by C. Luca
I, on the other hand, haven’t been able to fully unwind, but I’ve been careful not to show it.
After turning on the shower, I begin to undress as my eyes snag on my reflection in the mirror. My hair just barely reaches my shoulders, and I’d been dying it a dark burgundy for the past year in order to help hide my identity. In the reflection, dark blue eyes rather than golden hazel ones gaze back at me.
It’s been strange pretending to be someone else for so long, and now that I’m back in Chicago, I can’t wait to return to my original hair color. I’d also like to switch my simple hairstyle to something fun, but I haven’t wanted Nikolai to find out that I’m here, so I’ve been holding off on reverting back to my natural looks.
There won’t be any confrontations until I’m fully prepared, so the last thing I need is to accidentally be seen by the wrong person.
Turning away from the mirror, I push aside the shower curtain and step into the bathtub. The water feels good as it sluices down my body and washes away the day’s grime.
I need to talk to Ava about Nikolai.
The situation calls for me to prepare her in some way, but it’s been tough trying to figure out how much she should know. It’s not fair to leave her completely in the dark. Plus, there’s always the chance she might have some run-ins with him if he should search me out in public, or even here.
Though if he does come here, he’ll have to have a security card just to get inside the building. I’d also noted surveillance cameras positioned in every hallway and inside the elevator. Nothing is going to happen here without someone seeing it. So if Nikolai should want to see me, he’ll have to do it the right way.
Trying to find the best time to approach Ava has also been challenging thanks to my jobs. I’m rarely at the apartment, and when I do have my days off, Ava’s sleeping or working.
I need to speak to her soon.
It’s been over two weeks since we’d stepped off the bus in Chicago, and it’s nearly time to confront Nikolai. The longer I put it off, the edgier I feel. It’d be nice to have the initial confrontation over with so the mystery of how he’ll react will be behind me. Then, I’ll be able to plan my days according to his reaction or if I feel I might be in real danger.
After showering, I step out of the bathtub and reach for a fresh towel from the rack on the wall, wrapping it around myself. Still dripping water, I turn and open the door to the small closet located behind the bathroom door. I need a second towel for my hair. We’ve only been here for a short amount of time, so the closet is mostly empty but for towels and personal hygiene products.
I move back in front of the mirror and use the towel to dry my hair. After setting the towel aside a minute later, I briefly run a hairbrush throughout the damp strands before putting the brush away.
As I dry myself off, my eyes roam the small bathroom. The cream-colored walls are still bare, but they won’t be for long. Ava’s been focused on wanting to decorate the apartment. She believes it isn’t really ours until our personalities are reflected throughout it. So far, she’s focusing on the living room and kitchen first.
Keeping the damp towel wrapped around my body, I walk down the hall and enter the bedroom on the left. Ava’s is directly across from mine. The apartment is pretty small but much nicer than the places I’ve rented in the past.
The beige carpet beneath my feet feels soft, and I walk to the closet and open the brown, bifold doors. I haven’t had much chance to increase my wardrobe, so all I have are the outfits that could fit inside my two bags. The handful of shirts, few pairs of jeans, and two pairs of leggings look pathetic hanging in such a large, open space, but I just haven’t had the extra money to spend on nicer things.
That will come with time.
After choosing black leggings and a tee, I toss them on the mattress positioned on top of the carpet. Both Ava and I had bought mattresses our third day here. It had been quite interesting hauling them up to our sixth-floor apartment, but we’d needed something to sleep on. Eventually, we’ll buy more furniture.
I walk over to one of the bags situated on the floor against a wall, and I pull out the last fresh pair of panties I have.
Darn it.
I hadn’t realized I was getting so low. My eyes shift to the small pile of clothing in the corner of the room, and I sigh. I should have known though by the growing pile. Thankfully, the building has a laundry room in the basement.
Once I’m dressed and comfortable, I take one more dismissive look around the bare, white walls. Unlike Ava, I don’t feel the need to decorate my surroundings, because this will never be a real home. I don’t want to waste money on frivolous things until I’m finally where I want to be, and that’s the place that I’ll want to settle down permanently.
Feeling restless and not ready to sleep yet, I leave the bedroom and stroll down the hall and back into the living room.
Our ‘sofa’ is actually a cheap futon Ava had found at a ‘rent to own’ store that she’d come across while I was working my day job last week. I sit down, and the futon’s hinges squeak slightly. Once we have a real sofa, Ava said she’ll use the futon as her bed in her room, and I can use her mattress as a sort of box spring.
My eyes roam around the mostly empty living room and kitchen. We don’t have a TV or even a kitchen table. The kitchen is equipped with a counter that separates the kitchen from the dining room, so we usually just lean against it and eat our meals.
Both rooms are neutral as such is with most apartment rentals. All the rooms have pale white or tan walls, and beige carpet. The kitchen has dark brown linoleum, and all the appliances are white and shiny. The cupboards are made of warm wood while the counter tops are a pale tan.
The only items that give the place a sense of ‘lived in’ is the wooden shelf with the key hooks that Ava had bought, the futon, and the red floral canvas print that I’d found on the living room wall the other night.
Entering the apartment has become amusing, because I never know what I’m going to find. Every day, I find something new, and I’m fine with that. I’m not even sure what my own preferences are, so if Ava wants to decorate the place, I’m not going to deny her that.
I crane my neck and glance at the small numbers on the microwave in the kitchen.
Dang, it’s late.
If I don’t go to bed soon, I’m going to be a zombie tomorrow at the distribution center. Though to be honest, sorting mail isn’t really all that difficult. Still, I’d prefer not be dozing on my feet tomorrow morning.
Just as I’m about to head to bed, I hear Ava’s keys in the door’s locks. A second later, the door swings open and she steps inside, relocking the door behind her.
Her long, blonde hair is pulled up into her usual sloppy ponytail that always looks perfectly mussed. She’s wearing a white puffer jacket, sweats tucked into snow boots, and a big bag which is slung over her shoulder containing her night’s costumes.
She sets her keys on the hook and turns around, looking surprised when she sees me. “Were you waiting up for me?” she asks, setting the bag on the floor.
“Not really,” I say truthfully, “but there is something I’ve been wanting to discuss with you.”
“Give me a minute.” She slips off her boots and then goes to the kitchen, pulling out a Styrofoam cup from one of the cupboards and filling it with water. She then walks over and settles onto the other end of the futon. Her blue eyes are clear and alert as she sips the water, patiently waiting.
Ava doesn’t drink alcohol. Ever.
I’m not sure why, but I haven’t been nosy enough to ask.
“You know how you assumed that it’s a guy that has kept me from dating others?” I ask lightly. Now that the conversation has begun, I shift and draw my feet up, tucking them under me as I settle more comfortably on the cushions.
She nods.
“You were right,” I confirm. “He’s the unfinished business I came back to Chicago for.”
“I kind of already assume
d,” she says with a knowing smile.
Well, here goes. “We parted ways on bad terms,” I carefully reveal.
Ava’s smile fades, and her eyes search mine as concern seeps into them. “How bad, Leah?” she asks, using the name I’d gone by for the past fourteen months.
There’s so much Ava doesn’t know, and I feel bad keeping a lot of it from her, but it has to be this way. “It wasn’t like your situation,” I assure, knowing she’s likely jumping to the conclusion that I might have gone through what she had with Rob.
She looks at me questioningly, silently urging me to fill her in.
“It’s complicated,” I say gently.
She purses her lips and nods, not looking upset but a little lost. “Okay.”
As I gaze at her, I wonder how to explain that I may have put her in danger by allowing her to come with me? She’d been so excited to make a new life for herself, and the last thing I want to do is ruin that for her.
Ava’s blue eyes sharpen. “What aren’t you telling me?” Ava may be a bubbly spirted woman, but she’s also quite intelligent.
“He’s dangerous, Ava,” I reluctantly confess.
She studies me. “How dangerous?”
“The kind of dangerous that you’d be wise to avoid if you ever meet him,” I say tactfully.
Ava leans down and sets her cup of water on the carpet. Then, she turns and fully faces me as she gazes at me expectantly without judgement. “What have you gotten yourself into?”
“Nothing,” I promise. “I’m not getting back into pickpocketing or anything illegal. But I also can’t stop thinking about him, and not everything he does is legal,” I say lightly.
“Could he take you down with him?” she asks with perceptive eyes.
“He could,” I say softly.
Ava sighs. “Oh Leah, are you certain he’s worth it?”
“I thought I could move on from him, but I can’t. I need to see this through.”
“What if he’s found someone else?”
I doubt that. “Then that’s all the closure I’ll need.”
She takes a moment to think and then asks, “What makes you think I might run into him?”
“If we try to sort things out, it’ll be on my terms, not his. There’s a chance you might see him around, because I’m staying away from the places he frequents.” Hell would have to freeze over before I ever step foot on the estate where I’d been held against my will.
Ava’s head tilts, her eyes becoming curious. “What’s he like?”
“He’s the silent type,” I say tactfully. Literally, I can’t help but think to myself.
Her expression turns suspicious. “Is he controlling?”
I’m quite certain he’s going to try, because it’s definitely in his nature. “I can handle him,” I tell Ava.
Her eyebrows pucker. “Leah, he sounds like Rob.”
“He’s never hit me, Ava. I swear.”
“But he’s also not your average guy if you’re warning me away from him,” she points out.
“He’s certainly not average,” I say dryly before I sober and reach out, touching her wrist. “If you don’t feel safe here, I understand if you’d like to find a new roommate.”
Her eyes widen, and she grips my hand, squeezing it gently. “Don’t even suggest that! I’m not going anywhere.”
A sense of relief sweeps throughout me. I really enjoy Ava’s company and would hate to part ways with her. “I’m glad,” I say with a smile.
Her expression turns determined. “If your mystery man gives off vibes that he could and would hurt you, we’re hauling our asses out of Chicago. I will drag you by the hair if I have to,” she threatens.
My smile widens into a full-fledged grin. “I would expect nothing less.”
The unwavering protectiveness fades as her usual sweetness returns. “I’ve got your back, Leah,” she says sincerely.
“And I’ve got yours.”
* * *
I wake with a start, covered in a layer of sweat as my heart pounds out of control. At first, I think I’m back in the cage until I come to my senses and feel my body stretched out upon the mattress—the sheets tangled around my legs.
My eyes fly open, and I flinch from the brightness of the overhead light.
I still can’t sleep in the dark.
As I roll over onto my side, closing my eyes against the blinding light, I once more remind myself that I need to buy a nightlight or a lamp. The nightlight I’d brought with me from Seattle had somehow broken on the way here to Chicago.
Carefully, I crack my eyes and allow the light to penetrate them one miniscule crack at a time. The window across the room comes into focus, and the streetlights from the streets below are shining into the room since I’d left the blinds open.
The sight comforts and reminds me of where I am.
Once my heart has calmed, and the dream begins to fade, I lift my left wrist and glance at my watch.
I’ve only been sleeping for an hour.
Tomorrow is going to be a shit day if I don’t get more sleep. I need to be to work by eight. However, I know it’ll be a while before my mind relaxes enough to allow me to fall back to sleep.
So naturally, my thoughts shift to my earlier conversation with Ava. Am I being selfish by keeping her around? I really should have put distance between us, but we’ve become so tight. There’s a growing bond and a sense of trust between us. I’ve never had a real friend before, and our friendship is too precious to turn my back on.
But so help me, if Nikolai threatens her in any way, I’ll kill him myself.
FOUR
Blakely
I’m on edge.
Today’s the day I’m going to see Nikolai, and the decision has me quite distracted as I try to focus on sorting mail.
I work in a large, open room that consists of many little cubicles. The cubicle I work in is pretty small with no chair to sit in. I stand my entire shift as I sort odd-sized mail by hand. Usually, these are items that the other workers haven’t been able to sort, because they don’t fit their specific criteria. These items then come to me in large bins on wheels, and I spend hours sorting them into smaller bins before they’re taken to their next destination.
As I work, my mind continues to focus on Nikolai.
I’ve taken a few risks by lingering in a little café across the street from the high-rise building that he frequents. It appears that he stops in twice a week, probably to keep up appearances so that there’s no suspicion over his illegal activities.
Much to my relief, I’d spied Jonah with him.
The fact that he’s alive has helped ease some of the tension I’ve carried with me for weeks. When I’d escaped the basement last year, I’d never wanted to seriously harm him, so it’s good to see him healthy.
While my thoughts run rampant in my mind, I sort through the mail without much interest.
Am I making a mistake?
Once Nikolai knows I’m here, there’s no going back.
Anyone who knows of my complicated history with Nikolai would think I’m crazy for returning. I just hope that I’ve accurately assessed that Nikolai is a fair man. There’s so much uncertainty inside me now that the day has arrived.
I don’t have to do this.
Sadly, I want to.
Again, I feel a sense of exasperation over my need to search him out. The only excuse I have is that I’m not normal—at least not like other people. I’m perfectly aware that I’ve always been different thanks to my unethical upbringing, but this thing with Nikolai has really brought to my attention that everything I thought I was, I’m not.
So who am I really?
* * *
The moment has arrived, and I stand on the sidewalk, frozen in place—which is quite easy considering it’s cold as hell outside. Meanwhile, apprehension has twisted my insides into tiny little knots.
I draw in a deep breath, and you can see the condensation near my lips as I exhale. In a few minutes, N
ikolai will be exiting the building, and he’ll see me here—waiting.
As a shiver sweeps over me, not just from the cold, I hug my handbag closer to my chest. A sense of confidence begins to make itself known as I think of the stun gun hidden inside it. Considering I’m dealing with Nikolai, I should have really bought a gun—but bullets are permanent, and I’m not out to kill anyone. It was bad enough living for a year with the guilt of possibly taking Jonah’s life. I never want to go through that again. All I need is to incapacitate, not truly harm.
There’s a very real chance that Nikolai will send someone after me to drag me back to that dreaded basement. I’m not going to allow that to happen, which is why I want to remain in sight of the public.
Though it will be getting dark soon, and that’s unfortunate. I didn’t know when else to approach him though, and I will never step foot on his estate. The basement will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.
I’m torn from my thoughts the moment I see Nikolai and Jonah exiting the building through the revolving glass doors. As I take in the sight of the man that has been haunting my dreams for the past year, my heart begins to thunder inside my chest as my breathing abruptly comes to a halt.
Nikolai hasn’t changed a bit since the last time I saw him. His dark hair is still cut in the mussed style that looks so damn good on him. Meanwhile, features that smooth into a hard, masculine face that can make women do a double take, are relaxed into his familiar stoic expression.
His tall, muscular body looks to be outfitted in one of his designer business suits while a black, double-breasted overcoat keeps him warm from the chilly air.
As I suck in a much-needed breath as my lungs expand within my chest, I know I only have a brief moment to decide if I’m certain I want this. He hasn’t seen me yet, so I could just as easily turn around and walk away, fading into the crowd.