Kestral took a breath, pausing. “Each squad spends a number of days out on assignment, then another number of days back at Beramin for training, rest and reassignment. It was usually about a ten-day cycle—ten days in the field, ten days back in the city. Captains are expected to pick up extra tasks while stationed in Beramin, things like training new recruits, ordering new supplies. General tasks. I worked in the armory, receiving new equipment as it was ordered. Not just weapons and armor, but horseshoes, unworked iron, tools, even some siege equipment. The storerooms were a mess, and no one had been keeping proper ledgers, so every time I was in Beramin I worked to clean out the storerooms and set the ledgers right.”
I had to stifle a yawn. I had never pictured working in the army could be quite that boring.
“It took a year, but I finally straightened everything out. And I found a lot was missing from the storehouse. I submitted a list to the commander, letting him know my findings. He blamed it on a lack of organization, saying the equipment had probably been properly assigned but the paperwork had been lost. I accepted his explanation like a good soldier and, moving forward, made sure everything was properly accounted for.
“But then, as new orders came in, the items ordered didn’t match up to the items received. I spoke to caravan leaders and showed them the orders placed. They showed me the orders they received, and they didn’t match. I made a report to the commander again. He promised to investigate and again I let it go.” Kestral flicked his eyes up to me before looking away again.
We had to be getting close to the point of the story now, right? I braced my elbows on my knees to lean forward.
“After I made the report, my platoon was sent on assignment. When we returned, all my new ledgers had been replaced. They said we had supplies we didn’t have or misrepresented how many items we actually had stored. I tried telling my commander, but he avoided me. When I could talk to him, he said it was a mistake and it was being investigated. I got suspicious, so I investigated on my own.” Kestral scoffed. “I should have just let it go and been a good soldier. I should have just . . .” His hands curled into fists that shook. He was silent for a minute, jaw muscle ticking over clenched teeth. His eyes were turned distant. For him, it was all happening again.
I knew that feeling; it still woke me up some nights.
“I found out that Duke Allaran’s son, one of the army’s sub-commanders, was the one changing the equipment logs. He was the one posting one set of orders to the commander and the crown, but a second set of orders to the merchants and pocketing the difference in cost. Not only that, but he was selling the army’s raw iron to the local villages cheaper than they could buy from other cities, but at a significant mark up from what the army paid for it. I couldn’t figure out why he was stealing; his father was the duke and he was set to take over as commander eventually.” Kestral closed his eyes, fists shaking at his sides. “I followed him into one of the storehouses and confronted him as he changed the ledgers. I told him I knew what he had been doing and I could prove it. I didn’t want to report him, but if he turned himself in and returned the money, I was sure he would be pardoned. His father was the duke, so it wasn’t as if he would be sent to prison or even get more than a slap on the wrist. It wouldn’t even have set his career back, I was certain of that. He listened to me and he agreed. He went to talk to his father about it that same day.”
Kestral fell silent. He was breathing rapidly, muscles trembling.
Had he ever told this story before? It seemed so raw to him. I wanted to go over to him, touch him, let him know it was over and just a memory now. I held myself back, biting my lip to keep from speaking.
When Kestral finally looked up, his eyes were overly bright. “Instead of confessing to stealing from the army, he accused me of taking advantage of him.”
“No!” I jumped up, surprising myself with the action. “How could . . . there’s no way! There must have been a trial?”
Kestral shook his head. “His father said he didn’t want to further embarrass his son with a trial, and instead offered me a discharge from the army. Not an honorable one, but not dishonorable either. I refused. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong and I insisted on a trial. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t let it go to trial. It wasn’t just the son who was stealing, but apparently Duke Allaran himself was stealing from the crown as well. Something about house debts . . . I didn’t know, I found out later. But they were nobles, so they buried my plea for a trial. Instead, my platoon got more and more assignments with fewer days in between. It got so bad that whenever we returned to Beramin, we were sent out again the very next day. I tried talking to the commander, but he made an excuse about how recruitment was down, and the realm still needed to be protected. Then he sent us into the Ash Flats.”
Kestral shuddered. “No troop had ever been sent into the Ash Flats before. We often fought monsters from the Flats, like the fire scorpions or the occasional manticore, but we didn’t go in there looking for trouble. But I was still a good soldier, just following orders.”
“This is when you killed that slag, isn’t it?” I asked softly.
Kestral nodded without looking up. “Have you ever seen one?”
I shook my head.
“I’ve charged dire bears head-on. I’ve stayed steady against griffons protecting hatchlings. I’ve lived through a manticore sting. None of that prepared me to stand against a slag.
“I think we were all expecting to find a scorpion nest. We were looking low, kicking up ash, when the slag rose up out of the ground, a massive golem of flame and molten stone. It must have been nearly twenty feet tall. I was still trying to comprehend what it was when it swiped at my advance team, killing four men at once. The men started firing arrows at it, but they burned on impact without causing any damage. Two men charged with me, but our swords melted on contact. The golem crushed the man next to me, missing me by inches. I called a retreat, but stars that monster moved fast! I couldn’t . . . we didn’t stand a chance. Only mages can kill slags.”
“But you did,” I reminded him, barely seated on the window sill anymore. “You told me you killed it.”
Kestral nodded. “More by chance than skill, but yes. You can’t run in the Ash Flats—the ash is piled higher than your ankles and it’s slick under your boots. But you can hide things beneath the ash, like a tripwire. I ordered two groups to go on ahead and set up a steel cable tripwire in the path of our retreat while the rest of us distracted the slag. I lost half my squad that day. Just by trying to run.” He drew a shaky breath. I pretended not to notice the wetness on his cheeks. “We retreated when we got the call that the tripwire was set. The steel was strong enough that the beast tripped before it melted. I knew mages would have used water magic to fight a slag, so I grabbed as many water-skins as I could and ran up on the golem’s back.”
“You ran onto a slag?” I repeated. “I mean, you stood on it. Molten stone and fire and . . . were you stupid?”
“I was mad,” Kestral whispered. “At the duke, at his son. At my commander. At myself. It wasn’t a smart move, I know, but I was beyond caring any more. If I died . . . maybe my men could get away. I wasn’t thinking straight, I know that now. But army boots are made of thick leather and tough to burn, so they held up long enough for me to pour out the waterskins. The skin, I guess, on its neck sizzled, then turned black and hard. I speared my sword through it and twisted, snapping its head off. I wasn’t sure if that would be enough, but the beast slowly turned black and cold. My troop dragged its head back to Beramin.”
“You were a hero,” I breathed, completely taken in by the story.
Kestral shrugged modestly. “That’s not how my commander saw it. He said I was reckless and blamed me for the loss of my men. There was going to be a hearing but before that could happen . . .” Kestral shook his head, eyes on the floor. “I don’t blame my men for what they did. That day in the Ash Flats would have shaken any good soldier, but the worst part was that we were being sent o
ut again after only two days of rest. When my men heard about the next assignment, most of them went to the commander and gave testimony saying they had witnessed me assaulting the duke’s son. That was all Duke Allaran needed to officially release me from the army. Dishonorably.”
“Kestral—”
He held up a hand, stopping me. “It actually gets worse. And this is the part no one knows, not even Ammon.” Kestral met my eyes and I saw regret in them. “Originally, I had wanted to help train new recruits as part of my captain’s duties. I requested to work in the armory because . . .” He drew a deep breath. “Because I was attracted to the duke’s son. I noticed that he worked closely with the armory and I had wanted to get close to him.”
A strangled sound worked its way out of my mouth. The fact that anyone could falsely accuse Kestral in the first place was unthinkable. That someone he had feelings for had done it was horrifying. “Is that why you gave him the chance to come clean?” I asked. “Because you liked him?”
Kestral nodded. He opened his mouth then closed it and cleared his throat. When he trusted himself to speak, he continued: “I wasn’t looking to start anything with him. It was just . . . it was new. I wanted to get to know him. Maybe get closer to him. He was only a year or two older than me, but he had this way of putting everyone around him at ease. He could make anything funny without being insulting. He was . . .” Kestral shook his head. “He wasn’t who I thought he was.”
I waited for more, but Kestral seemed finished. “What was his name?”
“Lowel.” The name sounded like a curse. “Lowel of House Kenton.”
My hand had unconsciously dropped to my hip, covering the marks hidden there. I knew about betrayal, sure. But Kestral’s story, while sad, didn’t parallel mine at all. I looked up to find Kestral staring at me intently.
“I never meant to get involved with you,” he said softly. “In bed or otherwise. Everything I ever tried to hold on to . . . I lost it. I lost my squad. I lost my place in the army. I lost . . .” Kestral turned, cutting himself off and looking away. “Becoming a mage hunter was Ammon’s idea. He thought if I had a purpose again, I wouldn’t feel so lost. I think I just wanted to feel lost. That’s why I chose to chase a bounty with no information on it.” He looked up to me again. “You were so welcoming, so full of light. You made me laugh that first day, remember?”
I did. It was still one of my favorite memories, despite everything that happened after that.
“After I realized who you were, I tried to kill you before I could stop myself. That’s when you ran. I thought if I could back you into a corner and get you to fight back, it wouldn’t bother me that I’d killed you. But I couldn’t, not after I saw your sister die. Instead, I gave you the chance to run. You were supposed to run, you know that, right?”
I chuckled weakly. “I don’t always do what I’m supposed to.”
“I know that now.” Kestral tried a smile but failed. “I tried keeping you at arm’s length. I thought that if I didn’t have you, I couldn’t lose you, like I lost everything else. But then I nearly lost you when those archers had you in their sights. I thought perhaps it was better to have you before I could lose you.” The look in his eyes was intense. As intense as that first time he kissed me. “I couldn’t help it. Forgive me, Reshi.”
I was across the room before I could stop myself. I drew up short of touching him because I knew if I did, I’d be lost. I didn’t know what to say and even if I did, it was too hard to speak past the ache in my chest. Kestral pushed himself away from the wall. We stood close enough to feel each other’s body heat, close enough to touch but we didn’t. Not yet.
“Kestral, I didn’t know.”
He looked down, fingertips brushing my hip.
I flinched.
“I didn’t know either.”
“I’m sorry, but I—”
Kestral took his hand from my hip and cupped my chin, pulling me forward into a slow kiss. My hands reached out of their own accord, but I pulled them back. When Kestral ended the kiss, he leaned back and said, “I’m not trying to own you, Reshi.”
I looked away, swallowing fear. “I don’t . . . I don’t do relationships, Kestral. It’s too much like being under a contract. I won’t do that again. Never.”
We stood that way for a long time, the silence between us growing like trapped heat. I couldn’t change. I didn’t even want to, not even for someone as wonderful and beautiful as Kestral. I wished I had never made a move on him, wished I didn’t have to miss him.
Finally, Kestral stepped back a pace, lessening the intensity between us. He turned halfway away from me and took a breath. “Fine. Then after this battle with Velyn and Eagan, we’ll go our own ways. It’ll be over.” He nodded to himself. “I intend to hunt the other mage-born. Not you or Kila, but Reina, and if either of your brothers survive, I’ll hunt him down. You should go back into hiding. After the battle, you should be strong enough to fight off any other hunters that come looking for you.”
“Just like that? We’ll just be done after we beat my brothers?” I asked. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, then blurted out the question I wanted to ask, “Can we keep sleeping together until then?”
Kestral searched my eyes. “Is that what you want?”
“I mean, might as well make the most of it.” I shrugged. “As long as you won’t go around beating up my other partners.”
Kestral’s eyes narrowed. “No.”
“What?”
He shook his head. “You’re not getting everything your way. If you want to keep on as we have been, you’re mine alone. If that’s not what you want, you only come to my bed as a cat. The choice is yours.” Kestral turned away from me, cracking open the door to the hallway. “I understand if you need time to decide.”
I reached around him, placing my palm against the door and pushing it closed. “I already have.”
Chapter 10
“You keep staring at it like you think it’s going to creep up and get you from behind.”
“I just never imagined it would be so big. Kila’s impressed, too.”
“You said you’d been around the kingdom, which usually means you’ve seen at least one of the inland seas before.”
“Yeah, but . . .” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the majesty of Piercestra, the smallest of the kingdom’s inland seas. The inland seas marked our northernmost border, running right up to the base of the ShearSaw Mountains. I had seen the seas on maps before, but nothing prepared me for the enormity of them.
Or rather, the enormity of the smallest sea. I knew the mountains were somewhere in the distance, but I couldn’t make them out over the endless stretch of water. I wished I could get closer to the sea’s edge, where the foaming waves struck the stony shore with such intensity, but it was deceptively farther away than it looked. I had to settle for staring at it in the distance.
Kila searched for rocks to throw at it, striving to see one splash in the water. I guess everyone reacts differently to beauty.
I sat on a jagged rock shelf, jutting out over the rock below, giving me a view of the distant sea. Kestral sat down beside me, passing me a waterskin. One sniff and I knew it wasn’t water. With a grin, I finished the last little sip of Goldwater Whiskey. I tossed the waterskin aside and settled closer to Kestral, our hips and shoulders touching.
“Sandestra is the nicer sea,” Kestral said, looking out over the view as I was. “The shores there are sandy, so you can walk without your boots. I’m told the water is calmer, too.”
“It does look pretty fierce, doesn’t it?” I asked, watching the waves pound against the rocks. Sometimes when the water retreated, I heard a distant, hollow, sucking sound, followed by a boom. Kestral had said there were caves beneath the rock which caused the sound. “People swim in this? Give me a stream any day.”
Kestral chuckled. “I don’t know if anyone swims here. I think you’d be crushed against the rocks if you tried. The fishing villages have ports so may
be it’s calmer elsewhere.”
Kila cheered as one of her rocks finally landed in the distant surf. Maybe. I couldn’t be sure if she was actually throwing stones that far, or if a seabird had dropped something, making it seem as if Kila’s stone had reached the water.
“You said the sea used to come up higher?” I looked around at the plain of rock all around us. Sharp ridges and brittle shelves of rock were everywhere, most darkly colored, but several showing colorful strata where they had broken over time. The rocks at the most-distant edge of the stone plains were almost an orange color, with sparkling bits of quartz embedded in them. When Kestral had picked this as our battle site, I hadn’t expected it to be so pretty.
“That’s what the scholars say.” Kestral shrugged, leaning back on his hands. “All this rock was the sea floor once. They say all three seas were one, once. Over time, Piercestra retreated, leaving the rocks exposed.”
“Do they know why Piercestra retreated?”
“They think it has something to do with the steam vents.” We both turned to look east, where billowing white smoke poured through a crack in the stone. I had tried to touch the steam yesterday; Kestral called me ten times as stupid as the average fool. The steam vents littered the plains like portals to a hellish realm. We watched the steam curl into the sky for a moment before I asked another question.
Sorcerous Rivalry (The Mage-Born Chronicles Book 1) Page 35