“No, not at all. Let’s just have a good vacation, okay, Dad?”
“I think we’re going to be spending a lot of time together.” He hooked his arm around his son’s shoulders and playfully squeezed his neck. “You might need to spend another year at home before I let you go off to college.”
“No way! I can’t wait.” Thomas rubbed his hands together. “I am going to make the most out of every minute!”
“I bet you will.” Dane grinned. “I’ll pick you up around five for dinner, alright?”
“Sure. I’ll be ready.”
As Dane walked out of the yard and into the driveway a sudden fear washed over him. Was Thomas right? He wasn’t sure that he’d ever be interested in dating again, but even if he was, was he so out of the loop that it would be impossible to succeed at it?
He opened the car door and settled in. When he slid the key into the ignition and turned it, a familiar song came on the radio. It was the song that he and Pam had danced to on their first date. It was the song that they’d danced to at their wedding. It was the song that he’d played at her funeral. It was the song that he still hummed at night when he had a hard time falling asleep.
He closed his eyes as emotions washed over him.
No matter how many years slipped by, there were certain moments when he was right back in time after the doctor had delivered the news. It made his entire body quake with the desire to have her back in his arms. He gripped the steering wheel and willed himself to be strong.
Over the years he’d tried therapy—he’d tried many different hobbies meant to fulfill him in some way. He was well aware that Pam would want him to be happy—to not dwell on her absence. She’d even told him just that when they’d been informed about the risks of the surgery.
She’d forced him to sit through a tear-filled conversation about what she hoped life would be like for him if she was no longer there. One of her most adamant requests had been that he find love again. He recalled how heated that conversation had become at that point.
“Dane, you’ve been the most amazing husband to me. You’re the type of man that a woman dreams of spending her life with. If that woman can’t be me, it should be someone wonderful for you—someone you deserve. The way you love—it shouldn’t be wasted.”
“I only love the way I do because of you, Pam. How could you ask me to love anyone else when you are it for me? I know you’re scared. I’m scared too, but I can’t promise you that.”
She’d taken his hand then and held it so tightly. “I am sad that this has happened. I’m devastated that there’s nothing we can do to fix it—if the surgery doesn’t work. But even if I don’t make it through, I’ll not regret a moment I’ve spent with you. You have given me the gift of a beautiful life.
“What scares me the most is the idea that you’d spend the rest of your life alone.” She’d searched his eyes, though they were swollen with tears. “I don’t know what would happen if I were gone, but I know what I’d want to happen with you and Thomas. I’d want you to have a future. I’m sorry if that hurts you. I hope you understand.”
“I do.” He whispered. “I’ll try. But we don’t have to worry about that, Pam. We don’t. Because I know you’re going to be just fine. I know it.”
He’d kissed her then—the way he’d kissed her before the tumor was discovered, the way he’d kissed her the first time she’d told him that she loved him.
Dane’s mind surfaced from the memory to find himself still sitting in the driveway.
He’d told Pam that he would try, but he hadn’t really. He still wasn’t sure if he ever could.
Chapter 3
Without much fanfare, Ella left her life behind. There were no dates to cancel, or plans with friends. She didn’t like to make commitments and was more of a spur-of-the-moment kinda gal. This made it easy to change direction whenever she pleased. Still, it was nice to leave her usual environment behind. She hoped that a new one would allow her to understand this new perspective.
During the flight, she typed out an e-mail to her friend Nicole about her intentions.
Nicole,
You’ve inspired me. I’m going to take a me-cation. I want to see if I can figure out what makes this old girl tick. I suspect that I’ve been living a life of distraction. So let’s see what happens when there’s no one around to keep me company, except me. Wish me luck!
Ella
She still wasn’t sure if her plan made sense, but she was excited to see what would happen.
When the plane touched down in Bermuda, she felt thrilled to get to her destination.
Unfortunately, trying to get out of the airport was one frustration after another until she was ready to scream.
First, she was held up in security. Then she waited through endless cycles of the baggage carousel wondering if her luggage had actually made the trip with her. Once she finally did get her hands on her luggage, she was nearly run over by a woman who didn’t apparently get the memo about not texting while pushing a cart of luggage that she could barely see over the top of.
By the time Ella found herself in a shuttle to the resort, her hair was a mess, her bottom lip was chewed raw, and there were what she hoped wouldn’t be permanent creases on her palm from gripping her suitcase so tightly. The shuttle wasn’t much better, as it seemed to be filled with people who had bathed in cheap perfume and strong cologne.
She cracked her window and took in a breath of the tropical air. The shuttle turned into the long driveway that led to the resort. Her spirits were instantly lifted. There was a main hotel that was several stories high, but Ella had opted to stay in one of the cottages instead, as she thought it would give her more privacy and less opportunity to run into Mr. Wrong.
She checked in at the front desk, then carried her bag out to the cottage that matched the number on her key. When she found it, she first noticed the hammock that hung beside it. She smiled at the thought of swaying in the balmy air.
The key slid into the lock easily. She turned it and stepped inside. What she saw on the other side of the door was not what she’d expected. There was one very large bed in the middle of the room. It took up most of the space.
Off to the side were a mini-fridge and a sink that apparently served as the kitchen. She peeked into the bathroom and found that it only had a shower—no deep bathtub like she’d been picturing in her mind.
She sat down on the edge of her bed and frowned. It was not what she’d expected at all. She kicked off her shoes and flipped open her suitcase. She had packed fairly light as she intended to only hang out in the cottage and on the beach, but somehow there was still quite a bit to dig through to get to her swim suit.
Once she found it, she wondered if it was the right choice. It was a seductive number that she loved to wear when she went hunting for surfers at the beach. But the point of her vacation was to be a bit more subdued. Still, she’d never been someone to cover up because of what anyone might think. If it attracted attention, she’d just ignore it.
She pulled on the tiny bikini and looked in the mirror. It covered everything it needed to, but also accentuated her curves in a way that she enjoyed. Despite the fact that there were a few areas that she wished to improve, she did admire her figure.
She grabbed sunscreen, sunglasses, a bottle of water from the mini-fridge, her cell phone, and the latest book from her favorite series. As she slid on her flip-flops, she made the decision not to be upset about the room. She was turning over a new leaf, she was getting to know herself, and she didn’t want to start that off with frustration. The vacation was about relaxation and introspection, not luxury.
When Ella stepped out of the cottage, she put on her sunglasses. The bright sun was barely diminished by the tinted lenses. It was about noon, and the beach was very densely populated. She moved on to a less crowded section and noticed an empty lounge chair not far from the water.
“Now that’s good luck.” She smiled as she settled into the chair. The sun warme
d her skin. The waves rushed across the sand with the most peaceful slosh. She felt every ounce of tension leave her body. Her mind drifted back to another day that she’d spent in paradise.
It was her honeymoon. Her husband, Louis, had planned every detail. He’d even arranged for a romantic dinner beside the waves. Those moments were her version of heaven. She’d been a different woman then. She’d believed that everything in her life was perfect—that she’d spend the rest of it gloriously happy, wrapped up in the arms of a man she still fantasized about.
Despite her difficult childhood, he’d gained her trust. He’d insisted that he loved her like no other man ever could. Her heart skipped a beat as she recalled the rush she’d experienced when his lips had touched hers the first time. Even though it had been years since she’d experienced it, she could feel the heat of his mouth against hers.
Despite all the dating she’d engaged in after their divorce, never once had she experienced that level of passion again. She doubted she ever would. The dull ache of that subtle loneliness she’d been hiding from ignited once more.
She grabbed her book. Her new guilty pleasure was intense, over-the-top romance novels—the kind that reflected the kind of seduction that she’d experienced with Louis. It served two purposes. It distracted her from memories of Louis and reminded her that this kind of love was fictional.
Soon she was immersed in the latest dramatic adventures of her favorite character. Everything was perfect.
A shrill voice jarred her from her peace.
“Dad, catch!”
She looked up to see a young man throwing a ball in the direction of an older man in the distance. For a moment, she couldn’t help but take in just how fit and broad the man who caught the ball was. She thought it was sweet that a man and his grown son—they looked alike, so she assumed it was the case—could enjoy a game of catch, even if it did interrupt her.
She did her best to ignore the interruption and tried to return to her book. However, every time she read a word, it was punctuated by a grunt or a shout from one of the men playing football. She took a breath and tried to remain calm. New leaf, she reminded herself—new leaf. That meant keeping her temper in check.
Before her marriage she didn’t really even think she had a temper, but by the time the relationship crumbled, she always seemed on the edge of fury.
She turned the page and continued to read. The younger of the two men landed in the water with a splash. The older man laughed uproariously as he trudged his way out. She tried to block out the distraction, but it was very difficult to do when they were just so noisy.
She cleared her throat and shifted in her chair.
If they heard her, they didn’t seem to care, as they continued to enjoy their game. She tightened her grip on her book and gritted her teeth—new leaf, new leaf. She closed her eyes.
Chapter 4
Dane looked over at his son. He was flipping through his tablet checking the latest sports stats. The father felt a pang of sorrow as he predicted the amount of time that they’d be spending apart. For so long it had just been the two of them. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through without Thomas by his side. What would he do with his time?
He closed his eyes as the plane rocked through some turbulence. It seemed to him that the time had gone by in a blur. Thomas was just a little boy and now he was a man. What would his son’s future hold for him?
Dane thought about the request that Pam had made of him—that one day he’d have a woman to turn to. He’d failed on that, but he had done his best in every other area. Thomas had excelled in his studies, and he did well socially. He was an all-around good kid, though Dane wasn’t sure that he could take credit for it. So much of his own life had been invested in trying to create a good outcome for his son that he wasn’t sure what to do next. Sure, work would keep him busy. As an architect he always had some new project to delve into, but it didn’t satisfy him the way it used to.
At some point during the flight Dane must have drifted off to sleep. He woke to Thomas shaking his shoulder.
“We’re here, Dad, look at that.” Thomas pointed out the window at the large expanse of clear blue water.
Dane took a sharp breath in. It looked endless. He felt a sense of exhilaration that he hadn’t felt for a long time. This truly could be a fresh start if he let it be. Maybe he would discover who he was apart from being a widower and a father. If he could do that, he might stop feeling anxious about what was coming next in his life.
“It’s stunning.”
“I can’t wait to get in the water!” Thomas wiggled in his seat as if he was ten again.
Dane smiled and patted Thomas’s knee. “Soon enough, son—soon enough.”
As they walked through the airport, the crowd surprised Dane. He hadn’t been to too many tourist spots, but this one certainly appeared to be popular. He snaked his way through security and to the baggage carousel.
Thomas stayed close, but Dane could see his eyes were wandering. He marveled at the souvenirs for sale and the young women that rushed past him.
For just an instant, a spark broke free inside of Dane—a memory of what it was like to be young and eager to love. He had been just as excited as Thomas at one time, but to him it felt like centuries ago. Now his life seemed to be divided into three parts—life before Pam, life with Pam and life after Pam.
But who had Dane been back when he was Thomas’s age? What were the hopes and dreams of that eager young man?
He snagged their suitcases and handed one off to Thomas.
“Wow, Dad, I can’t believe we’re really here.”
“Let it sink in. This is paradise.”
Dane led Thomas to the shuttle that went to the resort he’d booked. As they rode through the neighborhoods, Dane noticed the fine details of the structures around him. A lot could be learned about a place by the way its buildings were made.
The resort was just as busy as the airport had been. Luckily they managed to get swept into a fast-moving line.
Once he checked in, Dane took the key and headed down the hallway.
“Wait, where’s my key?” Thomas lingered by the desk.
“We’re in one room.” Dane gestured for him to hurry so they could catch the elevator.
“Dad, bunking with your kid is going to seriously cramp your style.”
“I have no intention of having any style.” He tugged Thomas into the elevator. “And I’d prefer it if you didn’t either.”
“I thought this was supposed to be fun?”
“I’m here to spend time with you. There’s no reason for us to have two rooms.”
“Well, sure, but when you meet that special lady—”
“—Cut it out, Thomas.”
“Nope, sorry. I’m an adult now. What are you going to do, ground me?”
“Remember that tablet you were playing with on the plane? And your cell phone? And your car insurance?”
“Oh.” Thomas blinked and then nodded. “Okay, shutting up.”
“Good.” Dane grinned and ruffled his hair.
“I still say your hair looked better long,” said Thomas, his eyes on Dane’s head.
“I like it clean-cut.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I just always have. It’s how your mother would cut it.”
“Oh, right.” Thomas held the elevator doors open until his father was off the elevator.
Dane led the way to the room. When he opened the door he was surprised to see how spacious it was. “This is nice. I might enjoy lounging around in here.”
“No way. Change into some shorts and let’s hit the beach. I packed a football!”
Dane laughed. He knew patience was not his son’s strong suit.
Within twenty minutes they were out on the beach. Dane felt a little insecure without his shirt on, but Thomas insisted he show off all the hard work he’d been putting in at the gym. The truth was he only went to the gym to keep his head on straight. I
f he was left with nothing to do, his mind always returned to Pam.
“Let’s play!” Thomas raced out on to the beach.
Dane jogged after him. Soon they were tossing the ball back and forth just as they did at home, but somehow it was different with the backdrop of sparkling water and white sand. They were in an uncrowded area of the beach, aside from one lounge chair. A woman stretched across it, seemingly engrossed in the book she held in her hands.
Dane barely noticed her except to try to keep the ball from flying in her direction.
Chapter 5
Ella saw the man lunge to catch the ball again. Each time he seemed to be getting closer to her. She had to admit he was fit for someone who appeared to be a few years older than she was, but that wasn’t enough to calm her nerves. She wanted to enjoy her book, she wanted to forget all the memories that the location seemed to be triggering for her—of a man who’d sworn his undying love, while simultaneously seeking out his next soulmate.
She really did make an attempt to remain in her peaceful place. That was the point of the vacation, right? It seemed to her that the only part of herself she was getting to know was her temper, though.
The man’s voice grated her nerves as he shouted.
“You have to do better than that, Tommy. Did you get sunscreen on your fingers?”
“Watch it, old man. I’m going easy on you.”
Ella rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. She never understood why men enjoyed insulting one another so much—or for that matter, why they were so obsessed with football. She enjoyed sports now and then but too much of it drove her a little crazy.
She turned the page in her book and tried to concentrate on what she was reading.
“Tommy, watch it!”
The older man caught the football a few steps away from her. She ducked back against her chair and glared in his direction.
“There’s someone sitting here.” He cleared his throat.
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4 Page 14