by C. L. Stone
A clump of clothes was on the floor right behind the door. I hurriedly shut the door and locked it. When I turned, Luke was already inside, the window open behind him. My heart thundered, worried because of the concerned look over his face.
He stepped to the open closet door and looked in. I closed the window behind him. I came back to puzzle over the haphazard pile of clothes on the floor. Did Marie go through my things again? It wouldn’t have been the first time.
My heart stopped. I went for the attic door. It was closed but I peeked in, checking for the cell phone. It was still there where I’d hidden it in the wall.
I breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Your clothes are gone,” Luke whispered to me, still standing inside the closet door.
My eyes widened. “What?” I shifted away from the attic, closing it and came up behind him.
The closet had been emptied out, some remnants piled on the floor at the bottom; mostly underwear and bras that had been piled up on the shelf.
Luke helped me as I picked up the spilled clothes on the floor, dumping them on my bed. It looked like Marie’s clothes but there were some others mixed in that I didn’t recognize. I separated the t-shirts and jeans in an effort to shuffle through them. My blouses and skirts were missing. Nathan’s and Luke’s shirts that they’d given me were gone.
Luke shifted on his feet, rubbing the back of his head. “Did your mother do this?”
I bit my lip, my brain churning, but shook my head. “No,” I said. It didn’t feel like something my mother would do. My mother wasn’t usually interested in what we wore. My father bought clothes in bulk once or twice a year, from places I didn’t know, but I had guessed were garage sales. He bought a variety of sizes and Marie and I would sort out what we could wear between us.
Luke leaned into me, finding my hand and squeezing it. “Who?”
I shook my head again, blinking. “Marie, I guess,” I said. “I don’t know. She doesn’t really like the clothes I wear and they don’t fit her. She’s downstairs. I’ll go talk to her.” It surprised me. She once in a while borrowed a shirt, but it seemed odd she would take out all of my own clothes and leave hers in my room.
He nodded. “I’ll wait in the attic,” he said. “But come get me as soon as you figure out what’s going on. Don’t bother your mom about this, even if this was her.”
I thumped my way back down the stairs to the kitchen. Marie had her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail away from her narrow eyes. She sat on the counter, swinging her legs as she ate her macaroni and cheese. I realized she was now wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt I’d never seen her wear before and that was what was bugging me earlier. The t-shirt was a simple soft green, with a low scooped neck and looked too small on her frame and the jeans were tight.
“Where’s my clothes?” I asked her. “Why are your clothes on my bed?”
“I traded you,” she said. “You can have the stuff I left you.”
“You can’t trade clothes if I don’t want yours. Yours won’t fit. Where are mine?”
“You have to trade,” Marie said. “It’s not your clothes. It’s our clothes. Mom said...”
I left the kitchen, not willing to hear what she was saying.
“Don’t go through my stuff,” she called after me.
I ran back up the stairs and used the push pin to unlock her door and enter her bedroom. This was really weird. She snapped at me about my nerdy clothes all the time. Why the sudden interest in what I was wearing? And the clothes she was wearing now I didn’t recognize at all. So where did she get them?
Inside her bedroom, I yanked open the closet door. A collection of more t-shirts and jeans were hung up. There were small piles on the floor, underwear, crumpled t-shirts and unwashed jeans. Nothing inside looked like mine.
Marie marched in behind me. “I said don’t come in here.”
“I thought you said you traded me.” I reached into the closet floor and pulled one of the t-shirts out. “Where did this come from? And where are my blouses?”
“I traded them.”
Something in the way she said that made me angry. “Marie, who did you trade with?”
“Danielle and I went through each other’s closets.”
My jaw dropped. “And mine?”
“They’re mine too. We went through and sorted them. She...”
“Has my clothes.” I finished for her, dropping the t-shirt in my hand to the floor. I pressed my palm to my forehead. “Why would you do that?”
“Just get out,” she said, her mouth twisting into a horrible frown. “It’s none of your business. Why do you care?”
“You can’t give away things that don’t belong to you. Why would Danielle want my skirts?” My voice rose. I couldn’t help it. And Nathan’s shirt! And Luke’s! Where were they? “How did she get into the house?”
“I let her come in,” she said. Her sharp nose crinkled. “You always wear the same nerdy clothes in the wrong way. Everyone thinks you’re a dork. Just wear the jeans.”
I pursed my lips. I didn’t have a way to argue with her further. I stalked out of her room and across the hallway.
Marie knew I couldn’t go to our mother to complain. It would break the pact we’d managed to forge between us, shaky as it was. She could easily tell our mother I was out with the boys today, or that I had a key to the house, or a few other things that would get me into trouble. Did she know the boys came into the house? Is that why she thought it was okay if Danielle showed up? Her bedroom was right above our parents’ room. How could she get away with Danielle talking with her? The only way I thought the boys and I got away with it was because I was on the other side of the house.
There was no one to turn to. Our dad was gone with no way to reach him on his business trip. I couldn’t tell my mom without starting a fight and risk getting a strange punishment. With Luke there, he would pull me out and it would be a complete mess. I was stuck without recourse against this. If I fought Marie on it too hard, she’d go to our mom and I’d end up in a punishment anyway.
I retreated back to my room, closing the door and locking it. I pressed my back to the frame. I swallowed, frustrated and biting my tongue to restrain the words burning behind my lips. Nothing I could say would help. I didn’t even know Danielle and she had my clothes. It creeped me out.
I knocked gently on the attic door. Luke emerged, pushing his blond locks behind his ear. “What happened?”
“Danielle was here,” I said. “Her and Marie ‘traded’ clothes with me.” I went to my bed to go through the assortment again, hoping the boys’ things were at least there and I’d missed them the first time through. No luck. “Danielle took my clothes. Marie has hers and gave me whatever they didn’t want for themselves, I guess.”
Luke frowned, approaching the bed and tracing a finger over a pair of jeans. “Can’t you get them back?”
“I don’t know how,” I said. “I can’t complain to my mother.” I picked through the pile, holding up a pair of jeans to my waist and then another. It wasn’t much use; each one was too big for me. The bottom hems pooled around my feet.
Luke sat on the bed. “You can’t go to school naked,” he said. “We should get your clothes back. Let’s go to Danielle’s. We’ll confront her.”
“We can’t. We’re supposed to stay out of trouble, remember?”
Luke blew out a breath. He shifted, wrapping an arm around my waist and tugging me into his lap. He pressed his cheek to my forehead. “Sang, you can’t let yourself get walked over like this. They stole your clothes.”
“What choice do I have?” I whispered to him, staring absently at my knees.
He sighed, brushing his fingertips over the outside of my thigh as he held me. “I wish I knew. She can’t do this to you. She’s taking advantage of you.”
“If I went to our mom, she’d get into trouble, too,” I said.
“Would she?” he asked. He drew his head back, gazing down into my face. “Do
you remember the last time your mother even talked to your sister? Or even asked about her?”
I blinked, unsure. “I don’t know. She does that sometimes.”
“When is the last time you saw your sister on her knees?”
I tried to recall, but my mind was hazy. After learning my clothes were gone and the crazy day we’d had, it was hard to concentrate. “I don’t remember.”
“Or maybe it’s been a really long time, long enough for your memory to fade?” he asked. “Sweetie, you’ve gotten so much done to you in the few weeks that I’ve known you, and Marie hasn’t once been called out for anything. You thought you went unnoticed at school before? Your sister is invisible here.”
Was that true? If it was, how did that happen? How did I not notice? I thought perhaps maybe she did get punished and I wasn’t around when it happened. She never looked surprised when she saw me on my knees or on the stool or in any of the other punishments over the years. My father was never there to acknowledge either of us... but then he told me about going on his business trips, didn’t he? And my mother shouted for me instead of Marie when she needed something or wanted to check on us. Did they forget about her?
“She might not get the punishments you get,” Luke continued, smoothing a fingertip over my knee. “But that’s no excuse to take advantage of her own sister. I want to feel sorry for her, but I can’t right now.”
I made a small noise from my throat, frustrated, confused. “There’s nothing else to do,” I said. “She got what she wanted, I guess. She traded with Danielle for clothes, and I’ve got the leftovers.” I wanted to stop talking about problems I couldn’t fix. The lingering questions about why Marie was invisible in the house and why I was sought out for punishments wasn’t something I was ready to look at. “I’ll find something I can work with.”
Luke sighed and let me go. I crawled off of his lap, returning my attention to the pile on the bed. I chose the smallest pair of jeans I could find and measured out the length cutting them into shorts.
I picked out the smallest t-shirt. It looked like a boy’s shirt. Other jeans and shirts looked like old boy clothes; maybe some of these belonged to Derrick.
I thought about washing the clothes I was wearing, but the shorts were too short for school regulations. The shirt, maybe. What else would I wear later? I couldn’t go to school wearing the same two pairs of shorts and shirts.
Luke remained quiet on the bed as I fiddled with the clothes. I discarded items that were too big for me. He folded those pieces carefully and set them aside. “I could go get your clothes,” he said softly.
I blinked at him, my eyes tracing over the gentle angles of his face, the way his smooth lips twitched down at the corners. “How?”
His dark eyes met mine. His normal, happy disposition was gone, replaced by something hard and cold. “I’ll take them back.”
The way he said it made my heart stop. I envisioned Luke sneaking into Danielle’s house and stealing the clothes. He was quiet on his feet, sneaking around my own house. Did he think he could do it at Danielle’s without anyone noticing? Was that what he meant?
The clothing I held slipped from my fingers to the floor. I stepped toward him, closing the distance between us. I reached my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder. He leaned back, as if surprised at my sudden hug.
I couldn’t stand to see his eyes like that. I couldn’t take it if he got caught stealing from Danielle’s house. Then he’d really get into trouble. “Don’t do it,” I begged him. “Please.”
His palm pressed into the small of my back. “I want to. You can’t wear these to school, Sang.”
I squeezed my arms around his neck. “No,” I whispered. “Don’t. Please.”
“I really should. She deserves it.”
Was he asking or was he telling me he was going to and wanted me to tell him I was okay with it? My mind searched for something to say to him, anything to get him to change his mind. “I’ll... I’ll never talk to you again if you try.” It was a weak threat and I would never mean it. How immature was I? Only I didn’t have anything else. What could I really do if he did run off and attempted to steal them back?
The moment the words slipped from my mouth, he stiffened against me. His other hand clutched my back and he pulled me against him harder than ever before. “Sang, don’t you dare.”
I realized my mistake. North didn’t talk to him when he arrived at their doorstep years ago. I was threatening him with almost the same thing, with not talking to him. He didn’t know I couldn’t really stop. Could I ever really stop talking to someone so sweet?
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “No more trouble. Okay? I’ll wear what I have. We’ll figure it out. Let’s get through Friday.”
He pushed his forehead down to my shoulder, breathing against me. Locks of his hair tickled my neck. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”
“Don’t,” I said.
He nodded against my shoulder and then pulled back, frowning. “Maybe we should call Gabriel,” he said.
“Let’s not worry about it tonight,” I said. I reflected on how tired Gabriel had looked. The last thing he needed was to stress out about what I was wearing to school and maybe lose more sleep over it. “We’ll go to school, we’ll tell them all about it and we’ll figure it out. Maybe we can talk to Danielle. We’ll do it tomorrow when we’re calmer. Maybe she didn’t realize the clothes she took were mine or the ones she gave me would be too big.”
Luke’s eyes became lost in shadows. “I don’t think she was thinking of you at all.”
I sighed, letting go of him to push the collection of clothes off of my bed. I padded over to the light switch to turn the overhead lights off. I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
He seemed to understand. He fell into the bed on top of the blanket, kicking his shoes off. I crawled in next to him. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close and pressing his face to my hair; my silent guardian for the night. I knew we weren’t supposed to. He was supposed to sleep in the attic. That night, I didn’t care. I hid my face in his chest.
We dared anyone to walk in on us, discover us and cause a scene. If my mother only knew, if she ever came after me when she learned the truth, everything would change. Now my sister could easily tip over this delicate facade to expose me and the boys. And Danielle, a girl that I’d never once said a word to, was leading the way to our own destruction in a silent war she could never understand.
Luke knew. I knew. This was no longer us waiting things out until it calmed over. This was us counting down the moments, waiting for the time bomb to go off.
How to Dress a Girl
I dreamed of tiny green bugs slipping into my window. Thousands of them crept into my bed, smothering me.
A buzz shocked me out of the dream. Luke grumbled next to me in the bed, his head against my shoulder. He pulled his arm from around me, reached into his back pocket and put the phone to his ear. “What?” he asked without looking at who was calling. A second later, he yanked himself away from me, sitting up on the bed and rubbed his face. “Sorry,” he said. “Sorry. We’ll be right there.” He jabbed his thumb at the phone and turned to me. “Sang, we’re late.”
I jolted out of bed. Late! How late? What was late? I tried to pull myself together and figure out what I was supposed to do next.
Luke was on top of it. He grabbed the clothes I’d picked out and tossed them to me. “Wash up, but don’t take a full shower,” he said. “Get dressed and meet me outside. Don’t worry about your bags. I’ve got it.”
I dashed to the bathroom to wash, especially my legs, and they looked better. I put on the newly made shorts. They were beige jeans, and at least they were clean. The baggy t-shirt, a faded blue and advertising a band I didn’t know covered my butt.
When I opened the bathroom door, my sandals were in the hallway. I wanted to scold Luke later for risking sneaking out to leave them there for me but knew I would forget. I slipped the
m onto my feet and took the back stairs, dashing out into the garage.
Luke was waiting in the drive, a clean white shirt on and he was tugging his blazer on. I took my violin case from him as he grabbed our book bags and we ran for Kota’s.
I kept having to hike up the shorts as they felt like they were about to fall off. I was hanging my head, watching my feet. Luke jogged ahead of me. It was already warm and sticky. How did we sleep in?
Nathan and Kota were already waiting out in front of Kota’s drive. Derrick stood talking with them. I was just opening my mouth to say hello when I noticed Marie and Danielle standing together and my mouth dropped open. Luke slowed down to fall in next to me, his eyes catching where mine went.
Danielle was wearing one of my own dark skirts and Luke’s blue button up shirt on top. Since she was long-legged and her hips were wider than mine, the skirt looked more like a mini-skirt, barely covering her hips. The shirt was unbuttoned at her stomach, so as the breeze picked it up, it fluttered open to reveal her pale belly. She had the buttons at her chest undone until her cleavage was exposed. She was smirking as she chatted with Marie, wearing large sunglasses that covered half of her face.
Marie was in jeans again, but wore Nathan’s shirt.
Kota’s eyes fell on me. “What’s wrong, Sang?” he asked.
“What are you wearing?” Nathan asked, his head tilting. “What’s with the t-shirt?”
Derrick gazed at my shirt, looking puzzled. “I have a shirt like that.”
“I think it is your shirt,” I said, closing the gap between us to stand closer so I wouldn’t be overheard by Danielle or Marie. “My sister traded clothes with Danielle last night.”
Derrick’s tanned cheeks tinted. “I was wondering where she got the skirt. I told her it’s too small.”
“Danielle’s going to get into trouble at school,” Kota said, touching the bridge of his glasses with his finger. A displeased frown formed on his face. “There’s no way the teachers will let her stay. She’s way out of regulation.”