by Flite, Nora
Kait's full kissable lips became a humorless thin line as she raised her eyebrows to the joke and resumed playing and encouraging the kids. Funny wasn't going to work when she was so obviously hurt by me disappearing again.
Hadn't she talked to Brendan? Didn't she know what happened?
I cleared half the play surface in a series of short jumps, kids were everywhere and I didn't want to accidentally hurt one.
“I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. After I dropped you off—” I stopped. No, of course he wouldn't tell her the whole story. If he was trying to make me out to be the villain he thought I was, he'd probably leave out a few minor details. Like all of it. “I wrecked my bike and destroyed my phone on the way back to the motel.”
That revelation drew a concerned look from Kait as her eyes flashed over me to see if I was hurt. She touched the side of my face right below the still faintly visible pistol barrel burn. The ice in her voice melted, but only for a moment. “Are you okay?”
The emotional walls came back up almost immediately as she tentatively pulled her hand away from my face. I hated that sad look in her eyes. It was the look that told her not to get invested.
He's only going to hurt you again.
It was true. I fucking had hurt her again, even if it wasn't my fault. It didn't matter. The effect was still the same. I felt like the world's biggest asshole. Why did I always hurt the ones I cared the most about?
“What happened?” Kait asked, putting a little more distance between us.
“I'm alright. The bike's seen better days.” Another joke that fell flat. “It was just an accident. I got it safe to ride again though. Can I take you out?”
“I don't know.” She wouldn't look me in the eyes. I could feel her drifting away from me. It was horrible. “Everything is crazy right now.”
“I'm still here.” I bounced closer to her, I couldn't let her wall me out. Not when we were so close to having something actually meaningful. “I'm not going anywhere. I didn't break that promise. Don't push me away, please.” I took her hand in mine. “At least not until you know everything about me and about what happened.”
We were toward the back enough that we didn't have to shout over the noise. It still should've felt ridiculous to have this conversation in a trampoline fun house, but I pushed all that away. I was fixated on only Kait, trying to carefully read the emotions that she attempted to bury.
She was my whole world.
That was probably why I didn't see the foam ball until it bounced off the side of my face.
“I got your boyfriend, Miss Kait!” A little girl across the painted line shouted, and all the other kids on her team laughed.
It took a full beat for either of us to realize what had happened. Kait's solemn expression cracked as she failed to stifle a small laugh.
“I guess I'm out.” I frowned, looking playfully defeated. I paused a moment, my frown shifting into a smile. “Your girl has a mean arm.”
“Ashley isn't to be trifled with.” Kait shook her head. But far too soon I saw her good humor wane. It wasn't working. I couldn't break through all that pain. When Kait fully cut someone out of her life she never let them back in. It scared me.
“Okay.” I nodded and began to leave. I wanted to stay, but there was nothing else I could do. I said my piece, it was up to her now. I couldn't force her to do anything. This had nothing to do with her brother at this point. The only way I was going to see her again is if she wanted me to.
“One month,” her words stopped me between bounces.
I just barely ducked another ball by Ashley. I shot the girl a stern look that turned into waving hands and a playful tongue-out raspberry.
“Brendan and Mariela go on their honeymoon in a month,” Kait swallowed, found her resolve and continued. “We can get together then.”
I nodded, making my way to the stairs by the edge of the play area so I wouldn't provoke another vicious dodge ball attack. It took some effort to keep my smile from swallowing my face.
“I should have a new phone soon. Same number. Text me yours again in a few days.”
Kait nodded in agreement.
“Hey, Ashley,” I called out to the little girl as I made my way off the trampolines. “Nice throw. Next time I'm on your team.”
That round of play ended while I was lacing up my boots. I sat on the other side of the raised play area, but was still close enough to hear Kait wrangle the kids and set up the next game.
“I like him.” The little girl's voice poked through the din of chaos and music.
“He's not my boyfriend, Ashley.”
“I still like him.”
Chapter 11
Kait
I placed the phone on the porcelain counter. It was still warm from my conversation with Mal. He had just gotten out of work and was on his way over for our date. An actual date! I was giddy.
Or I would have been if I didn't feel like throwing up. I thought it was nerves, but I felt nauseous all day. Was my body trying to sabotage me?
“OK, Google.” I said to my phone, which lit to let me know that it was listening.
Maybe I had a cold? That would make sense, I did work with children. I thought about this past fall when Jonathan sneezed directly into my face. I loved the filthy little monsters, but they weren’t the best at personal space and boundaries, and one of them always tended to be ill.
I rattled off my symptoms as I uncorked a bottle of Pepto and took a long swig. Mal and I had been planning this date for a month now and I was determined not to reschedule. We had such a short window of time before Brendan and Mariela came back. Mal told me that he had every detail of tonight planned out, not that he would tell me—
'Early signs of pregnancy include,' read the bold black letters on my phone's screen
I choked on the text and spat the pink bismuth liquid against the mirror. My nose painfully tingled from the medicine that was caught in my sinus cavity.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. I felt frantic.
No, that's crazy. I couldn't be pregnant, Mal wore a condom! He also was the only person I had had sex with... in far too long. That didn't do great things for my self-esteem. I hadn't even slept with my last boyfriend and that was almost a year ago.
I thought about my symptoms and realized that I hadn't had my period yet. Another wave of nausea cramped my stomach, it was nearly seven in the evening. Morning sickness was, well, a morning thing, wasn't it? I checked my phone. 'Some women get it all day, sometimes even all throughout the pregnancy'.
Joy.
I sat on the closed toilet and texted my friend Lisa, Mariela's coworker at the hospital, and asked her to discretely make me an appointment. I would pick up some of the at-home pregnancy tests tomorrow morning and see for myself, but just in case they came up positive I had to know for sure as soon as possible. Worry set in. What if it was true?
What if I was pregnant?
Over this past month, Mal and I talked constantly and everything was going great. Our relationship, if you could call it that yet, was so new. Should I tell him? My stomach sank as the dark thoughts filtered in. What if he runs away? Mal seemed serious about wanting to stay, but this was a big deal. The biggest of all the deals!
I loved children and always wanted my own someday, but I had no idea how he felt. We hadn't talked about kids yet, we were just getting to know each other again.
“Oh no...” I sighed, burying my face in my hands. This could ruin everything. Why was this so hard! It felt like everything and everyone was trying to keep us apart.
There was a rapping at the door.
I snapped my head up. Was he here already? I took another swig of the pink liquid, hastily cleaned the mirror off and left the bathroom. I stopped, leaned back in and rechecked my hair and makeup, then rushed for the front door.
Not even the sense of dread could stem my excitement at seeing Mal in person again. Was it crazy that he still had such a hold on me? Every time I thought
about Mal's long lashes and intense brown eyes it made my head swim.
“Hey, Ness.” Mal was leaning against the threshold frame with an easy smile when I opened the door. He had his leather riding jacket in one hand, draped over his shoulder. Mal's dark cocoa-colored eyes held mine, the stare made my knees want to buckle.
He wore nice jeans that were loose enough to move easily, but were also form-fitting. They hugged his muscled legs and seemed to enhance the bulge of his cock. He also had on a black button-down shirt that was pulled taut against his hard pecks and had the sleeves rolled up to showcase his corded forearms.
“Hi.” My mouth went dry and my lips parted as if remembering how to smile again. I struggled desperately to keep my eyes from flashing down and feasting on the outline of his cock.
Would it be like this every time I saw him?
“I got you something.” Mal's full lips peaked at the corner, revealing a hint of teasing teeth. Teeth that I had felt drag across my inner thigh not too long ago. When he pulled his hand out from behind his back, it held flowers.
“They're gorgeous.” I marveled at the variety. There were purple crocuses, blue hyacinths, pink and white roses and red tulips, which were my favorite. Where had he— Then I noticed that they were wrapped in dirt stained paper towels. I laughed. “Did you tear these out of someones yard?”
“Not all of them. I did buy the roses.” His mischievous smile filled me with a buttery warmth. “But I thought you'd like these too. You ready to go?”
The urge to kiss him coursed through me with an electrostatic jolt. I felt all of this the last time I saw him at Bounce too. Even though I was so angry and hurt at his sudden disappearance, I still yearned for his touch.
I gingerly took the flowers then felt a different kind of jolt. I frowned at the uncomfortable stab in my stomach followed and the wave of nausea that followed.
“You're not feeling well, are you?” He must've seen it on my face, because his sexy playfulness evaporated.
The timing of all this was terrible! I hadn't been on a real date in forever and wanted nothing more than to find out whatever mysteries he had planned. Tonight was quickly turning into a disaster.
I shook my head guiltily. “I think it might be a touch of food poisoning.” I lied. “You want to reschedule?”
“I have a better idea,” he said, his eyes searching me. It wasn't the lusty gaze I'd seen in him before, this one was more concerned. Mal tossed his leather jacket on a nearby chair and took a few steps into the house. “How 'bout you let me take care of you instead? We'll do the full date another night when you're feeling better.”
I tried to talk him out of it, but he wasn't having any of it. I hadn't tried very hard to dissuade him. It really would be nice to have the company. I hadn't realized how lonely it would be in the house with my brother and his wife out of town.
Mal led me to the living room, commenting on how little had changed in the house since he'd stayed here. I hadn't really noticed that before. We updated the TV and a few other things but stylistically not much changed since Dad died.
Mal surveyed the kitchen and found me some plain salted crackers to snack on, while he made an impromptu dinner out of whatever I had on hand. The crackers and the medicine I’d taken earlier seemed to help. He told me to find a movie we could watch.
Netflix and chill? The idea of putting something on and fooling around made my chest flush. As much as I wanted to, my body was intent on betraying me. I'd only spent real time with Mal once since he'd come back, the night by the reservoir, and that had been brimming with sexual energy.
Maybe it was the crush I'd harbored for years or the fact that we had the most spectacular sex of my life, but I was too into Mal for my own good. It had only taken a few words from him in the past to rile my emotions and light a fire in my abdomen. I honestly didn't know if we could come this close and not rip each-others clothes off.
Was that all this was, just lust and sex? Wouldn't that fade after a while? Before we started hanging out when we were younger, Mal was never a strings attached kind of guy. I heard about him laying most of the girls in his grade. How could I really be so certain that he wasn't like that anymore?
Worry filled me again. If I actually was pregnant wouldn't that kind of commitment mean death for a free spirit like him? The sex and the steamy phone calls we shared were amazing but that wasn't all I wanted. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't hope for more with him.
Was that really fair to Mal? I don't know what he expected by coming back to Springfield, but I knew that it wasn't to be a father after a one-night stand. If there really was a baby growing inside me I was going to keep it. No part of me could ever give something like that up, even if that meant losing the man I’d always loved.
“What'd you come up with? Anything good?” Mal set down a steaming bowl of mushroom soup and some brown rice for me on the coffee table.
He had taken his over shirt off to cook and now only had a tightly clinging tank top on. I fought the urge to gawk at his muscles that seemed to overflow from the knitted cotton fabric. Why did he have to always look so damn good? I spent an hour getting ready before I felt sick, and all it took for him was to wear less clothing.
“Uh, still looking.” I had been so lost in thought that I had barely even started trying to find anything. I peered over the couch and watched him stroll back into the kitchen like I used to do when he lived with us, back when he was forbidden fruit.
“I can see you checking my ass out in the mirror.” Mal's voice rang out with all the smugness in the world.
“I thought I heard you drop something,” I lied, swinging back around and sinking as low into the couch as I could. My heart was racing at being caught and my chest and face lit up like a Christmas tree.
“You are so full of shit, Nessy.” Mal sat down next to me, placing his food on the coffee table. “You used to do the same exact thing when we were kids.”
“What? No, I didn't!” I totally did. I leaned backward away from him and pulled one of the throw pillows over my chest and mouth. It did little to hide my guilty smile. How did he possibly know that?
“Neither that couch, nor that mirror have moved in the last decade. I just never called you out on it before.” Mal cocked his head and raised thick eyebrows in a knowing gesture. He put an arm to either side of my retreating thighs and hovered over me. “Why did you think I was always forgetting something in the kitchen when we watched TV or played video games together?”
I sighed, covering my eyes and the redness that radiated off me. I was so caught.
“It's okay.” Mal pulled one of my hands away. “I liked the way you looked at me.”
My eyes followed a few strands of his hair, past where they met his long dark lashes, to eventually be snared by his piercing gaze. He hung there with only a few breaths-worth of space between us. I wondered if he'd kiss me, I hoped he would.
Mal didn't lower himself and take whatever it was that he wanted, he just studied me instead. His deep brown eyes seemed to trace my eyes, mouth and other facial features. I should have felt insecure under such intense scrutiny, but it didn't feel invasive or clinical.
His eyes held something else entirely.
“What is it?” I finally summoned the courage to ask, then stupidly diluted the question with a joke. “I can't already have soup on my face.”
I hated doing that. Was I so afraid of being truly noticed that I had to dissolve or downplay all the attention I received. It was a bad habit that plagued me since forever.
“I just don't get the chance to look at you enough.” His words, his silky tone, Mal was confidence incarnate. He could have had me in any way he wanted at that moment, he made my body feel like melted chocolate.
“Why were you sad during the ceremony?” Mal asked, instead of crushing me in a kiss that would've ruined me.
He saw that I was sad from the back of a church when not even my own family, a few feet away, noticed! How? Who was I kidding?
I didn't think about Mal all the time just because he was handsome.
Although fantasies of him coming into my room and tearing my clothes off definitely kept me warm on cold nights, I had fallen so hard for him because I always felt he knew me. The real me. The me I spent so much time trying to hide.
So what did I say to those eyes that beckoned me to fall in and get lost?
I could've told him that I felt like my chances at marriage were slipping away. I saw how happy my brother and his fiancé were and I felt the claustrophobic despair of never getting that for myself.
I wanted to tell him that I was scared of being alone and that I might be carrying his child. Every atom in my body screamed for me to open up and spill my guts, to tell him all my hopes, fears, and worries. I wanted to tell him that I love him.
“Our soup is getting cold.” I replied, glancing away.
But if he knew the truth I might lose him.
Chapter 12
Mal
The call came in only four minutes ago and the fire truck was already hauling ass out of the station. The fact that I wasn't on it really pissed me off.
This call was for a massive five-alarm blaze in the industrial district, several fire companies in the surrounding towns were called in to help.
It was the perfect opportunity for me to take my mind off of Kait.
Unfortunately for me, I hadn't finished training yet so I was forced to stay back at the firehouse. I left the main doors opens for airflow and stalked over to the heavy bags to relieve some of my pent up frustration.
I had taken Kait out on a few more dates since that first night on the couch. We'd gone to a few of our old haunts as kids, some restaurants we liked as kids and a few of her newer favorites as well. I took her to the butterfly exhibit and a local concert. Everything with her felt right, except for one thing.
Something big was bothering her and she wouldn't let me know what it was.