by Lynda Aicher
She really was sick.
A sharp knock on the glass of her patio door jolted Cali out of her internal berating. She looked up to see Allie and Kendra standing at the door, smiles lighting their faces as Kendra gave a short wave. Damn. It was Saturday afternoon.
Cali had forgotten to cancel their weekly coffee chat.
Pushing herself up, she shuffled to the door, thankful she’d at least managed to throw on some sweats even if she’d neglected every other aspect of her grooming. She brushed her hands over her hair, tucking the sides behind her ears before she opened the door, ready to make her excuses.
“Sorry, guys,” Cali said through the door crack. “I’m not feeling well today. I should have called.” She watched Allie’s face shift from open and friendly to concerned and calculating.
Allie’s eyes narrowed, her brows coming together as her lips tightened.
“Are you okay?” Kendra asked, the worry reaching through the door.
Before Cali could react, Allie’s hand snapped out and pushed the door open. Cali jumped, startled by the abrupt action, and stepped back in order to avoid being run over by her friend as Allie stepped into the room. She turned on Cali, grilling her with attorney eyes.
“Spill it,” she demanded. “What happened?”
Cali took another step back, her hand going to her throat. “What do you mean?” Her voice shook and she tried to clear it. “Nothing’s wrong. I just got a touch of the flu or something.”
“Bullshit. Your eyes are red and puffy, your nose pink from wiping. No makeup, wild hair, chapped lips and an outfit that screams of comfort. Those, my dear, are all signs of a woman who’s been hurt and crying for way too long.” Allie reached out and gave Cali’s arm a caressing stroke. Her voice softened along with her eyes. “What happened?”
Cali turned away, unable to take the kindness. She walked into the kitchen and busied herself making the coffee. It was obvious Allie wasn’t leaving.
“Cali.” Allie was behind her, her voice gentle. “Is everything okay with the kids? With your family?”
Cali spun around and reassured her friends. “They’re fine. Everything is fine with them. I didn’t mean to worry you...” She exhaled, running a hand through her hair, and stared at the floor. “It’s nothing. Really. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” Right. Maybe if she said it enough, she’d believe it too.
Not used to feeling so vulnerable, Cali turned back to the sink and filled the coffee pot with water. She sensed her friends watching her, taking in her shaking hands, her stiff shoulders. The room felt suddenly warm, her body flushing with embarrassment under their scrutiny. Then Kendra was there, taking the pot from Cali and shutting off the water.
“I’ll get this,” Kendra said. “Go. Sit down before you crumble and we get stuck consoling you on the kitchen floor.” Her friend’s attempt at lightness worked enough to make Cali chuckle.
“Okay,” she agreed. Allie led her to the kitchen table and Cali plopped down in a chair. What in the world was she going to tell these women, these friends who were only trying to help her?
Allie waited patiently until Kendra finished with the coffee pot and joined them at the table. The gurgle of the coffee vibrated through the air as it slowly began to infuse the room with the smell of brewing grounds.
Allie leaned forward, resting her arms on the table, and stared at Cali. “What’s wrong? Is there anything we can do?”
The honest concern and openness tore at Cali. How could she stand to lose these friends if they found out the truth about her? She’d already lost so many of her so-called friends with the divorce. All those people who didn’t understand why she’d leave Peter and had slowly distanced themselves from her, like divorce was a disease they could catch.
Would Peter reveal everything and turn these friends against her too?
Cali swallowed and tried to work some moisture into her throat. She clenched her hands in her lap and gathered her strength to pull off the best acting job of her life. She forced a smile onto her face and met Allie’s gaze. “I’m fine. Really. Just one of those days, I guess. Probably just PMS.”
Allie wasn’t buying it. She raised an eyebrow in smooth doubt. “And I’m your fairy Godmother here to wish away your sorrow.” She sat back, crossing her arms over her chest. “Now, really. What’s wrong?”
The coffee pot gave one last gasping snort and sputter as it emptied the remaining water into the grounds. Cali stared at her hands and willed herself to relax.
“Is it your ex, your kids or something else?” Allie persisted as Kendra rose to get the coffee.
Cali looked up and smiled. “We’re not in a courtroom. I don’t need to be grilled into a confession.”
“Okay, then spill. What’s got you so upset?”
Cali sighed. Maybe giving them a little would get Allie off her back. “What’s the most common reason for woman trouble?”
Allie straightened, her eyes going wide. “You mean, this is about a man? Hold on.” Then she was out of her chair and out the patio door before Cali could blink.
Kendra returned to the table with two steaming cups of coffee. “Where’d she go?”
“I don’t know,” Cali answered, taking the mug from her friend. “But it can’t be good.”
Kendra laughed and went back to the kitchen to bring the last one, along with the creamer and sugar Cali had gotten out.
Kendra took a seat and cupped her hands around her mug. Her blond hair was pulled into a ponytail, her clothing simple and plain. Much like the woman herself. No makeup, no jewelry, nothing flashy that would draw attention to her.
“You don’t have to talk to us if you don’t want to, Cali.” Kendra watched Cali with guarded eyes. “Your privacy is your right. Just know we’re here if you do want to talk.” She tucked her head, staring blankly into the steaming liquid.
Cali cocked her head and looked closely at the other woman. There was something there, something she was hiding. But then, who was Cali to judge anyone about secrets? “Thank you, Kendra. That means a lot to me.”
Kendra lifted her gaze and smiled, her features softening with the act. She opened her mouth to speak but was halted by Allie barging back into the condo.
“Got it,” she declared, holding a bottle high. She moved to the table and set her prize down, a devious smile plastered across her face. “Our good friend Jack here is always in for a solid man-bashing session.”
Cali stared at the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting in the middle of her table and burst into laughter. Deep, releasing laughter that caught in her gut and rolled out of her in waves of almost hysterical intensity. When she finally collected herself enough to focus back on her friends, she caught them staring at her with mixed expressions of concern and amusement.
“What?” she asked, wiping at the tears that had escaped from her eyes. “I haven’t drunk Jack since college.”
“Oh, we’re not drinking,” Allie said mischievously as she drew her hand out from behind her back, showing the three short glasses in her hand. “We’re doing shots.”
“Oh, God,” Kendra groaned before she dropped her head to the table.
Allie laughed, setting the glasses down and opening the bottle. She poured three liberal shots and passed one to each of them. “Here’s to it, ladies.” She lifted her glass high. “Drink up.” She tossed back the liquid, screwing up her face as she swallowed.
Cali met Kendra’s gaze before she gave a shrug and reached for her shot. She sniffed at the amber liquid and flinched from the harsh, tangy scent. Closing her eyes, she chugged down the shot. She braced her arms on the table and swallowed, the whiskey burning a path down her throat to land like a rock in her empty gut.
Allie chuckled and motioned at Kendra to finish hers. With a dramatic sigh, Kendra picked up her glass and downed the whiskey with a practiced ease that startled Cali. Kendra licked her lips and set the glass back on the table with a shallow click. She met Allie’s open-mouth stare and cocked an uncharacteristic grin.<
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“What?” Kendra questioned. “I happen to have a great deal of experience with man troubles.” The blandness of her tone offset the lightness sparking in her blue eyes.
Cali burst out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer.
From there, the three women managed to get shit-stinking drunk. Three-quarters of a bottle and one delivery pizza later, they were spread across her living room, giggling like school girls.
“I haven’t been this drunk in...” Cali paused to think, trying to focus. “Forever, maybe,” she finished behind a snort. She collapsed on the arm of the couch, hiding her giggles behind her hand.
Allie twisted her head to watch Cali from her spread-eagle sprawl on the floor. “You mean you never got drunk like this before?” Her eyes were wide with disbelief.
Cali shook her head. “Nope. Way too conservative. Then, once I got married and had the kids, I was way too responsible.”
Allie pushed herself into a semi-sitting position and regarded Cali like she was a bizarre aberration. “Seriously? Well, shit, girl. It’s about time.”
Cali rested her head on the padding of the couch. Why did it suddenly feel so heavy? Kendra snickered and Cali looked to her. She was curled in the recliner, her long limbs somehow contorted into a seemingly comfortable position.
“What?” Cali asked.
Kendra lifted her water, smiling around the glass. “Nothing.”
“Ha,” Cali countered. “You lie like shit.”
Kendra looked away, the glass lowering to her lap. Crap. What’d she say?
“You going to tell us what started all of this?” Allie interjected, pulling Cali’s attention back to her. “Why we’re all three sheets to the wind in the first place?’
Cali stared at the ceiling, letting the world spin around her. Her head was fuzzy, her lips strangely numb and the world seemed to be spinning in her peripheral vision. She’d thought this topic had been successfully dropped, but evidently Allie had just been plotting her attack. Cali licked her lips and tried to remember what she was going to say.
“Man trouble,” Kendra mumbled. “Isn’t that reason enough?”
Right. Man trouble. If only it were that simple.
“But what man?” Allie persisted.
What would it hurt? Maybe they could help. The fuzzy logic made sense to Cali in her altered state.
“Jake,” she finally admitted, keeping her gaze on the ceiling, which was now spinning counterclockwise to her peripheral world.
“Jake?” Allie asked. “Not the same Jake whom Edith dragged to the engagement party with our hunky neighbor, Mr. Winters?”
Leave it to Allie to remember a detail like that. Cali had no idea how she could even focus at the moment, let alone put together that lame trail of information. Cali closed her eyes, giving up on tracking the ceiling movement. “Yes. The same.”
“What? You’ve been dating that man and not telling us?”
A pillowed smacked Cali in the face, but it didn’t faze her. The soft material bounced off to land on her lap before it even registered that Allie had thrown something at her.
“For how long?” Allie demanded.
How long? Was it dating? No. Definitely not dating. But they didn’t need to know that. “Two months.”
“Two months?” Cali felt the couch cushions dip. Then Allie punched her arm. Not hard, and Cali was only assuming it was Allie since her eyes were still closed. “You’ve been seeing him since the party and never said a word. Bitch.” The last was said with more jealousy than heat and Cali smiled.
“So, what happened?” Kendra asked.
Oh yeah. That. “He betrayed my trust.”
“What? How?” Allie demanded.
Cali shrugged. How could she explain that part? She was still coherent enough to know the complete truth wouldn’t work. “He told me to trust him. And I did. I really did. Then, bam...” She let the words trail off, unsure how to finish.
“Then what?” Allie shook Cali’s arm, apparently in an attempt to see if Cali was still awake. “What’d he do? Don’t tell me you caught him cheating?”
Yeah, that wouldn’t have hurt nearly as bad. Especially after only two months. “No. Wish it was.”
“What? How could you wish that?” Allie’s head settle against her shoulder. “He must have really fucked up if cheating is considered a better thing.”
“Yeah,” Cali mumbled. “Somebody fucked up.”
“There are a lot worse things a man can do than cheat on you,” Kendra said quietly. “Did he hurt you? I mean, physically?”
Now that question was a landmine. Was it considered hurting her when she wanted it? Cali shook her head, the movement causing her stomach to rock in time with the motion. Bad idea.
“No. He didn’t abuse me.” There, an honest answer while avoiding the direct question. Cali felt pretty proud of herself.
“That’s not what I asked,” Kendra said. “Did he hit you?”
Shit. So much for evasion. Cali fished around in her brain for a good answer, the obvious one of flat-out lying seemed to sprint from her consciousness. Maybe Jack Daniels was a secret truth serum because Cali found herself answering honestly. “Only when I wanted him to.”
The silence hung in the room, the low background music suddenly seeming to rise in volume. Cali kept her eyes closed and waited for the outrage that was sure to come.
“Really?” Allie said sounding more interested than repulsed. “Did he tie you up too?”
Cali was pretty certain the last question was said in jest, but she answered anyway. “Only when I wanted him to.”
Allie’s head jerked from its resting spot on Cali’s shoulder. “You’re not joking. Oh my God.”
Here it comes, Cali thought. Here come all of the horrible accusations and condemnations. Her muscles tensed as she waited. Her mouth was dry and the alcohol rolled in her gut, contemplating a return trip.
“Well, shit, Cali. You’ve been holding out on us more than we knew.” Allie gave her shoulder a shove before returning her head to the same spot. “I don’t suppose you’re going to give us any details, are you?”
Cali snorted. “No.” That was it? Really?
“So was this at that club those men own?”
Cali almost bolted upright in shock. Kendra’s question was jarring enough to finally jolt her eyes open. Her heart thundered as she tried to feign a casualness she didn’t feel. “You know about that?”
“What club? What are you guys talking about?” Allie asked, sitting up once again to glance between the two other women.
“The Den,” Kendra said. “The most exclusive BDSM club in the Twin Cities.”
Allie gaped at them. “How do you know this?”
“Googled their names.” Kendra lifted her shoulder. “You can find anything on the internet, and it’s not like they’re trying to hide it.”
Allie swore. “I really need to up my investigative skills.” She shifted her attention back to Cali. “So? Was it? Did you go to that club?”
In for a...crap. Cali couldn’t even remember the saying at the moment. Well, she was pretty much in it now, so she might as well see what happened. She was just too tired to dodge and evade or come up with believable lies. “Yes.”
“Holy shit.”
Allie stared at her. Cali shifted to see Kendra watching her, a definite smirk on her face. “What?”
“Nothing,” Kendra said. “You just never know what goes on behind closed doors, do you? I never would have pegged you as being into BDSM, but here you are, admitting just that.”
“And?” Cali asked defensively, letting the question hang, hoping Kendra would fill in the rest yet afraid of what she would hear. But she needed to hear it. Was desperate to find out what her friend thought now that she knew the truth about Cali’s deviant activities.
“And...to each her own, I say.” Kendra took a drink of her water. “I don’t care what you do. The only thing that matters to me is how you treat me, and you’ve been
nothing but kind and generous since I’ve moved in. Your sex life isn’t my business. And frankly, that’s something that should only matter to you and your partner. Period.”
Cali could hardly believe her ears. Really? Kendra wasn’t going to judge and reject her now that she knew Cali enjoyed being a submissive?
“Ditto. What she said.” Allie agreed with a sharp nod and a point to Kendra. “Any chance I can come with you one night?”
“What?” Cali asked, dumbfounded.
When both women broke out in deep fits of laugher, she realized it was probably at the shocked expression that had to be on her face. Who were these women, and how in the world did they become her friends? She smiled and relaxed into the couch once again.
“If I was ever going back, maybe. But my days there are over,” Cali said once the women had stopped laughing enough to hear her. “There is no way I’m ever setting foot in that club again.”
Allie squinted, looking Cali over. “What happened? I’m assuming it has something to do with why we’re all drunk.”
Cali sighed and closed her eyes once again. She was getting really tired, the whiskey and lack of sleep pulling her into a lulling zone. There was no real way to explain the rest, so she short-cutted to the end. “My ex showed up at a rather inappropriate time.”
Silence followed her declaration for so long that Cali almost willed her eyes open to see what her friends were thinking.
“I take it your ex didn’t know about your other desires, or was that something you used to do with him too?” Kendra’s question was gentle, not accusing.
Cali snorted again. “No. God. Peter didn’t even like sex, let alone engage in anything remotely deviant from straight mission style.” Shit. Had she really just admitted that too? She made a note to her drunk self to never drink Jack Daniels again. The stuff was definitely laced with truth serum.
“What do you mean, he didn’t like sex?”
Cali tilted her head and squinted at Allie, who had a slightly shocked and dazed look on her face. “Well, I assume he didn’t because he certainly never engaged in it with me. And no,” she interrupted Allie’s open mouth and obvious next question, “he wasn’t having an affair. And he isn’t gay. I’m certain of that. We were together for twenty-five years and I know he never cheated on me—with a man or a woman—nor me on him. For whatever reason, sex just never worked for us.”