by Tony Abbott
“Strange things,” said Mara.
“Suspicious things,” said Brian.
“Criminal things!” said Kelly.
The audience gasped.
“Who did these things, you ask?” I said.
“Someone certainly was guilty,” Kelly said.
“But it’s not who you think,” said Brian.
“It’s everyone who you think!” Mara said as I held my cluebook high.
“This is a good show!” someone yelled out, and the audience buzzed like a beehive.
“First, Violet’s tuba went missing,” said Kelly.
“A dastardly crime,” said Mara.
“Until you remember that Violet herself led the search for it,” said Kelly. “She took us everywhere except under the stage, where the tuba actually was. Why? Because she knew it was there.”
The audience gasped again.
Violet bowed her head. “I did hide my own tuba,” she said. “I didn’t want the show to go on tonight. The grand opening of Pinkworld is happening right now. I came only because my friends are in the audience. But I’m missing all that pink!”
“Except,” said Mara, “the extra-super-special grand opening is Sunday evening. And, being so stylish, I have a pass you can have!”
“Really?” said Violet. “Wowee!”
“One mystery solved,” said Brian. “But then came mystery two. The tying of the rope so that Joey couldn’t raise the curtain. It delayed the rehearsal a second time. Who caused this delay? Joey himself!”
Joey breathed out a big sigh. “My family can’t make it tonight. But they could have if the show was tomorrow. Who wants to be in a show if your family can’t see you?”
We all knew what he meant. And everyone onstage except Joey took a moment to wave to our families in the audience.
“Along came mystery three,” said Mara. “Billy’s lines were cut from the show. Why? Let Billy himself tell you his story.”
Billy walked to the center of the stage and bowed. “I took the scripts into the theater office. I cut my speech out of everybody’s script. Then I put in a new page. Then I copied them for everybody. I cut my own lines because I cannot memorize lines. I can only say what I feel. And right now, I feel sorry. Thank you.”
“Now mystery four!” said Kelly, who swung around to Tiffany. “You switched your own measurements, didn’t you?”
Tiffany curtseyed. “I did. Because the bandage on my sprained ankle comes off tomorrow. If the show got delayed, I’d be able to dance with both feet.”
That explained so much.
“That solves the missing tuba, the tied curtain rope, the switched costume measurements, and the missing lines,” said Brian. “But who made Mrs. Rinkle disappear?”
“The last person in the guilty party did that,” I said. “The party’s hostess!”
Then I motioned to Joey, who pulled back the curtain, and there stood …
“Mrs. Rinkle!” everyone shouted.
Mrs. Rinkle’s cheeks went redder than her red hair. “I used the fog machine and the trapdoor to make myself disappear. I thought it would delay the show, too. I didn’t want the show to play just one night. I wanted more time together with these awesome kids!”
The audience applauded.
“So the crimes weren’t even crimes,” I said, “because the criminals did them to themselves!”
That was when Principal Higgins walked out to center stage and spoke.
“The town, the high school, and Badger Point Elementary have decided to put on the show again next weekend and the weekend after that, too!”
The whole audience stood and cheered.
Mrs. Rinkle could barely speak, she was laughing so hard. “And … now … the … awesome show … must go on!”
And it did.
The act one talent show?
Well, it went pretty much like the audition.
Except that just before I went on, Brian said, “Hey, Jeff. I have something for you.” He handed me a perfect balancing stick.
“Where did you find this?” I asked.
Brian shrugged. “Backstage.”
“Hey! Who stole a branch from my tree hat?” shouted Mara.
And—whoosh!—Brian vanished without a fog machine.
I finally got to balance my plate.
The audience loved it.
All three seconds.
Mr. Bat’s Birthday Rescue?
It was as awesome as Mrs. Rinkle had predicted.
Everyone’s costume fit perfectly. Violet’s tuba birdcalls made the audience laugh. My sad search for Mr. Bat made everyone cry. Joey’s Wood Elf jokes made everyone clap.
And then came Billy’s part. Because his lines were written on his palms, he didn’t have to remember them.
Too bad the words got smeared together when he clapped his paws so hard.
Dear Mr. Tree. Do not rescue Bat. He will climb a wild breakfast. I am afraid of coconuts. Thank you for the snakes. I hope we climb the river together. All your best friends are pancakes.
Which sounded a lot like Kelly’s song.
Only it made more sense.
To end the show, Violet played a lullaby on her pink tuba that put all the dads to sleep. Until all the babies screamed. Which made the moms burst out laughing. That’s when the audience cheered the loudest.
When everyone yelled for more, we did it again. Everybody loved Brain’s swordfight, even if they couldn’t tell which hand was winning.
When his left hand gave up, his right hand bowed to the audience.
“In stick swordfights, it’s widely known that your right hand usually wins,” Brian announced.
“Really?” I said. “It’s widely known?”
“I know this because my name is Brain,” he said. “But go look it up.”
I would look it up, except that I haven’t had time. We’re still rehearsing for our next show.
And our next. And our next.
Proving that … the Goofballs always go on!