Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4

by Blake, Lillianna

  When she heard a loud knock at the door it surprised her so much that she spilled part of her coffee on her t-shirt. Her heart jumped into her throat. Who would pound on her door like that? Was it Joey? Was he there to demand his car back? Was it the police, called by Joey because he had no recollection of her taking his car the night before?

  Her entire body flooded with fear as various scenarios played through her mind. None of them involved the person on the other side going away. Reluctantly, she moved toward the door. When she turned the knob and pulled it open, her eyes widened at the sight of the man before her.

  Ryan’s gray eyes looked impatient and his cheeks were flushed a dark red as his hand seemed frozen mid-knock.

  Chapter 24

  Ryan recognized the car as soon as he pulled into the parking lot. It was impossible to miss with its green paint job and its shiny rims. Joey had invested quite a bit of his paycheck into his car.

  Ryan stared at it parked beside Angela’s. He didn’t want to think about what it meant. He didn’t want to imagine the two of them together. His jaw clenched so tightly that it ached.

  The right thing to do was to leave and no one would be the wiser that he’d even been there. The respectful thing to do was to let the two have their relationship without him interfering.

  But Ryan was done with doing the right thing when it came to Angela.

  He mounted the stairs to her apartment and knocked hard on the door. It wasn’t until after his fist fell that he realized he’d used his police officer knock. A few doors poked open along the walkway, but no one dared to step out. The door in front of him whipped open and Angela’s wide eyes greeted him.

  “Ryan? What’s wrong?” Her voice wavered as if there wasn’t enough breath to support it.

  He thought about taking a deep breath, about making an effort to calm down and think through his next actions, but it was far too late for that.

  “Where is he? Is he here?” He brushed past her into the house without waiting for an invitation or an explanation.

  “What are you talking about?” Angela grabbed her skirt and bra from where she’d tossed them on the back of the couch the night before, discreetly placing them on the floor out of sight.

  Ryan spun around to face her, aware with every second that his anger built that he was far outside what he considered acceptable behavior. “I know he’s here. His car is in the parking lot. What, is he in the bedroom sleeping it off?” He started toward the bedroom door.

  “Wait just a minute!” Angela stepped in front of him and placed her hand on the center of his chest. “I can overlook you bursting in here, but you’re not about to go into my bedroom uninvited.”

  “Right, because he’s invited, but I’m not?” He grasped her hand and started to push it away from his chest, but the moment his skin touched hers, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to do anything to frighten her. He was sure she could feel the blows of his heart against his chest. “I want to know, is he in there?”

  She stared into his eyes. “Are you talking about Joey?”

  “Yes, I’m talking about Joey. Joey, who came home with you last night. Joey, who is probably climbing out your bedroom window right now, because he knows I’ll kill him.” He raised his voice toward the bedroom door.

  “Slow down, Ryan.” She drew his attention back to her with a soothing tone. “You’re completely off base here.”

  “Am I?” He continued to grasp her wrist, despite the fact that her fingertips stroked across the thin material of his t-shirt. “I know I’m supposed to be fine with all this. I’m supposed to just stand back and let Joey have his way with you. But I can’t. Not you.” He closed his eyes for a moment and grimaced before looking at her again. “I’m not going to back down. You deserve better than him. You deserve someone like—”

  “You?” She smiled a little.

  “Why are you smiling? Do you think this is some kind of joke?” He frowned. “You should want better than him.”

  “I do.” She studied him for a long moment.

  “What?”

  “I want someone better than him. Or at least, better for me than him. Joey’s not here, Ryan. He was never here.”

  “But his car—”

  “I drove it home last night after I dropped him off at his house. I didn’t want to risk leaving it there because I was afraid he might get it into his head to drive. He was very drunk.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Usually I watch him better than that. I was distracted.” He stared into her eyes.

  “I understand.” She looked at his hand on her wrist.

  Instantly he released it and took a step back. Shame rushed through him. “I don’t know what came over me.” He ran his hand back through his hair. “I shouldn’t have acted that way.”

  “Oh, I disagree.”

  “You do?” He shook his head. “I acted like an idiot.”

  “You acted like someone who cares about me and wants to stop me from making a very poor choice.” She raised an eyebrow. “I must say I’m touched.”

  “Really?”

  “Well, the way you knocked on the door did make me spill some of my coffee.” She pointed to the stain on her shirt.

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I don’t like this shirt much anyway. So, did you come over here just to check up on me or was there a purpose behind this visit?”

  He blinked and took a breath. Now that things had gone rather sideways, he wasn’t sure how to recover from it. Adrenaline still pumped through him as if he was in the ring.

  “I wanted to thank you for the gift basket—for the badge. It meant a lot to me.”

  “You’re welcome. I came across it on one of my treasure hunts, and I thought it belonged with someone who would value it, not in some pile of junk.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Is that all?”

  “No. That’s not all.” He narrowed his eyes. “I’m here for you.”

  “Well I appreciate that, but as you can see I’m fine.”

  “No, I mean I came here, for you.”

  “For me?” She stared at him.

  “I’m not going to let another day go by that I don’t say what I need to say to you. I’ve let too much time pass already. That first day we met, I should have made it clear to you that I was not going to walk away. Every day after that, I should have found a way to let you know that I wasn’t going to go away easily. And no, I never should have stood by and watched as you and Joey started something up. I bit my tongue because I thought that was what a respectful man would do. I thought I needed to let you make your choice as to what you wanted, but I can see now that I was wrong about that.”

  “Excuse me?” She raised her eyebrows. “You think I can’t make my own choices?”

  “I think that you can. You’re a very intelligent woman, but I think that you’re afraid. So, you need someone to offer a little help.”

  “Is that what this is? Your offer of a little help?”

  He cleared his throat. “It’s a bit outside of the norm for me, but great things only happen when you step outside the norm, right?”

  “I don’t know. I couldn’t possibly make that decision.”

  “Angie.”

  “What?”

  She smiled at him in a way that made his heart beat faster.

  “I’m not joking around here.” He took a step closer to her. “I know what I want and I know what you want, and if I need to be the one to make the decision for both of us, then that’s what I’ll do. I’m done being the nice guy that finishes last. I’m done watching a jerk like Joey put his hands on someone as precious and priceless as you.

  “I’m here now—for you.”

  Chapter 25

  Angela’s heart raced so fast that she was sure he could tell, although the way Ryan was looking at her made her think that he didn’t notice at all.

  The moment he’d burst through the door, all of her hesitation disappeared. Instead of being irritated at his presence, she was shocki
ngly embracing it. It had been so long since anyone had done anything to protect her, the thought of his being determined enough to get through to her meant a lot.

  Even so, the wave of desire that threatened to overwhelm her was stymied by the reminder that a relationship with Ryan would be very difficult for her.

  “It’s not that I’m not interested, Ryan, it’s just that we have to be realistic about this. We’re not a couple of kids in love. We both know where this scenario is going to lead. It just won’t work out.”

  She started to turn toward the door to open it for him, when he stepped in front of it to block her hand’s path to the doorknob.

  “No.”

  “No?” She looked into his eyes. “I don’t think it was a yes or no question.”

  “It is for me.” He rested a hand against the door, forcing it to remain shut. “I’m not walking out of here. Not like this.”

  “Ryan.” She looked down at her hands.

  “Don’t. Don’t tell me to be reasonable. This isn’t about reason.”

  “It is, though. Why would you want to waste your time with me?” She looked up again.

  The instant she met his eyes, his lips met hers. Her body slid back against the door with the force of his passion. It didn’t even occur to her not to kiss him back. It was the most natural thing in the world for her to kiss him, as if she’d been expecting it from the first moment she’d met him.

  When he broke away, his cheeks were flushed, but his eyes remained determined as they gazed into hers. “Now tell me that we’re talking about reason. Tell me that logic is more important than what we just felt. Tell me that you didn’t feel it too.”

  Even if she could speak, she wouldn’t have. She was too lost in his eyes to form a single word. The memory of his kiss inspired a constant flutter in her heart that left her just a little dizzy. Instead of answering, she leaned close and brushed her lips against his. A soft, light kiss transformed quickly into a frenzy of desire that ended with her pinned against the door again.

  He drew back from her again.

  She tried to catch her breath as she slid out from between him and the door. “Not so fast.”

  He caught her by the waist and pulled her close to him. “I know. You don’t have to answer me. I know.” He kissed her forehead.

  “It doesn’t change anything.” She shook her head but didn’t resist the firm grasp of his hand on her lower back.

  “It changes everything.” His voice grew deeper as he brushed his lips along the curve of her cheek. “It’s all that matters.”

  “Ryan, please don’t.” She closed her eyes. “This isn’t easy for me either, you know.”

  “Why not?” He stroked a fingertip along her chin. “If it isn’t easy, if you feel the same way I do, then how are you able to resist? How can you be so much stronger than me?”

  “It’s not strength.” She took a deep breath and opened her eyes again. “Ryan. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m willing to take the risk.”

  “It just won’t work.”

  “You owe me a chance.” He locked eyes with her. “How can I ever prove you wrong if you won’t even let me take you to dinner?”

  “We tried that once already, remember?”

  “And I want to try again. I don’t want to see you with another man. I don’t want to see you walk away from the most powerful thing that I’ve ever experienced. It isn’t just you that you’re denying this opportunity, it’s me. I get a say, don’t I?”

  “I’m not sure it works that way.” She gazed at him, wanting to feel his lips on hers again. That was really all she wanted.

  “I am. I’ve tried being patient. I’ve tried looking the other way. I can’t do either any more. Meet me for dinner tonight—a real date.”

  “One dinner.”

  “It’s a start.” He brushed his hand through her hair, drawing it back over her shoulder. “I’m not going to pretend any more, Angela. I hope that you’ll do the same.” He leaned close to her, but she ducked out of the way before he could kiss her again.

  “I’ll see you tonight.”

  He looked into her eyes for a long moment. “Are you going to show up?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  “Do I need to come and get you?”

  “I’ll be there.” She laughed.

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise.”

  He stared into her eyes again, then nodded. “See you tonight.”

  The moment he was out the door, Angela collapsed onto the couch. It was hard for her to piece together what had just happened.

  There was only one thing that she knew for sure. She had to talk to Sasha. Sasha would help her to put everything into perspective.

  Chapter 26

  During the drive home, Ryan’s regrets began to filter through his adrenaline. Had he pushed her too far? Would she bother to show up? As confident as he wanted to be, the question remained. Would Angela be able to see past the fact that he was a cop?

  He was determined to find out exactly why she had such a problem with police in the first place. At dinner that night he hoped to get to the bottom of it. There was no question in his mind that he would do anything to make things work between them, but everything wouldn’t be enough, if she didn’t want to try too.

  He parked outside of his apartment and closed his eyes as he recalled the sensation of her lips on his. The way she’d kissed him said more than she could ever vocalize. She felt the same way he did—he was sure of it—but that didn’t mean she would act on it.

  He decided to take a trip to the gym to take the edge off the frustration he’d been experiencing all morning.

  When he arrived at the gym he found that it was empty. That didn’t surprise him since it was early in the day. He ignored the ring and headed for the punching bag instead. It felt good to relax a little and let his fists fly.

  At work he was always so controlled, careful not to let his emotions dictate his physical actions. He hadn’t realized how much that bled into his daily life, as he remained very much in control all the time. Emotions brewed within him, but rarely overtook him.

  That morning had been different. He thought he’d regret losing control, but he didn’t. He felt more alive than he had in years. He felt as if he could take what he wanted, instead of patiently waiting for his turn.

  As his fists slammed into the heavy bag, the sound his knuckles made when they struck the canvas material seemed to mimic the beat of his heart. He had to make up for lost time with Angela. He needed to make sure she knew that she was his priority.

  His mind flickered back to the nights when he’d arrived home late from work to a cold dinner and an angry fiancée.

  You couldn’t have called?

  Sorry, I didn’t have a minute. Work was crazy tonight.

  I’d think you could at least send me a text.

  Sorry. Babe, I just get so caught up when I’m at work.

  His heart lurched as he slammed his fists forward. He’d spent years thinking about how those nights must have made her feel. Always the job first. At the time, he thought it made sense. He wasn’t just flipping burgers or signing checks, he was protecting the community. What could be more important than that? He didn’t understand then that no matter how many people he protected or helped during the day, that didn’t compare to the one person he’d promised to protect at home—or the fact that she was left feeling neglected and forgotten.

  After their breakup, he’d realized the huge mistake he’d made. That was when he’d shifted into believing that he wasn’t capable of a relationship—when she’d moved on from him, unwilling to give him another chance when he’d begged her for one. His confidence, his certainty that he could accomplish anything in life, had faded.

  Now, as he prepared to embark on a new relationship with Angela, he knew that he would have to do everything in his power to prevent that same scenario from playing out again. How he
could do that, he wasn’t sure. But he wanted to try.

  By the time he finished punching the bag, his entire body was covered in sweat.

  He headed to the shower to rinse off. On his way out of it, he heard a familiar voice.

  “I thought I’d find you here.”

  “Joey? What are you doing here?”

  “She broke up with me, you know.”

  “Angela?”

  “Yeah. I told her I wanted some action and she blew me off.”

  “Okay.” Ryan watched him as he pulled on his shirt. “So, why are you here?”

  “I know you were at her apartment this morning. I had someone drop me off so I could get my car.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh is right. Were you with her the whole time? Is that why she wouldn’t do anything with me? Because she was going home to you?”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “It isn’t? Because I asked you if you were okay with things before I went for it. You didn’t extend me the same courtesy.”

  “That’s not the same thing. Angela doesn’t matter to you.”

  “How do you know if she matters to me?”

  “No one matters to you.”

  “Maybe she was different.”

  “She is different. For me. I’m sorry, Joey, but there’s no chance I’m backing off. I never should have told you I was okay with it in the first place.”

  “You’re right. The two of you made a fool of me.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Right. You tell me what it’s like.”

  “I wasn’t with her. I kept my distance. This morning, that changed.”

  “Well, next time you decide to swoop in with your big hero badge, maybe you could warn me.”

  “Wait. Did she tell you anything about that?”

  “About what?”

  “About why she doesn’t like cops?”

  “She mentioned something about an incident in college. I wasn’t that interested, to be honest.”