by S. M. Smith
I can’t take it any longer. Taking a dirt road I know will lead to a well-known swimming hole, I pull over, careful not to get too far off the road. I don’t think we’d get speedy service if I had to call a tow truck to pull my coupe out of the soft ditch. I turn the car off and grab my phone to send Mom a text letting her know that we are going to be a few minutes late.
Setting my phone back in the console, I look up to find a surprised Jessie watching me. I smirk at her and jump out the car rushing to her side to catch the door before she can open it. I take her smooth hand and lead her down toward the little creek, soaking up the warmth of the spring sun.
“What are we doing out here?” she asks with a child-like enthusiasm.
“Well, you said you wanted to talk and well, I don’t think I can sit through lunch without you sharing, so.” I pat a large boulder that looks fairly clean and help her up onto it before climbing up myself. “What is it that you wanted to tell me?”
He face flushes pink and my heart skips like five beats.
“Well as you know, I needed some time to…regroup.” Her face darkens a few shades and I fight the urge to kiss her red cheeks. “I’m thankful for the time with both Shaina and Daphne, because they helped me to realize something in between breathing exercises and disgusting pore cleansing masks.
“I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. Stephen, you bring out everything in me that I have always thought was bad, and make it all into something good. You make me feel like I can shine in the darkest of places and in turn you are like the light at the end of a very long tunnel. I am…so happy.” She hesitates, and stares down at her wringing fingers. I reach over and lace mine with hers. At my touch, she looks up and removes her shades so I can see her beautiful brown eyes. The emotion in them takes my breath away and I’m pretty sure I know what she’s going to say next, because I’m feeling it too.
“And I am, completely and wonderfully, in love. With you,” she says boldly.
Time stops and her words mute the rushing water of the creek. I’m rendered speechless, mainly because there is only one thought running through my head.
She loves me. She’s choosing me.
She reaches up and takes my sunglasses off my head and lays a hand on my cheek. Her soft hand is cool against my now flushed skin. She smiles a sweet, innocent smile. I’m so stunned, I can’t find the words. After a moment of not being able to respond, her smile starts to falter and her hand falls.
Finally, oxygen seeps back into my lungs and connects with my brain, allowing me to finally find the appropriate response.
“Jess—“
“You don’t have to say it back. You shouldn’t if you’re not ready. I just…I just wanted you to know.” She starts to slide her sunglasses back on, looking away. I reach for her chin and swiftly guide her so that our noses touch. She can’t look anywhere but directly into my eyes, just where I need her.
“I have been waiting a very, VERY long time to say it back to you. Jessie St. James, you are the love of my life and I meant it when I said you’re my future. I love you too. More than you could possibly know.”
I kiss her urgently. She’s the air I need, the water that can quench the deepest of thirsts on a ridiculously hot day, the sun and the moon of my days, and I hope she gets all that from this kiss. I move the hand that held her face gently to the nape of her neck, wrapping my fingers in her silky hair. She pulls back just enough that I feel her smile on my lips and wraps her arms tightly around my neck. I pull her so she’s sitting across my lap, diving in for another drink of her sweet lips.
We soak up the moment in each other’s arms until I hear the faint ring of my phone.
“I think our parents are hungry.” She giggles.
“I think they can wait a little bit longer, don’t you.”
Her body shakes with laughter, but dodges my approaching lips.
“I’m kind of starving myself.”
“Well then, let’s get you some lunch.” I hop down, offering my hand to help her back to the car. The phone rings a second time just as I’m shutting her door so she picks it up and hands it to me through the open window.
“Hey, Mom,” I answer as I make my way around my car. “I know, Mom. We’re on our way.”
***
I’m pretty sure we look like a couple of lovesick puppies as we stumble through the door, earning a couple of suspicious stares from our fathers. Mom knocks a ladle a little too hard on the pot of noodles, letting me know she’s not all that happy with our little delay.
“Sorry, Momma.” I lean over her shoulder and kiss her cheek. I think I hear her sigh as she turns to me with a weary face. I thought I’d be in bigger trouble by the look on her face, but apparently my glowing smile softens her up just a little.
“It’s okay. Go set the table.” And just like that I’m off the hook for stalling lunch. She eyeballs Jessie though, and I know there is still some need for damage control.
“Jess.” I get her attention and she eagerly makes her way over to help me with getting out the dishes. The look in her eyes says that she’d follow me anywhere and the confidence that gives me is heady.
She takes the bowls from me, and after grabbing some silverware, we work together to set the table. We don’t have to communicate and we don’t get in each other’s way as we lay everything out. We move harmoniously and I sense that this is how our lives could be. Working together as a team, conquering the world. I start fantasizing about doing these lunches at our own home, our parents at our house. An image of a baby being passed around with a very happy Jessie in my arms stops me in my tracks.
“Hey. Where are you right now?” Jessie steps in front of me and looks up with innocent curiosity.
“Right here, with you.” I lean down and plant a chaste kiss on her smiling lips.
Mom catches my attention as I pull back, giving me the stink eye from the kitchen door and I feel my infractions starting to add up.
“Table’s all set, Mom. What else can do you need us to do?” I try to give her my best I-promise-I’m-trying-to-stay-out-of-trouble smile and she gives me her best I’ve-got-my-eye-on-you look, pursed lips and all.
“Lunch is ready. Come help me with the food, please.”
I pull out Jessie’s seat for her and gesture for her sit. After pushing her chair in for her, I rush in to the kitchen to help Mom, who just seems to be growing more agitated by the second.
“Mom.” I stop her and hold her in front of me. “I really am sorry that we were late. Jess said she had something important that she needed to talk to me about and I got impatient. I’m sorry, I should have waited.” I don’t smile this time, letting her know that I am feeling more contrite than I may appear to be. She gives up a little of her frustration.
“And just what was so important? You two haven’t stopped giving each other googly eyes since you walked through the door.” She purses her lips again.
The memory of those sweet brown eyes looking deep into mine, telling me she loves me has that stupid grin spreading across my face again.
“She loves me, Mom.”
She’s clearly shocked by my words, I don’t think that was exactly what she was expecting me to say. What looks like relief flashes over her face before she lets concern settle again.
“What now, Mom?” I try not to let it come through my tone, but I think it’s pretty clear she’s raining on my parade.
“I just…well….I just want you to be careful,” she sputters out.
“And just what is that supposed to mean exactly?” I can’t help the growing irritation that laces my voice.
Her edginess comes back and I see it in her eyes, warring with concern. She narrows her eyes at me again before continuing.
“Listen. I’m not telling you that I don’t like Jessie, because you know I do. But I don’t trust that she is being completely fair to you. She has bounced back from everything with Jake a little too easily. She jumped right into the arms of another man, who ce
rtainly didn’t respect her. Now here you are, laying your heart out for her to do what she will with it. She’s damaged, and I don’t want to watch her throw you to the curb, broken and bleeding, once she heals.”
My mother has never slapped me. Oh, I’ve earned my fair share of whippings and justly received them, but never has she laid a hand to my face. But her words feel like she’s done just that. I stand in horrified shock when my father steps into the kitchen to see what the delay is.
“Everything okay in here?” he asks with that voice that says it had better be.
“Yeah, Dad.” I say, regaining my composure. “Mom was just telling me how supportive she is of my relationship with Jessie.”
I storm over to the stove, carefully pick up the warm pot and give my mother one last look before leaving her in the kitchen.
“Thanks, Mom.”
Chapter Nine
~Jessie~
Okay, so it’s not like I expected him to drop down on one knee the very next day. But I would have thought that since we had both confessed our love for one another, and since he had practically already told me he expected us to be together forever, he would have proposed by now. Alas, we have not really progressed in the three weeks since that perfect day by the creek.
“But he told you that you were his future, right?” Daphne asks over a slurp of her strawberry lemonade. We decided to take a rare lunch together because I just need to get this off my chest.
“Yeah. We've talked short and long term dreams. Where we want to live. Heck, we even talked kids!”
Her eyebrows lift in surprise. She takes another long slurp of her lemonade, before swirling her cup around, trying to get the strawberry pulp to mix with what is left in her cup.
“Well I have no doubt that he will propose when he's good and ready, Jess. You have to remember, you have already decided you’re ready for the next step in life. Granted it was with a total toad, but your prince may need some more time spoilin’ his princess before turning her into a queen.” Her eyebrows pop up before she adds, “And starts creatin’ little princes and princesses.” She giggles. “Oh, your kids are gonna be so stinkin’ adorable!”
I know it’s a little early to be doing so, but I picture a curly haired blonde baby with the most stunning green eyes and totally think she’s right.
“Listen, give him time. You know he’s not going anywhere; enjoy this fun time. Because someday, you’ll look back and miss it. You’ll be beggin’ for time alone and you won’t be able to get it because there will be a bajillion little darlings running ‘round taking pictures and arguin’ over the quality of them.” She smiles at her little quip, but a flash of how Stephen and I have spent our alone time recently has me anything but amused.
“Ugh. The time alone is going to get us in trouble.”
She nearly spits her lemonade all over the table. She knows all too well what I mean. Last Friday she had come into my office to say good bye for the weekend to find Stephen and I very much entangled, and fortunately, clothed. There have been a few moments where shirts have nearly been disregarded, but one of us will come to our senses before we get too far. I just am not sure how much longer I want to wait. I know we need to, but I also know what I want.
“Hey, head back over here.” Daphne snaps her fingers, bringing me back to our conversation. “I know you two will know when the timing is right. But for the sake of the rest of us lonely pups who have to watch you two canoodle, I pray it isn’t too much longer. Really. It’s worse than having to watch teen dramas with a giggly Shelby.”
I literally laugh out loud. A few nights ago we had a girls night and Shelby made us watch Twilight AND Eclipse. She sat on the edge of the couch, hands drawn to her chest, eyes all glossy, and practically recited both movies by heart. It was more entertaining to watch her than to watch the horrible acting of the movies.
“I’m just sayin’, you two are just awkward sometimes.” She rolls her eyes at me as she signals the waitress for a refill. “Just do me a favor, and hang a sock or something on your office door the next time, will ya?”
***
I could totally spend all day kissing his tender lips, and the thoughts his touch invokes, well they aren’t very ladylike. He smells fresh and clean, like soap, and his hair is still damp from his shower at the gym. He came right over after his game, literally picking me up as I answered the door before sitting us on the couch.
Barely five words have been shared between us in the last fifteen minutes, but plenty has been said by the fact that we haven’t been more than five inches apart since he walked in. He had a good day, he missed me, he couldn’t wait to see me. I’m definitely getting the picture.
As his hands find their way to the skin of my back, a bold voice from within has started shouting at me. I need to remember the integrity we want for this relationship, so this make out session needs to end. And fast. I pull back, trying to create some space between us.
“What’s wrong?” Stephen asks, breath heavy and way too husky for my own good. His arms tighten around my waist pulling me back in. Reluctantly, I reach behind me to pry his arms away. I gently climb off his lap and sit down beside him on my couch, letting my knees still touch his leg.
“I think we need to call it a night.” I run my hands over my face and hair. My fingers brush my swollen lips and I hear a soft groan from his side of the couch.
“You’re right.” He gives me a guilty smile as he runs his hands through his hair and my heart wrenches.
“I’m sorry,” I say timidly, not wanting him to be upset with me.
“What do you have to be sorry about? This,” he waves a finger between us, “is very much a two way street. But you’re right. We both need to rein in our self-control. We both have made very stern commitments to wait. So…we need to cool it down.”
“I agree. But…”
“But? What?”
I don’t know how to ask him what has been eating at me all day. Daphne’s reminder that he just may need the time comes back to me, so I decide to let the subject drop by shaking my head and trying to give him an innocent smile.
“We’re not having sex until we’re married, Jessie.” His voice is a little too firm, taking me aback.
“Oh, you can bet your sweet butt we aren’t.” I push up off the couch before I say something else I shouldn’t. Crossing my arms, I feel the heat flowing through my veins, sending me to pace behind the couch. He turns toward me with a scared look on his face. “But when exactly is that going to be, Stephen?”
His face contorts with confusion. I don’t think he was exactly expecting me to ask this.
“Um, well. That is a good question...” He stumbles over his words, clearly not expecting to have this conversation. I immediately am sorry I asked, but I can’t help the staring, waiting for him to say something, anything.
“Jessie, I—“
My heart sinks. Again, not really expecting him to drop down on one knee right here and now, but I was hoping he would have had some idea as to when he would be ready. I feel my heart start to constrict but I don’t want cry over this.
“I think you need to go, Stephen.” My voice barely above a whisper as I try to hide the disappointment.
“Jess, I meant it when I said you’re my future. But it’s like you said, we need to take things one step at a time. Give me some time to enjoy this. I’ve wanted you for a very long time. And now that you’ve chosen me, I need to overcome the shock and awe before we go off and make some serious decisions. I want to do this right.” He stands and swiftly makes his way to stand in front of me. He reaches for my hand and pulls it to his lips.
His eyes look deep into mine, trying to assure me that we will be married all in good time. I try to will my heart to be patient, but the electrical currents flowing from his hand to mine are making it hard to be patient about anything involving him. So I drop his hand and take a step back.
“I think I should go.” He leans forward and lightly brushes his lips across
my cheek.
My breath catches and I know he hears it. Pain flashes through his eyes as he sees the sting his words have had on me. He makes his way to the door but stops as he reaches for it.
“I love you, Jessie.”
His tender vow cuts right through my heart, making me feel horrible for putting us on separate pages. “I love you, too.”
He isn’t gone five minutes before I start to feel bad about the way I handled that situation. I need to talk to someone who will understand me enough to see my side of the picture, but detached enough to play devil’s advocate. I need Stephen my best friend. He would be the one I would call, the one who would normally talk me out of being upset by means of logic and reason.
I pace through my apartment for almost an hour before I work up the nerve to call him.
“Hey,” he answers softly.
“Hey.” Neither one of us know what to say. After a few moments of silence, I sit on the edge of my bed and finally just go for it.
“I need to talk to my best friend, not my boyfriend. Do you think that might be possible?”
“Um… sure. One second.” There’s a quick pause before he speaks again. “Hey, gorgeous. Your boyfriend said you needed to talk to me?”
I smile involuntarily and decide to play along.
“Oh yes, but first, how are things? Work? Your parents?”
“Things are good. Work’s a little dull right now. Some jerk got me in a bit of trouble for something he did, so I’ve gotta wait for my promotion, but it’s all good. Mom and Dad are great. I met a girl. She’s pretty amazing.” The tone in his voice drops to the same as when he left, and I feel my heart start to bottom out.
“Oh really?” I’m not feeling all that amazing right now. “That’s great. Well, not about your delayed promotion, but the girl. Tell me, what’s she like?” I think a part of me wants him to tell me I’m a brat for acting like I did so that I’ll feel better. But another part of me wants to hear what makes me pretty amazing.