“Damn you. Victoria. Leave.” His voice sounded angry and anguished.
“I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me.”
He inhaled, deep and steady. His chest rising and falling. Another deep breath. “I don’t.” His voice was calm, full of frost and seemed to come from far away.
Disappointment gouged at her heart. She wanted to run, hide from the pain, but she would not give up without a fight. Someone needed to fight for him. That someone was her, no matter how much it hurt.
She swallowed the lump lodged in her throat. “You don’t what?”
He took another deep breath. “I...” His voice ragged, he trailed off into silence, then swallowed. “Damn. I don’t...”
She moved closer and stroked the hand gripping the railing.
He stiffened.
“Simon, even if you can give me only a fraction of your heart, I will take it. I love you. I miss you every single day.”
“Victoria.” Her name seemed to be wrenched from somewhere deep inside him. He caught her hand, brought to his lips. “Victoria, you are my heart. I love you so much I feel like as if I’m dead inside because you aren’t with me. But I don’t deserve you. You heard. You know what I am, what I’ve done. You saw me as I truly am. A man born to sin.”
As if they burned, he released her fingers. “Please. Don’t torture me more than I do myself.”
She reached up and caressed the hard planes of his jaw. Tears wet his cheeks. She wiped them with her palms while her own ran unchecked.
“Simon, you were not responsible for that poor child’s death. You only admitted to it to protect me from Ogden.”
He jerked his head away. “I said nothing that was not true.” His voice contained bitter despair.
Her heart wrenched. She prayed to find the words to ease his agony. “Simon, you were a child. You tried to save him. His mother should have saved him. The coach driver...”
He swallowed, his hands grasping the balcony rails until his knuckles were white. “But I had him.” He choked and dashed his hand across his eyes. “He was there in my hands. Then Miranda screamed. I looked, I thought she was in trouble. I turned back and he’d gone. I held nothing but the blanket. God, Victoria, I dream it every night. He cries and then disappears under the water. I can’t reach him. The water was deep and I got scared. The truth is, I let him drown because I was scared. I am a bloody coward.”
She covered his hand with her own and found it shaking.
All these years he’d taken the blame, punished himself more than anyone should be punished. “It was not your fault.”
He shook his head in denial. “How can I be sure? It was true what Miranda said. I envied him my father’s love.”
She wanted to shake him, but knew one wrong word and he would splinter in a thousand pieces and she’d lose him forever. “Simon, you risked your own life trying to save him.”
“It would have been better if I had died in his place.”
She choked back a sob. That he truly believed his life was worth nothing resonated clear in his voice. “If you had died, I would never have met you and I cannot bear the idea. I love you.”
“Don’t. I’ll disappoint you and then you’ll hate me. Don’t do this to yourself.”
“No. Don’t you do this to me. To us. I love you.”
He turned and gazed at her. Tension and anger and, beneath it all, despair radiating from his powerful body, a steel spring wound so tight with hard-won control if it let go, it would annihilate everything in its path. “You can’t.”
“I can, and I do. You have to trust me in this one thing, Simon, or there’s no hope for either of us.”
For long moments he stared at her, his gaze so hard, so unrelenting, she thought she really would lose him. Slowly the despair in his expression gave way to longing and hope. “I shouldn’t let you,” he said softly.
“It is my choice whom I love.”
He closed the distance between them. Strong arms crushing her against his beloved frame. His deep voice rumbled up from in his chest. “I love you so much it hurts. Hold on to me, Victoria. Promise you will hold on. I will never let anything harm you, I swear on my life.”
She wrapped her arms around his lean waist. “I will never let any harm come to you, either,” she promised. She reached up to stroke his hair back from his forehead. “I need you, Simon.”
His mouth found hers with all-consuming tenderness. She floated on his kiss. Her heart swelled with so much joy, it hurt to breathe. Her body trembled with longing.
“Marry me,” he demanded when he finally allowed her to breathe. “Let me love you forever.”
“I thought I’d missed my chance,” she said with a quiet laugh as he swept her up in his arms. “I am so glad you asked again.”
“Say yes, Victoria.” His tone was flat and hard as if he feared she’d change her mind.
“Yes. Of course, yes. I love you, Simon. Believe in me,” she whispered against his neck, inhaling the familiar sandalwood, filling her senses with his wonderful male scent.
Carrying her in his arms, he marched past the astonished servants in the dining room. They busily tried not to see as Simon carried her up the stairs.
“Thank you,” he breathed, raising his eyes heavenward. “And you, Victoria. I will do my utmost to ensure you will never regret this. Everything I have, everything I am, is yours.”
The determination on his face was so precious her heart filled and overflowed with the joy of the depth of his love. “I know, Simon. I know.”
He settled her on the bed then stretched out beside her, his hands trembling as he caressed her face with such tenderness, she thought she might die of yearning.
Later, as they lay entwined within the depths of the canopy, pale light from the window illuminated their sated bodies.
“Simon?”
“Um-hmm.”
“Before, you said you didn’t want children. Did you mean it?”
He pressed his lips against her cheek. First one kiss, then another, a heated trail. Flames flared in her belly. “Simon, stop. I need you to answer me.”
“No.” He sighed. “I just didn’t want illegitimate children. It’s hard enough when you are born in wedlock.”
“Oh.”
“I don’t trust your oh, my lady. What is the reason behind your question?”
“Well, you see, there is this little boy in the village where I have my school.”
“Had.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Had your school. We will have to find someone to replace you. You are going to be too busy keeping me happy and being a countess to teach a school.”
“We will discuss that later.” She held her breath.
He groaned. “I can see marriage to you is not going to be as easy as I thought. What about the boy?”
“I’d like to take care of him. Perhaps foster him. His father beats him.”
“Fine.”
“He isn’t a bad little boy he—” His answer registered. “Truly?”
“Truly. Whatever your heart desires is yours.”
She tapped his shoulder. “You need to be careful what you promise. I might take shameful advantage—”
“Whatever makes you happy, Victoria, makes me happy, too.”
She caught his face between her hands and leaned over him. “I love you, Simon St. John.”
His smile gleamed in the starlight. “What on earth did I ever do to deserve you?”
“You love me,” she said running her hands through his hair and kissing every inch of his face.
He groaned. “Then let me love you, my darling Victoria.” he whispered softly against her mouth. “Now and forever.”
Dear Reader,
I do hope you enjoyed this, my very first book. Written in 2005, I have substantially edited it and now made it available as an ebook. If you liked this story, check out my other books at http://www.annlethbridge.com. If you would like to hear about upcoming releases , yo
u can sign up for my newsletter there and join me on facebook and twitter. If you sign up for my newsletter you will receive a free short story ebook and are entered in a draw for a free book with each issue.
I love to hear from readers, so feel free to write to me at [email protected] and I will be sure to get back to you.
With my warmest wishes,
Ann Lethbridge
OTHER TITLES BY ANN Lethbridge
Lady Sybil’s Vampire
An Innocent Maid for the Duke part of the Society of Wicked Gentlemen Series
Secrets of the Marriage Bed
The Duke’s Daring Debutante
Find them all at http://www.annlethbridge.com or on-line your favourite e-book seller.
About the Author
An award winning regency novelist, Ann Lethbridge has written over thirty novels and novellas in the genres of regency romance and otherworld fantasy. All of her books are available at your favourite e-retailer. Ann grew up in Britain and she and her family now live in beautiful Ontario, Canada. To learn more, visit her website at: http://www.annlethbridge.com
THE CHARACTERS AND events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Text copyright © 2017 Michele Ann Young
Originally published as Pistols at Dawn 2006
All rights reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the author.
Published by Michele Ann Young
www.annlethbridge.com
Digital ISBN-9780993957420
Cover design by Melody Simmons
Also by Ann Lethbridge
A Most Peculiar Season
Lady Sybil's Vampire
A Most Peculiar Season Sampler
Standalone
Remember
Tempting Sin (Coming Soon)
Watch for more at Ann Lethbridge’s site.
Tempting Sin Page 30