by Tony Abbott
“That’s because it’s dark inside your shoe, and your foot thought it was bedtime,” said Brian.
“That’s it!” Mrs. Rinkle said. “Now, gather around. Today we’ll rehearse the act two play. It’s called Mr. Bat’s Birthday Rescue. Each of you has a role based on his or her talent. Violet, would you please pass out the scripts so everyone can see his or her part?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Violet said, and she passed out the scripts so we could read our names.
Tiffany – Miss Zebra
Kelly – Miss River Fairy
Violet – Miss Giraffe
Brian – Mr. Bat
Billy – Mr. Monkey
Joey – Mr. Wood Elf
Mara – Miss Tree
Jeff – Mr. Panda
“Now, let’s get measured for costumes,” Mrs. Rinkle said as she led us all into the costume room. “Tiffany has agreed to make all your animal suits for the show,” she said.
Tiffany beamed. “I have my own sewing machine and everything.”
She passed around a tape measure and took down the measurements on a piece of yellow paper on a clipboard.
We measured our arms and legs.
We measured our hands and feet.
We measured our waists and heads.
“I win!” said Brian. “My head is the biggest.”
“I could have told you that,” I said.
“Unless you count my hair,” said Kelly, fluffing her big curls.
“That would take too long,” said Mara. “Did you know the human head contains an average of 120,000 hairs?”
“Maybe that’s true,” said Kelly, “but there’s nothing average about Goofballs, so I probably have more.”
When we finished measuring, Mrs. Rinkle said, “Tiffany, can you sew all the costumes by the end of the week?”
“Of course I can,” Tiffany said.
“Good,” Mrs. Rinkle said. “We’ll try on our costumes this Friday and have our dress rehearsal next Thursday.”
“Dress rehearsal?” said Brian. “Boys don’t wear dresses. Is there a pants rehearsal, too?”
Mrs. Rinkle shook with laughter as she led us back to the stage. “A dress rehearsal is what we call our first rehearsal when we dress up in our costumes. Now let’s read our play!”
But the instant we opened our scripts, Billy started to blink, then groan, then wobble.
“I can’t go on!” he said.
“The show always goes on,” said Mrs. Rinkle. “Billy, what’s the matter?”
“I’m Mr. Monkey, and Mr. Monkey has too many words!” Billy said. “Listen to them all.”
Dear Mr. Bat. Do not be afraid. All your friends have come to rescue you. I will climb the tree. Then I will tame the wild snake so you won’t be scared. Then we’ll climb down the tree together. We will have coconut pancakes by the river. All your best friends will be there. Are you ready? Here I come.
Joey frowned. “What a great part,” he said.
“It’s too many words all at once,” Billy said.
“You don’t say them all at once,” said Kelly. “You say them one at a time.”
Mrs. Rinkle patted Billy’s shoulder. “We’ll be rehearsing for nearly two weeks. You’ll have plenty of time to learn your part.”
“Maybe,” said Billy. He started wobbling again, but Joey kept him from falling.
Mrs. Rinkle took a deep breath. “Now, who would like to read the beginning of our play?”
“I would,” said Mara.
And she read aloud from her script.
“ ‘Mr. Bat’s Birthday Rescue. Scene one. A jungle at dawn. The air is filled with the gentle calls of birds waking up.’ ”
“That’s a cue for Violet,” said Mrs. Rinkle.
Brian laughed. “A Q for Violet? Shouldn’t it be a V for Violet?”
“No, Brain,” said Kelly. “A cue is a signal for an actor to begin a speech.”
“Or in this case,” said Mrs. Rinkle, “a signal to begin our jungle music—the gentle birdcalls that open the play. Violet? Your tuba?”
That’s when a cue turned into a clue!
Because instead of bwaaping her pink tuba, Violet screamed at the top of her lungs.
“My tuba is gone! Someone took it! Someone hid it! The show can’t possibly go on!”
We all ran into the music room and stared at the empty tuba case.
I wrote it down instantly.
“But Violet, dear, are you sure you didn’t just misplace it?” asked Mrs. Rinkle.
Violet blinked. “How do you misplace a gigantic pink tuba? It’s bigger than me!”
Tiffany took the tape measure from around her neck and measured first the tuba case, then Violet. “She’s right. It is bigger than her!”
Then I remembered how Tiffany said the tuba playing hurt her mind.
Was that a clue?
Mara nodded firmly. “As an official Goofball, I say we need to search for Violet’s tuba.”
“I’ll help the search,” Billy said to us. “I’ll search the theater office.”
“I’ll search backstage, high and low,” said Joey.
“I’ll search every inch of the costume room,” said Tiffany.
“I’ll come with the Goofballs,” said Violet.
“Because you know the Goofballs will find your tuba?” I asked.
“Uh … sure,” said Violet. “Follow me!”
Violet dashed out of the auditorium and down the hall.
We had to rush to keep up with her.
“This is not the way we search for clues! Or tubas!” Mara said. “It’s highly not normal!”
But Violet rushed down the halls, first one way, then another.
We ran after her. We went through classrooms and into gyms and cafeterias and kitchens and closets.
I wrote down everything we found.
“Violet, when did you first see that the tuba was gone?” Kelly asked.
“When my eyes told me it wasn’t there,” said Violet.
“Your eyes tell you stuff?” said Brian. “Now, that’s a talent.”
Violet grabbed the handle of a narrow black door and snorted. “Locked. Keep searching.”
Like Brian, Violet would get an A+ for what she learned. She zigzagged all over the school until she learned every inch of it.
We didn’t find her pink tuba.
But we did discover something else.
When we finally made it back to the auditorium, I tried to open the door to get back in. But I couldn’t. The door was locked.
Kelly knocked on the door, and Billy answered it, a pile of copy paper in his hands. “Did you have any luck?”
“The Goofballs don’t need luck,” Mara said. “We are detective experts.”
“Oh,” said Billy. “Did you have any luck being detective experts?”
We all shook our heads.
“This is a disaster!” said Violet, storming onto the stage. “We have to delay the show. I can’t play my tuba without my tuba!”
While Violet talked with Mrs. Rinkle, I turned to the Goofballs.
“Something is bothering me,” I said.
“We’ll find another balancing stick,” said Brian.
“Not that,” I said. “What’s bothering me is that the auditorium door was locked. What does that tell you?”
“That it wasn’t unlocked?” said Mara.
“That this school has good security?” asked Kelly.
“That the cast didn’t want us back inside the theater?” asked Brian.
“Yes, yes, and I hope not,” I said. “But what the locked door really tells us is that the only people in the auditorium when the tuba went missing were Mrs. Rinkle and … the cast.”
“Aha!” said Brian. “I knew it! Wait. I don’t know it. What do you mean?”
Suddenly, Kelly gasped. “Jeff means … that someone in our show hid Violet’s tuba.”
Then Mara gasped. “Jeff means … that someone in this talent show really does have talent.”
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Finally, I gasped. “A talent … for crime!”
4
Crimes All Over the Place
After we told Mrs. Rinkle what we discovered, she agreed to let the Goofballs solve the mystery of the missing tuba.
In the meantime, Violet hummed the tuba parts. It went pretty well until she started drooling, and Tuesday’s rehearsal ended.
Wednesday’s rehearsal was cancelled because most of the cast—Brian, Mara, Kelly, Joey, Violet, and I—had a soccer game.
We lost the game, mainly because I couldn’t stop thinking about Violet’s tuba and accidentally let the other team score.
Ten times.
I decided that we needed my dog Sparky’s help to solve the Mysterious Talent Show Mystery. Sparky is my red-and-white corgi and the official Goofdog.
“Can Sparky watch our rehearsal?” I asked Mrs. Rinkle when we arrived on Thursday.
“He’ll be our audience,” she said.
“Goof!” Sparky barked; then he jumped into a front-row seat and curled up.
“We have to make up for lost time,” Mrs. Rinkle said. “Who has the scripts?”
“They’re in the office,” said Billy. He hustled offstage, came back with the scripts, and passed them out.
“Everyone in position,” Mrs. Rinkle said. “Scripts open. And … action!”
I have to say that the play was pretty good. It went like this.…
SCENE 1
A jungle at dawn. The air is filled with the gentle calls of birds waking up.
On cue, Violet made loud mouth noises. BWAAAP! BWAAAP!
MR. PANDA appears with a heaping plate of coconut pancakes.
PANDA: My friend Bat should be here for breakfast. Where, oh, where is he?
GIRAFFE and ZEBRA enter.
GIRAFFE: How are you today, Panda?
PANDA: Bat is missing!
ZEBRA: Let’s get River Fairy and Wood Elf. They’ll help us look for him.
All exit.
SCENE 2
RIVER FAIRY sings a song by a riverbank.
Here I am by the water.
The water is blue.
I drink it sometimes.
How about you?
WOOD ELF enters: Knock-knock.
RIVER FAIRY: Who’s there?
WOOD ELF: Me.
RIVER FAIRY: Me who?
WOOD ELF: Me, Wood Elf. You, River Fairy!
PANDA, GIRAFFE, and ZEBRA enter.
ALL THREE: Bat is mising!
All exit.
“Awesome!” Mrs. Rinkle said. “Joey, you are the official curtain raiser. Please raise the curtain!”
Joey grinned. “Yes, ma’am. I’ve always wanted to be an official curtain raiser!”
But when Joey tried to raise the curtain, the rope wouldn’t budge. “Hey! What’s wrong?”
“Maybe you’re not so official,” said Billy.
“You have to know the magic words,” said Brian. “Open sesame seed crackers!”
Joey tugged again, but the curtain didn’t go up. Then Brian and Joey tried tugging together. The curtain still didn’t go up.
“Step aside, weaklings,” said Mara. But when she tried pulling it, the curtain still didn’t go up.
Sparky leaped onstage and grabbed the rope between his teeth. It still didn’t go up.
Finally, we all hung on the curtain rope, and it still-still-still didn’t go up!
“What is the problem?” asked Mrs. Rinkle.
“Maybe the rope is stuck on the catwalk,” said Mara, gazing up behind the curtain.
At the word cat, Sparky growled and raced right up the stairs to the catwalk. There wasn’t any cat for him to find, but all at once he began barking and jumping.
“Goof! Goof!”
“Sparky found a clue!” I said.
“Hold on,” said Brian. He took out a very long, thin telescope made from drinking straws put together. It nearly reached the ceiling.
“The curtain rope is tied!” he said. “It’s deliberately tied to the catwalk railing!”
Deliberately is a good mystery word. It means someone did something on purpose.
“Why would anyone do that?” asked Joey.
“Mystery number two,” whispered Mara.
I wrote it down.
Mrs. Rinkle paced the stage. “I don’t understand what’s happening here, but let’s please continue reading our play.”
So we started scene three.
SCENE 3
Deeper in the jungle. Enter Panda, Giraffe, Zebra, River Fairy, and Wood Elf. They come to a big tree.
PANDA: Miss Tree, my friend Bat is missing. Can you see him from your high branches?
TREE: Yes! Bat is IN my branches!
BAT: A wild snake has trapped me here! I am too afraid to fly away.
WOOD ELF: Knock-knock.
EVERYONE ELSE: Who’s there?
WOOD ELF: Wood Elf.
EVERYONE ELSE: Wood Elf who?
WOOD ELF: I wood elf you, but Mr. Monkey climbs trees better.
EVERYONE: Monkey! Monkey! Please come and save Bat from that wild snake!
Enter Monkey.
“And now, Billy,” said Mrs. Rinkle, “it’s time for Mr. Monkey’s big speech.…”
Billy flipped to his page and said nothing.
“Speak up, Mr. Monkey,” said Violet.
“I can’t,” said Billy.
“Why not?” asked Tiffany.
“Because all my lines are gone!”
We all looked through our scripts and found that every one of Mr. Monkey’s lines was gone. As if they had never existed!
“That’s mystery number three!” said Kelly.
Mrs. Rinkle frowned big-time. “This is not awesome at all. I don’t know what’s going on, but let’s stop our rehearsal for today. Maybe tomorrow we’ll have a good one.”
“Of course it will be good,” said Tiffany. “I’ll have our costumes ready to try on.”
After Mrs. Rinkle left one way and the kids left the other, I turned to my friends.
“Goofballs, front and center!” I said.
“We can all be in the front,” said Brian, “but we can’t all be in the center. I call it!”
“I do!” said Kelly.
“I do!” said Mara.
They all jumped into the same seat in the front row. They looked like a Goofball sandwich with a Goofdog on top.
“Look,” I said, walking back and forth and reading my cluebook, “first, the guilty party hid Violet’s tuba. I remember Tiffany saying she didn’t like the sound. Maybe that’s a clue. Joey seemed jealous of Billy’s big part in the show, but someone tied the curtain rope, making Joey look bad. Billy is a rope expert, but then his lines were cut, so he couldn’t be the culprit. We have three mysteries and no real suspect.”
“Unless you count everybody,” said Kelly.
“True,” I said. “This is like trying to solve a big puzzle with invisible pieces.”
“I like that,” said Brian. “Write it down.”
So I did.
“We need to get to the bottom of this,” I said.
“In the meantime, our guilty party is still on the loose,” said Kelly.
“I hope my costume isn’t loose,” said Brian. “I need to look good for my family. They’ll all be there to see the show.”
What Brian said turned out to be a big, large, huge, and enormous clue.
But I didn’t know it yet.
No one did.
5
The Big Costume Mix-up
Before school on Friday, Kelly, Brian, Mara, and I talked about the talent show mysteries.
We talked between classes.
We talked on our way to the high school.
But nothing was coming together.
“Three mysteries and no suspects,” Kelly said with a sigh. “You don’t have to be a math expert to know those numbers don’t add up.”
“Brain could probably add them up,” said Brian. “But he doesn’t want to rig
ht now.”
When we entered the auditorium, Mrs. Rinkle and Tiffany were carrying a big box onto the stage.
“Costumes!” Mrs. Rinkle said.
“I even made one for Sparky on my professional sewing machine,” said Tiffany.
“Goof!” said Sparky.
“That’s his one line!” said Mrs. Rinkle as she set down the carton on the stage.
Suddenly, Tiffany stomped her dancing foot. “I forgot the animal hats and gloves. I’ll be right back.” She went up the aisle, leaving the door propped open with a shoe.
Mrs. Rinkle beamed. “We’ll try these costumes on one at a time in the—”
“Me first!” cried Brian, snatching his bat suit from the carton and running into the costume room to change.
Mrs. Rinkle laughed. “That’s the spirit. It shows that no matter how many delays we’ve had, this will be the best show—”
“Ugh! Ouch! No, you don’t! Hey! HELP!”
“That’s Brian in the costume room!” I said
“His hands are fighting!” said Kelly.
“Maybe it’s a duel to the death!” said Mara.
But when we raced into the costume room, Brian’s hands weren’t swordfighting.
He was twisted up in his bat costume and desperately trying to get out.
“My arms disappeared,” he cried. “And I still need them for lots of stuff!”
Brian’s feet were down where the knees should be. His head was invisible. His arms were lost in big folds of fuzzy black fabric, and his bat wings flopped across the floor.
“Something about this isn’t right,” said Mrs. Rinkle.
Then Billy tried on his Mr. Monkey suit. But it came up only to his waist.
“I think this was made for my little monkey brother. And I don’t have a little monkey brother! Or any kind of brother!”
Kelly slipped into her River Fairy outfit. Except that it sort of slipped into her.
“What kind of River Fairy wears baggy pants?” she asked.
“River Fairies are elegant and beautiful. Like me,” she said.