by Eden Bradley
“Is that coffee I smell?”
“It is. Have a seat.” He wanted her to sit at the table with him for the discussion Jack had decided they needed to have. It was crucial they be on equal footing, so to speak. Rising, he went to the cupboard for another mug and then realized he had no idea how she took her coffee. “Cream or sugar?”
“Cream, please. I like the coffee strong but dilute it with some cream to take the edge off.” She looked sheepish as she explained her coffee philosophy, and Jack was tempted to start something he really shouldn’t until they’d had a chance to hash things out.
He brought her mug over and set out the creamer. Sinking into his chair, he watched as Callie prepared her coffee, adding cream, tasting it, and then adding just a smidge more. His brow rose. “Did adding that little bit more really make a difference?”
Callie laughed. “Probably not.”
Leaning back in his chair, he began to cross his arms over his chest before realizing how defensive the stance looked. He forced himself to pick up the paper again. “So what are your plans?”
“For the day?”
After taking a deep breath, he said, “For the day, the week, the month, next year…”
Callie’s head snapped up, her eyes narrowed. “Why do you ask?”
He shrugged, suddenly feeling nervous and uncertain, but forcing himself to hold her gaze. “Because I don’t want to let you go. Ideally I’d like you to move back here—I don’t like the idea of you being far away. In fact, I’d like you here. Living in the house with me.”
She sighed, placed her elbows on the table, and rubbed her temples. After what seemed like an obscenely long time to Jack, she began to speak. “I can’t stay in town—at least, not right now. I have a lease and other considerations.” When Jack began to argue, she put up her hand, and he stopped. “That being said, I’d like to continue seeing you, but I’ll admit, I’m a little afraid.”
“Why?” Callie stared at his kitchen table as if it held the answers to his questions. Jack leaned in, took her chin in his hand, and forced her to look at him. “Callie? Why are you afraid?”
She motioned over the table at him and he released her. “Look at you. You’re thirty-five; you’ve never been married. You’re the quintessential bachelor. You may think you want me, but I doubt you really understand what that means.”
“So what does it mean? What do you want, beauty?”
“I want it all, Sir, and I’m not sure you’re built like that. You sure as hell weren’t three years ago and I have a hard time believing you’ve changed that much.”
He ignored much of her little speech for the moment. “Call me Jack. Built like what?” It was increasingly difficult to keep his temper in check with Callie making all these vague statements, but he tried as best he could, knowing blowing up at her would only reinforce her doubts.
“I want a husband, children, maybe even a white picket fence. And let’s face it, Jack,” she continued, emphasizing his name, “you’re not a white-picket-fence kinda guy.”
“Maybe I’ve never found someone worth building a fence for.”
Callie chuckled, but there was no warmth behind it. “I want to believe you—I do, but I’m so scared of having my heart broken again. I loved you, Jack,” She swiped at a tear as it began to fall down her lovely cheek and Jack’s heart squeezed. “I loved you with every fiber of my being, and you didn’t return that love—you didn’t seem to know how. What’s different now?”
“I almost lost you, and I’ve found you again. I don’t want to let you walk out of my life again.”
“Is that enough for you to suddenly decide you want all that stuff with me?” Callie paused for a second, and Jack watched as she took a deep breath. “Look, a lot has happened over the past few days. I need some time to process everything, and you need time to figure out what you really want.”
Jack could feel her pulling away already and leaped out of his chair, knocking it backward in his haste. Callie flinched, but he didn’t spare the time to apologize. “Dammit, Callie! I know what I want!”
She held his gaze, and he had to admire her for not backing down. “I respectfully disagree, Sir.” He growled at her use of Sir, but she continued undeterred. “I’m going to get dressed and go. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.” Callie hurried out of the kitchen, and Jack had to forcibly restrain himself from punching the wall in front of him. He couldn’t let her slip away. Not this time.
~ * ~
ELEVEN
Callie threw her clothes on and left Jack’s house before her willpower evaporated and she went to him. When he’d first asked her to sub for him again, she’d been happy; had felt at peace, but now that he’d made that declaration—or whatever it was—she was confused. It was all she’d ever wanted, so why wasn’t she happier? Why couldn’t she trust him about his feelings? The answer came easily enough.
Leaving him had been the hardest thing she’d ever done, but she’d had to for her own sanity. Loving a man who didn’t love her back had been sheer torture, and though he’d said back then he didn’t want to let her go, he hadn’t said he loved her. There was a huge difference in her mind, and there still was. Jack still hadn’t said he was in love with her.
She began driving back to Lora’s, her hands shaking on the steering wheel. The combination of the icy conditions and her hand tremor made it difficult to control the car, though, and she pulled over about halfway there. Cranking up the heat, she laid her head back on the headrest. After spending several minutes breathing deeply, she willed herself to calm down and got back on the road. When she arrived at Lora’s, she jumped into the shower first thing and cranked up the water temperature, but still couldn’t get warm.
Her mind was racing, and as she exited the shower and grabbed a towel to dry off with, Lora stuck her head in.
“Hey, you. Did you eat breakfast? I was gonna make eggs.” Callie’s stomach grumbled, and Lora laughed. “I’ll take that as a no. Eggs coming up!”
Lora left, and Callie dried her hair quickly and then dressed, pulling a thick sweater over her thermal shirt, yanking on a pair of jeans, and shoving her feet into thick socks and then her slippers. Dragging herself into the kitchen, she set the table while Lora finished breakfast. When they were both seated, her friend pointed a finger at her.
“Spill.”
“What?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me. You know what. You spent the night with Jack.”
“Yeah? So?”
“So if I remember correctly, you never spend the night at his place. You said he doesn’t like to share his bed. Plus, you were supposed to before and didn’t. So what’s up?”
“He doesn’t like to share his bed; at least, I didn’t think he did.” That seemed the safest topic to address.
“But he made an exception? Changed his mind?”
Callie ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know, to be honest. I have no idea what the hell’s going on with us.”
“Uh-oh.”
Glaring at her oldest friend, Callie asked, “What do you mean, uh-oh?”
Lora gave Callie one of her long-suffering looks and said, “You’re falling in love with him again. Oh hon, please tell me you’re not. Please tell me you’re smarter than that.”
“I’m not smarter than that.”
“Dammit, Cal! He didn’t love you last time, what makes you think he will now?”
Callie shrugged. “I don’t know. But it feels different, and I have to go for it, even though it’s entirely possible I’ll get my heart broken again.”
They ate in silence for a while. Finally Lora pushed her plate away and sighed, shaking her head. “If you’re set on doing this, then I guess all I can say is good luck, and I’ll be here when or if he fucks things up again.”
Callie let out a shaky laugh. “You always know what to say.”
Rising, Lora gave Callie a quick hug before leaving the room. Callie looked at the remains of her breakfast, no longer hungr
y. She dumped the leftover contents into the garbage and put the dishes in the dishwasher. At least the mundane chore gave her brain something to do besides obsess over Jack.
Making a face at herself in the window over the sink, Callie thought about what to do for the day. She’d told Jack she needed some time, but really what she’d wanted was to give him time. Lora was in the living room—maybe today was a good day to hang out with her. Callie felt badly that they hadn’t spent more time together. Maybe they could go to a movie. Getting lost in a good storyline would go a long way toward restoring her sanity. Although it hadn’t worked the last time she’d attempted to go, maybe this time would be different. Steeling herself, she strode into the living room.
“What’re you doing today?”
Lora looked up from the sitcom she was watching. “Nothing special. Why?”
“Let’s go to the movies or something. I’ll buy. I can’t stand being inside my own head anymore.”
“Sounds good to me. Man, I love how much vacation I get as a teacher.”
Callie smirked. “I bet you do. I still can’t believe they let you shape America’s youth.”
“Me neither,” Lora answered, chuckling. “Let me just grab my coat. The paper with the movie times is on the couch.”
“Cool. I’ll check things out.” Relieved to have a plan for the day, Callie dropped onto the couch and thumbed through the newspaper until she found the entertainment section, zeroing in on a light, holiday-themed comedy.
~ * ~
Meanwhile Jack was losing his freaking mind. He’d never felt so out of control, and he didn’t like the feeling one bit. Callie hadn’t believed him, even after he’d poured his heart out to her. And while he was more than willing to admit she had good reason for doubting him, he had no idea what to do or say to show her he was sincere. He wanted Callie forever; she was it for him. Truth be told, she had been since the first moment he’d laid eyes on her, he just hadn’t been ready to admit that to himself.
So he did the only thing he could do at the moment—he called Ron and invited him over to watch action movies and drink beer. Ron readily agreed and showed up less than an hour later. Placing his six-pack of Dos Equis on the kitchen table, Ron turned to his friend. “All right, wanna tell me why I’m really here?”
“Fuck…” Jack muttered, leaning against the countertop for support.
“Yeah, I thought so. What happened?”
“I told her I wanted her to stick around, and she said she didn’t think I could be what she wanted.”
“First of all, you didn’t say it like that, did you?”
“Like what?”
“Stick around?”
“No.” Jack blew out a loud breath, irritated Ron had transfixed on that insignificant detail. “I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it wasn’t ‘stick around.’”
“Good. I thought I was gonna have to give you a lecture about treasuring your sub.” Jack gave him a venomous look, but Ron just continued unfazed. “So what does she want?”
Jack waved his hand at the house around him. “Husband, kids, house, the works.”
“And she thinks you don’t?”
“She called me the quintessential bachelor and said she doesn’t think I’m ‘built’ like that.”
“Are you?” At Jack’s sardonic look, he laughed. “What? I think she has a point. You’re in your, what, mid-thirties, never been married—”
“Why does everyone keep harping on that? Lots of guys my age have never been married. And I met Callie almost five years ago when I was only thirty. Since then, even though I didn’t realize it at the time, I’ve been waiting for her.” He ran his hands through his hair and swore under his breath. “But what if I’m not good for her?”
“What do you mean? Not good for her? You mean not good enough? That’s bullshit, dude. Did she say that?”
“No, of course not. I mean—what if I can’t love her the way she deserves? It would kill me.”
“Was that why she left the first time around? Because she didn’t think you could love her right?”
“This morning she said it was because she was in love with me and I didn’t love her back, only I did—I just had no idea how to show it.”
“So what’re you gonna do now?”
“How do you convince someone you’re for real? How do I make her see I love her and everything that comes with it?”
Ron shook his head. “I don’t know, man. If I did, I’d have my own full-time sub. Maybe you should try one of those ‘grand gestures’ like you see in the movies.”
Jack snorted. “There’s a reason you see them in movies. It’s because people don’t do shit like that in real life.”
“Maybe not, but doing something drastic would show her you mean business.”
“Maybe…”
“Anyway, are we gonna bother to watch a movie?”
“Yeah, definitely.” As he and Ron sat in his living room and Jack went over and over in his mind how to make Callie see he was serious, a thought occurred to him. “Hey, I’ve got an idea, but it might be totally crazy.”
Ron turned to him, shaking his head and smiling. “About time. I’ve been smelling the smoke for the past hour. Let’s have it.”
Jack looked at his friend. “I’d need your help.”
“Uh-oh. I’m not sure I like the sound of this. I’m not big on getting in the middle of a lovers’ spat.”
“You wouldn’t be. You’d just be helping me in the beginning.”
“So are you gonna tell me, or do you expect me to be a mind reader?”
Jack took a deep breath. “I don’t suppose you’d be willing to tie me naked to the table in my playroom, would you?”
Ron’s mouth dropped open. “Why?” He sounded so incredulous that Jack wanted to laugh, but there was so much riding on this idea, he couldn’t bring himself to.
“Because I think if I show Callie that I can give up control, she’ll know how much I really love her. I mean, if I didn’t love her, would I do something like that?”
“How would she know you were here?”
“You’d have to call her.” Ron started to shake his head, but Jack continued before he could voice an objection. “You could just call her and tell her to come here, and then leave the door unlocked when you leave.”
“I dunno, bud, this sounds a little crazy. I know I said a grand gesture, but fuck. You’re a Dom; do you really wanna bottom?”
“Well, no, of course not, but for her, I would. Once.”
Ron blew out a breath. “Is she home? I don’t wanna go through all this shit just to find out she’s not even available.”
“You know what?” At Ron’s raised eyebrows, he continued. “I’ll call her myself; tell her I want to talk. I’ll find out when she can come over, and you can put me in the bondage shortly before she’s slated to arrive. How does that sound?”
“Like I could be here a long fucking time, and there’s not enough beer in the world to make me forget tying up my friend in his birthday suit.”
“But you’ll do it?”
“Yeah, I’ll do it. Never let it be said I’m not a sucker for true love.”
Jack barked out a laugh. Fishing his cell phone out of his pocket, he dialed Callie’s number. She picked up on the third ring, and Jack blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Hey. What’re you doing?”
“I just got out of a movie with Lora.”
Jack hesitated for a second, but it was now or never; shit or get off the pot. “Can you come see me? I want to talk about us.”
“Now?”
“If you can, yes.”
He heard silence on the other end of the line and prayed she would say yes. If he had to wait until tomorrow, he doubted he’d still have the guts to do this.
“Yeah, I can come over. Just let me go home and get my car.”
“Have Lora drop you off.” She hesitated again, and Jack said, “If you want to leave after we talk, I promise I�
��ll take you anywhere you want to go or call you a cab.”
“All right.” He was pretty sure he heard Lora hissing in the background, but all he could concentrate on was Callie’s agreement.
“So I’ll see you in about twenty minutes?”
“Yeah, about that.”
He hung up and turned to Ron. “We need to work fast.”
“Good thing you’ve got those quick-release cuffs, then.”
Both men rose, and Jack strode to the playroom, pulling his shirt over his head as he walked.
“You’re really gonna get naked, aren’t you?”
“I have to. Callie has to see that I’m completely vulnerable.”
“Cripey. That’d give me the willies.”
“Well, it’s not you, it’s me. Now get the cuffs ready.” He pulled off his jeans and boxer briefs in one stroke and then tugged off each sock.
Ron turned to him and shook his head. “You’re gonna go through all this for her, huh?”
“I think it might be the only way to make Callie see that I love her, that I’d do anything for her.”
“All right then, get up on the table—let’s do this. I might need to have some fun with my wife tonight just so I can bleach this memory from my brain.”
“Come on, you see naked guys all the time—we all do.”
“Yeah, but it’s not usually one of my closest friends that I’m about to tie up. I almost feel like I’m dominating you, and that’s just plain weird.” He fastened the wrist cuffs first and then moved to Jack’s feet. He sighed. “How do you wanna do this?”
“Just like you would if you were tying up any other sub.”
“So legs spread?”
“Yep.”
Not looking at him at all, Ron fastened his ankles into the cuffs and the cuffs to the table, rendering him totally immobile. Standing back, he said, “Good luck, dude. Let me know how it goes.”
“Thanks, bud. I appreciate it,” Jack answered and laid his head back to wait for Callie.