Becky decided she didn’t especially care whether or not Liv wanted to keep going, not really. She was happy with whatever Liv wanted to do now.
“I’m fine,” Liv said. “Stop staring.”
Becky decided she had to offer one last time. “Are you completely utterly sure?”
“I’m sure. Don’t make a fuss.”
“Okay,” Becky said. “No fuss. Let’s watch a movie, then.”
“Find something to watch,” Liv said, and stood up. “I’ll just wash my hands.”
She went off to the bathroom, and left Becky on the couch. She kissed Becky as she went, quickly, like a habit, like saying goodbye. As if meaning that this part of it was over, and now they were just friends again.
Becky pushed her skirt down, and sat there for a moment. Her undies were across the floor, near the TV. The movies were beside the TV too.
She sat there, thinking.
She waited. A few minutes passed.
Liv had been gone a while, Becky suddenly realized. She could hear water running in the distance, but then the water stopped, and there was silence. She wondered what Liv was doing.
Liv seemed to be taking a suspiciously long time.
Becky began to wonder again about Liv not wanting sex. To wonder if Liv was looking after herself quickly, in the bathroom. She wondered if Liv was. Becky might have, if it was her.
Becky decided that didn’t seem fair. Not if Liv actually wanted to do more, and especially after what Liv had done for Becky. Becky sat for a moment, thinking, and then she stood up.
She went out into the hallway, and tapped on the bathroom door.
“Hey,” she said. “We can fuck or something if you want.”
“Um, what?” Liv said from inside.
“If you want. If you’re doing what I think you are. We can fuck if you want to. If you show me how.”
“Um, dude, I’m in the bathroom….”
“I know. I just wanted to say. If you’re doing what I think…”
“Um, what?” Liv said.
“If you’re doing what…”
“Do we need to talk about this right now?” Liv said. “Like, through the door?”
The toilet flushed.
“Oh,” Becky said.
“Hold on,” Liv shouted. Water started running in the bathroom. Liv washing her hands, Becky supposed.
“Um,” Becky said. “Yeah, sorry…”
No answer from the bathroom. After a moment, the water stopped running, and Liv opened the door. Behind her, the toilet was gurgling as it refilled.
“What the fuck?” Liv said.
“Sorry. I thought…”
“I was peeing,” Liv said. “Thank you for the privacy and everything. What do you want?”
“Was that all?”
Liv looked at Becky for a moment. “What?”
“You were taking ages, longer than seemed normal. And so I thought…” Becky stopped. She felt silly. “Um, nothing. Don’t worry.”
Liv seemed to be thinking. “What are you on about?”
“Forget it. Nothing.”
Liv seemed to realize. “Oh my god,” she said. “You thought…”
Becky didn’t answer.
“You though I was getting myself off?” Liv said. “In your bathroom?”
“You didn’t want sex,” Becky said, defensively. “I offered, and you didn’t want to…”
“But in the bathroom?”
“You might have been. You rushed off, and were in there for ages.”
“Dude. Because I needed to pee.”
“But you took ages…”
“Washing my hands,” Liv said. “Because sticky with you. And then peeing. Because too much beer. And then washing my hands again, which is what I was doing when you turned up. At least I hope I was, and you weren’t out there for ages listening…”
Becky shook her head.
“Good,” Liv said. “Because that would just be so completely unsexy, knowing you’d been listening. But washing my hands. And now I’m done. And also, oh my god, in your bathroom?”
Becky looked at Liv, suspiciously, but Liv didn’t seemed flushed, or breathless, or anything else incriminating.
“Fuck,” Liv said. “You’re still wondering?”
“I…” Becky said. “No.”
“Yeah you are,” Liv said. “Because you think licking you out turned me on so impossibly much I couldn’t control myself and just had to get myself off in the company of your scented soaps. Nice soaps, by the way.”
“Thank you,” Becky said. “And no. And sorry. It just seemed like you were taking too long...”
“Not really. Washing. Peeing. Washing again.”
Becky nodded slowly. “Yep, I get that now.”
“But hey,” Liv said. “Since you have already, I suppose I don’t mind you following me in here. Whatever you like, now we’re trying stuff out. I mean, god, you can watch me pee if you want to, if you’re into that…”
Liv was teasing, Becky was almost certain of it. Liv was teasing because she was embarrassed, and was covering that up. Becky understood. She was embarrassed too.
“I’m not in there,” Becky said, after a moment. “In the bathroom. I’m at the door.”
“I can see. Right at the door. In the hallway. Listening to me pee.”
“I wasn’t listening,” Becky said. “I was…”
“Listening?”
“Knocking. Making sure you were okay.”
“Of course you were.”
Liv started to smile, and then Becky did too. They were still standing where they’d been, slightly too close together, right in the doorway, looking at each other. Liv still had her hand on the door, and was leaning on it as she looked at Becky. She had her mouth a little way open, as she smiled. Becky looked at Liv’s mouth, thinking. Thinking what Liv’s mouth had just done to Becky, and how carelessly willing Liv had been to do it. Thinking how good Liv’s mouth had felt, and how much more Becky wanted to try doing with her.
Liv hadn’t put her lip gloss back on, Becky suddenly noticed. Liv’s mouth was bare, but still soft and inviting. They’d been kissing a little while ago, Becky thought, and she wanted to again. She wanted to kiss Liv, but Liv was her friend. She wanted to kiss Liv, and do more with Liv, but she wasn’t sure how things were now, between them. She didn’t know what Liv wanted.
She wanted to ask, but didn’t. She stood where she was, silent and unsure.
“What?” Liv said, and touched her mouth. “Is something wrong? Something there?”
Me, Becky wanted to say, but didn’t. She shook her head, instead. “No,” she said. “You’re fine. You’re perfect.”
Liv looked at her for a moment, and seemed to be thinking. “Hey,” she said. “Are we okay? Because that doesn’t have to be complicated. It was just…”
“Fun?”
“Yeah.”
“Friendly?”
Liv nodded.
“Helping me out because I was sad?” Becky said.
“Um, yeah, exactly.”
“I know,” Becky said. “I get it. Everything’s fine.”
“So what’s up?”
“Nothing’s up.”
“You’re still in the doorway, staring at me.”
“I know.”
“Um, so, why?”
Becky thought. She didn’t really know. “Probably I just came to say thank you,” she said.
Liv grinned. “Probably?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s fine, dude. Glad to. Don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah,” Becky said. “To say thank you, and also to ask…”
Liv waited.
“So I wondered,” Becky said. “Before, when you didn’t want me to… Um, was that because you needed to pee?”
Liv seemed to be trying not to laugh. “Yep,” she said.
“But now you have.”
“Yep, I have. Which you know because of how you were listening.”
Becky sighed. “But you have,” she said. “So does that mean… has that changed, that not wanting to? Like, maybe you would want to try something else now?”
Liv looked surprised. Then she started to grin. “Oh,” she said, and looked at Becky.
Becky felt terribly uncertain. She didn’t feel like she could wait to find out. Liv was just looking at her, though, making her wait, and that didn’t seem fair. “Well?” Becky said sharply.
Liv grinned. “Yes,” she said, which wasn’t especially helpful.
“Yes it means you do want to?”
Liv nodded. “Yes,” she said. “That’s pretty much exactly what it means.”
“Oh,” Becky said. “Um, good.”
“I mean, if you’re still interested. If you like.”
“I’m interested,” Becky said. “And I like a lot.”
“Well, same,” Liv said, but then just stood there.
Liv didn’t move, so Becky waited, unsure what she was meant to do now. Liv wasn’t doing anything, or saying anything, and Becky didn’t know why. She stood there, uncertainly, not wanting to start first. If Liv was going to be all weird, Becky would too.
Becky stood there, waiting, and her mind began to wander. Back to why they’d stopped earlier, and why they weren’t having sex right now. She still felt a little silly about it all, she decided. She ought to have guessed why Liv had wanted to stop. She ought to have guessed, and the more she thought about it, the more silly she felt. She might as well just say so, she decided in the end. Since they weren’t doing anything much else except stand there.
“You should have just told me,” Becky said. “About needing to pee.”
“Yeah right.”
“You should have,” Becky said.
“Would you? Have told me?”
“Maybe.”
“Come on dude, it’s a bit unglamorous. Especially when you’re already all oh my god are you on the rag.”
“I wasn’t... I mean, I don’t care if you are.”
“Yeah, except that for all I know you were about to lose your shit because oh my god I have a period too.”
“What?” Becky said, then, “Um, no, I don’t think I was.”
Liv looked at her.
“Seriously?” Becky said. “Did you think…?”
Liv shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. Because honestly? I can’t really remember what seemed like a big deal at first any more. So I’ve got no idea what might suddenly strike you as weird, and I don’t want to take chances.”
“Oh. But that? I mean…”
Liv shrugged again. “Well yeah, never mind.”
Becky nodded, and stood there, thinking. “Take chances?” she said. That part seemed a lot more interesting. “What are you taking chances about?”
Liv didn’t answer.
“Um, seriously?” Becky said. “I kind of want to know. What are you taking chances about?”
“I don’t know. You. Maybe scaring you off.”
“Oh,” Becky said. “Yeah, I suppose.”
They looked at each other for a moment longer. Liv still wasn’t doing anything but just stand there. Maybe that was on purpose, Becky suddenly thought. Maybe Liv was teasing. Teasing sexily, letting anticipation build, or perhaps just teasing cruelly because she thought it was funny. Becky didn’t know. She didn’t especially care. She was sick of waiting, and wanted to do things now.
“We’re still standing here,” Becky said, after a moment.
Liv grinned. “Yeah you’re right, we are.”
“Why?”
Liv shrugged.
“But we’re going to do something soon?” Becky said. “Aren’t we? Like do more stuff with each other?”
Liv nodded. “Soon.”
Becky waited a little longer. “How about now?” she said. “Can we right now? Please?”
Liv laughed, and leaned forward, and kissed Becky carefully. “Yep,” she said.
“Thank fuck,” Becky said, and kissed back, relieved. “Why were you waiting?” she said, after a moment, worried there’d been something wrong.
“No reason.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I was just looking at you, and thinking.”
“Oh,” Becky said, and felt better.
They stood in the doorway and kissed, until Becky started feeling silly. It wasn’t the most sensible place to be doing this, she decided, and pulled Liv back into the lounge. They kissed as they moved, and kissed when they got there, back on the couch, where they’d been. They kissed quite intensely, for quite a long time, and then, impatient, Becky pulled one of Liv’s breasts out of her top.
“Hey,” Liv whispered. “I thought we weren’t.”
“I’m not,” Becky said. “You are.”
Liv laughed.
“I mean it,” Becky said. “I’m not, but I still want you to. Is that unfair?”
Liv shrugged, and didn’t seem to care, so Becky kissed her nipple. Liv watched, smiling, seeming to think Becky was funny, all nervous and uncertain, so Becky sucked instead. Then, Liv sighed and went slightly limp all over, and Becky was quite pleased with herself. She sucked some more, surprised she was actually doing this, and surprised by how gaspily Liv was reacting to her mouth. It was odd, sucking Liv’s breast. Odd, but exciting too, exciting as much for the idea of it as for anything about Liv’s tits especially, which might be a horrible thing to think. Becky sucked anyway, since Liv seemed to like it, then decided she was getting bored, and was missing Liv’s mouth. She lifted up and kissed Liv instead, and Liv seemed to like that too.
They kissed, pressing together, wriggling around each other to get comfortable, and to reach. Becky’s skirt got pulled up, and Liv’s legs were between hers, and they were pressing and pushing against each other in a way that felt quite nice. Liv reached down, and slid her hand up Becky’s leg, up beneath Becky’s skirt, and touched her gently, touching and stroking as they kissed. Becky sighed. She was still bare under her skirt, and Liv’s hand had settled onto her like it belonged there, Liv’s fingertips spreading her, slipping inside her, and Becky was starting to have trouble thinking.
Becky pressed herself against Liv’s hand, kissing and sighing, and after a while decided she ought to be doing something like that as well. She reached down, a little clumsily, and tried to undo Liv’s jeans. It took a moment, fumbling with both hands, distracted by kissing, but she managed to in the end. She slipped her hand inside Liv’s open fly, and felt around. She felt the smooth skin of Liv’s tummy, and then the top of her leg, and finally her underwear, soft warm cloth, a little surprising for just how soft and warm it felt, almost softer than skin. She moved her fingers around, touching like Liv was touching her, stroking and caressing gently, while Liv gasped against her ear. She reached further, and found a warm dip, and realized she was feeling the shape of Liv though her underwear. She stroked, carefully, rubbing Liv through soft, soft cloth in a way that made Liv sigh.
Liv sighed, and pressed her fingers against Becky, and kissed her as they stroked each other. It felt good, Becky thought. It felt wonderful, and Liv seemed happy too. Becky opened her eyes, wanting to check. Liv looked happy, she decided. Liv actually looked slightly dazed.
Becky was doing everything well enough to make Liv happy, and that was very good, but she wanted to do more. She wanted to, she just wasn’t quite certain how.
“I can do more,” Becky said.
“What?” Liv said breathlessly, her eyes still closed.
“I want to do more for you.”
Liv opened her eyes. “I’m fine.”
“There must be something,” Becky said. “Like you did for me. Don’t you want me to do that as well?”
“Not really,” Liv said. “This is good.”
“Oh,” Becky said. “But don’t you want…”
“Nope,” Liv said. “This is good. This is really quite wonderfully good. Could you shut up and kiss me? Please?”
Becky looked at Liv, and didn’t kn
ow what to say. “Is this because you peed?”
Liv seemed startled. Her hand stopped moving on Becky. She sat there for a moment, quite taken aback. “Um, dude,” she said. “You’re probably the most unromantic person I’ve ever.... Just wow. Fuck. That’s…”
“But is that why?” Becky said. “Are you worried how you’ll taste like…”
“Stop,” Liv said. “Just stop talking. Please?”
Becky looked at her, a little uncertain. “If it is that…” she began.
“Nope,” Liv said. “It’s not. And stop talking, remember?”
Becky stayed quiet.
“It’s really not,” Liv said. “I promise. Because of how I wipe…”
Becky nodded, almost embarrassed. Somehow she’d started that, and ended up here, and she really needed to stop doing this. She needed to say something else, she decided, and quickly, before the mood between them was completely gone.
“Sorry,” she said.
“It’s fine.”
“Are you worried you’ll scare me off?” Becky said. “Like if you ask for too much all at once?”
Liv sighed. “Um, nope. Not really.”
“But I’m just touching,” Becky said. “I ought to do more.”
“You’re fine. You touch well.”
“But it’s only through your clothes…”
“Just do it and stop arguing.”
Becky looked at her, unsure.
“Really,” Liv said. “Just do it, and don’t think so much.”
Becky nodded. “I will.”
“Like actually don’t think so much,” Liv said. “Your hand stops moving when you do.”
“Oh,” Becky said, and decided Liv was right. “Um, sorry.”
Liv grinned, and kissed her. “You’re good at this. Stop worrying so much and just enjoy it.”
“I’ll try.”
“You’re good at this,” Liv said again slowly, as if she was thinking out loud. “Just obviously you are. Because you’ve been practicing on yourself for years…”
Becky wanted to blush. She was a little surprised Liv had just said that.
“Practicing,” Liv added, dreamily. “And thinking about me while you did…”
Becky laughed, despite herself, and Liv smiled too. She kissed Becky, then said, “Did you really? The thinking about me.”
“Yeah.”
“A lot of times?”
Not-Sex on Not-Dates Page 3