by C. L. Stone
“You were jealous of him?”
He smirked a little. “Are you kidding? Kota’s the smart one. All he had to do was glance at a textbook and he knew it all. He also acted smarter than me a lot. He used to tell me to do stuff. Not like he does now where he’s nice about it. I mean he used to just rattle off stuff and he’d say it like I was stupid because I couldn’t read his mind and do what he wanted without him telling me to. Then there’s Erica. His mom was around more than mine. When my mother left me and my dad ...”
A heavy breath escaped my lips. I hadn’t thought about Nathan’s mom because he never said anything about it. In the back of my mind, I thought perhaps she died or something. “She’s still alive? Where is ...”
Nathan sighed, closing his eyes and shook his head. “She’s gone, Sang. She’s not coming back. I used to tell myself all the time she would one day, but that’s a lie. She left.” He opened his eyes again, gazing at my face. “But I was jealous that his mother stayed and mine didn’t. It wasn’t his fault, but for a while I was blaming myself. I thought if I’d been more like smart-and-perfect Kota, she might have stayed.”
I chewed my lower lip, holding on to the questions tripping behind my lips. I couldn’t dare ask.
“When Mr. Blackbourne brought us into the Academy, they forced us to share everything. Not just stuff, but everything we were feeling about each other and had held back. I told Kota I was jealous about his mother.”
I clutched the console between us, leaning against it, eyes glued to his face. “What happened?”
The hint of a smile touched the corner of his mouth. “You know what he said? He told me his mother had a habit of comparing me to him. Erica would tell him, ‘You should be nicer to your sister. Nathan’s sweet to her. You should do what he does.’ Or, she’d say, ‘Nathan’s such a gentleman. You should learn from him.’ Kota had been jealous, too, because he thought his own mother liked me better than him.”
“Did it make you feel better? Knowing he’d been jealous, too?”
“No,” he said. “It made it worse.”
“How?”
He sighed, sitting back and glancing out the front window. “We were still angry. We’d said what we needed to say. Yes, it was good to get it out, but we were still angry about everything. But the Academy had an answer for that, too. When we were twelve, we had to go to this boot camp. It was there they showed us how certain things didn’t matter. Money, for example. The Academy had no room for people who desired money above anything else. Money doesn’t really mean anything to us anymore. Like Victor’s got that fancy car and I don’t have one. What he owns or possesses doesn’t bother me, because it’s not what I need. And it wouldn’t matter now anyway because if I really wanted to borrow it, all I’d have to do is ask.”
“Victor’s nice,” I said. “He’d let you borrow anything.”
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. It’s ...” He twisted his lips. He shifted, fishing out his keys and held the loop in front of my face. “This,” he said. “Here it is. Everything we own, we’ve got the key and we have access to it. We have full permission to use anything we need. What’s yours is mine. We do it with everything. Like how Gabriel took you shopping and Victor paid. Yes, they do it because they’re nice. They wouldn’t have let us into the Academy otherwise. But now it’s more like we share everything.” He sighed. “Well, shit. Now it sounds like you're a set of keys we're sharing. I don’t know how to explain it any better. Maybe Kota should be telling you this.”
I shook my head. “I understand,” I said, and fully believed I did. “But what I meant before ... about you and him ... with me ...”
His lips twisted into a smile. “Look, I won’t lie. I like having you to myself. He and I have had crushes and girlfriends and stuff, but I’ve never met a girl he’s dated and he’s never met mine. We kept it separate. Girls never really stick around with us. Academy life and personal life was kept separate for a long time, and it still is. Academy stuff is secret. So when we disappeared for days on end without explanation, they never really understood. Only now it’s like ... you’re so close. You know a lot more than other people. And you’re with us.”
“I’m not sure I know what that means.”
“I don’t know if I know, either,” he said. He leaned over the console, putting a hand behind my neck and massaging. “Listen to me though, this whole family thing, what we have, it’s a slow process. Answers don’t happen in a single day. The Academy taught us that. Families take time to build together and trust, and we’ve had a head start with each other.”
“I just don’t want to see you guys mad at each other,” I said. If he was going to be honest, I felt I should be as well.
“I can’t tell you how everyone else feels,” Nathan said, his fingers massaging in small circles along my neck. “But it doesn’t make me mad to see Kota and you together. It’s like when Erica cares about me but also cares about Kota. You can’t really think about how she loves her son more. Or like how siblings want to know who mom loves the best. Feelings don’t always have to work like that. You don’t always have to pick a favorite, and sometimes it’s better if you don’t. I wouldn’t pick North over the others in anything we were doing together because I don’t have to. We’re all in together. Now you are, too.”
“Without being in the Academy?”
He half smiled. “You can be with us and not in the Academy. It’s where you are now. Will you please trust us, though? If something bugs me, I’ll tell you. Like I told Kota to not bite your fingers.” He let go of my neck, picking up my hand and letting it hover over his lips. “This,” he said. “It’s okay to claim little things. We share everything, but we can ask the others to back off of little things if it isn’t a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” I asked. It felt like a big deal. It was like claiming a piece of me.
He beamed at me, pulling my fingers from his mouth and pressing my hand to his chest. “I don’t mean it like that. I meant things that aren’t really life or death. Don’t be such a girl.”
I groaned, rolling my eyes. “I am a girl.”
“I know, but you’re not like other girls.”
“But … I mean, this isn’t the same as not being jealous over Erica or a car,” I said. “Is it?”
Nathan was quiet for a long moment, as if considering this. “If we don’t get along, Sang, we can’t stay together,” he said. “Family is a choice, and we’ve chosen this, us. Mr. Blackbourne has already reminded us. And the truth is, I’m not. If you sit in Kota’s lap, or Victor’s, it doesn’t bug me for some reason. Maybe it should …” Nathan sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m not jealous of the guys. As long as you’ll stay with us. That’s what I want.”
My lips parted and I’d meant to reply, but I lost the words when his blue eyes locked on mine.
A sharp knock at the window rattled us both. Nathan pulled away from me, turning to blink back toward the window.
“What the hell are you doing?” North said, glaring in after us.
Nathan groaned, pushing me away and shifted so he could open the door. “We were staying warm. It’s cold.”
North shoved the door open further. “Get out. I’m driving.”
“No,” Silas said. “I’m driving.”
“Fine. Sang, move into the back.”
“No, Sang sits where she is,” Silas said. “You get in the back.”
“God damn,” North said, grumbling and filing into the back after Nathan.
It surprised me that Silas was giving North orders. It seemed unnatural until I realized this was his car, and Silas could tell the others where he wanted them to sit.
Silas slid into the driver’s seat, wearing jeans and a baseball jersey. His black hair was wet, combed back. He smelled fresh from a shower. “Hi, aggele mou.”
“Hi, Silas.”
He held up his arm, showing me the blue band with the pink stripe. I held up my arm that still had my sports band. He bu
mped fists with me so the bands touched and then he flashed a grin.
“Seems like it worked,” he said. He fished his keys out and started the engine.
“I was wondering why you were wearing pink,” North said. “You didn’t say it was for her.”
“She’s my lucky charm,” Silas said, pulling out of the lot.
North grunted, folding his arms over his chest and looking out the window. “Do we really want to go to this party? I’d really rather not deal with a bunch of drunk teenagers tonight.”
“Let’s go for a couple of hours,” Silas said. “We’ll slap around a few high fives. We’ll show off Sang and then we’ll go.”
“We’re not showing her off.”
“I mean we’ll show Sang a good time,” Silas said. He gazed over at me. “You want to go, right?”
I nodded absentmindedly, mostly because he seemed to want to go, or at least wanted me to go with him.
“Where is this place, anyway?” Nathan asked. “Where are we going?”
Silas shrugged, tugging his phone out of his pocket and pushing a few buttons. “It’s in the country someplace outside of town. Someone whose parents aren’t home I guess.” He tossed his phone to me. “Tell me where to go.”
“Me?” I choked out, glancing at the screen. A GPS map was already moving, showing where the car was located on the street.
“You’re the navigator,” Silas said.
“She doesn’t know what she’s doing,” North said. He pushed his hand out, holding it palm up over the console between Silas and I. “She’s barely gotten out of the house, even since her parents left. She doesn’t know her way around. Give me that thing.”
“Let her try,” Silas said, smacking at North’s hand. “Let her get some practice in.”
North grumbled, pulled his hand back and stared off out the window. I slid a glance back at Nathan, my eyes wide. I’d never seen those two at each other like that. And why was North so grumpy?
Nathan gave the slightest shake of his head. Don’t say anything.
It turned out I didn’t have to do much. There was a single road out of town that led straight to where we were supposed to go. It took half an hour to get there. North more than once questioned the address and suspected the other players gave them the wrong one to lead us on a wild goose chase.
The navigation unit directed Silas to the end of a street that had many ranch style homes. Cars were piled up in the yard, telling us which one was the right house. Silas parked a good distance away from the other cars. “I don’t want to get blocked in,” he said. “If we need to leave, I want to leave.”
I handed Silas back his phone. North hopped out and opened my door. I hesitated only a moment because I was terrified he was still mad at everything Silas kept telling him to do. I forced myself to suck in some courage and take a step out.
North shut the door for me, but didn’t move out of the way. He pointed a finger at my nose and then at his eyes, demanding my attention.
“Listen to me,” he said. His dark eyes weren’t angry, but full of concern. “You’re to stay close to any of us. I don’t care who, but you should stay within arm’s reach. Don’t wander off alone, not even to the bathroom. Especially not the bathroom. No drinking. You can have water. Don’t drink or eat anything anyone gives you. Keep your phone on you.” He glanced up at Nathan. “If anything happens, you’re to drag her back here and take her home. You can come back for us later but get her out of here.”
“No shit,” Nathan said.
“It’s not going to be that bad,” Silas said. He walked around the car and took my hand. He led the way toward the house and the chaos of people and music spilling from it. “Come on, Sang, before mother grounds us or something.”
“Shut the fuck up,” North barked at him, but he trailed after us.
Silas weaved around the sea of cars. I glanced back at Nathan and North as they followed, but Silas tugged me along. He seemed in a hurry to get inside.
“Si!” Someone shouted to us from around the side of the house. A group of guys stood together in a circle under a tree.
Silas lifted my hand with his to return a greeting wave toward the guys calling out to him. “Hey.”
“Where the fuck have you been, man?” One of them said, stepping forward and putting a hand out.
Silas let go so he could shake hands. He did the same with the other guys standing together. The porch light was on, but the guys around us were in the shadow under the tree. I caught the outlines of faces but didn’t recognize any of them.
“What’s going on?” Silas asked.
“We were just talking about that kick ass catch North did.”
I glanced behind me. North nodded in our direction, gave a short wave but headed toward the house. Nathan glanced at me but followed North. I thought they were trying to stick together, but that was more difficult to do with North splitting up. From the way North was marching, though, I had a feeling he was going to inspect the house for trouble before we went inside. I internally groaned, hoping he didn’t see something that would set him off. Would he yell at the other kids if they were drinking?
Silas hooked an arm around my shoulder and drew my attention back to his new buddies. “You guys, this is Sang.” He nodded his head in my direction, squeezing my shoulder gently and beaming.
“Yeah, I’ve seen her around school,” one of the shadows said. “She’s pretty hot.”
My heart fluttered. The faces were starting to become easier to see, but I still didn’t recognize any of them. It was probably because I didn’t spend time with anyone outside of Kota and the others.
“Are you two a thing? Because if not, I’m gonna ...”
“She’s here with me,” Silas said, taking on a possessive tone. His arm tightened around my shoulder and his hand gripped until I was almost pressed up against his side.
“Let me know when he fucks up,” the guy said, nodding in my direction. I think he winked but in the dim light, it was hard to be certain.
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to respond, so I didn’t. They started talking about the game again. I was turned slightly away from the group, looking out toward the house. It was a brick, ranch-style home. I barely made out a back porch, and it was clustered with people sitting in the dark. The low murmur of other people talking drifted to us just under the music flowing from the house. The air smelled like wet farm fields. Since there weren’t neighbors too close to this house, I thought that was probably why they decided to have this party here.
My insides rattled at being around people I didn’t know. My mouth froze. Silas occasionally massaged my shoulder with his hand. I wasn’t sure if it was an effort to let me know he was right there or if he was showing the guys in front of him I was with him. I didn’t mind being associated with him as his date, but I was shy and feeling awkward standing there.
Something nudged my arm. I turned as North held out a red plastic cup to me. He had another one in his hand. Nathan was behind him, two in his hands, too. He handed one off to Silas.
I took the cup North gave me, peeking in and sniffing.
“It’s not poison,” North said.
“Not this time, huh?” I quipped.
North smirked and appeared to relax a little.
I took a sip. Water washed over my tongue. I wasn’t thirsty but I was grateful to have something in my hand, so I could fit in.
I turned toward North and Nathan who were standing off to the side. “What’s it like inside?”
“There’s a soccer table,” Nathan said. “Maybe we’ll get to play. There’s a few in there playing now.”
“It’s loud and crowded,” North said. “It’s better out here.”
“Whose house is it?” It felt strange to be at someone’s house I didn’t know. I was glad North told me to stick with them. I would have done it anyway. I wouldn’t want to wander around and have people wondering who I was or why I was there.
They both shrugged. Silas was tal
king with the other guys behind me and didn’t hear.
A wind picked up. The warmth I had absorbed while in the car was receding, even with Silas hanging off of my neck. I held my cup out to Nathan to hold for a second. I zipped up the hoodie, stuffing one hand into the pocket, then took my cup back.
“Want to go inside?” North asked.
I nodded, shivering. “I should have worn jeans.”
“Skirts look better on you.”
I rolled my eyes, blushing. “Thank you,” I said quietly. I liked this North. He seemed less grumpy now than before.
“Let’s go play table soccer,” Nathan said.
I nudged Silas. He tilted his head toward me while his eyes remained on the guys in front of him as if he was still trying to pay attention to them.
“I’m cold,” I said. “I ...”
“You’re cold?” he asked, loud enough to halt the conversation around us. He pulled me in closer, wrapping his arm tighter and brought me close to his body. “You should have said something.” His hand wandered from my shoulder to my side, squeezing slightly at my hip.
The guys around us chuckled.
What was he doing? This didn’t seem like Silas, now. Did parties throw the guys off? “Is it okay if I go inside for a little bit?” I thought it would be better to almost ask permission, since he was the one who invited me.
He smiled, leaned in. His lips met my ear and he whispered. “Yes, go in. Don’t leave North. After I make rounds, I’ll come get you. We’ll find a quiet spot and we’ll be able to hang out.” He breathed in next to my ear and pulled back. “I’ll come find you in a minute.”
I understood that they were trying to get along with the team so they could fit in like Mr. Blackbourne wanted. Did it mean I had to pretend to be with Silas? Was I part of this plan? Silas had told me earlier that he didn’t care what anyone else thought of him. Maybe he didn’t care, but it felt like he cared what they thought now.