”
I shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“Yeah, but Gabriel was talking,” he said. He knelt on all fours just inside the door as if hesitating.
“Oy,” Gabriel called from behind him. “Get out.”
“We should stay in here,” Luke said. “That was close enough.”
“We won’t go far,” Gabriel said. “We’ll stay behind the bookshelf. It’s too hot in here.”
I backed away as the two of them slinked out onto the mauve carpet behind the bookshelf. Luke did look relieved.
Gabriel sprawled out on his stomach, breathing in the air. “Oh god,” he said. “I was flipping out. I thought for sure she was going to look under the blanket when I started coughing.”
“How’s your throat?” Luke asked me.
I smiled. “It’s fine now. Are you guys okay?”
“Yeah,” Gabriel said. “Where did she go?”
“She went back to Danielle’s.”
He smirked. “Those two deserve each other. She didn’t even care you were sick.”
I twisted my lips. “There wasn’t much she could do if I was.”
“Sure she could,” he said, getting up on his knees. “She could have offered to get you medicine or at least checked your temperature. Something. Anything.”
I rattled the bottle of medicine in my hands. “I’m not five,” I said, grinning. “I can take my own temperature.”
“That’s not the point,” Gabriel said. “You’re family and everything.”
My eyes drifted and I realized I was looking at the wall, the carpet, the open attic door, Gabriel’s black sneaker. I forced my eyes to look at his crystal blue ones. “Is that what your family does?” I didn’t want to challenge him. I was curious. I’d read different things in books and watched how people responded to family in movies.
Was it real that a mother would make a kid chicken soup and tuck him into bed? If I was sick, my mother told me what to do for myself. Maybe when I was really young, around six or so and before my mother got sick, I could remember her hovering over me. It was a distant, hazy memory that didn’t match who she was now.
Was it even real or was I just hoping that once upon a time, my parents might have been normal?
Gabriel’s lips pursed and he shrugged. “All families should do it.”
He didn’t directly answer the question. It had me curious, but Luke leaned forward, reaching around me for the laptop that was still on the floor. It distracted me and the question was lost.
Gabriel’s eyes latched onto the bottle of medicine again. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
What wasn’t wrong? I was sore, my tailbone hurt and my throat was itching. “My ankle,” I said, reaching for the easiest thing. “I don’t think sitting on that stool helped the bruised bones.”
Gabriel shook his head. “Trouble, you should say something when you’re hurt.” He snatched the bottle from me. Chucking it across the room, he pulled a prescription bottle without a label from his back pocket. He twisted the top and spilled the contents into his palm. It was full of a variation of different pills.
“What are those?” I whispered.
He ignored me, finding two red, slim capsules. “Here. Take these,” he said, placing them in my open palm.
I flipped the pills over, looking for markings. “W
hat are they?”
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Will you just listen to the doctor? Take them.”
“You’re a doctor?”
Luke laughed, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Sang.”
I hesitated, but grabbed one of the water bottles still sitting around and swigged down the pills.
Gabriel nodded, beaming. “See? Gotta trust me.”
“If I die, I’m coming back to haunt you.”
They both laughed.
The pills he gave me worked, and I wasn’t feeling sore or even the crack in my tailbone. I learned later they were muscle relaxers, given to him by Dr. Green just for me. That evening, I made a quick dinner for the guys and afterward, sought out extra pillows and blankets. They set up a cubby space for the two of them in the attic. The floor of the attic left just enough space so they could sleep side by side with their heads near the door.
Gabriel complained about the heat. I found a fan in the shed and plugged it in, pointing it in their direction. That seemed to help.
I checked on my mom and tried to wake her up. I offered her some soup and put the cup near her bed. She grumbled through half open eyes and drifted off again. I wondered if whatever Luke gave her to breathe in might still be lingering in her system. I sent a text to Dr. Green. His reply said if she didn’t wake up again and actually eat something by the next morning to call him.
By nine, I was curled up on the bed, pretending to read, but my eyes were drooping. The boys were preoccupied in the attic with the laptops.
I meant to get up and brush my teeth and do other things to stay awake. With the boys there, I felt awkward falling asleep so early. I turned over on the bed, putting the book down for only a minute to let my eyes rest.
What a Family Is
I dreamed of being swallowed up by a dragon. His fire breath licked at my feet on my way down into his belly.
I shot upright in my bed. Two bodies were tucked one on either side of me. In the darkness I caught Luke’s blond head to my left and Gabriel on his side on the right. Did I not feel them crawling into bed with me? Was I okay with this?