“About time!”
Kate smiled. “Yes, I think we’re actually happening now. Thanks in no small part to you.”
Pete bowed. “Always glad to be of service.” He held up his ticket, ran and popped it in his car and returned. “Shall we walk?”
They went into town and Kate tried to think of what Adam might like for Christmas. “Men are so tricky to buy for,” she told him. “If you were Adam, what would you like from a girl for Christmas?”
Pete grinned. “A see-through negligée and a thong,” he replied.
Kate held a straight face. “I’m not sure that would suit him.” She grinned and he nudged her.
“I don’t know. He always used to like rock music. He still seems to have a nice car and I’m pretty sure he used to like a bottle of posh wine.”
“Were you two friends?” she asked.
“A long time ago.”
“Not anymore?”
“No. I think he’s learned to mix with a better class of person these days.”
Kate looked at him, trying to decide for herself what he meant by that. “Well, I like you,” she said. “I wouldn’t take it too personally. He’s had a lot to deal with lately.”
Pete smiled. “So, what do you usually get a boyfriend for Christmas?”
“I don’t. This is my first time.”
He stopped. “Really? Wow. Okay then… What about something to wear and a nice bottle of wine?”
“Sounds good to me. Do you know much about wine?”
“Not a lot, but I’m sure the guys in the wine shop will be able to help us.”
With an expensive bottle of red in a bag, the two walked out into the darkening sky. Rain began to patter overhead and they quickly agreed on a stop in a coffee shop to regroup.
“So, how goes it with you and your harem?” Kate asked, sipping her hot cup of tea.
Pete smiled. “A little disappointing, now you mention it.”
“Oh, you poor thing.”
“I think I’ve been fishing in the same pond for too long. Time to be moving on.”
“You’ve only been here five minutes!” Kate said.
“Yeah, well.”
“You know you could always try and stick around in the morning, get to know a girl. They may not be all as bad as you think.”
“What sort of bizarre notion is that, you strange woman?” He winked.
“Well, what’s stopping you? Are you afraid?” Kate was teasing him now, trying to goad him into submission, so she was quite taken aback when he actually said, ‘Yes’.
Kate’s phone rang and he laughed. “Saved by the bell!”
She pinned him with a stern look that told him he wasn’t going to get away with it that easily and answered.
“Kate, it’s Adam. I’ve managed to wangle a couple of hours off to whizz around town and I was wondering if you were free to meet me?”
Kate mouthed, ‘It’s Adam’ to Pete. “Um, sure, okay. I’m in town too at the moment as it happens. Where would you like to meet?”
Kate ended the call and turned back to Pete. “If I leave the bag with you, could we meet back here in say… twenty minutes and we can carry on with this conversation then?” Pete agreed and Kate headed off to meet with Adam.
The rain had stopped and Adam smiled as she approached him, but he wasn’t as open as he usually was and Kate wondered what was wrong. “You okay?” she asked.
“Absolutely. What have you been up to, then?”
“Oh, just some Christmas shopping,” she told him.
Adam looked around. “Where is it?”
“Er… I haven’t bought anything yet. I only just got here.”
“Right. So, tell me, what am I supposed to get you for Christmas?”
Hell. What was she supposed to say to that? She could hardly reel off a list for him; she didn’t want to look like a money grabber. “You don’t have to get me anything. It’s enough that I’ve got you.”
Adam smiled. “Well if you’re going to be no use, I’ll have to love you and leave you, because I’ve not got a clue. Go on, hop it. I’ll ring you tonight.” He reached down and gave her a peck on the cheek and then he left, leaving her standing there.
Odd, Kate thought, not quite sure what the purpose of that whole conversation was. She rang Pete. “Coast’s clear.”
~
Adam stood in a shop doorway and watched as Kate picked out her phone. Light twinkled in her turquoise-blue eyes and she smiled. He had not done that to her, it was whoever she was calling that made her feel that way. Adam felt compelled to seek out this torture by some invisible force that lured him on. Why had she lied to him? He had to know the reason.
She walked out of view and Adam stepped into the street. He followed her back to the coffee shop, where he’d seen her before. He moved closer. He could see her now, back at the table. Back with him.
Adam was standing in the middle of the high street, oblivious to the world. Only Kate existed now, with him watching her, and Pete. Light rain started to drizzle down as he stood outside, looking in. As if pulling a splinter, he watched as Peter took her hands in his, stroking them gently and smiling. Kate looked so happy, as she playfully took his scarf from around his neck and wrapped it around under her chin.
Adam’s gaze fell to the pavement. He shrugged his collar up against the wind and walked slowly back to work, where there was always something he could immerse himself in.
Memories of his mother stifling tears crept in through the pathways of his childhood mind. He was not going to suffer as she had: cheated on over and over again by a partner that claimed to be true. No, he had been foolish to hope he was enough. He had failed one woman gravely; there would be no second chances in this lifetime.
That night Kate rang him, but he couldn’t bring himself to pick up. He couldn’t do it. What could he say? She had turned away from him. So easily led astray. And Pete had done it. Taken away the woman that meant the most to him. Again.
The following morning Adam knew he was being far too abrupt to the patients in his clinic. He decided to forego lunch to avoid having to talk to anyone in the canteen and now, just a few metres in front of him, was Peter Florin. He was dressed in civvies and looking as happy as Kate had been, the last time she was with him.
Pete looked up, and for the first time since he’d arrived there, Adam was appalled to see that he actually had the nerve to smile at him.
“Adam. Hi. I was just dropping off some chocolates for the nurses. Have a good Christmas and don’t work too hard. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”
The hell he would.
Chapter 9
Adam couldn’t let it pass. It was boiling up inside him. “Done all your Christmas shopping have you?” he asked in clipped tones that had the effect of stopping Pete in his tracks. He turned around.
“God, no. Just going to rush out and do it now. You know me.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t spend so much time with women, then,” Adam seethed.
“Chance would be a fine thing. It’s been like rats leaving a sinking ship recently,” he said laughing at himself.
Adam wasn’t smiling. “So what were you doing in town yesterday? I’m sure I saw you in there.”
Anxiety lined the corners of Pete’s face and he hesitated. His eyes scanned Adam’s for censure and must have guessed what was lurking there. “Ah. No. It’s not what you’re thinking, Adam.”
“And what am I thinking?” He shook his head. “It had to be you, didn’t it?”
“What? No!”
“You hadn’t done enough damage. You had to follow me here and do it all over again.”
“That’s not fair. I had no idea where you were working when I arrived here. It was as much a shock to me as it was to you.”
“Well, it’s over. Are you happy now?”
Adam stormed away, with Pete calling up the corridor after him. Time to seal the wound.
He rounded the corner in front of him and buzzed on to th
e ward to meet his team. “I just need five minutes,” he said to his registrar. Make sure everyone’s ready. I’ll be right back.”
Adam waded through the casualties into A&E, looking around for Kate. He asked Gloria and she directed him down to Cubicle Three. He strode in and came face to face with Kate. She was with him. They were obviously getting their stories straight. Pete had his back to Adam, but Kate was looking straight at him.
“Adam.”
Pete turned. He went to speak, but Adam held up a hand, silencing him, never once removing his eyes from Kate.
“This is between Kate and me.”
“But-”
“Leave.”
Pete looked back at Kate and she nodded her agreement and so he left.
Kate started to approach. “You’ve got it all wrong-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Kate. I just had to look you in the eye. The eyes never lie, you know? And yours are screaming with guilt.”
She was trying her hardest to look innocent, he had to give her credit for that, but he was nobody’s fool. “Happy are you?” he said. “Laughing behind my back, I bet. Swore blind you had just got into town, when all the time you’d been with him.”
“No. It wasn’t like that. We-”
“We? Oh? And don’t think I didn’t spot you running back to him afterwards as well, because I did. Do you think I’m blind, Kate? Do you think I’m that stupid?”
“Well, now you mention it, yes. You’re making yourself look a complete fool right now.”
She was angry. He was pleased for it. At least he wasn’t going to suffer this alone. “So you don’t deny it, then?”
“Yes! No! God, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Oh, I’ve got it all wrong? You’re damned right there. I wouldn’t take you back now if you begged me to.”
“If you keep acting like this I’m not sure I’d want to. I thought you were different. I thought you were decent.”
“You thought I was gullible. I don’t need you anymore, Kate. I’m done with you.” Kate’s mouth moved but no words came out. He let out a huff of derision and turned to walk away.
“So you’ve decided already, have you?” she said. “Without even giving me a chance to explain?” She shook her head. “Then you obviously are not the man I thought you were.”
“I guess disappointment is something we’re both going to have to live with. My love obviously wasn’t enough for you. I’d say that makes us pretty even, wouldn’t you?” His anger was subsiding and the cool consultant’s exterior was settling back in. “Don’t go neglecting your patients, Kate. We wouldn’t want any of them to suffer because of your failings, would we?”
“At least I’m not withering away, still pining after a dead wife!” Kate spat and Adam felt those words like a slap across the face.
Mark Cobham marched in, shouting their names down the corridor and Adam briefly turned to make him out. He stepped between them, separating them physically. “Kate, get back to your duties, now! I’ll speak with you later. Adam, come with me,” and he was frog-marched through the department and into Mark’s office.
Mark slammed his office door. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, storming into my department and having a slanging match with one of my nurses? Have you taken leave of your senses? Now sit down, calm down and talk to me, and this better be good.”
~
Kate’s heart was smashing a path right through her body, her hands were shaking and she was in absolutely no state to be doing fine needlework.
Gloria appeared at her side, like a guardian angel. “Give me that,” she said, taking the suture tray still dangling in Kate’s hand. “I can put a stitch in your young man. I’ve got a drunk down there who’s not in any state to remember if you give him a gob full or not. Go on.” Kate thanked her and wandered shakily down to Resus Two.
She should never have said those words to him. Guilt plagued her keenly. It had been cruel. Unthinkable. But there was no chance now to take them back. It had been said. But his eyes when she’d said them. The pain. He would never forgive her and she couldn’t even blame him. But he had accused her. Unfaithful? How dare he? And he hadn’t even given her a chance to explain.
This was madness. She shook her head. She was through with men. She couldn’t play their games. The next time a guy made a pass at her he’d better be wearing protection, because she was going to knee him in the groin and run for the hills.
She started tending to the drunken man. “I bet you’re no better,” she muttered to him. How could he have done this to her? And it had all seemed so perfect, so right, just the other night.
~~~
A look of understanding passed from Lena to the woman at her side and Lena pulled her hair back over one ear and lifted her head a little higher.
“Your mother was brilliant,” the woman said. “She went looking for Kate later on too, as soon as her shift was over.”
~~~
Gloria found Kate, frozen in thought with a blood sugar stick in her hand. “Go home, love. Shifts over,” she said and gently took the stick and dirty gloves out of Kate’s hands. She offered to drive Kate home, or make her a cup of tea, but Kate assured her she’d be okay and so Gloria could only watch as Kate walked slowly away.
That night Kate’s heart weighed too heavy. She tried to ring Adam to apologise for what she’d said, but he wouldn’t pick up. Sophie wasn’t home, so she just sat in silence with her turbulent thoughts and when she could take that no longer, she got up and went to bed. Curling up with her knees under her chin, Kate finally let the tears flow. For she had believed that he loved her. He loved her and she loved him. But loving was no longer enough. Kate needed trust. A man who was faithful to her and no other, who loved her above all else and believed in their love, and in her… if such a man existed.
~
Adam eventually gave up trying to make sense of it. It was useless. Life had kicked him in the guts again and it was his own fault for trying. He walked into his living room and dropped his keys on the side. He shivered. The cold had got through to his bones, so he ran himself a hot shower and stepped in.
Heat soaked into him as he stood, torturing himself with how he had managed to ruin everything again. He had obviously taken too long to find the strength to admit that he was falling for her, Ali always being so apparent in his mind, preventing him. She had been gone almost three years now and still he found it hard to let go. He didn’t blame Kate for not wanting him. He didn’t want himself. His thoughts turned to Ali as his anger began to fade. He felt her presence beside him, holding onto his hand. He missed her. He leant his forehead against the steam-clouded glass of the shower door and let out a sigh.
After he had dressed, Adam rang Mark Cobham. “Mark. It’s me.”
“Adam. How did it go? Have you kissed and made up yet?”
“What’s the use?” he said.
“Have you at least spoken to her?” Mark asked.
“There’s not a lot to say.”
There was a brief pause on the other end of the line. “I think you’ve got it all wrong, you know. Kate was a mess after you left.”
“Well that could be guilt.”
“And she’s not one who normally shows it. I’m sure it’s all just a misunderstanding.”
“I don’t think so,” Adam said. “Besides, she’s happier with Pete. I saw them. I saw her.”
There was silence on the other end of the line again. “Tell you what, it’s Christmas. Give her some space for a couple of days. Give yourself a bit of space too and when it’s all back to normal, then talk to her.”
“No.”
“Or I can?”
“I said no, Mark. Just let it go. I want your word on this.”
Mark let out a deep sigh. “I think you’re making a big mistake, but… you’re the boss. Are you going to be okay? Only I’m meant to be taking the kids out to-”
“No. Sure. Sorry. I’m fine. Have a nice Christmas.”
“Yeah, you too, mate. I’ll ring you.”
Adam put the phone back in his pocket and sat there, staring at the wall.
~
Christmas Day, Kate was round at her parents’, earlier than expected.
“I’m afraid we’re not dressed yet,” her mum began as she walked in the front door at half past eight in the morning. “We were just opening our presents in bed. I’ll make us a pot of tea, shall I? Come on through.”
Kate walked in, carefully circling the mistletoe hanging ominously overhead.
“Everything all right?” her mum asked.
“Yes, fine,” Kate said.
“You’re early. Still too eager to open your presents?”
Kate grinned, though it was an effort to do so. If she were honest, Kate would have told her that she was hiding out of Adam’s reach, but she was also hiding from herself, so she decided to let it slide. “Something like that.”
Kate’s mum looked at her thoughtfully, in that uncanny way mums have when they know there’s something wrong but you’re not telling them.
“Mum, would it be all right if I crashed here tonight and then we could all go off to Jimmy’s together tomorrow. Would that be okay?” she asked.
“Of course. You know we always love having you here. Grab the cups will you, love, and we’ll go upstairs and see your dad.”
Kate followed her mother upstairs, putting a brave face on for the festivities. She laughed and smiled and joined in with all the traditions of Christmas, but in the quieter times, between the laughter, she was in a sad world of her own making, where only heartache and recriminations were allowed entry and Kate was weary.
Even the Christmas meal seemed to be laughing at her. She won the wishbone from her dad and struggled to think of something worth wishing for. ”You have it, Dad,” she said. “Maybe you should wish for some new slippers for Mum.”
Her dad laughed. “What do you think I bought her? I’m not giving her another excuse to throw herself down the stairs on me. No, you have it, Kate,” and he passed it back. Kate thought. And then she silently wished she’d never said those words to Adam.
The afternoon passed easily enough with phone calls from Marcus and various uncles and aunts and, as the day went on, Kate managed to build a cocoon around herself, keeping all thoughts of Adam at the back of her mind, helped in no small part by the copious quantities of wine her dad kept offering.
By My Side Page 16