by Sarah Bailey
“Huh, Dad said he’s still at the Syndicate so Eric is picking us up.” He usually did. It wasn’t as if I was making up further lies. “Guess I better find my brothers. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”
Colleen gave me a slight smile. She knew I wasn’t giving her the truth but wasn’t going to press the issue. It didn’t make me feel good. I was already lying to pretty much everyone else about Logan. And he needed me. I shouldn’t drop everything for him, but I couldn’t help myself. Being needed by him made me feel like I meant something to him.
“Yeah, okay. Have fun with Quinn, babe.”
I put my arms out and she gave me a hug.
“We’ll do something tomorrow.”
“Yeah, cool.”
She pulled away and walked off, leaving me with a sinking feeling. I’d turned into one of those girls who was putting her man first even though Logan wasn’t my boyfriend. I hated myself for it. And yet, it didn’t make me call out to her. It didn’t make me tell Colleen the truth.
I hurried out of the school gates and looked around, making sure no one was paying attention to me. There were a group of kids walking the same way I needed to go. I blended in with them. They probably wondered what the fuck I was doing, but who cared.
The moment we reached the end of the street, I peeled away and walked down the side street which provided me with a shortcut. As a sixth-former, I didn’t have to wear a uniform, but I still attempted to look smart. As I didn’t know I’d be seeing Logan, I’d worn dark trousers and a black blouse with little white rabbits on it.
I spied him as I entered the street I’d told him to meet me in. His black Mercedes didn’t stick out on the street, but he’d told me what to look out for. Logan had this strangely intense look in his blue eyes as he leant his elbow against the door and propped his face up with his hand. I walked over and opened the passenger door, sliding in. First, I tucked my bag into the footwell before smoothing my coat down and turning to him.
“Hey.”
He turned his head slowly, dropping his arm from the door.
“I don’t usually do this, you know.”
“Do what?”
“Pick girls up from school.”
I snorted.
“Well, I’m so sorry you decided you wanted to fuck a schoolgirl, Logan.”
He was the one who’d asked to see me and was already acting like a dick, I didn’t feel like humouring him. And the fire in his ice-blue eyes only made me smile. I reached over and ran my fingers through the hair at the side of his head.
“I’m not just fucking you, Rora, quit making out like we’re not more.”
His voice was low and full of repressed emotion.
“Semantics. Now, you going to kiss me hello or what?”
His eyes flicked to my lips as I continued to stroke the soft hairs at the side of his head.
“I’m thinking about it.”
I leant closer, captivated by everything about him. His hand clenched into a fist in his lap. The man was holding back. I could feel it.
“Kiss me… unless it’s going to make you want to do inappropriate things like feel me up in the car where anyone could see us.”
“I always want to do inappropriate things to you,” he murmured before he reached up and tangled his fingers in the tendrils of hair framing my face, “Does the thought of getting caught turn you on, my little masochist?”
I shivered. Those words had become an instant turn on for me. It’s like I was addicted to Logan’s seductive voice and the way it made me tremble.
My little masochist.
“No… you do,” I whispered, “Only you.”
His eyes grew dark, his focus solely on my mouth. The anticipation of his kiss had me clenching my thighs together.
“You have no idea what you do to me.” He dropped my hair and ran a thumb along my bottom lip. “I’m like a man starving in the desert, desperate for every part of you to be mine.”
His words made it impossible for me to pull away.
“Logan… please.”
His fingers curled around my jaw, tugging me closer until our lips met. Logan didn’t close his eyes as he sucked my bottom lip in his mouth as if promising me what would come later. This man had expanded my horizons. Shown me what I’d been missing out on. He could play me every day of the week and I’d still come back for more.
He tilted my head slightly so he could kiss me more thoroughly, his tongue delving between my lips. And yet still, he didn’t shut his eyes. They were taunting. Daring. Telling me what I already knew. I’d surrendered to him. Didn’t matter if we still argued or gave each other shit. I was his for the taking if he was brave enough. If I was. If we both were.
Logan drew away from me with a sly smile and stroked my jaw.
“It’s never enough, Rora. None of this is. I want more of you than I deserve. You shouldn’t indulge me like this.”
I dug my fingers into his hair.
“I know… but I can’t help it. Being with you makes me…”
He searched my face with those damn eyes which drowned me every single time.
“Makes you what?”
The wall I built up around my heart cracked. I could no longer deny the organ what it wanted. What it needed to keep beating.
“Happy. You make me happy.”
For a second, nothing happened. Then Logan raised his other hand, framing my face before he kissed me again. The urgency in the way he did it had me melting into his touch. The frantic nature of his mouth tasting mine made me aware of how finite everything in the world was. How one wrong move could bring it all crashing down. You had to hold on to each moment and not let it pass by in a flash. It’s why he kissed me as if it would be the last time. As if my words had made him realise how deeply he’d embedded himself in my heart.
He leant his forehead against mine when we parted, his eyes still closed and his breathing heavy.
“I want to take you somewhere.”
“Oh?”
“Mmm, yes.”
He pulled back, opening his eyes and smiling at me.
“We not going back to yours?”
He shook his head as he let go of me. I sat back in my seat and tugged my seatbelt on whilst he turned the engine on. The car filled with the sound of the radio, but I hardly listened to it, watching Logan’s profile as he checked his mirrors and pulled away from the curb. We didn’t talk during the journey. I continued to stare at him, memorising every inch of his face. Logan could have any girl he wanted even if he didn’t have rich parents and a fashion empire he’d be inheriting. His looks alone made him a man women swooned over. But they didn’t see the real man inside. They didn’t see how much he suffered. They didn’t see the torment behind his eyes. But I did. I saw everything. And I wanted it. All of it.
I looked around when we stopped. We were on a street with huge townhouses. Logan sat back, turning off the engine and looked across the street.
“This is where I grew up.”
I followed his eyeline to a townhouse with a blue front door.
“My parents still live here. We’re not creeping on some random house I used to live in, by the way,” he continued, “My aunt and uncle live next door, but they used to live in the basement of my parent’s house. Aunt Jen’s husband is my dad’s best friend and used to be his bodyguard.”
I stared up at the two houses, wondering why on earth he’d want to bring me here.
“It used to be my favourite place. My home. It was the one place I felt safe.” He touched his fingers to the window as if he could brush the building with them. “Now, it feels like it holds all of my worst memories.”
I reached out and stroked his shoulder, reassuring him I was right here. The way his voice vibrated with sadness burnt a hole in my chest.
“My dad told me my mum misses me today… said I’d been distant. And yet how can I be anything else when I’m keeping a secret from them. When I’m lying about my true fe
elings.”
“Why won’t you tell them?” I asked, keeping my voice low.
He dropped his fingers from the window and sighed.
“I don’t want to disappoint them… or make them think I don’t appreciate everything they’ve given me. It almost feels as though I’d be throwing it all back in their faces if I told them I didn’t want it. I don’t want Bensons to be mine. It should be Callie and Maia’s, my cousins… they should run the company. It’s their dream, not mine.”
I squeezed his shoulder.
“Logan, I think your parents would want you to be happy rather than keeping something like this from them.”
He dropped his chin to his chest.
“Mum would. She’d hate knowing how miserable it makes me. She’s only ever wanted me to be happy.”
I didn’t ask him if his dad would feel the same way.
“Why don’t you tell her?”
He raised his head and met my eyes.
“Maybe I’m… scared.”
I leant closer, my hand sliding from his shoulder to his face.
“We’re all scared of something, but living a lie is worse. I should know. I’m lying to my best friend and my parents about you.”
I didn’t tell him my mum knew. It wasn’t really relevant right then.
Fear stopped us from doing the things we loved. It kept us from being true to ourselves.
“Your best friend? The blonde girl?”
“Yeah, Colleen.”
He gave me a sad smile.
“Leo really liked her, you know.”
“Your cousin?”
He nodded.
“He was disappointed when she left. Leo’s a good kid. I mean, he’s not really a kid anymore since he’s your age, but you know what I mean. He’s better than me. He’d have treated her right.”
Colleen had been rather put out by me dragging her away from Leo that night in Cabana. I let Logan go and reached down, digging into my bag for my notepad and a pen. I quickly scribbled down Colleen’s number, ripping it out of the book and handing it to Logan.
“Tell him if he fucks her over, I’ll rip his balls off.”
Logan stared down at the piece of paper before breaking out into a grin.
“You are something else, Rora.”
I shrugged whilst he tucked the bit of paper into his pocket. Reaching out, I took his hand, entwining our fingers together.
“Why did you want me to see where you grew up?”
“Maybe I want you to know me… the real me. This is a part of who I am.”
I smiled, unable to help myself. I had no idea Logan had a sentimental side. My mouth opened to respond to him when a hand knocked at Logan’s window. We both jumped. Logan looked around as a man’s face came into view.
“Fuck,” Logan muttered before waving at him.
“Who is that?”
“My uncle… hold on, I need to talk to him. Just stay in the car.”
He glanced at me, giving me a tight smile before he opened the door and stepped out, shutting it behind him. I watched him insist they walk across the street towards his parent’s house and wondered why Logan looked so stiff. And when they started having what looked like a very heated conversation, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Something was very wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Something about the way they kept glancing at me in the car set me on edge.
What on earth is going on?
Chapter Twenty Seven
The moment I saw Uncle Brent, I knew I was in huge fucking trouble. I had no idea he was home. He probably recognised my car which is why he’d come out. Bringing her here was a mistake. I should have taken her back to mine instead of having some stupid need to show her the place I loved and hated in equal measures.
Aurora looked concerned as I got out of the car and shut the door. I couldn’t deal with that right now.
“Logan.”
Uncle Brent looked more than a little aggravated. He had to have recognised Aurora when he looked in the window. I didn’t know what the hell to do other than to get him away from the car. I didn’t want her to overhear our conversation.
“Hey, Uncle Brent, you okay?”
“What are you doing out here?”
I shrugged a little before waving across the street.
“Can we talk over there?”
He gave me a look but followed me across the road. I stuck my hands in my pockets, scrapping my trainer across the pavement.
“Do I even want to know why you have Aurora Knox with you?”
I flinched, hating it meant he knew I’d broken my promise not to see her. My heart ached because the outcome of this conversation wouldn’t be pretty.
“Probably not.”
He glanced at my car with concern.
“I helped you find out about her family and you promised me that was the end of it. What happened?”
I sighed, looking down at the pavement and wondering how I would explain it to him. It’s not as if I had made her my girlfriend even though it’s what I wanted deep down. I’d never wanted to commit to anyone in my life, but the girl had my heart. Today only confirmed it for me when she told me I made her happy. She made me happy too. The only happiness I had right now.
“What happened is I ran into her and I… I couldn’t help it.” I fidgeted, hating everything about this. “I know I can’t do this with her, but I… I wanted her.”
I swallowed hard. I hadn’t meant to admit that part to him.
“Is this why I’ve not seen any pictures of you plastered over social media with random women?”
My uncle monitored things like threats for my father, made sure nothing would blindside us. There were so many secrets my family had hidden from the public. Ones that would ruin us if they ever came out.
“Dad told me I had to stop getting papped and I wasn’t going to insult her by being seen with other people.”
I glanced at the car, worried about the girl in there. How she would feel and what she’d think.
“Well, that’s something I suppose, but you know this can’t continue, right? You made me a promise. If it gets out, what do you think will happen? What do you think your dad is going to say?”
I pulled my hands from my pockets and rubbed my face.
“Well, her parents won’t exactly be happy. They don’t want me anywhere near their daughter. And Dad? He’ll be disappointed. Suppose I’ll have to accept that. I don’t want to let her go.”
My uncle stared at me for a long moment as if he wasn’t expecting me to admit to such things. Now I was truly facing the prospect of losing her, I couldn’t take it. My heart hurt. It cracked right open and bled out all over the place.
“What does that mean, Logan?”
“It means…” I faltered.
What the hell did it mean?
“It means I think I love her.”
The moment the words left my mouth, I knew they were true. The girl in the car was the one person I’d never wanted to be the right one, but she was. Aurora was the only person I could imagine a future with if I put my mind to it. I might not know everything about her, however, the things I did know made me sure. Aurora made me happy. She soothed and ignited me at the same time. I was desperate for her. All of her. Her time. Her touch. Her everything.
“You know how to complicate things a great deal, don’t you?”
I shrugged and looked at the car again.
“You think or you know? Those are two very different things. One means I have to tell you to end it and the other… well, I don’t know what the fuck to do about that, to be quite honest.”
“I love her.”
He walked away a few paces, running his hand through his hair. I knew I was putting my uncle in a difficult situation. I waited for him to work through his thoughts, knowing there was no use saying anything further. I’d already got myself into a fucked up situation as it was.
�
��Jesus, Logan. I wish I could tell you it’s okay for you to be with her. Trust me, I want to, but I can’t. You have to end it before D and her family find out.”
I’d known it would be his response, but it still fucking hurt.
“You’re asking me to break her heart, Uncle Brent. How is that fair on either of us? Is our family’s reputation more important than my happiness?”
His expression became pained. I had a feeling when Aurora told me earlier she couldn’t afford to fall in love with me, it meant she already had.
“It’s not fair, but you cannot associate yourself with that family. Do you understand how dangerous their connections are? Her grandfather—”
I put my hand up.
“Spare me the lecture. I know. I get it. I can’t be involved with a girl whose grandfather has connections to the Russian mafia.”
He shook his head.
“It’s not just that, Logan. You are in the public eye and you’re going to take over the company. D has tried his level best to stay away from people with shady reputations. Her parents might have shed their criminal past, but you have no idea the full extent of what I dug up on them. Who the hell do you think was responsible for what happened to Frank Russo, huh? Not to mention her grandmother’s brother is one of the men who held Ellie captive. We cannot afford to be associated with them.”
“Because our family is so much better than them. I don’t give a shit what her parents did or who her grandparents are. I don’t care about any of it. Aurora means more to me than all of that. I want a future with her. Don’t you understand?”
“Of course, I understand. Better than anyone, but this isn’t like your parents or my situation. It isn’t even like James and Ellie because neither of them were on the wrong side of the law. We know what scandals can do. They ruin people’s lives.”
His arguments made sense to me but it didn’t mean I had to like them. They were ruining my chance at happiness. Ruining my chance with her.
“What does it even matter? It’s not like the world is going to find out about what they did.”
“It matters a great fucking deal. You say you want a future with her. That means permanently tying yourself to her family. They aren’t nobodies, Logan. If they were, I wouldn’t care so much. Everyone knows who they are. They have a reputation for ruthlessness. Her father was known as the devil and criminals were scared of him. Do you really think that is an appropriate family for ours to be linked with?”