by S. M. Smith
I don’t know what to say. I stare at our hands, completely dumbfounded. Not six months ago, I was distraught with precisely this issue, wondering how I was supposed to move on with my life. I had a plan and that plan was obviously not the plan God had for me. Now I have my best friend-slash-boyfriend sitting beside me telling me his plan is to give me my happily ever after and I’m second guessing it?
He slips his hand out of mine and reaches up to tilt my head up, so that his eyes can find mine. He leans in for another kiss and I feel a tug that is starting to become consistent with his touch. His lips are gentle and soft, not pressing or urging for anything more, but still manage to suck the breath out of me. When my eyes open, I see his emerald green beauties reassuring me that this is the way it’s supposed to be.
“Think about it? Please.” He stands up and gently kisses the top of my head before making his way to the door.
Still unable to absorb all that he’s told me in a matter of a couple of minutes, I sit and stare at my hands as the door opens, then quietly clicks shut behind him.
Chapter Six
~Stephen~
To say that the ride home to our parents’ homes the next morning is awkward, is a bit of an understatement. Jessie has her iPad out “reading”, but every few minutes she sighs and adjusts in her seat. I have a feeling her uneasiness is most likely due to my proclamation, but I really believe she needs to know my intentions. Seeing how much it’s impacting her though, I let the subject go for the time being. It’s not like I’m expecting to propose to her anytime soon or anything.
“You look gorgeous this morning,” I say quietly, hoping to pull her out of her funk. She gives me a brief smile before returning back to her iPad. I can’t tell what she’s reading, but I know she can’t be too engrossed in it.
“Listen.” I try again. “I know you’re feeling a little uncomfortable with what I said, and I’m not expecting you to say anything right now, so you can relax. Nothing has changed. We’re still doing this dating thing, taking things slowly, but now you know my intentions. Stop fretting it, please.” I reach over and grab her hand.
“Okay,” she sighs, “I will try.” She gives me a more genuine smile, and I’m glad to see a piece of her back to normal. I have no delusions that she will be back to normal anytime soon.
The rest of the drive seems to drag excruciatingly longer than normal, but as soon as I pull into the church parking lot, she seems to liven up a bit. Mr. St. James is checking the mailbox when I open the door for her and she jumps out as if nothing is wrong. A piece of my heart twinges, wishing she would get back to being this way with me.
“Hi, Daddy.” She beams and gives him a quick peck on the cheek.
“Hey, kiddo. Stephen, how are you this morning?” Jack reaches out to shake my hand.
“I’m well, sir, thank you.”
“You kids have a good drive?” he asks as he walks his daughter toward the building.
“We did.” I cover for her.
“That’s great. Well I think your mother has a few things for you two to do this morning, so I’ll let you get to it.” Jack smiles as he opens the door for us. He gives me a questioning look as I walk through the door, and I try my best to give him a reassuring look, but I don’t think he’s very assured that everything is alright.
***
Jessie opts to ride back to her house with her father, saying she would like some time with him before they head over to my parents’ house before lunch. I don’t know if she wanted time with him so much as to have some time away from me, and I honestly try not to let it get to me. Apparently I’m not doing a very good job.
“Okay,” my mom says, throwing her potholder on the counter as she closes the oven door. “Spill. What is up with the two of you today?”
“Why, mother, I have no idea what you mean.” Okay, so it’s probably pretty obvious I’m a little irritated.
“Do not take that tone with me young man. You and Jessie have been colder than cold today. For the last two weeks, you two have been floating around here like it’s all sunshine and roses. And you two can’t even look each other in the eye today. What is going on?” She gives me the same terrifying look I got when I shot the pole lights out with my BB gun when I was ten. I was scared of her then, but I know she’s a softy now.
“Nothing we won’t overcome.” I press my lips, not really sure I’m ready to confess to my mother that I have every intention of marrying Jessie someday.
She raises her eyebrow at me as if that answer is highly unacceptable. I sigh and momentarily hope I’ve gained reprieve from my father as he walks in. But the look on his face says he isn’t missing this for the world. I’m pretty sure the air is being sucked out of the room.
“I may have told Jessie my intentions for our relationship last night,” I confess slowly.
“And just what are those?” My father’s eyebrows nearly hit his receding hairline. I’m starting to squirm just a bit. I haven’t felt this guilty since I had to tell them about Zoe Hadley. I’m not sure why, I haven’t knocked up Jessie yet, not that I intend to until well after we’re married, but still…
“I-“ I swallow the lump that is growing exponentially in my throat. “I have every intention of marrying her,” I say slowly. Once it was out, I felt only a little bit lighter for about two seconds. The shock on my mother’s face was comparable to the look I got when I told her about Zoe’s abortion. Oh boy… “Not necessarily anytime soon.” I add in an attempt to defuse the situation a bit.
“Well…” Mom stares at me as if I’ve grown two heads. But the look on my dad’s face, well that looks a little like pride.
“Son, that is great news. So….did you propose then?” my father asks. I’m pretty sure my mother’s heart has stopped; if not, she’s at least stopped breathing because her face is turning a weird purple color.
“Relax, Mom. No, I didn’t propose. I told her she was my future and that-“ I almost tell them about the delay in the partnership vote, but decide last minute not to. They don’t know anything about Caleb’s reviews and Jessie asked me to keep it that way. “And that she just needs to wrap her head around it. That’s all.”
“And what did she say?” My mother asks, finally finding her tongue again.
“She hasn’t really said much actually. I told her not to. I don’t expect her to be ready for a proposal just yet, so she doesn’t have to say anything right now.”
“Do you love her?” Mom just isn’t skipping a beat now. I hesitate, even though I know the answer and finally get my break when I hear a knock on the door.
“We are not done with this conversation, young man.” She gives me a look like she’s beyond angry. My father, who has remained stoically quiet up until this point, walks up and gives me a firm hug.
“You’re mother’s just scared for you. She’ll come around. Jessie’s a great girl, and I couldn’t be more proud,” he tells me just as Jack and Jessie are entering the kitchen.
Although it’s only been an hour since we parted, my insides still start a spin cycle. Jessie gives me an honest smile and I know that it’s okay to approach her. She slips an arm around my waist and just her simple touch eases the tension that built during my mother’s inquisition. I kiss the top of her head, feeling better that she’s not putting up the cold shoulder.
“Are you feeling better?” I ask her quietly, avoiding the stares of my parents.
“A little,” she admits. She turns to my mom about to ask how she can help, like she normally does. Knowing that she should probably steer clear of my mom right now, I pull her into the living room with our fathers before she gets the chance to ask.
“Jessie, how are the interviews for the interns going?” my father asks, successfully distracting her from her inherent need to help set the table.
“Well, a little slowly actually. We had a small customer retention issue that we had to deal with, but it’s resolved now, so we hope to be able to start them in the next week or two,” she says
, choosing her words carefully.
I see her father’s eyebrows peak a bit, evidently unaware that she was having any problems. She must have kept the Caleb debacle from him too, but she recovers quickly.
“Daphne and I have started talks of opening a second studio though.”
“Really?” Jack says, clearly distracted. I give her knee a gentle squeeze before getting up to help Mom out with setting the table.
I walk into the kitchen to find her closing drawers a little harder than normal and purposefully throwing things on the counter. I walk over to the cabinet to grab plates, carefully stepping into her peripheral vision so that she knows she’s been caught throwing a tantrum.
“Mom,” I say gently.
“I’m not mad,” she says quietly.
“Really? Because although you’ve never thrown anything at or stabbed me, I’m kind of fearing for my appendages right now.”
She tries to suppress her chuckles. She stops though and turns to me with a very serious look in her eyes.
“Are you one hundred percent sure this is what you want? I know you’ve had your eye on her for a while now…too long really. But you’re sure?”
I take a step closer to her, abandoning the plates for now, and reach for her hands.
“Without a single seed of doubt.”
She sighs heavily. I’m not really sure why she’s so fearful. She has seemingly been Team Jessie since we announced our relationship. I don’t see why my decision should change anything now.
“Then you need to be absolutely sure that she is ready before you even think about taking the next step,” she says firmly. I start to say that I will be, but she cuts me off. “She has been through so much in the last year, and as much as I love her like she’s my own, she’s not. I will not have her breaking your heart.”
Slightly taken aback by her sudden mother bear persona, I try my best to give her a very encouraging look.
“I will, Mom.” She pulls me into a tight, but brief hug. She releases me and waves me back toward the plates. I think I hear her sniffle as I make my way to the table, but when I look, she’s busy with a spoon in one hand and a lid in the other.
***
Jessie seems better as I open the car door for her when we go to leave. Sometime between leaving the church and finishing lunch she has found some sort of peace with whatever has been warring within her, and while I want so badly to know what is going on inside that beautiful brain of hers, I don’t want to undo any of the progress she’s made. So I keep my questions to myself.
After about an hour on the road, she reaches over and grabs my hand, kissing my knuckles before laying our hands in her lap. I see her lay her head back against the seat in my peripheral, a smile slowly spreading across her face.
“What’s so funny over there?” I ask, hoping she’ll give away some train of thought that has helped her to relax.
She shakes her head without opening her eyes.
“That smile could rival the sun.” Her cheeks flame under my compliment and my heart nearly stalls. “Seriously, give me something over here.”
One eye pops open, sending a perfectly shaped eyebrow up. Something deep inside me growls and all pure thoughts run out the window. I clinch my jaw trying to reel myself in and I hear her giggle from what seems like centimeters away. Again, nothing chaste over here.
“I was thinking about us.” She finally shares. “About what you mean by your future.”
I don’t want her to stop talking so I keep my response light. “Okay…”
“How many kids do you want?” she asks, nearly causing me to swerve the car off the freeway.
“Um, well.” I choke. All of a sudden those impure thoughts are shattered by the imaginary sound of baby cries and the searing pain they’ve become accustomed to bringing. “Three, eventually.”
“Eventually?” she sounds concerned.
“Yeah. You?”
“Would I scare you off if I said five?” she giggles. I’m not sure if she’s being serious or not.
“Um, not necessarily. We would need to see if we could come to some sort of compromise though.” She stops giggling and I glance over, worried I’ve upset her. But she’s still head back, eyes closed with the biggest smile plastered across her face.
“Would you want to stay in the city? After we start having kids, I mean,” she asks a few moments later.
Suddenly realizing what she’s doing, seriously considering our life together, has caused my lungs to stop functioning properly. I squeeze the hand she still holds in her lap, and we start planning for our future. We spend the rest of the drive meshing our five and ten year plans, talking careers and homes and more about children.
All too soon we reach her place and like I’ve always found myself with her, I’m not ready to let her go. I follow her to her door, you know, to make sure she makes it in safely. When she opens her door and turns toward me I see a peace in her eyes that sends my head into the clouds.
“So lunch tomorrow then?” she asks, peering up at me through her deliciously long lashes. I step closer and hook a hand around her waist, pulling her close to me.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Maybe for court, or Kate Beckinsale, but other than that-“ She slaps me in the chest, making me laugh. She starts to pull away, so I wrap my other hand around her. The glare in her eyes is adorable but my laugh dies when I find her lips. Seconds later, a subtle hunger wriggles its way through me, pressing her into the door jamb, and taking our breaths away. I finally manage the ability to fight it and pull far enough away so that our foreheads are touching.
“So maybe not even Kate Beckinsale,” I say in between heavy breaths. She giggles and I swear, Jesus himself comes back to Earth to drags me away from her.
Chapter Seven
~Jessie~
I sit straight up from a very vivid and very hot dream. The clock on my nightstand says its 3:14, and there isn’t enough water in the world that can stop the thirst I now have. I slip out from under the sheets, welcoming the cool hardwood floors on my toes. A few steps later I flip on the light switch over my vanity and turn the cold water on to splash on my face and neck. I look into the mirror; the black camisole, my bed-crazed hair and fresh sheen of sweat makes me look like something straight off the cover of the newest young adult novel Shelby reads.
I have GOT to stop with these dreams.
The cool water helps to rid me of the new shade of pink my cheeks and chest were rocking, but does nothing for the images that now race through my mind. There was kissing, it always starts with kissing. But then there were hands, and skin to skin contact and before I know it, a mess of golden hair and smoldering emerald eyes whispering things I’m not yet meant to hear.
Good Lord, please help!!
After turning everything off, I make my way back to bed and kick my plush down comforter to the foot of my bed, and pull the chilled sheets back over me. Before long, even they are too warm, so I kick them off. Then starts the tossing and turning. Each time I look at the clock I pray for some sort of reprieve: sleep or a faster clock. But neither seem to come. Finally at a quarter after five, I decide it’s not worth the fight any more. I really want a shower, but decide that a run isn’t going to hurt anything, especially since I’m already drenched in sweat.
***
Forty-five minutes and nearly three miles later I find Old Man Harvey with his morning cup of coffee outside his door as I get home.
“Couldn’t sleep, Miss Jessie?” he asks from his little metal lawn chair.
“Not really, no.” I smile, trying to get my breath back to a more regular speed.
“Mister Stephen needs to stop keeping you up so late.” He winks at me. If you only knew…
“Have a great day, Miss Jessie,” he calls as I open the door. I wave back at him and make a bee line for the shower.
Thinking that a little praise and worship should help get my head in the right spot, I shower with the radio blasting some Hillsong. I stay unde
r the steaming hot water, letting it pelt over my back, stretching ever so often to try to get out some tension. Mid-song a genius idea comes to me. I switch the water off, wrap up in a fluffy white towel, and try not to drip water all over my bedroom.
Grabbing my phone, I send out texts to Shaina and Daphne seeing if they are game for a yoga and spa day tomorrow. Both respond fairly quickly, and within the hour I’m dressed in sharp cropped dress pants and my favorite navy blazer with ruby red open toe booties. I drive to work in a cool, controlled manner, feeling like I’ve got the upper hand on my...situation.
My newfound confidence shows in my steps as I make my way toward the studio. Just as I reach for the front door, however, a shiny black Audi parked out front catches my eye. A tidal wave of images invade my mind, leaving me breathless and shaky. I take a moment to try to gain some sort of composure, thankful I didn’t overdo the make up today because I’m fairly sure there is a fresh new shade of pink all over my face when I pull open the front door.
My hunk of a boyfriend looks up from his seat with his signature million dollar smile. All six feet of him stands up totally rocking a nice, and perfectly tailored I might add, navy pinstriped suit. My face flushes yet again when I notice that we kinda match.
“Well good morning, gorgeous.” He reaches out and plants a swift, hungry kiss on my lips. I nearly melt right then and there.
“Morning,” I say all out of breath. I hear a giggle from the front desk and I realize that Daphne, who is all sorts of smiley, cannot take her eyes off our little scene. “Good morning to you too, Miss Thomas.”
She winks at me and I throw her a look. I pull the business card for the spa out and hand it to her.
“Can you look up the times for the earliest meditation class, and then call and schedule full body massages and facials for the best time after the class please? The earlier, the better.” I try to juggle my laptop bag, purse and coffee that Stephen hands me. “Oh, and send the times to Shaina once you have everything scheduled please.”