A mixture of surprise and regret flitted across Jade's features before she smiled. One of her genuine smiles, not the sassy kind she gave most people. "I think I like you, Jaxson Carter."
Jax's arm relaxed around me. "Good. Because I plan on being around a lot."
And didn't that make my heart beat a little faster?
Jade tipped her head at me. "Remember, I had her first, and I still want visiting rights."
Jax laughed. "I think we can work out a custody agreement."
I waved at them. "Hey! I'm right here. And I don't need anyone deciding where I'll be spending my time."
Jade patted my head. "Isn't she cute?"
Jax used a finger to lift my head to look at him.
"No, she's absolutely beautiful." He leaned down and kissed me. "I'll see you later, okay?"
"Okay." Somehow, I managed to speak despite the butterflies in my stomach.
As he drove away, Jade grinned at me. "Girl, you've got it bad."
I opened my front door. "You have no idea."
23
Grace
It was the week from Hell.
Professionally, it had turned into one of the most challenging ones I'd encountered so far. While the fundraiser, my biggest project, was plugging along nicely, an anniversary celebration I'd been hired to plan was turning into a nightmare. It was supposed to be a small affair of about fifty people. Now it was up to over a hundred, which meant finding a new venue and updating the caterers and other suppliers. And the hostess? She was turning into whatever the equivalent of Bridezilla for anniversary parties would be. She was the only daughter of the couple who'd been married for forty years, and I swore she must have been potty-trained at gunpoint. I wasn't sure why she'd hired me when she appeared intent on being part of every single detail.
On top of it, I had an influx of calls from potential new clients who wanted to set up meetings. I stayed long hours at my office and still brought work home with me. While Jade was assisting me with the fundraiser, I had to admit I was burning the candle at both ends to keep up with everything else.
Worst of all, it interfered with my time with Jax. I knew as a businessman, Jax understood the longer than usual work hours I'd had to put in this week, including yesterday, one of many Saturdays I had to oversee all the moving parts to an event. He seemed excited for me that my business was taking off to new levels. He'd supported me by bringing takeout meals to my apartment and working quietly next to me on his computer. Despite the workload, however, we always spent the last couple of hours before he went home snuggling with some heavy making out thrown in.
While I was thrilled to see my business and reputation grow, the timing was hard. I couldn't shake the concern that our new relationship status was somewhat tenuous. He was trying to have a real one for the first time, and I worried I was balancing on a delicate limb that could snap at any time. While I didn't believe that we needed to spend every free minute together, I wished we had more time to spend getting to know each other outside of favorite fast food places and our favorite position to sit while working. I wanted to know our relationship was built on more than just physical attraction, although I was even questioning that.
Ever since that night he took me to his condo, I'd been close to throwing out any rules I had about several dates before sex, which for me was the physical manifestation of a commitment. I wanted him, no question. But Jax hadn't once touched me the way he had that first night at his apartment; kissing seemed to be the limit. While I appreciated he didn't push me for more than I was ready for, I was a little confused what had changed. What if he didn't want me anymore but didn't know how to tell me?
My father always told my sisters and me that we could make overthinking an Olympic Sport and tie for the gold medal. I preferred to think of it as analyzing so I could be prepared for any event. But perhaps, I did make myself a little crazy in doing so.
On top of everything, today I was feeling sluggish and an unwelcome, but familiar, crampiness had started to make itself known. I'd thought about calling Shane and having him take over for me at the youth center, but despite his enthusiastic support for the carnival, he was overwhelmed with plans for the new building, applying for grants, and the other million things it took to keep the center running. At least today there would be some extra parent volunteers.
Squaring my shoulders and sucking in a deep breath hoping it inflated my patience level as I stepped back out of Shane’s office. I was immediately immersed in a blur of colors and noise.
"Did you see this, Grace!"
"Look here! This is so cool!"
"Can I keep this for myself, Ms. Grace?"
"Grace, come here! Look at this!"
Donations for prizes for the carnival games had arrived all week, and I asked the kids to open the boxes while I made a call. Today, we were supposed to sort them, but at the moment, it looked like a toy store had exploded across the tables and floors.
"I'll be there in a second," I promised. Normally, I loved their enthusiasm. Today, it felt like nails scraping down a chalkboard. I found some pain reliever in my purse and swallowed them with some water out of the water fountain. I cringed when warm water filled my mouth. These kids definitely deserved better facilities.
A couple of the boys started throwing small stuffed animals at each other. "Enough," I said sharply. "You're here to organize them. There's no point to this if you destroy everything we've worked for by goofing off."
They looked at me with hurt, puzzled expressions, but put the toys back without arguing. I puffed out my cheeks and blew out a long breath. They were just being kids.
Trying to fake better humor than I felt, I divided the kids into groups and gave them specific tasks to organize, box up, and label prizes and game pieces. I stayed busy for the next hour supervising and answering questions. Over the chatter, I heard the chimes on the door ring as it opened. I hoped it was Shane, who'd phoned earlier and said he was running late. I was anxious for him to get here. The parent helpers were doing a decent job overseeing the kids, and we were far enough along that I decided I wouldn't feel bad turning the tasks over to him. The medicine I'd taken wasn't working as I'd hoped, and I needed something stronger from home.
Before I could look to see, I heard Micah call, "Jax! Over here!"
Stunned, I looked up to see Jax walking toward us, a big grin on his face. He high-fived Micah and a couple of other kids and then turned toward me.
"What are you doing here?" I smiled, more than pleased to see him.
Jax grinned. "I thought I'd see if I could help." He tapped my nose. "This time without being tricked."
"I'm glad you're here."
His smile dissolved into a frown. "Are you okay? You look a little pale." He tucked a piece of my hair that had come undone from my ponytail behind my ear. It was all I could do not to rub against his fingers as they lingered on my cheek.
"Just a headache."
"Did you take something?"
I nodded. "It hasn't kicked in, yet."
He glanced around at the kids who seemed to be sillier than usual. "What can I do?"
I rubbed the back of my neck. "Maybe supervise the kids and try to keep them from tearing apart the prizes. We're also trying to sort everything according to the game and put them in those boxes along the wall." I pointed to one of the moms across the room. "That's Micah's mom, Torie. She could probably use a hand marking and coding the inventory. I've got to finish a bit of paperwork and some phone calls, then we should be all done."
He looked over and seemed surprised to see her. "After what you did to help Micah, she's been coming over after her class to pitch in," I explained. "Your good deed has turned into more. She's been a tremendous help."
He actually blushed. "Sure. Coding and inventory. I can handle that."
I looked dubiously at him. "Are you sure you don't mind? You can handle this?"
"Haven't you heard I run an empire? I can handle this. You go do what you need to do."
Flashing him a smile, I dodged the booby trap of small toys and took refuge in Shane's small office to compose an email to all of the carnival volunteers and contributors with a schedule. I heard Jax's voice call for attention, and within seconds the shrieks turned into a more subdued chatter. I finished and sent my email. Grabbing a pencil, I attempted to turn my attention to my notebook of lists and other paperwork, but unable to focus on anything other than how crappy I was feeling, I ended up curling up on a loveseat, hoping that lying still would settle the throbbing pain in my head and the burning in my lower abdomen.
Fingers brushed my cheek, startling me since I hadn't heard anyone come in. "Grace?"
I had no idea how much time had passed. "Hmm?"
"Let me take you home. You shouldn't be here."
I shook my head. "I can't leave the kids."
"Shane's here. He'll take over. Can you walk?" he asked, helping me to sit up.
I cringed at the throbbing in my head. "Yeah, just give me a minute." I took a deep breath and stood. "Thanks, Jax. It was really sweet of you to come to the center today."
He grinned. "Not so sweet. I had ulterior motives."
"Oh yeah? What would those be?"
"Well, by the looks of you, you're not up for what I had in mind."
"Ouch. Way to knock a girl when she's already down." I tried to tease, not wanting him to know how bad I felt.
He stopped walking and turned to face me. "That's not what I meant. You could have a stampede of elephants trample you, and you'd still be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
I flushed at his compliment. "Wow. From one extreme to the other, but I like this one better. You should be a character in a romance novel."
He quirked an eyebrow and shook his head. "Can't say that I've ever read one, but what I say is the truth, not some fictional bullshit."
He put me in his car and drove to my apartment. I felt like someone was stabbing me with a hot knife in the abdomen, my head was pounding, and I was exhausted. Once we arrived, he half walked, half carried me inside.
"You don't have to stay," I mumbled, not wanting him to see me at my worst, which I was pretty sure was still to come.
My period could never just show up and be done. It came with lots of unwanted fanfare, like bloating and cramps and sometimes migraines. Like many normal teenage girls, I'd looked forward to this huge sign of womanhood until I realized that for me, it meant at least a day of almost wishing for death. I'd finally sought medical help, thinking there was something that could be done to make it more bearable. The doctor determined it wasn't endometriosis, and sympathetically told me I was one of the unfortunate ones who got to suffer through painful menses. She'd put me on birth control to try to help regulate it as well as some strong pain relievers, but I still had a rough cycle every once in a while.
"So that's how this is?" he asked, guiding me to the couch and pressing on my shoulders until I was sitting.
"How what is?"
"I thought we were going to make a go of us. But that means the bad with the good, the sick with the fun. You've seen me at my assiest. At least let me help take care of you when you're not feeling well."
"Assiest?" Despite the pain, he still made me laugh.
He grinned and brushed the hair off my face. "When did you last take medicine and what can I do to help?"
"I have a prescription bottle in the bathroom. It's the only one in a brown bottle." I curled up into a ball, praying for relief.
He came back with it in a minute, frowning at the bottle, and then at me. "This is more than a headache, isn't it?"
Damn, I forgot the directions mentioned 'at onset of cramps' on it. I felt my face turn red. "Um..."
There was no point in denying it. He handed me the dose along with a bottle of water that he must have grabbed on his way back. Then he disappeared again. Not that I could blame him. I knew men were squeamish about “female issues.”
I opened my eyes to a rustling noise and found him plugging in a heating pad. I'd forgotten that I had it stashed in the back of my bathroom cabinet.
"Do you think you can roll over to your side?" he asked. His voice was calm and soothing, not that of a man who wanted to run to the hills.
I moved a little, unable to stifle the moan as a wave of pain gripped my pelvic region. I felt him place the pad against my lower back and support it with a pillow. His fingers began to rub the back of my neck with just the right amount of pressure to massage the muscles without pain.
Several minutes later, he broke the silence. "My mom used to disappear into her bedroom almost once a month. She said she was sick and to let her sleep. It wasn’t until I was older I understood what was happening. I'd forgotten until now, but I remember my dad would get our heating pad and chase after her. I honestly don't know if it helped, but he never left her to suffer alone."
Whether it was the medicine or his touch, I felt my shoulders drop from their hunched position, and the pain in my head slowly started to ebb. "Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful husband and father. You must miss him."
His fingers stilled for a minute. "I do. Even now, it's hard not to wish he had never been called up to active duty. Sometimes I wonder how things would have been different if he hadn't died.”
"Thank you for staying. I didn't want you to see me this way, weak and useless."
He stopped his ministrations once again. "Don't you ever say you're weak. You're in pain, and that's different. I saw you try to work through it to help those kids when you should've come home and gotten the medicine sooner instead of suffering." A finger tipped my chin to look up at him. "You're an amazing woman, Grace. I'm not sure what it is you're doing with me, doing to me, but honest to God, I hope you don't stop. There's nowhere I'd rather be than here. I just wish you weren't in pain."
I smiled and grabbed his fingers, leaving a kiss on them as I succumbed to the tiredness that accompanied the relief I was finally feeling. His words and his actions all combined into a powerful feeling.
I was falling in love with Jaxson Carter.
24
Jax
"Do you want to play with me, Jaxie?"
My mom smiled as my new sister took me by the hand and led me toward her bedroom. "Dinner will be in about an hour, kids." My stepdad smiled, too, and he pulled my mom close and kissed her on her forehead.
I'd never known what girls liked to play, but when my mom started dating Gene, his daughter seemed cool. She liked to ride bikes, climb trees, and best of all, she wasn't afraid to get dirty on the baseball field where my friends and I liked to be any time we could. As we spent more time together, it became clear she could handle a ball and glove pretty well, and she could hit a baseball better than some of the guys. They never seemed to mind when she tagged along, partly because of her skills, but also I'd observed several of them staring at her. I guess she was kind of pretty, but I secretly thought they liked her because she had bigger boobs because she was a couple of years older.
We settled into playing a board game, one of her favorites that she nearly always won. I was almost finished finding all the clues I needed to solve the murder. I only lacked the mystery weapon. I could feel victory in my clutches when she suddenly shoved the board away, playing pieces and cards scattering across the carpet.
"What did you do that for?" I asked, angry that she'd ruined my chance to finally win.
She played with a piece of her hair. "I dunno. I'm bored."
"Well, next time, just say so." Irritated, I started collecting all the pieces and putting them away in the box.
"I think my father really likes you," she said, still twirling her hair around her finger.
"Well, that's good, right? I mean, my mom likes you. A lot."
She shrugged. "I guess." She eyed me shrewdly. "He does seem very affectionate toward you."
I had no idea what her point was, but I guessed what she said was true. He was constantly squeezing my shoulder, patting my back, and recently he
'd started hugging me. But isn't that what dads, even stepdads, did?
"My mom does the same with you," I pointed out. "It's just part of being a family."
She shrugged again and put the game away. That night at dinner, I noticed she focused more of her attention on my mom, complimenting everything, helping clear the table, and at one point, I saw her hugging my mom. Normally, she avoided contact. I supposed it was a good thing since my mom was now her mom. My mom appeared thrilled with the new situation.
Eventually, it was my bedtime. It might have been my new awareness, but it felt like Gene was extra attentive. He sat on my bed and rested his hand on my back while he listened to me recite my prayers. He touched my cheek when he said goodnight, then leaned over to kiss my forehead. "Good night," he said. "I love you, Jaxson."
I couldn't bring myself to repeat the words. I squeezed my eyes shut to recall my real dad. I remembered him swinging me up in his arms and carrying me on his shoulders when I was little. And he was always the one who tucked me into bed at night, and he, too, kissed me goodnight and told me he loved me. Maybe my new sister was jealous that she had to share her dad's attention with me. It wasn't any different than how my mom now had to split her time between us. I wasn't jealous; my mom was happier than she'd been in a long time. Still, there were times I missed it being just her and me.
Later that night, I thought I felt a hand running down my back and lingering over my butt. I could feel fingers squeeze one of the cheeks. I struggled to wake up, rolling over as I did, but by the time I was fully alert, I didn't see anyone else in the room. A little creeped out by what must have been a realistic dream, it took me awhile to fall back asleep.
I didn't know it was to be the first of many long, sleepless nights.
25
Jax
Memories camouflaging themselves as dreams disturbed more and more of my nights, which were restless enough as they were. I didn't need a psychology degree to figure out why. Trying—wanting—something more with Grace was akin to uprooting the past. The last time I'd wanted something with half as much energy it ended in disaster.
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