by Amity Cross
Frank pulled me into his trademark bear hug. “Happy birthday, Zo Zo.”
Chris and Pete both hugged me and planted kisses on my cheek. Even Bob gave me a kiss on the cheek before running out to have his awful, stinky cigarette. Dean clapped me on the shoulder, and Simone pulled me into a long hug. Louie and Sticks got in on the action before my gaze collided with Will. He was holding a black guitar hard case, a wicked grin on his face.
“No way.” I gasped, making everyone laugh.
“Way,” Frank said, pushing me forward down the aisle.
Will watched me approach with a satisfied smirk on his face. Laying the case along the seat, he flipped it open, and there was the blue sunburst Fender I’d slobbered all over days ago.
“Guys.” I gasped. “This is too much.”
“Shut up, hot legs,” Dee said, looking over my shoulder. “If you don’t want it, I’ll have it.”
I elbowed him in the gut. “Hands off.”
Will watched me closely as I trailed my fingers along the strings. “Yeah?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I whispered, closing the case so I could thank him in style. Everyone seemed pleased with my reaction and cheered one more time before getting the hint and falling into their seats.
Will trailed a finger along my jaw, pushing my chin up.
“You weren’t talking about leads, were you?” I whispered against his lips.
“Nope.” I saw the sparkle in his eyes and the curve in his lips.
“Will.”
“I sent Dean back to get it while I distracted you.”
“You spent all that money on me?”
“Not all of it,” he admitted. “Everyone pitched in what they could, so it’s not just from me.”
“Well, I love it all the same.”
“Good,” he said. “I like seeing you smile.”
Despite myself, I was beginning to like this birthday business.
“You know how hard it’s been trying to hide it from you?”
“I don’t think it would have been that hard,” I replied, sitting in a seat.
“What makes you say that?”
“I’ve been otherwise engaged.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him as he slid into the seat next to mine.
I leaned my back against the window, and he pulled my legs over his lap, running his hand along my inner thigh, sending sparks into all the right places.
“We won’t always be on tour together,” I said, letting my legs fall open slightly so he could move higher.
“No, but we knew that before this started.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I like it.”
His fingers crept underneath the hem of my shorts. “Let’s just enjoy these last few days before we have to go back to reality.”
“Fine with me,” I whispered as he pressed higher. “But it’s still a G-rated bus.”
Without warning, he slipped a finger inside me, and I had to stifle a gasp. “Happy birthday, Zoe.”
When I was a kid, my parents would always take me on long drives across the countryside, to the beach, and to random little towns on all these adventures.
I’d loved to look out the window and see everything we passed. The forests of gum trees and ferns, rolling hills and paddocks full of cattle, and that first glimpse of the ocean as we rolled over the hill. For most of our trips on the bus between tour stops, I’d done the same. It gave me a sense of where we were and where we were going. I didn’t like the feeling of being lost on the highway, so my eyes were always on the road.
But today, my eyes were on Will as he lounged on the seats across the aisle from mine, his back against the window and his eyes closed. He looked peaceful even though the way he slept seemed awkward, and it gave me a chance to study him without him knowing it.
My back was against the window, hoodie over my head, sunglasses on, and knees up and against the back of the seat. If he opened his eyes now, it would look as if I were sleeping, too. My thoughts wandered to the most obvious place.
Every night, we had consuming sex. It was impossible not to sleep together without it resulting in wandering hands, and just thinking about it made me wet. Feeling him inside me, his touch all over, the wicked things he said… He had such a dirty mouth on him, and I was surprised at how turned on it made me feel. The way he spoke about the things he wanted to do awoke a beast I never thought I’d had inside me. And that Zoe was insatiable.
I found myself thinking about Melbourne. When we got back, I couldn’t wait to show him where I lived. I wanted to see his place, as well. I wanted to see what CDs he had in his collection and if he had any books. I wanted to see the pictures he hung on the wall. I wanted to know everything.
Abruptly, he jerked awake, pulling me out of my daydream. He looked disoriented for a moment, and I realized his phone must have vibrated in his pocket. Leaning my head against the back of the seat, I watched him as he pulled it out and stared at the screen.
He looked surprised and then annoyed. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that, and I instantly wondered who it was that had texted him. Something I never thought I’d be was a snoopy girlfriend, jealous of everything and everyone, but the emotion that spiked through me at that moment felt eerily similar.
Will closed his eyes and sighed before typing a reply. It was impossible to read his expression. I had no idea what he was thinking, and I wanted to ask, but I also didn’t want to be that girl. I had to learn to trust again.
His phone seemed to vibrate again, and he looked at the screen, seemingly conflicted. Who was texting him?
When he looked over to me, I was glad I was wearing my sunnies, and he couldn’t tell if I was looking at him or not. I didn’t give myself away, watching his reaction. He frowned, hunching his shoulders forward and looked back at his phone before typing in something.
I’d never before been one to be so jealous. Not like this. Except for the other night when he’d brushed off that girl, I hadn’t worried that there might be someone else. An ex-girlfriend. Someone he might have been seeing before the tour. I’d been so wrapped up in my own issues the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.
What if he was getting texts from another woman?
Worry settled in my stomach, making me feel sick, and the awkward Zoe was back just like magic. Will had shown me time and time again that I had nothing to worry about, but in reality, things might be different.
An hour or so later, when we got out to stretch our legs at a roadhouse, Will seemed distant. Distracted. He’d been so open with me until now it was unnerving.
“You okay?” I asked, standing by him.
He ran a hand over his face, scratching the stubble on his chin. “Yeah. It’s just… These long bus trips get to me.”
It sounded like a cover-up, but I let it slide. Today was my birthday, and for the first time in a long time, I intended to enjoy it, bus or no bus.
With a frown, I slid an arm around his waist, but he shrugged and began to walk away, my arm dropping back to my side. And just like that, I’d been brushed aside.
Frozen to the spot, I watched him walk back toward the bus, his lack of affection leaving me empty. It was such a turnaround from that morning it seemed to confirm the thoughts that plagued me.
Being on tour was another world. We all had a reality to go back to, and what if Will’s was to another woman? He’d been strung out the first few weeks, and then he’d suddenly become withdrawn after getting those texts. What if it was his reality calling? If all that was true, then what did that make me?
A sucker for falling for it for one, but it also made me the other woman. The things I felt for Will were real, I had no doubt about it, and that was what made the uncertainty hurt more than anything. Maybe I was just hurting myself by jumping to conclusions? After all, he went to all that trouble getting me that guitar.
But the little voice at the back of my mind wouldn’t quit. What if it had all been a lie? What if I was the bit on the side?
; And this was why I didn’t like birthdays.
Chapter 18
Traveling back to Melbourne was the longest trip I’d ever sat through. It felt like the end of an era, standing outside the bus and knowing it was the end. We would all go our separate ways tonight and meet up again tomorrow for the first of our two shows that closed the tour. The venue had no show on tonight, so our gear was being delivered ahead of time. That just left our luggage and us to get home.
Will sidled up to me and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. He’d told me he lived in Northcote, the other side of the city to me, so I would be catching a lift with Dee since he lived a few blocks away.
“See you tomorrow,” he murmured and wandered toward a waiting taxi with Pete, his bag in hand.
“What the fuck was that?” Dee asked, standing beside me. He looked as flabbergasted as I was.
After being so close for the last two weeks, it felt like a kick in the gut, and I couldn’t help but feel rejected.
“No idea,” I whispered as I watched the taxi drive off.
Dee flipped the bird after them and turned toward me. “Well, it’s still your birthday, and if you want, I’ll take you out.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“I’m in if you wanna,” Simone said, coming up behind us.
Frank and Chris offered as well.
“Seriously, guys. After a whole day on that stinking bus, it’s probably better to go home. We can party tomorrow night.” I liked my notion and didn’t say it, but I wasn’t in my head right now. Will had just hit me for six.
“Well,” Frank said. “We’re only a phone call away if you change your mind.”
I smiled thinly. “Thanks, Frankie.”
When I finally got home, walking through the door of my apartment was familiar yet alien. After being away for so long, the place smelled different, and it was cold. I placed the Fender against the wall and dumped my bag in the bedroom, not wanting to deal with it yet. Standing in the middle of the lounge, I let out an exasperated sigh. Being home alone didn’t feel right. I wanted someone here. I wanted Will, but after his weird goodbye, I was hesitant about calling him. Instead, I sent a text to Dee.
So boring here alone.
It was only a split-second later when he replied, It’s weird being home. Wanna get a drink? xx
Me: Hell, yes.
Dee: Ted’s Shed?
Me: Sounds good. Let me shower and change first.
Dee: Good idea. I don’t want to smell your stink. See you there in an hour. xx
Taking one last look at the Fender, I wasn’t sure if I could pick it up and play it now. Even though it was a present from everyone, it was still a gift that had been spearheaded by Will, and I wasn’t sure about his intentions anymore.
He’d said he knew about hurt. He’d brushed it aside so easily I’d almost forgotten about it. Now I was wondering if his sudden shift in behavior had something to do with it. That and the person who’d been sending him those messages. Was it an ex-girlfriend that had broken his heart? Or was it his current girlfriend calling him out for being a cheater?
When I met up with Dee at Ted’s Shed, he was waiting with two bright orange cocktails. Sinking into the chair opposite, I gave him a grateful smile.
“Happy birthday, Zo Zo. I know the orange ones are your favorite.”
“Thanks.” I sighed and took a long sip, the sugar and alcohol rushing straight to my head. “I needed that serotonin.”
“Is everything okay?” he asked, coming straight out with it.
My shoulders slumped, and I ditched the straw and took a few big mouthfuls.
“Well, obviously not,” he said, concerned at my reaction.
“Will started acting weird this arvo,” I said. “He got some texts, and all of a sudden, he’s this moody bastard. He hardly touched me. You saw his steamy goodbye.”
“He did seem off.”
“It’s weird. After this morning. My birthday.”
“It’s very sudden,” he agreed. “You should just ask him straight up.”
“Squash my fears,” I declared, already feeling a little giddy.
“Did he say who the texts were from?”
“No, I was too afraid to ask.”
“Zoe…”
“What if he has a secret girlfriend? What if he…”
“Stop it.” He shushed me. “I don’t believe it. Not after seeing him with you this whole tour.”
“I don’t know, Dee…”
“If you’re so worried, you should confront him about it. It’s the only way you’ll find out for sure. The only thing you’re doing right now is overthinking and jumping to conclusions.”
“You reckon?”
“I reckon.” He pushed my drink back into my hand. “Now drink up. It’s still your birthday, and I refuse to let you spend it down in the dumps.”
A smile spread across my face despite myself.
He grinned in return. “That’s my girl.”
I didn’t know if it was the fact I’d just downed a bright orange cocktail on an empty stomach, but I was determined to set things straight. The moment I laid eyes on Will, I’d just say it. I was going to put my insecurities to rest once and for all and take control of my life. I wasn’t going to be a punching bag for anyone anymore.
I was just going to ask.
Everything always seemed so simple when you were a little tipsy.
Last night’s outing had boosted my confidence, but now that I was standing backstage, I felt uneasy. Setting up for a show had become familiar territory, a second home, but now it felt like a battlefield. The last time I had confronted somebody, it didn’t end well at all.
The moment we came off stage from doing a sound check, I found Will loitering in the back hallway, looking flustered.
“We need to talk,” I declared, grabbing his arm.
“Zoe…” he began, but I pulled him into a small room that looked a lot like a storage closet.
Flicking the light on revealed a table, some old chairs, and old boxes full of papers. Storage closet it was.
Closing the door behind us, I faced him, trying to will back some of that confidence I’d felt the night before, but having him in front of me made it all dissolve into a pile of ash. I cared for him so much I was suddenly petrified he was going to break it off with me.
“Is everything okay?” I asked as he leaned back against the wall.
“Yes, of course, it is,” he replied like I was mad.
That wasn’t really flying. “You’ve been different.”
He frowned. “It’s just…we’re home now.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I asked a little too forcefully.
“Zoe.” He stepped toward me, picking up on my tone. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
When he tried to wind his arms around my waist, I jerked backward. “Then what do you mean? Something’s changed. I’m not stupid.”
“Zoe, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You were okay until you got those messages,” I said quietly. I didn’t want to be that girl, but that’s what this was about, wasn’t it?
“What are you talking about?” he asked, cocking his head to the side as if he were confused.
“Yesterday.”
His expression changed, and he knew he wasn’t getting around it. “That was nothing.”
“Will,” I hissed. “I saw how it got to you. Don’t say it was nothing. You hardly said a word to me when we got back yesterday.”
“It was nothing but an annoyance,” he snapped, and I flinched, stepping back in surprise. He’d never spoken to me that way before. His tone stabbed into me, and I was lost for words.
“Shit, Zoe.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
He reached out for me, but I twisted out of his grasp. “You’re not telling me something.”
“You’ve nothing to worry about,” he said firmly, stepping into me before I could push him away again. “
You’re everything to me.”
His hands caressed either side of my face, forcing me to look into his eyes, and I saw such sincerity there I believed him.
“You can’t keep things from me,” I said and instantly realized I was doing the exact same thing. Maybe I didn’t have a secret boyfriend, and maybe he was telling the truth, but there were still some things I was holding back on.
“Zoe,” he murmured, lowering his lips to mine. “There’s only you.”
I let him kiss me, long and slow, his lips firm against my own, and his tongue against mine. I let him consume me and take my fear.
My back hit the wall as his hands became more fevered, finding their way underneath my shirt.
“Do you want to come?” he asked huskily, unbuttoning my shorts.
“Will.” I groaned as his fingers found that place between my legs and began circling.
“Only if you want it,” he said breathlessly, nibbling on my neck. “Only if you’ll let me.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I pushed my hand down the front of his jeans instead and let my body take over, squashing all rational thought someplace else. Wrapping my hand around his hard length, I squeezed lightly. It was all the encouragement he needed. He pulled my shorts and underwear off, and his jeans dropped to his knees.
Grinding himself into my clit, he moaned against my lips. “Let me fuck you, Zoe. Let me be inside you. I need you.”
I don’t know where the condom came from, but suddenly, he lifted me up, and my legs wrapped tightly around his waist, opening myself up to him. We were still mostly dressed, the intimacy of skin on skin gone, and I knew this time was different. Positioning me on top of the table, he took my mouth in a hard, fevered kiss, his tip against my opening. I clenched in anticipation, wanting to feel him as much as he seemed to need me.
“God,” he growled, sinking deep. “You’re mine.”
Throwing my head back, I groaned as a painful, passionate need filled me. Right now, there was nothing but this, and Will didn’t stop. He thrust deep inside me, hard, fast, and relentless as he fucked me on top of the table. This wasn’t love or tenderness. This was raw sex. This was just two people who needed to fuck to feel alive. This was as real as it was going to get.