None of that wasn’t supposed to happen.
Not the sex.
Not the fight.
And definitely not the gaping hole I felt in my heart because of the way things ended between me and Jax
At first, I promised myself I was only going to look, from a distance.
Then I saw him… those playful, sexy eyes, that clever, brutally handsome smile. So I thought I could just say hey. A simple what’s up.
But then I got too close to him, in a Macy’s dressing room of all places. Then, all bets were off.
I never felt so out of control in whole my life. And believe me, I used to be plenty out of control.
I drive back to my hotel room, or should I say our hotel room since Merissa is staying with me this time around. I can barely focus on the road as I wonder when, or even if, this aching pain in my stomach is going to go away.
I finally make it back to my room, and Merissa greets me at the door with a half-empty glass of white wine in her hand. “Where were you?” she says.
I walk past her and throw my keys down on the granite island. “I told you I wasn’t doing this dance with you anymore.”
“I know, Tyler. You aren’t doing any dance with me anymore. I know the deal now.”
“Really?” I say, raising a brow to the ceiling and holding up the half-empty bottle of wine.
She shrugs her shoulders. “The station manager from Kiss 108 texted me, wants you to get there at 9:15. They want you to wear their paraphernalia... hat, t-shirt, whatever else they feel like,” she says, her voice slightly slurred from the alcohol.
The only thing I want right now is to be alone. Every organ inside of me feels bruised. And spending time with Merissa is not helping matters.
I pour myself a glass to help relax.
“You know, if we have any more little exposure episodes like the one you had last time you were here in Boston, your priceless image is going to be a tougher and tougher sell,” she says.
I take a large gulp from my wine and reach for the tv remote. “Yeah, well, the announcement of our engagement pretty much ended the debate around my sexuality,” I say, the ache inside my body intensifying the second the words leave my tongue.
You’re not betraying him.
And you don’t owe him shit.
“You mean our pseudo engagement,” Merissa adds.
I chuckle, using the remote to fish for ESPN on the mounted flat screen in the kitchen of the hotel room. “You have to believe it if you’re going to sell it, Merissa,” I say sarcastically.
“I don’t act for a living, so lying comes a little bit harder for me than it does for you.”
I look straight at the TV. “Then just think back to the time when the two of us actually believed we could be a real couple,” I say.
“You mean think back to two weeks ago?”
I shake my head. “That’s not fair. You knew the risks.”
“Did I?” she says, putting her wine down and crossing her arms in front of her chest.
I turn the TV off and look straight at her. “Look, you’re making out just fine in this deal. The past is the past. Just keep your eye on the prize, and you’ll get what you want.”
She snickers. “I wanted you, Tyler. Remember?”
I bury my face in my hands. “Goodnight, Merissa.”
I set my glass down and head into my bedroom. I draw a bath, hoping it will help calm me down.
Thoughts of Jax are swirling in my brain, possessing me and not letting me go.
Give it time.
I take off my clothes and step into the hot bath water. I need to do some mental prep for my spot on the morning radio show tomorrow.
In my mind, I run through all of the questions the host is going to throw at me. I practice every single answer, knowing that if I can nail this last show, I can rest until Gunner 2 is released.
Then all of this shit will take care of itself, and my career will be back on track.
No, my career will be stronger than ever.
As I ramp up the AC in my bedroom and slip under the silky sheets, I’m determined to move forward in my life.
And ignore this pain that seems dead set on tearing my insides apart.
I show up to the radio station right on time, have my security guys cover both entrances, and drop into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face before I do this interview. I’ve done this a thousand times, but for some reason, this one feels like the hardest.
I walk into the studio, shake hands with the host of Boston’s biggest morning show, Danny Kelly, and have a seat directly in front of my mic.
After a minute or two of settling in, the program manager counts down with his fingers to let us know we’re about to go live.
Five, four, three, two, one...
The moment we go live, I can feel my chest tighten. I can’t get Jax out of my mind, and for some reason being here is bringing out the worst of these thoughts.
Don’t be stupid. You worked too hard to blow it now.
The local radio legend’s voice is crisp and loud as it snaps me from my trance. “We are live this morning with Boston’s very own and very favorite leading man, Ty Cannon!”
He pauses to take a sip from his coffee. “Can I just start by saying those are some massive arms you have there. What’s your secret, because as you can see from my potato-shaped physique, I haven’t quite mastered the art of going to the gym,” he jokes.
I laugh and play along, pointing to the chocolate donut right in front of him. “First of all Danny, you see that? ”
“My donut?”
I nod and say into the mic, “In my line of work, we call those fat pills.”
The show’s host laughs. “We live in two very different worlds, Mr. Cannon. In the morning radio biz, we call these vitamins,” he says, taking a massive bite out of his chocolate donut and chewing his food directly into the mic.
I chuckle and lean back, waiting for his next question. And for a split second, our little banter had me distracted.
Danny’s eyes grow serious as he looks down at a small monitor that’s facing him. “Speaking of change, you’ve been through a lot. You just got engaged, am I right?”
“Yes, yes, Danny. I did. Merissa and I have been together for several years now so-”
“So she gave you an ultimatum, am I right?” he jokes.
I lean into the mic real close and say, “I don’t take ultimatums, Danny.”
“Fair enough, I have no interest in tangling with the man who plays the leading role in the Gunner franchise,” he says.
The two of us laugh, but inside, the pain in my chest is back and stronger than ever.
“You’ve done more for Boston than any other celebrity has done for any other city as far as charities and what not, and we’re going to get to that. And I know you’re here to promote Gunner 2, but I have to ask…” he pauses to take another swig from his silver coffee mug, causing my gut to tighten instantly. “What the heck happened with that latest story that broke out? You have that no bullshit, straight-shooter mystique, so this thing that broke out about you being a closeted gay man, it kind of blew me away.”
My palms start to sweat, my chest tightens even more. Fortunately, I channel my acting skills as I prepare my response, keeping my eyes locked in on the mic. I give a light, fake chuckle into the mic, and Jax’s face flashes through my mind the second I do. “Next question, Danny,” I say, only half-jokingly.
The host laughs heartily into his mic. “But seriously, you must have people who look into that stuff for you. Any idea who would’ve made up that story?”
I sit up taller and reach for my water bottle. I go to open it and watch as the cap falls to the floor, wondering if that’s somehow symbolic of where my soul is heading. I lean into the mic, guilt raiding every bone in my body as I prepare to drive the final nail in the coffin of what happened between Jax and me.
I hesitate and look down at my hand, the feeling of Jax’s cheeks stil
l lingering in my palm.
Then it hits me like a ton of bricks, right in the center of my chest.
I can’t go on pretending like this, regardless of the damage telling the truth will cause. Ideally, I’d turn and leave. Just not say anything.
But it’s too late for that now. Hundreds of thousands of listeners are driving in their cars, or sitting in their cubicles, waiting for my response.
“It wasn’t a story, Danny. It’s the truth.”
Did I really just say that?
The Boston radio icon’s eyes snap together. “The truth? So then…” his voice trails off as he tries to find the right words.
My heart pounds furiously in my chest. “The man in those photo leaks is someone I have a very important relationship with, or at least I hope I do. He’s someone I care deeply about, and someone I’ve been involved with romantically.”
Danny Kelly clears his throat. “Like a secret lover?”
“No, not a secret. Not anymore. Merissa and I, our engagement wasn’t really supposed to happen. We both knew that going into it,” I say.
The morning show host pops open his bottle of water and takes a large sip. “Well, this is kind of breaking news. Why now? Why tell the entire city, everyone who’s listening, right now?”
I grin. “It’s time I start walking the walk, that’s why,” I say. “And continuing to lie, just to protect my image, I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry,” I say, standing up from my seat. “I gotta go, I owe someone an apology.”
I reach down, grab the cap to my water bottle from the floor, and leave.
I escape through the back exit, give my security guy a nod and tell him I’m all set. I make my way to where my car is parked, and take a deep breath as I look up at the sky.
And for the first time in a long time, I feel like a huge rock just got surgically removed from my shoulders.
At least most of the rock, because the hardest part has yet to come.
I’ve been sitting in my car for two hours, waiting for Jax to get out of work. Part of me wanted to say fuck it and just walk right in the second I got here. But I knew better; I knew I’d already messed things up, maybe beyond repair.
No, this time I’m going to do it right. Really let Jax know how I feel.
Then I set eyes on him... the second he comes out of work, I find myself swallowing hard, my pulsing speeding up several beats per second. The color of his hair is a perfect match with the rays of the setting sun that are beating down on the building behind him. His long, fit arms look a bit more tan, his chest a bit more ripped. And as I catch him spotting an elderly man having trouble opening a door to Walgreens, Jax’s smile seems a bit more beautiful.
The street is packed. Then again, Boston is always packed in the summer. Normally, I wouldn’t go near a crowd this size.
But nothing about me feels normal anymore.
I get out of my car and quickly follow after him. The closer I get to reaching him, the harder my heart seems to pound.
As Jax makes it about halfway across a footbridge, I yell to him, “Jax, please! Wait up!”
He turns to face me, standing dead center in the middle of the bridge that crosses over a thin sliver of the Boston Harbor to give pedestrians access to Harvard Square in Cambridge.
At first, I swear I saw him smile. But whatever I saw, if I even saw it, it isn’t there now. “Seriously? Did you track me down again? This is starting to make me nervous, Ty.”
My stomach tightens more and more with each step closer I get to him.
Don’t fucking blow this.
“Don’t be nervous. I put a tracker on your phone. Did it the first day we met,” I say, my voice a trace shaky.
His brows snap together. “And that’s supposed to put me at ease?” he says.
I press my lips together, my cheeks lift slightly. “I’m losing my mind, Jax. The tracker’s nothing, trust me.”
He shakes his head and starts to walk away, but I grab his wrist before he can get away. “Just let me explain,” I say.
He glances down at my hand on his wrist. “You said that the last time. Can I have my arm back?”
“We can we just talk? I just want to talk,” I say.
He smirks. “There’s nothing to discuss, Ty. You made your decision, and you shit all over me in the process,” he says.
Part of me had hoped that he’d heard me on the radio this morning... that might have done the trick, or at least got me going in the right direction with him.
I open my mouth, about to tell him all about what I’d said just hours before on the Danny Kelly Show, but a young guy in a cheap suit spots me and stops right in front of me. The guy’s eyes practically bug out of his head as he pulls out his phone to take a picture. And as he does, Jax instinctively moves away.
“No!” I say, holding my hand out in front of the fan’s phone. “If you want to leave with your phone in tact, and any pictures that are on that phone, I want him with me,” I say, nodding towards Jax.
“Yes sir, Mr. Cannon!” the fan says.
I reach for Jax’s hand. “Come on, one picture. What do you say?” I say to my baby boy. A mix of people crossing the footbridge start to put this entire scene together.
Jax hesitates to reach for my hand in return. “Why are you doing this?”
Before I can answer, a father and son, both dressed in Boston College sports attire, stop and pull out their phones too. “I heard what you did today on the Danny K Show. No man in your position has ever done something so cool,” the father says. He beams with pride as he pats his son on the kid’s little blonde head. “If we had more men in your line of work doing the kind of thing you did this morning, what a world we’d have,” he says to me.
I nod and thank the man, and then sign the brim of his son’s hat before they walk off, glowing.
I glance at Jax. His eyes squinting, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’m doing this because it finally hit me. Everything I’ve accomplished, none of it has amounted to shit without…” my voice trails off as I reach for his arm.
His resistance slowly lessens. “Without what?” he says, his voice soft and low.
“Without you, Jax,” I say, my breath trapped in my chest the second the words leave my mouth.
I wait for a reaction from him, and I swear, I had no idea that five seconds could feel like a dozen eternities. He lets his arm fall from his chest, and my hand is there to catch it. “Ty, I can’t stay on your ride. It’s not safe.”
“It is safe, Jax. I just had all of the nuts and bolts inspected and tightened up. And if you take a chance and trust me, maybe the ride doesn’t have to end this time,” I say. I pull him towards me and wrap my arm around his waist. I flash a wide smile. “What do you say?”
“To what?”
“To one picture, Jax. To show the world how I feel.”
He swallows hard, his eyes slightly squinty but soft. I pull him in tighter, and I can feel him start to surrender in my embrace.
The suited man's jaw is gaped open as he holds his camera out in front of him and takes a picture of the two of us, arm in arm. I reach forward and plant a kiss on Jax’s cheek. “Did you get that?” I say to the guy with the camera.
He nods, “Got it, Mr. Cannon.”
“Good. Now give me your camera and get lost,” I say.
The guy fights back a nervous gulp. “I’m joking, relax. I’m Ty,” I say, reaching out my hand to shake hands with the nervous fan.
“I know. I’m Doug, from Dorchester,” he says, his voice shaky.
I turn and look at Jax. “Doug, this is Jax. He’s the most important man in my life. The same man I took for granted, back when I was an idiot. Don’t ever take anyone that you really care about for granted, know what I mean Doug?”
He nods, his eyes practically bugging out of his sockets.
“Thanks, man,” I say to the fan, and then turn to face Jax. And the first thing I notice is that the rest of the world around us suddenly no longer exi
sts, not even the slightest bit.
Jax smiles, and I have never seen anything better. “You realize that Doug guy’s pictures are going to be all over the internet in less than an hour?” he says.
I study his young, gorgeous face. “You realize I don’t care?”
“What about Merissa? Your engagement?” he says, a confused expression threatening to interfere with our moment.
But I won’t let it.
“It’s not like that. I can explain, Jax. I can explain everything.”
“Everything?”
A small smile escapes my lips. “Well, some things about us are unexplainable, but that’s not all my fault,” I say.
“Oh, really? And what things are those?”
“For starters, the way my heart melts every single time we kiss,” I say.
Jax’s eyes soften more as an incredible warmth fills my chest. “What happened to Ty Cannon, the man who denounced us to the entire world only days ago?”
“You. You’re what happened to me,” I say. I lean in to kiss him, and a deep part of me realizes something huge…
This is so much more than just a kiss.
I press my mouth up against his soft, warm lips. I slide my tongue inside his mouth, and the two of our tongues connect immediately. I pull his hips in tight as we kiss, butterflies swarming around every inch of my stomach.
Jax pulls away from me and smiles. “You’re a really good kisser.”
“Kissing is like dancing. Both people have to be on top of their game, or the whole thing falls apart.”
“It takes two to tango?”
I chuckle softly, my hands clutching his as the water below us sparkles in the background. “I mean you’re a great kisser too. The best I’ve ever known,” I say.
“What next?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking we’d start with dinner, on me.”
He smiles and his cheeks flush red. “Dinner sounds perfect. Are you cooking?”
I reach up and rub the back of his neck with my hand. “Don’t push it, Jax. I’d jump in front of a bus for you, but I ain’t cooking when we can walk into any four-star restaurant in this city.”
“Fair enough, big shot.”
I stop and pull him towards me, unable to resist one more kiss despite where we are. “Come here, baby boy. If things go well tonight, I’m going to take really good care of you.”
Daddy's Rules (Boston Daddies, Book 2) Page 7