Braelynn turned towards the commotion, her eyes heavy as she stumbled backwards, holding the closed steel doors behind her. These clowns had planned to take full advantage of her and she was barely coherent.
I saw red as I spoke, my voice loud as it came through my gritted teeth. “Either of you ever fucking come near her again, I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me? I’ll. Kill. You.”
“Peyton––” she spoke softly.
The elevator doors slid open and a flow of people rushed out. “Get in,” I ordered. My hand found her elbow, pushing her towards the empty cart.
I didn’t look back at the other two, didn’t care if security was on its way. All that mattered was Braelynn and her safety.
“Are you okay?” I asked once the elevator door closed. My hands framed her face as tears began to stream down her cheeks. With her eyes closed she shook her head.
“How did you find me?” It was the last thing she asked before she broke down crying in my arms, her wails so painful it tightened the ache around my heart.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m here, Braelynn, and there’s nothing you can say or do that would make me leave you. You can say I don’t chase women, but I’ll always chase after you.” I pulled her into my chest, holding her in place as she sobbed. Each cry tore through me like a flesh wound. It was her cry for help.
Braelynn
It’s said that there’s a point in every addict’s life when they hit rock bottom. Some seek help through family and friends; others attend a rehab program. For most, this is the last stop before there is no coming back.
I didn’t know if I would ever come back … until the night Peyton found me.
Kennedy’s engagement party had destroyed me. I wanted to be ecstatic for my best friend, I wanted to share every moment with her as she embarked on this journey. But I didn’t know how. Happiness and joyfulness had vanished from my life, replaced with agony and sorrow. It wasn’t until Caleb’s toast that I wanted nothing more than to disappear. My life was spiraling out of control and I planned on diving head first into the deep end.
I had never wanted to disappear and vanish from this world like I had at that party.
No.
I stand corrected. It wasn’t until Peyton followed me into the bathroom. I couldn’t meet his eyes and I couldn’t hide from him. I kept telling myself over and over that if I snorted the powdered Oxy he would disappear. He should have been disgusted, he should have walked backed out and never spoken to me again. But instead, he’d offered to help. What would make him want to help someone like me? He had doubted me at the hospital when I told him I was taken. He’d doubted me and believed the doctors that I was a junkie. I gave him all the proof he needed in that bathroom that they had been right, but he chose to stay.
Call me a sadist, but I reveled when I asked him to fuck me. The pain that flashed through his face satisfied me. How his eyes changed from the golden sun that I had grown to love to a dark brown. I wanted him to feel how I felt. Throwing his words back at him was only the cherry on top.
I left that party with one simple intention, to forget him. Forget who I was. I ran out without a single goodbye and ran until my feet hurt. After I’d crossed the Brooklyn Bridge, I found the first hotel and checked myself in. I didn’t have a plan for tomorrow; all I wanted was to be numb—even if it would cost me my life.
I found the first two losers who were willing to pay my bar tab and take me upstairs. If I was hitting rock bottom, I might as well go out with a bang.
I was barely coherent when I heard him. Stumbling back, I watched as he hit the second guy before pushing me into the elevator.
The combination of alcohol, drugs and sex has always worked for me. Always helped me to not feel, to get out of my own brain. But when he was around me, nothing I tried could make the pain in my chest disappear. He had been angry when we were outside the elevator. His eyebrows furrowed, fists clenched at his side, his breathing irregular. But inside the elevator, his hands cupped my cheeks as his eyes looked deep in mine.
“Are you okay?” he asked, but I was rendered speechless. Tears poured down my face. I shook my head to answer him. I wasn’t okay, nor did I ever think I would be. I didn’t care if I lived or died in the hotel but when he held me close to him. I wanted to live even if it was for a few hours longer so I could be with him.
“How did you find me?” They were the last words I spoke before it all came crashing down on me. Months of pain and agony pouring from my soul.
“It doesn’t matter, I’m here now, Braelynn, and there is nothing you can say or do that would make me leave you. I’ll always chase after you.” He pulled me into his chest, hugging me tightly
His words had me at a standstill. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. All I could do was cry. Dropping my head to his chest, I fell apart. I sobbed as I had never done before, letting all the pain and hurt leave my body.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Peyton whispered. But the screeching pain in my chest was all too much to bear. My knees gave out from under me and I felt his arms wrap around me, cradling me like a child. My head was buried in the crook of his neck. The tears ran down my face, wetting his shirt collar.
“Braelynn, what floor are you on?” he asked, his voice so low it was barely a whisper. My eyes remained shut as I lifted my hand up for him. My room key was wrapped around my fingers. I couldn’t look at him, couldn’t stare into his eyes. That would only destroy me further. I felt Peyton move to press the floor number, then he backed into a corner and held me tighter. His lips pressed on top of my head as we rose to my floor. My arms wrapped around his neck, and like a child I sobbed, letting all my pain and suffering leave my heart. The weight of the world fell off my back.
My eyes remained shut. Peyton carried me from the elevator and down the long hallway until we reached my room. His hands fumbled under my knee with the key, but he managed to open the door without putting me.
He didn’t turn the lights on. Instead, he strolled over to the bed, sitting gently and holding me against him. At first he seemed hesitant to let me go when I tried to move from his embrace, but once he realized all I wanted to do was wrap my legs around him, he let me. My arms stayed glued to his neck, my head buried in his chest and my legs wrapped around him in a vice grip. I finally let go completely.
I let go, avoiding the numbness that I craved. I cried, letting go of the unknown, the control I needed, and the wall I had built to block out feelings. I let myself feel.
Peyton held me tightly, his hands rubbing up and down my back to calm me. “It’s okay, Braelynn … I’m here now. I’ll take care of you.”
His words brought more tears. I’d thought there was a limit to how many tears a body could produce—thought I’d capped out a while ago—yet they still kept coming.
I was lost in the world, broken by what had happened to me, but in his arms nothing seemed irrelevant. I felt secure, protected and loved. Those were emotions I had run from, blocked from my mind. But I didn’t want them to disappear.
Not now. Not when I needed them most.
I read once that your body will eventually cry itself into exhaustion, force you to sleep so it can recuperate. I didn’t move; my tears slowly stopped, my eyelids grew heavier, and a peaceful drowsiness hovered over me. Finally succumbing to it, I fell asleep in Peyton’s arms, sitting on the bed of the hotel room I had planned to use to forget him.
I woke up hours later, my back throbbing from sitting for so long. I peeked my eyes open, sniffling back my stuffy nose. It was the first time I’d looked inside the room. It had a standard king-sized bed with a nightstand on either side, a television on top of a small dresser and an upholstered chair in the corner. When Peyton found me it was bright out, the sun still shining. It was dark now, and through the drawn curtains I could see the starry night outside.
Peyton still held me in the exact same location. He hadn’t moved, nor put me. He’d sat in the same position, holding me close to him.
“Hi,” he whispered.
I could only shake my head. The painkillers and alcohol had worn off and I needed them to face him.
“I can’t look at you,” I finally admitted.
His hand released my back and moved under my chin. I fought him at first, but eventually gave in. My lips trembled when I tried to speak. Peyton’s hand moved from under my chin and cupped my face.
It seemed like it was the first time I was seeing him, without drugs to cloud my mind. “Braelynn–– ”
“Don’t.” It was hard enough to look at him. Having him call my name made my heart ache.
“You had me worried.” He brushed my hair back, his lips finding my forehead once again.
“I’m okay.”
“You know you’re not.” He looked deep in my eyes, sorrow clouding his golden hue.
Shrugging my shoulder, I swallowed the knot in my throat. “I’ll be fine. Nothing a little pill won’t fix.” It was only matter of time before my body craved it again.
“Please don’t use again.”
“I need them.” It was the only way I could survive.
“Why?”
“Because I need to not feel. I need to get away from my mind.” I pushed off his lap. The lack of food in my system made me dizzy. I walked to the dresser and held on, waiting for it to pass.
Peyton’s hands enveloped my waist, turning me towards him. “Let me help you,” he said, his hand returning to my face. I looked at the man standing in front of me. How could I deny him anything? He owned my heart. The past few months I had been running not only from my shattered life, but also from my broken heart.
When I didn’t respond, he pressed his forehead to mine. His proximity made my breath halt. He was only centimeters from my lips. “Let me in, Lynn. You did once before. You can do it again.”
With no other thought, I let his words wrap around my soul. I finally let go and let my heart feel again. I lifted onto my tippy toes and met his stance. Throwing caution to the wind, I let him take me.
His lips met mine. It felt like an eternity since I’d felt them on me. My arms wrapped around his neck as I pulled him closer to me. Our lips parted and our tongues began their tantalizing dance. Peyton wrapped his arms around my waist, lifting me off my feet. I molded perfectly to his body.
He pulled away from me, breathless. The shine in his golden eyes had returned. “I love—”
“Don’t, Haas.”
I knew the words that were going to come out of his mouth. I’d felt them. Experienced them. But I couldn’t endure to hear them. I was a glutton for punishment. His words could heal me; his touch could save me. But I wasn’t sure at this moment that I wanted to be saved. I wasn’t ready to let go of the numbness.
“This can’t be love. Whatever this is, it has to be sex. If you want to help, it can’t be about love.”
“Lynn— ”
“No. This is how I deal, Haas. If you want to help, this is how it has to be.”
He hesitated, his eyes searching my own before his lips crashed down on mine. I whimpered at his touch, closing my mind and heart to what it really craved. His love.
Peyton
Pain flashed through her eyes. She needed sex, but I needed her, the woman who clouded my mind. I’d held her for hours as she cried in my arms, eventually falling asleep. Each sob … each exhale … each shiver…
Gutted me.
I thought I had lost her. After I saw what she did in the bathroom, I thought she would never be the same.
I pulled her closer to me, my hands sliding up her back. She said it couldn’t be about love, but I was going to show her otherwise. I draped one hand around the nape of her neck, pulling on her hair, my mouth locating her exposed neck. I’d missed the way she tasted, the way she smelled. Goose bumps rose on her fair skin, letting me know she was affected by me. But I didn’t plan on making her numb; I wanted her to feel every part of this. I wanted to show her what it had always been between us.
The dress she wore was hindering my ability to feel her soft skin. I pushed her pain-filled eyes from my mind; I would be her drug.
My hands trailed up her body, locating the zipper of her dress. I felt her soft skin beneath my fingertips, but it wasn’t like before. The curves that had driven me wild had vanished. I could feel each vertebrae and her shoulder blades poked out of her body.
With her clothing on the ground, she kicked off her shoes and pushed her mouth back up to mine, her hands wrapping around my tie. Lips fused, tongues gnashing, she fumbled with the knot and finally tugged it off while I tore the buttons on my shirt. Once my tie was across the room, her hands were on the button of my pants. Her hungry lips kissed my chest, biting and licking my nipples in the process. She wasn’t holding back.
“Lynn.” I pulled her away from me, my hands holding her shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere, doll. There’s no need to rush.”
“But I need it.”
“I know, and I’m going to give you exactly what you need.” My hand cupped her face, my thumb tracing her plump lips. “Get on the bed.”
She turned and as she crawled on the bed I noticed her back was covered with a tattoo. My cock hardened in my boxers, knowing I would soon be buried in her hypnotizing cunt.
Kicking my shoes and socks off, I walked towards the bed. Finding her ankles, I pulled her towards me, turning her body around so I could see her work of art again.
“When did you get this?” I asked, my finger tracing over her tattoo. She turned, lying flat on her stomach so I could see the rest of it. Her hands reached behind her to unclasp her bra and I dropped to my knees, admiring the drastic change Braelynn had made to her body. Her tattoo started at the tops of her thighs. Tree roots formed the word breathe, the stump turned towards her back with the bark damaged and broken. Wide branches swept across her shoulder blades. A few black crows perched on the top branches while others flew up her neck. It was all black, and it covered her entire back—a true work of art.
Captivating.
I couldn’t yank my gaze away. A design this intricate and her first tattoo—she must have suffered tremendous pain.
“Things are different, Peyton.” She turned back to face me. Though she had lost weight, her breasts were still full and delectable. But to my surprise, Braelynn’s right nipple was now the home to a barbell. It shone against the light in the room. I couldn’t help the way my cock twitched when I noticed it. I had seen a couple of piercings on women but mainly on strippers or whores at a bachelor party. Knowing it was only a matter of time before I had my lips around it did things to me.
“I can see things are very different.”
I flicked her hard nipple, but I needed to keep my mind focused on why I was here. She was using and I needed to persuade her to stop. It was time to show her how the time we spent had always been.
“Do you have any other surprises?” I asked.
Her eyes told me yes, but she shook her head no. “Are we going to fuck or are you going to sit there and talk the whole goddamn time?” A sexy grin appeared on her face.
God, I fucking love her mouth.
I moved to sit between her thighs, my cock hard inside my boxers. My hand reached for her nipple again; I couldn’t stay away. It was going to be my new favorite thing. I flicked the barbell before I slid my hand down her stomach, tracing the edge of her thong before sliding my fingers along her core. Her breath came out in deep spurts as she watched my hand and her skin ignited under my touch. We both felt it.
Her panties barely covered her luscious cunt and I could feel her dampness as her legs spread for me. Sliding her panties to the side, my thumb grazed her clit and the surprise of hard metal pressed against the pad of my finger. I tore my eyes away from her perked nipples and flicked my
gaze to her cunt. The piercing winked up at me.
Her fucking clit was pierced.
Fuck! This would be my new favorite thing.
Showing her how much I loved her was going to be hard, when all I craved at this moment was fucking her until she squirmed, making her repeatedly come until her body shook. Have her cunt sore and aching with desire. I wanted to taste her, devour her, and shove my dick so deep inside of her that it would leave a mark. The images that strolled through my head made it hard for any man to focus. I didn’t want to take my time. I wanted to bend her over and fuck her seven ways till Sunday.
Fuck, repeat.
Fuck, repeat.
Fuck, repeat.
“You’re fucking killing me, Lynn.”
My thumb rubbed against the metal as her arousal dripped from her core. It took massive amounts of willpower not to lean forward and have a taste.
“Make it hurt,” she moaned.
My finger slid back and forth as I watched her core pulse with need. I inserted a finger deep in her pussy and her back arched up from the bed. Instantly, my finger was coated with her wetness. I’d had many women, I couldn’t deny it, but none had ever tantalized me like Braelynn.
“I need it rough.” She opened her legs wider for me, her hands cupping her breast as her fingers pinched her nipples. My mind imagined what it would be like to come all over them.
Fuck it.
I was a goner, controlled by the power of her pussy.
“I wasn’t planning it any other way, doll.” I pushed another finger inside her, my thumb playing with her clit.
I climbed off the bed and dropped my boxers before I pulled her to the edge. I was going to consume her. Eat her alive.
I had missed her.
No other woman compared to her, tasted like her, could satisfy my hunger like her. Though this was not my Lynn, I knew she was deep inside there. Buried under the pain, the drugs, and the meaningless sex was the girl I had fallen in love with, and I was going to find her. I was going to show her– remind her–what it was like with us before all of this.
Coherent Page 10