“Fun.” Angela smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Around seven?”
“Sounds good.” She smiled at him. “I mean, if you’re not too busy with someone else.” She winked at him.
“Alright, that’s a low blow.”
“Hey, I’m just letting you know—you have your freedom, just like I have mine.” She looked into his eyes. “That’s the whole point of this, isn’t it?”
“You’re a unique woman, you know that, Angela?”
“I guess. I just don’t want to waste my time playing games. We both know what we want out of this situation, and as long as we’re both enjoying ourselves, no need to overthink it, right? I mean, basically right now, I’d just like to take things slow—until we get to know one another better.”
“Right.” He leaned close and kissed her cheek. “See you tomorrow.”
As soon as he left the shop, Angela pulled out the gift basket that she’d been working on. It had many little treasures in it that reminded her of Ryan. She told herself it was just a way to say thank you, but she’d spent the entire week perfecting it.
Tomorrow night would be the perfect time to deliver it. She could tell him how much she appreciated their friendship and maybe the tension that had built up between them would finally lessen—or maybe it would spike. She wasn’t sure which she truly hoped for.
Chapter 18
“So what kind of music are you playing tonight?” Cassie looked through Ryan’s selection.
“Why? Trying to plan what you’re going to entertain us with when you stand on my coffee table to sing?”
“Oh, you’re so very funny.” She rolled her eyes. “Just because one time I did that doesn’t mean that I’ll be doing it every time.”
“One time?” Ryan straightened out the bowls on the table. “I’m pretty sure it’s every time.”
“Not every time.” She pouted out her bottom lip. “I can’t help it if I’m young at heart. I’m stuck around you old-timers.”
“Do you really think so?” Ryan sat down on the couch and looked over at her.
“What? That you’re old?”
“Yes. I mean. How do I look to you?”
Cassie stared at him.
He shifted on the couch and looked at the floor.
“Ryan, are you asking me if you’re pretty?”
“Shut up. I never should have said anything.”
Cassie laughed and plopped down on the couch beside him. “Relax, I’m just teasing you. It’s not often that you show me your soft underbelly, you know.”
“My underbelly?” Ryan laughed. “Because I don’t have one.”
“You sure do.” She patted his stomach.
He raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, it’s not very soft. Wow, do you live in the gym or something?”
He smirked. “See? No soft underbelly.”
“My point is, you’re feeling insecure. It’s kind of sweet.”
“I don’t think it’s sweet. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Trust me, Ryan, you’re gorgeous. If you weren’t so annoying I would have locked you up a long time ago.”
“Oh? You think you could? I’m the one with the gun and the handcuffs, remember?”
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” She leaned her head back against the couch. “She’s freaked out still?”
“Who?”
“Don’t act like this isn’t about her.”
“It’s not.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the space in front of him. “I just wanted your opinion.”
“Of course it’s about Angela. Do you really want my opinion?”
“Yes.” He glanced over at her.
“If there was something that I wanted, I wouldn’t hesitate to go after it. We only live once, and you’re wasting your chance.”
“I don’t have a chance.” He frowned and punched the couch cushion beside him. “That’s just it. She doesn’t want anything to do with me and there’s nothing that I can do about that.”
“Oh, really? Nothing? Have you even tried?”
“Am I supposed to? She doesn’t want anything to do with a cop.”
“Maybe not, but she wants everything to do with you. I could see it in the way she looks at you.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m serious.”
“Then why is she with Joey?” He stood up from the couch. “What is the point of that?”
“You really are clueless when it comes to women, aren’t you? No wonder you haven’t had that many relationships.”
“I’ve had some.”
“She’s trying to forget you by being with Joey—or maybe she’s trying to make you jealous. Either way it’s all about you, Ryan. So if you want her, go for it. She’s not going to be able to resist.”
“I don’t think you’re right about that. She seems like a determined woman.”
“Well, you won’t know unless you try, will you?”
“But what about Joey? I don’t want to cause tension between us.”
“Trust me, Joey’s not going to stick around long. He’s been texting me all week to get advice on how to get her to relax a bit. Apparently she’s barely kissed him.”
“Are you sure?” Ryan met her eyes.
“I’m not sitting between them when they’re together, but according to Joey there is nothing happening. And you know he has a short attention span.”
“Still…”
“Still nothing, Ryan. I’ve watched you sit on your butt for the past five years and this is the first woman I’ve seen you show a real interest in. How much longer are you going to wait?”
“I don’t know.” He looked up at the ceiling.
A knock on the door alerted him to the arrival of a few of his guests.
An hour later, he wondered if Joey would even show up. Would Angela be with him?
A sharp knock on the door pulled him away from a conversation with Manny. He opened it to discover Angela on the other side. An instant smile rose to his lips and the weight of his thoughts disappeared. It was as if every aspect of her was designed to draw his attention.
That wasn’t the case, of course. Her long blonde hair didn’t fall just the right way against the side of her face to emphasize the curve of her lips on purpose. Her eyes didn’t meet his with thick dark lashes slightly narrowed to emphasize the warmth of her gaze intentionally.
Still, the combination took his breath away.
“Hi.”
Chapter 19
“Hi.” Angela smiled at him as she stepped through the door.
“Welcome.” Ryan smiled back at her. “Where’s Joey?”
“He’s parking the car. This is for you.” She thrust the gift basket forward between them.
“Oh?” He took the basket from her and looked through the cellophane wrapping. “For what?”
“Just a thank-you gift—for being so kind to me.”
“It’s not hard to be kind to you, Angela.” He set the basket down on a side table.
She wondered for a moment if he didn’t want to open it, but she pushed the anxious thought aside and tried to focus on having a good time.
“Nice place.”
“Thanks. It’s temporary. I’m looking to buy a house.”
“Your first?”
“No, it’s my second actually.”
Joey brushed past her into the house and headed straight for the kitchen. “I’ll grab you a beer, Angela.”
“Thanks.” Angela smiled, then returned her attention to Ryan. “So what happened to your first house?”
“It’s kind of a long story.”
“I’d like to hear it—if you have the time.” She braced herself as she expected him to brush her off as he’d before. Instead, he tilted his head toward the couch.
“Sure. Want to sit?”
Angela settled beside him on the couch. “So please, tell me a bit of your story.”
“I like th
e way you put it.” He smiled. “I’ll tell you a little of mine, if you tell me yours.”
“Fair enough.” She relaxed back against the couch and studied him as he began to speak.
“About five years ago my life was in a very different place. I was engaged to an amazing woman, and prior to our wedding we decided to buy a house together. Well, I bought her a house.”
“Only in your name?”
“She had a little trouble with credit during her twenties.”
“I see. I remember those days.” Angela nodded.
“I was a bit more careful—mainly because I was in the Academy. Anyway, we found this perfect house, bought it, and moved right in.” His voice softened some.
“And then?”
“And then we had to see one another every single day and every single night.” His cheeks flushed a little. She noticed the way he picked at the cushion of the couch as he continued. “At least the nights that I came home.”
“You cheated?” Her eyes widened.
“No, nothing like that. Well, maybe in her eyes it was like that. The job—it just took over my life in ways that neither of us expected. The more she pleaded with me for my attention and to focus on our relationship, the more I ended up involved in situations at work that pulled me away.”
Angela frowned. “That must have been hard for her.”
“It was.” He frowned. “It got to the point that I just couldn’t see it any more.”
“What?” She touched the back of his hand.
“The heartbreak.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “Every time I saw her, it was there. As if I was torturing her.”
“She had to know that with your job it would be like that.”
“I don’t think any person ever really knows what it’s like to be with a cop until they’re in that situation. Before we lived together, she thought it was exciting. She’d always tell me that I was her hero—that I did the most important work in her eyes.”
“She really admired you.”
He nodded and looked down at her hand on his. “I thought I could make it work—that I could just force the pieces to fit together. But then she gave me an ultimatum—the job or her.”
Angela patted his hand and pulled hers back. “You chose the job.”
“No.” He laughed a little. “No, I didn’t. I chose her. I took a leave of absence with the intention of finding a new career, but that only made things worse. I couldn’t find a passion for anything else. She resented me for struggling and I resented her for not understanding.” He lifted his shoulders in a mild shrug. “Our whole relationship crumbled.”
“I’m sorry. That must have been very difficult.”
“It was.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “When we finally faced the fact that it was over, she offered to move out and needed time to find an apartment—all of that. Instead, I gave her the house. We arranged it so that she could take over the payments.”
“You just gave it to her?”
“It was always hers.” He met Angela’s eyes. “I bought it for us, for our future—not for me. Now she has a different future in that house. She’s married with one child and another on the way.”
“You’re still in touch?”
“Yes.” He rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward and folded his hands. “Sometimes it’s surreal, like I’m looking at the life that should have been mine. Do you ever feel that way?”
“All the time.” Angela sighed and slumped back against the couch. “All of my friends are married, raising kids, or settled into amazing careers. Here I am, floundering as if I’m still in my twenties, just discovering who I really am and what I want in life. It’s as if somehow I slipped so far behind everyone else that I’ll never catch up.”
“Yes, exactly.” Ryan pointed toward Manny and his wife, who were sitting in the dining room. “Those two, they had it all figured out from day one. So why is it so hard for the rest of us?”
“I guess it depends on what you want.” Angela stole a glance in his direction. “And whether you’re brave enough to go after it.”
“I guess you’re right. So, I’m looking into buying another house and creating my own future in it—instead of waiting for it to happen.”
“That’s a really good idea. I guess in a lot of ways, I’ve been in a holding pattern too. But I don’t even know what my future looks like. Do you?”
He held her gaze. “The only thing I know for sure about it is that I’m not alone. I’ve spent too many years alone.”
“Me too.” Angela lowered her eyes. “But I guess I’ve just gotten used to it. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with a real relationship.”
“Sounds like that might be the reason for so many first dates.”
She sighed and looked up at him. “If you knew when you bought that first house that it would all crumble, would you make the same choice?”
“Absolutely.”
“Why? What about all the pain?”
“It was worth it—for the good times. Our first night in the house we christened every room—even the roof.”
“The roof?” Angela laughed. “I guess that’s not something you’d want to forget.”
“It wasn’t just about that. It was this sense of us against the world. It was like having a partner at work, only it didn’t end when the shift ended. It was forever, someone I could rely on, someone I could turn to, someone that I could spend a lifetime protecting.”
Chapter 20
Ryan shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’ve said too much, haven’t I?”
“No, not at all.” Angela smiled.
He wondered if it was because she liked what he’d said or if she found him to be ridiculous.
“Haven’t you ever loved someone like that?”
She shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I’ve dated men that I’ve been very fond of and a few I thought might be the person I’d spend the rest of my life with, but in the end there just wasn’t enough of a connection for me to give up my solitude.”
“You value that a lot, huh?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Sometimes I think I’m in the wrong generation. I just don’t mesh well with most people.”
“Why is that?”
“I guess I look for things in people that don’t really exist any more.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. What do you look for?”
“Loyalty, for one.” She glanced over at Joey, who’d just finishing knocking back his second beer. “A sense of the value of life, and the feeling that we’re so lucky just to be here. It seems like most people just do things for the sake of doing them, without much purpose behind their actions. Maybe I overthink things, but I appreciate actions and words that have meaning behind them. I’ve heard so many ‘I love yous’ that amounted to ‘for the moment’ or ‘while you act the way I want you to’ or ‘if you do these things for me.’ I haven’t heard that ‘I love you’ that says ‘until the end of time, without condition, from the depths of me.’ Maybe I love you doesn’t mean what I expect it to, I guess.”
“I think it means that.” He rested his hand on the couch close to Angela’s without touching her and looked into her eyes. “Everything you just said is everything that I’ve been waiting for as well.”
“Good luck.” She smiled. “It’s hard to find. But I’m sure you’ll come across it eventually.”
With those words any hope he had of her recognizing their connection deflated. That was it. She’d made it clear to him once again what she expected from him.
“Right.” He nodded. “Would you like anything? A drink?”
“No thanks, I’m fine. I hope you enjoy your gift basket.”
“I’ll be sure to recommend your shop.” He forced a wink and stood up from the couch.
Why did he feel so gutted? It had been a good conversation that had led straight into a brick wall. Cassie met his eyes across the room, but he turned and walked into the kitchen. He needed any excuse he could find to get away for
a few minutes.
The trash wasn’t quite full but he decided to take it out anyway. Once he was through the back door he let his smile fade. How was it possible that she enlivened every cell in his body, yet she could dismiss him as easily as a waiter at a restaurant?
He tried to hold in his anger but threw the bag rather roughly into the trashcan. It banged against the wall of the building in the same moment that the back door swung open.
A quick glance revealed that Angela had followed him out. He pretended he didn’t notice as he straightened the trashcan.
“Ryan, are you okay?”
He forced himself to look over at her. So many words came to mind. Throughout his life he’d managed to hold conversations with thousands of people. Some were awkward, some were fantastic, and some were even flirtatious. But when it came to Angela and how he felt, he couldn’t seem to put a single sentence together. Or maybe it was that he was too distracted trying to resist saying what he really wanted to say.
“I’m fine.”
“You seemed upset. You still do.”
His shoulders tensed. His heartbeat quickened. “Did you need something?”
She moved down the two steps from the back door to join him on the pavement. “I don’t want there to be a problem between us.”
“There’s no problem.” He glanced up at the night sky.
“Is it about what I said about you—about you being a cop?”
“What are you talking about?” He turned to face her, but only met her eyes for a moment before he dropped his gaze.
“Here’s the thing. When you invited me to go bowling with you, I thought it was because you wanted to be friends. And so far, I’ve become pretty good friends with Cassie, Manny, and Joey. But you can’t seem to even look at me. I understand if I offended you, but if that’s the case you should just tell me. I don’t have to be here if you don’t want me here.”
His jaw rippled as he held back the words that threatened to burst forth. In the fog of his restraint he couldn’t even respond to her words. He forced his gaze up to meet hers just as she started to turn away.
She said, “That tells me all I need to know. I’ll go.”
He reached out and caught her hand before she could use it to open the back door. “Wait.”
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4 Page 43