by C. L. Stone
I yearned for a time we didn’t have to slip out into the shadows of the night in order to find some peace. How long did we have to sneak around like the bad people my mother thought Silas and the others to be? Would they ever get tired of having to deal with this? Would the boys eventually hate that they made this decision to include me? It took a lot of work to survive around my parents. How could it be worth it to them?
When we got to Nathan’s, I reached the door first and started to knock but Silas nudged me aside and opened the door without warning. He pushed me through, entered behind me and shut the door.
He dropped our things onto the floor, pressing his back to the doorframe. My fingers fluttered to the base of my throat as he scanned out the glass panes on either side of Nathan’s front door, waiting. My breath caught. Did my father see us at any point? Would he go out looking for me? Would my mother demand for my return?
“What are you doing?” Nathan’s voice cut through our silence. Silas and I jumped and spun around. Nathan was wearing only shorts, rubbing the back of his mussed, rusty hair and yawning. A shiver of guilt slid down my spine as I admired the muscles in his chest and arms. It wasn’t the time to stare, I knew, but I couldn’t help it. He was incredible.
“Her dad woke up,” Silas said. He stepped away from the door.
Nathan frowned, looking to me. “What happened?”
I relayed the events from the moment I spotted my father in the foyer until we were running through the yards. “I had to go,” I said. “If he told my mother, she’s yelling for me right now. But if I stayed, I don’t know what she’d do and Silas was outside waiting and...” I swallowed, rubbing a finger across my lip. Maybe it was the wrong move. I’d panicked, worried about Silas and my own selfish desire to escape. Maybe I should have told my dad I was going to stay and sent a text to Silas that I was going to be delayed and to go to Nathan’s without me.
Nathan took my hand from my mouth, squeezing. His blue eyes darkened. “Wait here with Silas.”
My eyes popped open at his words. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going back to check.”
“You can’t!”
“We have to make sure,” Nathan said. “I’ll go listen and see. If she’s calling for you, I’ll call Silas and let you go back, but we’ll be there if she tries one of her punishments. We just need to make sure she isn’t calling the cops on you or anything. We’ll try not to let this get out of hand.”
I turned to Silas. “Don’t let him. He’ll get caught.”
Silas sighed, looking conflicted. “He’s right, aggele.”
There was nothing I could say. Nathan ran to his room, coming back out to the foyer where we were still standing as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. Silas stepped out of the way and opened the door as Nathan walked back out into the early morning, disappearing across the lawns that we’d come from.
Silas repositioned himself into the kitchen, watching from where he could see out the front windows toward my front lawn. He dug his cell phone from his pocket to keep in hand.
I wanted to curl up in his lap again. I wanted to go back and change my decisions. I wished I had fought them on this harder. If Nathan got caught, it would be my fault. If I had to go back for a punishment, and Silas and Nathan had to pull me out, it’d be my fault.
I clutched a hand over my heart, and leaned against the wall, counting off my heartbeats for every moment Nathan was gone.
Silas glanced over at me, frowning. He held his arms out to me. I crossed to him and he wrapped an arm around me, his hand moving behind my head to hold me against his chest. I hugged him, my fingers rubbing absently at his back.
He separated the blinds with his other hand to keep a look out as he held on to me. I didn’t mean to be in the way. I didn’t have the courage to let go.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his chest.
He bowed his head, breathing against my hair. “What for?”
“I should have been more careful,” I said, pressing my face to his chest to avoid his eyes.
His hand shifted, petting my hair. “It isn’t your fault.”
“But I...”
“No,” he said. He pushed me away from him until my back was against the wall. He held his fingers to my lips to stop me from speaking. “No more blaming yourself. You’re doing your best. If you had normal parents, we wouldn’t have to sneak around and do all this. If you want to blame anyone, blame them.” He bowed his head closer to my face, his deep brown eyes gazing into mine. How they treat you isn’t your fault. Anyone with half a brain would never neglect you like they do.”
“Silas,” I mumbled against his fingers.
He grunted, pressing his nose to my forehead. His breath warmed my face.
I closed my eyes.
“You shouldn’t have to do this at all,” he whispered. “You’re too sweet to be stuck there. Say the word, Sang. Tell me to take you. I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever you want.”
I couldn’t find my voice to reply. Was he serious? Was he just trying to make me feel better? Part of me wanted to say something, to ask him just to see how far he took this. What did he mean? Where would he take me?
His fingers clutched my chin, lifting. It forced my eyelids open and I was lost in the concern and yearning in his face.
“Say it,” he commanded.
“Silas...” I whispered. My mind was in a frenzy. The words teased my tongue. How easy would it be to tell him, but how was I going to? How could I do that to him? I didn’t even understand what he meant. Those dark brown eyes were begging me to just tell him anything but I didn’t know how.
What scared me the most was how badly I was tempted to say what he wanted.
The sound of the front door opening had me stiffening against the wall. Silas grunted, turning with his hands clenched into fists. I could only pray it was Nathan and not my father or the police having snuck up on us. It frightened me to think of what Silas might be preparing himself for if it were the latter.
Nathan popped his head in from around the corner. His eyes caught mine and he seemed confused, tilting his head. “He’s packing a suitcase,” he said. “He left a note on your door.” He held out a neon yellow paper stuck to his fingertips. “I checked in on your mom after he left the bedroom. She’s asleep and doesn’t know anything.”
Silas crossed the room before I could, taking the note from Nathan’s fingers. He glanced over the writing before frowning and slowly passing it back to me.
Business trip.
“Another one?” I wondered. I swallowed, taking the note from Silas’s fingers. I folded the paper. Relief flooded through me. I wasn’t in trouble. He’d gotten up early because he had to leave. “Thank goodness. We’re not caught.”
Silas continued to frown, and Nathan joined him, shaking his head.
I didn’t understand. Wasn’t this a good thing that we weren’t discovered or that she wasn’t calling for me? “What?” I asked.
“Not even a fucking goodbye,” Nathan mumbled.
Silas grunted again in agreement. He marched off, grabbing his bag and heading to Nathan’s bathroom.
It scared me that I still didn’t understand.
Thick in the Nettles
It was Thursday. School was quiet. No fights. Notes passed to me in class were intercepted by North or the others, or I handed them over the moment I got them. I wondered when the people sending them would ever learn that I didn’t get them or read them and I wasn’t interested. Part of me wondered if it was some sort of joke now. Pass the strange girl a note and watch her not read them. Maybe it was a game.
That afternoon, Kota said he was going to the Academy with Victor. Silas and North had their first football practice. Luke and Gabriel joined Nathan and I on the bus for the ride home. I was under orders from Nathan to check in at home with Luke as my shadow. After that, we were going to hole up at Nathan’s house for the evening.
Marie walked with me to our house. The sweltering hea
t made the thin hoodie I wore feel heavy against my skin. Luke took the back trail around Nathan’s house. He’d wait for Marie and me to enter before he scaled the house to my bedroom window.
I waited until Marie went into her room before closing and locking my door. Luke slipped quietly into my room, dashing into the attic. This was a critical point. Marie could barge in any minute and I didn’t yet know what kind of day my mom was having.
When the attic door closed behind Luke, I thumped down the stairs louder than necessary to give Luke an idea of where I was. I peeked in at my mom. She was awake but her eyes drooped as she gazed at the television blaring the news. She didn’t notice I was standing there, so I pushed the door against the wall to make some noise.
She turned her head to me, her dull eyes focusing on my elbow, my shoes, at the frame of the doorway above my head. “What?” she grumbled.
“Just letting you know I was home,” I said.
“Go clean your room,” she demanded. “I don’t want to hear a peep out of you today.”
“Can I bring you something to eat?”
She picked up a cup of soup from her night stand to show to me. “Get out of here.”
I ran back upstairs. I tapped on the attic door before crossing the room to pick out a pair of short blue shorts and a thin t-shirt. I checked on Marie before I got to the bathroom to change. She was gone. I suspected she was on her way to Danielle’s house. It occurred to me that our mother hadn’t asked about her. I dismissed it. Maybe she would never have asked for me at all today. Popping in to check on her just set back the unseen timer on when my mother thought to actually check on us.
After I dressed, I poked my head into my room. Luke was ready at the window. He shuffled out onto the roof and I took the back stairs. We met in the garage and took off for Nathan’s house.
I knocked because it was awkward to me to just walk in.
Luke held my hand, grinning at me and shaking his head. “You’re too nice.”
Gabriel answered the door wearing a pair of jeans and a bright neon green tank shirt. He smirked at me, crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the frame of the door. “Oy,” he said. “Hey there, Trouble.” His eyes went to my hair. “Nope, nuh uh.” He held out his hand. “Give it up.”
I felt my eyebrows pop up. “Why?”
“Pay the toll. You can come in if you give me the clip.”
I sighed. “It’s too hot to have my hair down.”
“Stop it,” Luke said. He slipped off the blazer he was still wearing, undoing the tie at his neck.
Gabriel rubbed his head. “I’ve been looking at that thing all week and I haven’t said anything. I hate it. I want it back. I was gonna do her hair anyway.”
Nathan appeared at the door. He was in running pants, sneakers and a red Nike shirt. “Oh good, you’re here.” He held a few water bottles in his hands. “Come on, we’re going out.”
“Let me get this stupid uniform off first,” Luke said, pulling off his shirt as he trailed into the house.
Ten minutes later, Luke had changed into a pair of jeans and sneakers, but remained shirtless. I followed Nathan through Kota’s backyard. Gabriel and Luke trailed behind us. We all carried water bottles. Bees buzzed around the dandelions in the grass. It felt more like a summer day and I had mostly forgotten about school and homework already.
“Why are we going into the woods?” Gabriel asked, sounding more curious than concerned. He had his arms up over his head, resting his forearms on top of his hair. With his arms up, his shirt lifted to reveal the red edge of his boxers above the hem of his jeans and a little bit of tanned skin at his hip.
“I promised to take Sang,” Nathan said. He leaned into me to whisper close to my ear. “I really needed to get out of the house.”
“No worries,” I whispered back. I didn’t mind. We’d been cooped up at school and with hiding from my parents at home.
“Stop talking about me,” Gabriel whined. When I looked back, he was pouting, but as he caught my eyes he winked and smiled.
We stood at the edge of Kota’s yard. The trees behind his house thinned out at one spot and there was a brown dirt path between two palm trees. The palm trees seemed out of place to me. I forgot how far south my family had moved sometimes.
Nathan led the way under the two trees. There was a broad, cleared path just behind the tree line, the ground flattened wide enough to perhaps make a paved road in the future. Or maybe someone had wanted to but changed their minds and left the spot abandoned. The grass was overgrown, up to our mid-calves.
Nathan headed east and was lifting his knees high to flatten down the grass as he walked. I wished I had worn jeans this time, but I fell behind him so I could follow along in his trail. Luke shadowed me. Gabriel blazed his own trail to my right.
“Hey wait up!” A girl’s voice shouted from behind us. My heart stopped in my chest. For a moment I was worried it was Marie.
Instead, Kota’s sister Jessica was running up, following Gabriel’s trail in. The edge of her glasses had fogged a little and her cheeks were flushed.
“What’s she doing?” Nathan asked, wiping his hand against his cheek.
“Maybe she wanted to come along,” I said.
“I don’t know about that,” Nathan said. “I didn’t think she was the outdoor type.”
“She can, can’t she? Let her come.” I had a warm spot for anyone in Kota’s family. They were always so friendly to me. “Hey,” I called to her. “You wanted to come with us?”
She slowed when she got close. She was wearing khaki pants and a rose colored blouse that suited her shoulder-length dark hair. She glanced at the guys, hesitating.
I wondered if she was as intimidated as I felt when I was around them. I smiled to her and stretched my hand out. I had to make an effort to be friendlier and it felt a lot easier with Jessica. Maybe because she looked like Kota and she was younger. “Come on,” I said.
She reached out to take my hand and I helped her over the tall grass until she was standing behind me.
We set off again, letting Nathan lead the way. At certain points the grass was up to our thighs. With Nathan’s persistence, we weaved our way through.
We soon got to a part where the grass had thinned out considerably. The main path curved northward. There was a small dirt road to the right that twisted away, shaded in an archway of walnut trees.
Nathan pointed to the dirt road. “Don’t go back there,” he warned. “There’s a big pile of sawdust they never came back to clear. It’s dangerous so stay out of it.” He glanced back at me, making his point clear. He was specifically telling me. I hid an eye roll at his assumption that I would do anything dangerous on purpose.
Since the grass was short here, it was easier to walk beside each other. The boys moved ahead of us and Jessica and I tailed them. They hovered at the entryway to the dirt road, talking about a good way to post a sign or block it so no one would go in there. Academy boys were always working.
I struggled with something to talk to Jessica about. There was little I actually knew about her other than being related to Kota. I forced my lips apart to start talking. “How do you like your school, Jessica?”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I wish we didn’t have to wear uniforms.”
I blinked at her. “Do you go to a private school?”
“Yes,” she said. “Not to the Academy though.”
“Why not the Academy?”
“Kota won’t let me.”
I perked up. He didn’t want his own sister going, just like he didn’t want me going. “Why not?”
She shrugged. “I don’t think I want to go anyway. They are always working and always at the school. They never get a real break. They’re there during the summer, too. I like school, but not that much.”
I struggled with the idea of Kota not allowing his own little sister to go to the school he went to. Was it because of the things they were doing now? Was getting beaten up and being subjected
to crazy situations like helping Ashley Waters a requirement? I wondered how the others felt. They hadn’t objected to Kota’s request.
Crunching sounds and voices reached my ears, noises that didn’t come from us. I wasn’t quite sure where it was coming from. The guys continued to argue about what to do and didn’t seem to have noticed.
“Guys,” I said softly.
Luke was saying something about a barn. “Let’s show it to her.”
“There could be wasps,” Nathan said. “I don’t want to take her there until I’ve had a chance to clear it out.”
“Guys...” The sound of footfalls was getting closer, but I still couldn’t locate the direction.
“Sang doesn’t want to see some old barn,” Gabriel said. He splashed some of his water in his face. “Let’s go swim.”
“Guys!”
They all turned to me. I held a finger to my lips to indicate they should be quiet.
Once they stopped talking, they caught on to what I was hearing. Their heads turned, but it was Nathan who turned fully around, looking down the dirt path.
We watched as Derrick emerged from further down the dirt path. He was wearing jean shorts and Converse high tops, but was shirtless. Following him were two boys who looked to be about Jessica’s age. One had straight blond hair cut to his shoulders, was gangly, and shorter than Jessica. The other one had dark curly hair, was thin but taller than her and deeply tan.
We stared at each other for a moment. Both groups seemed surprised the other one was there.
“Hey,” Derrick said, waving.
“Hey,” Nathan said. “What are you doing back there? It’s dangerous.”
“We were checking the surrounding woods to see if there was more than one sawdust pile,” said the blond. His face was pale, his eyes dark and he wore jean cutoff shorts and a white t-shirt and glasses. I couldn’t be sure but it looked like he was scowling.
“Who’s that?” the curly-haired kid asked, pointing to me. He was shirtless and wearing camo shorts were ripped and old. His ribs stuck out. He wasn’t sickly, just thin.