Chapter 17
Dane stared at the clock. He’d been up all night. It was ridiculous, but he was as excited as a kid before a fun trip.
Around two Thomas came in, but Dane pretended to be asleep. He didn’t want to ask Thomas what he was up to, and he didn’t want to tell Thomas about his encounter with Ella. It was hard for him to understand what that encounter had even been. They’d insisted that it wouldn’t be a date, and yet it had seemed to turn into one. He knew he’d crossed a line when he kissed her hand, but he couldn’t help it. The beauty he saw in her was mesmerizing to him.
It wasn’t even that Ella reminded him of Pam. She had a completely different look and personality. It was something similar to what he’d felt for Pam, but somehow more intense. Perhaps it was because he now knew what it was like to love like that—and to lose that love. Or maybe he was trying to convince himself that there was something there that wasn’t.
By the time the sun peeked through the window, he vowed that he would make a real effort to get to know Ella. Maybe it wouldn’t lead to anything. Maybe it would lead to everything.
He climbed out of bed and threw on some swim trunks. Then he walked over to Thomas’s bed. His son’s mouth hung open as he snored. He had some kind of feathers in his hair. There was a lipstick mark on his cheek.
Dane gritted his teeth and reminded himself that his son was an adult.
“Thomas, let’s go. We’re going to be late.” Dane pushed on his shoulder in an attempt to wake him.
“No, Dad.” Thomas moaned. “I want to sleep.”
“But it’s snorkeling, remember?”
“Please, I just want to sleep.” He buried his head under a pillow. “Please let me sleep.”
Dane looked down at his son for a moment. He knew that Thomas hadn’t gotten back to the room until late. “Alright, that’s fine. We’ll catch up later.”
He headed out of the hotel room and down to the lobby. When he pushed through the door to step outside, he was surprised to find Ella standing there.
She held out a cup of coffee to him. “Good morning.”
“Good morning and thank you.” He took the cup of coffee. “I knew you were full of surprises.”
“I thought I’d make up for being late last night. Does this help?”
“It sure does.”
“Where’s Thomas?”
“He’s not coming. I’m guessing he had a little too much fun last night.” He smiled and shook his head. “He’s taking this turning eighteen thing pretty seriously.”
“Didn’t you when you turned eighteen?”
A smile drifted across his lips as he walked toward the water. “I think I was in a different place when I turned eighteen.”
“Oh? What kind of place?”
Dane glanced over at her. He didn’t know her very well, but he wanted to be completely honest with her. “I was in love.”
“Oh, I bet that happened a few times around that age.” Ella slipped her arm through his as they walked. “I know it happened to me a few times.”
“No.” He gazed out across the water. “Only once.”
“Once? In high school?” She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.
“Once ever.” He paused near the meeting spot for the snorkeling excursion.
“You’re not serious?” Ella drew back from him.
He followed her movement with a curious smile.
“Do you think that I’m lying?”
“No. I’m just surprised.”
“Well.” He looked back out over the water and rocked back on his heels. “She was it.”
“How long have you two been divorced?”
“We’re not.” He stole a glance in her direction.
“Oh.” She moved a few steps away from him. “I just assumed—since you were here alone. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were married.”
“I’m not.” He turned toward her. “She passed away.”
“Dane.” She took his hand in hers. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s been some time.” He met her eyes. “My friends tell me I should be able to move on, but for me, there are still moments that it seems no time has passed at all.”
“I understand that.” She squeezed his hand in hers. “Not like you do, of course, but I have moments I have a hard time moving on from myself.”
“Your one true love?”
“I don’t know. I guess.” She drew a deep breath and shook her head. “I thought so anyway. It turned out it was pretty one-sided.”
“Then I’m sorry.” He continued to hold her hand as he looked out across the water. “Losing Pam was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, but not experiencing her love would have been even harder.”
“Really?” Ella tilted her head to the side. Tendrils of her hair were whipped across her face by the strengthening wind. He reached up without a second thought and brushed the hair away.
“Really. Every moment was worth it.” He smiled. “Weren’t there any special memories that made your relationship worth it?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I never want to feel that kind of pain again. When he looked me in the eye, and said it was never real…” She lowered her eyes and her voice faltered. “It was pretty hard for me to get over.”
“Of course. I know that kind of loss.”
“It’s not the same. I know that. He didn’t die.”
“Maybe not, but the man you thought you were in love with kind of did. I can’t imagine what it would have felt like if Pam had looked me in the eye and said that she’d never loved me.”
Ella was looking at him in a way that made him feel sad for the pain of what she’d gone through.
“Doesn’t it make you frightened to ever—you know—try again?”
“Yes.” Dane sighed and gave her hand a squeeze “Yes, it does.” He turned to her to say more, but a man walked toward them. “I think this is the instructor.”
“Hi there. It looks like there’s a storm rolling in. Sorry, but with the weather, I’m not sure that we’re going to be able to go out at all today. This storm wasn’t supposed to come in until tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll blow through fast enough that the water will be calm and clear tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Dane frowned. “I guess we’ll try again tomorrow.”
Chapter 18
As the instructor walked away, Ella’s heart began to pound. She’d anticipated spending some real time with Dane. She’d looked forward to it. But now that wasn’t going to happen. She had to think of a reason to keep him close to her. It was no longer a curiosity that drove her toward him, but a need that she couldn’t ignore.
“Maybe we could get an early lunch?”
“I should probably check in with Thomas.”
“Dane, he’s a big boy. He can handle himself.” She winked at him.
“It’s not like that with us.” He narrowed his eyes. “My son is everything to me.”
“That may be true, but I have the feeling that you could stand to give him a little room. He can’t always be your everything. That’s a big role for him to play.”
“What are you saying?”
She looked into his eyes and wondered if she’d said too much, but true to her impulsive nature she spoke her mind.
“I’m saying that maybe you’ve relied on his company a little too much over the years. Now that he’s going to be heading off to college, it’s time to free him from that role. Or don’t you think that he worries about you?”
Dane’s brow furrowed. “As much as I worry about him, I guess I never really thought about whether or not he worries about me.”
Ella began to walk along the water. Dane matched her pace. She noticed the billowing black clouds that formed on the horizon but felt no urge to seek cover. She didn’t want to do anything to make her time with him end.
“What comes next for you, Dane? What happens after Thomas goes to college?”
Dane lifted his shoulders in a mild shrug. “I don’t know—maybe some carpentry,
maybe catch up on some work around the house. “
“So nothing that involves other people?” She looked over at him. “Dane, don’t you see how you’ve isolated yourself?”
“I guess I don’t see it that way. I’m just content on my own.”
“Alone.”
“What?” He looked over at her. She stepped a little closer to him as their eyes met. “You can call it enjoying your own company or being on your own, but it’s still about being alone.”
He looked away from her out across the open water. “What’s so bad about that?”
She grasped his hand and ran her other palm across the back of it. “No one wants to be alone.”
He looked down at her hand around his. “Maybe I do.”
“No.” She smiled a little. “I don’t think that you do. Last night was—”
“—Let’s not talk about that.” He looked away again.
“Why? I’m not ashamed of what I did. I live my life connecting with people.”
“That’s not connecting.”
“It’s more connection than you offer.”
“Oh?” He tilted his head to the side as he looked at her. “So you’re saying I should have uncommitted romps that still end with being alone?”
“Romps?” She laughed a little. “Really?”
“It’s the polite way of putting it.”
“That’s so important to you isn’t it? To be polite?”
“Maybe.” He squinted his eyes at the horizon. “It’s going to rain soon.”
“Do you ever just let loose? Not worry about what you’re saying or how you’re feeling—just be?”
He sighed as if she might be exhausting him and was silent for a moment.
“What? What is it?” Ella asked, curious about the change in his demeanor.
When he spoke again his voice was softened with nostalgia. “I have this one memory—when Thomas was a baby, he had colic. He wouldn’t stop screaming no matter what we did. Pam was so tired, and we were both scared. We had no idea what we were doing wrong. We tried everything.” He shook his head. “Then it was about three in the morning, neither of us had had more than an hour of sleep, and Thomas was screaming again. I was at my breaking point. I was ready to put him in the car and take him to the emergency room. I was sure that there was something wrong with him.”
“That must have been scary.”
“I was terrified. I thought I’d failed at being a father, a husband—everything. I went to grab my shoes and when I started to slide my foot inside this huge spider came crawling out.” He looked over at her. “You’d better not laugh.”
“I’m not going to laugh.” She set her jaw.
“I was so overtired and emotional…when I saw this spider, I shrieked. I started to jump around the room hollering at it and trying to whack it with my shoe. The next thing I heard was laughter. Pam was laughing at me so hard that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. I started to laugh too, and then we both realized that Thomas wasn’t crying any more. He was looking at me like I was the strangest creature he’d ever seen, but he wasn’t crying. Pam and I had gotten so tense over being good parents that we’d forgotten to enjoy the time, enjoy each other, enjoy him. He still had colic, but we handled it better because we knew to lighten up and laugh.” He looked into her eyes. “I think maybe I’ve been back in that tense state ever since Pam died. I guess I’ve forgotten how to lighten up.”
“So, you’re afraid of spiders.” She grinned.
“I am not afraid of spiders.” He narrowed his eyes. “It was just that one time.”
“So if I do this?” She tickled her fingers along his bare back. “That doesn’t frighten you?”
He shivered and pulled away from her touch. “I’m not afraid of spiders.”
She tried to meet his eyes, but he refused to allow it and kept looking away.
“But you are afraid of me?” Her eyes widened at the thought.
Chapter 19
The sky rumbled above them. The air was filled with the charge of the storm rolling in, but Dane was too busy being captivated by the way Ella was looking at him to pay much attention to the storm.
She had a way of prying between his secrets that made him say more than he’d ever intended. She kept him fascinated, though he had no real idea why. As she waited for an answer to her question, his throat grew dry. He could lie. He could tell her that he wasn’t scared of anything. But something about the moment they seemed to be sharing felt sacred. It was as if he knew that if he lied, everything that had been building between them would be shattered.
With a short breath he forced the words from between his lips. “Yes, Ella. I am scared of you. I’m scared of the way you make me feel.”
She reached out and traced her fingertips along the smooth surface of his bare chest. Her touch was so light that it almost tickled.
He gritted his teeth.
“How do I make you feel?” She looked into his eyes.
He reached up and caught her hand as it coasted down the length of his chest. Instead of pushing it away, he pressed it against him so that she could feel how heavily his heart pounded.
“I don’t think there’s a way to describe it.”
“Try.” She stepped closer to him so that their bodies were close enough to share heat.
The air cooled as the storm drew closer. He could barely draw a breath with her hand pressed against his chest. The wind stirred her hair again. Without hesitation he reached up to brush her hair away from her face.
As his hand curved along her cheek, his fingers curled around the side of her neck. Before he understood what he was doing, he drew her closer to him until their faces were only inches apart. The heat and pressure between his lips and hers defied physics. Where there should have been nothing but shared breath, it seemed as if a new type of air existed—filled with potential, both for ecstasy and for heartbreak.
Thunder clapped above them. In the distance, rain splashed against the sea.
He drew back just an inch and savored the sight of her mouth. How long had it been since he’d even considered kissing someone? Her chin tipped upward, her lips lunged towards his.
He drew back again and looked into her eyes. There was Ella, a woman he barely knew, but who had worked her way right into the most intimate areas of his thoughts. He witnessed a flicker of hurt in the tension of her lashes and the way she looked away from him. His chest ached at the thought that he’d caused the flinch.
With the lightest touch he stroked the line of her chin and drew her mouth back to his. There was no stopping then as he plowed right through the unknown and embraced the silk of her lips. The moment his lips touched hers, his heart raced. His entire body flushed with warmth and need.
The kiss, one that at first he was sure he couldn’t offer, deepened with such fervor and passion that he was too dizzy to know if he was awake or lost in some fantasy. He tightened his arm around her waist and curled his hand through the long tresses at the back of her neck. He was blinded by his desire for her, to the point that he was unaware that rain was now pouring down from the sky.
There was barely enough space between them for a single raindrop to slip past—until her hands shoved against his shoulders and pushed him firmly away.
He stared at her, lips still parted, his hands still tangled in her hair, shocked that something so intense could end so abruptly.
“That wasn’t fair.” She looked into his eyes with a wildness that left him confused.
Was she angry at him? Had he lost himself in that flood of passion and taken things too far? He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong.
“Ella, what is it?” He brushed his palm along her cheek to try to calm her.
“Don’t.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “You’ve been playing me all along, haven’t you?”
“What are you talking about?” He took a slight step back, but she didn’t release his hand.
“That story you fed me about your wife—it
isn’t true, is it?” She shook her head. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been.”
“How can you say that to me?” A fury rose within Dane so quick that he nearly choked on it when he tried to speak. “How dare you? You have no right to question my love for my wife.”
“Your love? You told me that you’ve only ever had one love. So how could you kiss me like that? No one has ever kissed me like that.”
“So that’s your reasoning? That I must have been lying?” He pulled his hand from hers as his eyes narrowed. The rain fell harder between them. “Maybe my first impression about you was the right impression. I’m the one that has been fooling myself.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Ella put her hands on her hips.
“I mean, you struck me as a selfish, spoiled person the moment I laid eyes on you. I should have trusted my instincts. Only someone with an ego as big as yours would have the audacity to think that I would make up a tragedy just to seduce you. I don’t know what’s happened in your life, Ella, I really don’t, but whatever it is, I think it’s broken you in a way that I’m not sure can be fixed.”
“Oh right, I’m the broken one? You’re the one who can’t see that your son is not your friend. He’s a young adult who’s going to pave his own way in life. You’re so caught up in what he’s doing that you can’t even find a way to live your own life.” She shook her head. “Maybe you two came up with this together, just like the way he threw the football at me on purpose. I’m just a pawn in your twisted little plot, aren’t I?”
“Ella.” He gritted his teeth.
“It’s the truth, isn’t it?” She lifted her chin and curled her upper lip as she stared at him. “All you wanted was a little fun on vacation. Well, I don’t come with paradise. I’m not included in your little fantasy.”
“Ella.” He grabbed her hands at her wrists and pulled her close to him. His touch was loose but his gaze was fierce as he looked into her eyes. “None of that is true. You can believe what you want about me. It’s clear you’ve not been feeling for me the things I feel for you. I don’t understand why you stirred up so much inside of me, but you did.”
He paused as she searched his eyes. She didn’t pull her hands away, though she easily could have.
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4 Page 19