“David. I don’t know how to do that.” She wasn’t pouting or whining. She was being honest and I loved her so much for it. I leaned in, kissing her eyes.
“We will figure it out. Together.” My heart almost burst with pride. Again the tears started to form in my eyes. I was terrified Isaiah would find out about this. He would have a field day.
“I’m scared.” Lucy pulled back to look me in the face. Her worried eyes seared mine. Her lips quivered slightly.
“Me too. Terrified, actually.” I pulled the covers up to our shoulders.
I had a flashback to the first time we shared a hospital bed. I had been terrified then, too, but for a very different reason.
“Listen, Lucy, I have some money saved. I own a house. I’m starting college next semester to work on becoming a social worker.” She just looked at me, waiting for a point.
“In the meantime, Sean has been selling my tattoos like hotcakes. I don’t know who he knows or how he’s doing it, but I’m making money.” I was done. I wasn’t really sure what my point was, but it was in there, somewhere. Maybe just to let her know that I was not just full of hot air – I was doing what I was asking her to do. I was walking the walk, as she once accused me of doing.
“Amazing. You will be an incredible social worker, David.”
She wasn’t fooling me. I detected deflection. That was my job; I was the king of deflecting. I wanted my title back.
“What about you, Lucy. What do you want to be?”
“I have no idea, David.” She tensed, becoming a stick in my arms.
“No idea at all?” I spoke gently. Again, I wondered if she had ever given this any real thought.
“What am I good at?! Nothing!” Her arms flew up in frustration.
“You mean, besides being incredible friendly? Making everyone around you feel comfortable and happy? Being confident, charming, loving? I could go on...”
“I don’t even remember that person.” Her hard exterior deflated to mush and my heart broke for her. It was true, she had changed so much in the last year. She was more serious, definitely not as quick to laugh or joke. But the old Lucy was still here, she had just been weathered and shaped.
I shook her to try and snap her out of her bout of self-pity and brought my lips to her ear.
“I remember that person! Whatever she did this last year doesn’t wipe out who you are. It makes you better, stronger, if you let it. Make it work for you, for us, Lucy. Use what happened to become better.”
I was pleading so hard for that girl to come back. I wanted Lucy, an older, wiser Lucy than I had left so many months ago. She could do it if she would just try.
After a few minutes of silence and a few quiet sobs her little voice squeaked out.
“Okay.”
“Okay? Like, okay David, I agree with everything you’re saying and you are a life-coaching genius? Or, okay David, I just gave birth and I’m tired of this conversation – get your pompous butt out and never come back?” She smiled, but didn’t laugh. Her brows were knit into a little (adorable) frown.
“I guess I’m good with people. Maybe my parents can watch Lydia when I work…” She looked up at me and her face was hard with irritation. “If it’s, you know, convenient for them.”
Sarcasm. She was back.
“Oh my gosh; I love you!” She was so cute; I couldn’t help it. Admitting I was right and admitting she was super-spoiled was killing her.
“So, Lucy Peterson: marry me, please.” I felt my face get hot, but not from embarrassment. Pure excitement coursed through me.
“David, I would love to be your wife.”
Not going to lie, my face exploded with even more blushing when I thought of everything that statement implied.
Then I felt a reminder that kicked me and my hormones in the pants.
“That ring, Lucy Peterson, is your new purity ring.”
She looked down at her engagement ring and sighed. It wasn’t a sigh for me. It was a sigh for the last year, for the old ring.
“It kills me to say it, believe me, but your dad is the first man who ever put me in charge of anything, who gave me any kind of responsibility. I’m going to honor that and see it through, even if it kills me.” It just might too. This girl and her new milk jugs were freaking me out. I was already coming up with elaborate ways to not be distracted by them.
Lucy’s eyes were locked on her knuckle and the little engagement ring. I put my thumb over it then kissed it like I used to when she wore her little pearl one. We both spent a quiet moment in silence.
I heard a fake sob and felt a chill go through my body.
Isaiah, Evelyn, Michelle, Johnny, Jennika, Rachel, Sean, Lucy’s parents, my birth father, and a couple of nurses were standing at the door, all craning over each other.
“Are you kidding me?! How long have you guys been there?” I asked, rushing to extract myself from the bed. As I stood up, my legs felt wobbly. They all noticed and they all laughed. Traitors.
“Ask her.” Isaiah pointed to Lucy, who looked guilty but unapologetic. Jennika walked past me with Lydia tucked into one arm, ruffling my hair as she passed.
“Congratulations, son.” Lucy’s father was giving me a hug that told me he had heard at least that last part and he was doing back flips inside. I felt embarrassed, especially considering where my mind had been during the last few minutes. I hoped that didn’t come through too terribly much. But whatever, he was married. He knew.
I looked over at the hospital bed and saw a sight that I instantly wanted to draw and use it as wall paper for my whole house.
Johnny and Jennika were on Lucy’s left side. Isaiah and Evelyn sat on her right. Michelle and Sean and the foot. All of them were, somehow, smooshed together on the same bed. Isaiah cradled Lydia in his arms, his normally smirking face open with delight. She looked miniscule against his freakishly long torso.
Best day ever? I think yes!
* * *
I stood in front of a long mirror in a small, stuffy room at the back of our church. I was evaluating my reflection, feeling so excited I was actually giddy. I pondered the light eyeliner around my lids. It felt like it had to be there.
Earlier, I had asked Lucy if she cared that I wore makeup. Her only request had been that I wear less than her.
Rachel was responsible for Lucy’s hair and makeup, so I was sure I was safe with a little bit of eyeliner. I kept my eyebrow ring in. That never really left. But my hair was shorter than it had ever been. It still hung in layers around my face but it didn’t go down past the bottom of my neck.
My scar stood out when I paid attention to it, but I hardly noticed it anymore. I felt like Lucy knew me, and that’s all that mattered.
As I took one of the last looks, Isaiah was throwing out snide remarks about what a princess I was and how I forgot my wedding dress at home. I was loving them. They meant I was marrying my Lucy, the most amazing girl that ever lived.
“We already took the pictures, stop staring at yourself!” Isaiah threw a crumpled up program at me to get my attention.
“My tie is all crooked!” I pulled on it as I spoke, which ultimately made it worse.
“I don’t think anyone is going to be looking at your tie after they see our rad shoes!” Johnny pointed at his bright red Converse shoes that peeked out from the bottom of his traditional black tuxedo. I looked down at my own pair and smiled.
Lucy was so cool. The whole thing was her idea. Jennika couldn’t believe she was having to wear sneakers with her sage-green bridesmaid dress (that matched our sage green ties), but of course she did it.
“Come here.” Anthony spoke from across the room. I walked over to him, still fiddling with my tie. My dad was almost a whole inch shorter than me now, but his legs were longer so his arms were at a perfect length to undo my tie and start it over again.
“So, how do you feel?” he asked.
“Like I’m going to pee my pants.”
“Good, then you’re feeling li
ke a normal man on his wedding day!”
“What if she runs away half way down the aisle?”
“Then we will all know she’s come to her senses,” Isaiah piped up, grinning wickedly.
“Not going to happen!” Jennika sang as she walked in, inspecting us. She flitted over to Johnny and kissed him. Evelyn filed in after her, with Rachel right behind.
“Dadn!” I heard Lydia squeak the name she had made up for me. I turned to see that my daughter was riding on Rachel’s hip. For some reason, the kid loved Rachel. Whenever the ice queen was in the room, Lydia would throw a fit if she wasn’t picked up immediately. Rachel never seemed to care; she would carry Lydia around everywhere, looking almost approachable.
“Hey beautiful.” I held out my arms for Lydia to climb into. She wore a dark yellow satin dress with a sage green sash around her baby-tummy. Her brown curls stood up on her little head like a mini-helmet. Her fat little fist clung to the hair on the back of my scalp as she laid her head on my shoulder. She was already exhausted from the day’s events.
Lydia was thirteen months old, and was already such a firecracker I couldn’t believe it. The girl had everyone around her wrapped around her little finger, just like her mom. The two of them were a dynamic, explosive duo. I loved being with them and discovering the never-ending wonders of two women who could take over the world, if they wanted to.
“Lucy is doing hot laps in the next room.” Jennika laughed as she spoke, rolling her eyes then coming over to make sure I was properly assembled. Evelyn already had Isaiah pinned against the wall, straightening his tie. His face was the standard disgusted, resigned look, but he had his chin up, letting her invade his personal bubble. I also noticed he had a hand on one of her bent elbows as she fiddled with his collar. Then he whispered something to her that made her look up at him. He winked, she bit her lip, and then she continued to fix his already perfect tuxedo.
Johnny and Sean came in to tell us it was time. Johnny looked like he wanted to flap his hands and start screaming with the girls next door.
At their words, everyone started scrambling around. Rachel snatched Lydia back from me and fixed a stray piece of my hair before leaving the room. Three men stood in front of me, all looking like they were ready to say “weeee!” and join hands to play ring around the rosy. They were scuffling around and shoving each other for space.
“This is it. You ready?” My dad smiled at me and opened the door for us to walk out.
We had it all planned out. The boys went out first, escorting the women down the aisle. I walked my birth mother, my stepmother, and my soon-to-be mother-in-law behind them.
I felt my heart become torn between complete joy and sadness. Joy because as the boy who never had any kind of mother growing up walked three of them down the aisle at his wedding. But I felt sad because my grandmother wasn’t here to be a part of it. She, of all of them, deserved a place of honor on a day like this.
After the family was seated, a simple piano song started up as the pastor came out and positioned himself front and center. Next to me stood Isaiah, Johnny, my birth father, and Sean as my groomsmen. I looked out at the crowd, recognizing almost everyone. I had met a lot of my extended birth family a few days before the wedding. I couldn’t believe how many aunts, uncles, and cousins had shown up to see me get married.
The piano stopped playing and I turned around to the pianist to figure what was wrong. This was not what we had rehearsed the day before.
But before I could get the pianist’s attention I heard some music playing softly from a speaker. It sounded like a trumpet. It was a song I had heard before, but I couldn’t place it.
I thought that there had been some kind of mistake until I heard the words and I realized what Lucy had done.
Oh, she may be weary…
Them young girls, they do get wearied.
Wearing that same old miniskirt dress.
But when she gets weary,
you try a little tenderness.
No one came down the aisle, everyone just chuckled and looked around, waiting for something to happen. I looked behind me at my friends and father who all had big, stupid grins on their faces. They must have been in on the song choice my lovely fiancé had chosen for me. The next verse, I saw the curtains move and Lucy’s cousin came out, wearing her tea-length sage-green dress and holding her yellow orchid bouquet. She was grinning like a wildcat, also in on the switcheroo.
Oh man that -- un hunh
I know she’s waiting, just anticipating
the thing that you’ll never, never possess.
Behind Lucy’s cousin appeared Evelyn, looking stunning.
Her black curly hair cascaded down over her shoulders, and her little attitude was amazing, wearing a wide smile and getting funky with the beat. I felt Isaiah shift next to me. I knew the boy was impressed; even though we had just seen her, there was something different about Evelyn with that bouquet in her hands and the beat in her step. If he was any kind of smart he was imagining her walking down the aisle towards him right now. And Isaiah was a smart guy, as much as he tried to hide it.
No, no, no. But while she’s there waiting…
Try just a little bit of tenderness; that’s all you got to do.
Now it might be a little bit sentimental, but she has her grieves and cares.
But the soft words, they are spoke so gentle, yeah, yeah, yeah; and it makes it easier to bear.
Oh she won’t regret it…
Jennika walked down the aisle, holding Lydia. Both of them were moving with some swagger, Lydia mostly just gleaming because she had the attention of the whole room.
Behind them came one of Lucy’s little cousins and my brother, Dillon. Dillon was jumping up and down with excitement, and forgetting to take time to walk slowly. The music was picking up and it was too much for the little guy to try to be sedate.
No, no. Them young girls, they don’t forget it; love is their whole happiness. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it’s all so easy: all you got to do is try -- Try a little tenderness! Yeah!
Then I saw her. Lucy emerged, walking slowly down the stairs that were facing the big, open doors that led into the sanctuary. She looked so incredibly beautiful I almost forgot to breathe.
My bones liquefied and I turned into a puddle with eyeballs and an eyebrow ring.
She paused, letting the next few lines play out.
All you got to do is know how to love her!
You've got to:
Hold her!
Squeeze her!
Never leave her!
Now get to her!
Got! Got! Got! To try a little TENDerness!
She took Mr. Peterson’s arm and began walking, staring straight into my eyes the entire time. Her dress was stunning, an ivory color. The left sleeve went up around her shoulders, leaving the other completely bare. It had tiny pearl beading all over it and the train stretched a few feet behind her.
Bright red Converse shoes popped out every time she took a step, which, in my opinion, made the whole thing go together perfectly.
She looked timeless, classy, and funky all at the same time. She was tiny, her little arms and neck were more slender than they used to be, and her cheekbones stood out. But her chest, courtesy of nursing (she claimed) was ginourmous. On top of that, her little waist fanned out to hips that looked like they should be walking down the aisle by themselves, with the way they were moving to the beat. Lucy Peterson had gone from girl to woman, and I was the guy that got to marry her.
Good. Day.
Lucy stopped, getting a kiss from her dad, then looking at me just long enough to mouth the words, “you've got, got, got to try a little tenderness!”
That was the last line and everyone started applauding for the girls and laughing at my face, probably because my jaw was on the floor. Once everyone calmed down, the pastor smiled and spoke.
“Who gives this woman to marry this man?”
“Her mother and I do.” Mr.
Peterson’s voice surprised me. I’d forgotten anyone was in the room. He chuckled when I jumped, shook my hand, put Lucy’s hand inside mine, and walked down to the first row to sit with Lucy’s mom. I kept Lucy’s hands locked in mine. I knew stuff was supposed to be happening right now but I had to talk to her.
“Oh my gosh; you look amazing! It’s insane how gorgeous you are!” Lucy bit her lip and put her shoulders up with excitement.
The ceremony was quick and completely unconventional. It was so us!
The part that got the biggest laugh was when the pastor proclaimed that we might have to leave early because we had kept ourselves, since the moment of our engagement thirteen months before, for our wedding night.
Isaiah punched my shoulder, I heard a few wolf calls, and I was thrilled. It was the only real thing that I could think to give Lucy. I wanted her to realize how important she was to me and that she was worth waiting for.
Don’t get me wrong; it was hard. I almost didn’t follow through with my resolution on several different occasions. But it was something that I knew I wanted. Not just for her, but for Lydia. I wanted to be able to tell my daughter that I waited, and suffered in the waiting, for my wife and that Lydia was also worth the wait.
When the pastor told me I could kiss my bride, after our heartfelt, teary, and 100% cheesy personal vows, I scooped her up in my arms, bent her backwards, and planted a kiss on her that got us a standing ovation. I brought her back up for air and she started to laugh that loud, obnoxious laugh I had first fallen in love with. The pastor shouted over the clapping and laughter.
“May I present to you, for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. David Johnson!” We turned around so we were facing the audience and were met with accelerating applause.
Michelle and Rachel were both clapping happily and I saw my birth mother in the front row, on my side, wiping tears out of her eyes. My adopted father, who was sitting right next to her, was ignoring his discomfort to applaud wildly.
Jennika handed Lydia over to us and I took her willingly.
I held my daughter in my arms and walked down the aisle with my wife.
My Stupid Girl Page 43