“What the hell is this place?” There’s neon signs and bikes everywhere. I can hear the bass thumping; wherever we are, they’re throwing one hell of a party.
“This is the Brotherhood.”
“What?” I can’t hide the shock on my face. “Is this like a motorcycle club? Like a gang? Are you serious? Jules, we can’t go in there!” Ty said yes to a club, not a packed bar full of rebels.
“I got a personal invite, it’s fine. Besides, they’re an ex-military club. Good guys.”
Good guys, sure. Good guys with guns and ties to people in jail. Not my idea of good guys. “Julie, I want to go home, this is nuts.”
“Well, I drove, and I’m not taking your ass home. Let’s go.”
She leaves the car, walking across the asphalt towards the neon lights and men smoking in front of the entrance. I watch from the car as she beckons me. This is a bad idea, I know it. But I find myself exiting the car and joining her next to three guys in black leather vests.
“You lost, little girl?” one guy asks me. He’s older, maybe in his fifties. The other two are younger, taking in deep drafts of their cigarettes.
“No.”
“No, we’re not lost, Grandpa. We’re here for Shawn. He invited me.”
The older man nods. “My mistake then, go right in. Last time I saw Shawn, he was behind the bar with the new prospect. Have a good time, ladies.” He dips his head to us and another guy puts out his cigarette and opens the door for us. He pushes past us after we’re inside. And inside, it’s chaos.
“This is insane,” I say as I watch a girl lie on the bar while some guy pours whiskey into her mouth.
“It’s a prospect party, of course it’s insane.”
I cross my arms in front of my chest as I watch men with hungry eyes look me over.
She looks over at me. “You look hot,” she says with a smile.
“I think I look like fresh meat,” I say, looking down at my feet.
“Same thing. Oh look, there’s Shawn.”
“Shawn,” she says, like they’re old friends. “Julie, remember? I brought my cousin Cami. This is a great party.”
“Hey girls, hell yeah, it is, we know how to turn it up around here. Even the old guys.” He points to another leather clad member doing body shots with a girl younger than me.
“What can I get for ya?”
I order a rum and coke and her a shot of Jim Beam fire.
“Thanks!” she yells to him as she winks, and he walks away, filling some glasses with beer. I turn to hand her the shot, and she grabs my hand. I almost drop my drink, but don't say anything. I don't want to ruin her night with my moods, so I just turn and survey the crowd some more.
She makes a beeline for the two men, sticking her chest out and flipping her hair. I glance at the one sitting at the small bar table, realizing once again, that Jules has excellent taste in men. Before I can catch my thoughts, one of the men greets us. I stammer out a “Hello” and turn to Julie, who’s in her element now. This is who she is, I remind myself, and they love her for it.
“Want to dance?” the man says, and Julie immediately nods. She stands up, giving me a quick look before walking to the dance floor with the handsome stranger. I look up at the other man, who is standing in front of me, and I feel like I should recognize him, but I don't. I see him eyeballing me, and it makes me wonder if I do know him. Something about him is so familiar.
I glance around, trying and failing to find something that catches my interest. I sit down at the nearest table because my feet are already screaming and wait for Julie to finish dancing. The music is loud here, making it impossible to small talk. The silence between us is becoming uncomfortable. He nods his head and looks to the dance floor.
“I can't, I have a boyfriend who would freak out, not to mention my poor feet,” I yell over the music. He looks at me and smiles a panty-soaking smile. His eyes are a hazel color, but they’re hidden beneath dark bangs, and the bar’s lights aren’t forgiving, which means that out in the sun I would barely be able to stand how good looking he is. How stupid of me to let Julie talk me into this.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Cami,” I reply, feeling the burn in my cheeks. My thoughts begin to wander.
He smiles a knowing smile, and I feel like I’m lost. Like I should know him.
“You’re not wearing a vest?” I ask, unsure of what else to say.
“Nope, I’m still new around here, take a while to get a vest.”
“Oh, I don’t really know what that means.”
“I’m not a member yet. But I will be. These are my brothers.”
“So you’re ex-military?” Army, I think, as the strobe flashes on his eyes. They're a soft hazel hue and so familiar. For a moment, I’m almost able to place him, but then the lights shift again and we’re cast back into darkness. Maybe the combination of the strobe lights and atmosphere is causing my imagination to run wild. He is so familiar—the eyes, the face, the voice. It hits me suddenly: Jett, Jett Stewart, from high school. Holy shit.
“Jett?”
He sets his lips into a thin smile. “So you do remember.”
“How could I forget?” I wrap my arms around him in a tight squeeze. Four years ago, I was slightly obsessed with this guy, but he’s changed. Now my arms don’t reach around him; he’s taller and stockier. With a thick chest and muscles rippling beneath. Damn, he looks good.
“What have you been up to?” he asks, cutting into my thoughts.
“Oh, this and that.”
“You working, live around here?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I work at a local hospital.” I don’t say anything more, because how can I? There’s a chance, a good chance, Ella is his. And I never told him. Hell I never thought I’d see him again.
He moves closer to me. I know he’s just trying to hear me, but it’s not good for us to stand this close. I remember the last time his hands were on me. Touching my flesh, filling me with his seed. There’s so much he doesn’t know.
I feel his breath on my cheek. “It’s good to see you again.” If he thinks he's going to seduce me, he's wrong—not only am I taken, I'm just not that kind of girl. A strange feeling hits me, a desire unlike anything I've ever felt. It causes me to panic.
“I better find Julie,” I say and turn my attention to the dance floor. Creating as much distance as I can between myself and Jett as possible.
At first I can't find Julie, but then I see her. It’s nice to see her smiling and having fun. It’s been so many years since I last saw her happy. I turn back to my table and sigh a breath of relief when I turn and realize Jett is gone. Julie is dancing and enjoying herself, so I go to the bar and order another rum and coke. From across the club, I can see Jett shooting pool with some other guys. Every so often, I feel someone's eyes on me, and I'm pretty sure it's him.
As the night winds down, I go looking for Julie and find her making out with the strange guy in a booth. I huff an impatient sigh and wait for her to finish.
“Oh, go ahead and go home, I’ve got a ride,” she says with a giggle.
“I need your keys.”
She passes them to me without ever breaking eye contact from the member she’s about to shack up with.
“Call me in the morning, ok?” She nods and goes back to sucking his face off. As I sit in the car, I laugh at the shitty situation. She dragged me out with her and then left me all alone after five minutes. Typical. I dig into my purse and fish my phone out. I scan through pictures from high school. There are a million of Jett and I, so how could I forget his face? It’s certainly not as boyish as it once was. He was hot then, but now, he’s downright panty melting. My heart stops beating when I see that I have seven text messages from Ty. “Oh shit,” I think to myself as I put the car in drive.
As I walk up to the front door, my heart is hammering loudly in my ears because I'm afraid. Quickly slipping off my shoes, I open the door, slowly, and to my surprise, there is Ty, sitting in the chair, a
dozen roses in hand.
“I love you,” he says, getting up. He comes over, slipping his hands down to my hips and kissing my cheek. Wrapping my arms around him, I stand on my tip toes and place my lips on his.
“How was your evening? How’s Ella?” I ask impatiently for an update.
“She’s fine, sleeping. You can check on her if you want.”
I grab the flowers and put them in a vase. Then I watch as Ty heads to bed and I slip into Ella’s room. I climb into her twin bed with her and snuggle in.
“Mama?”
“Yes, baby?”
“You look sad. Why you sad, Mama?”
“I’m not sad, baby, just thinking, go back to sleep.” She snuggles in closer and we both shut our eyes. Except I know I’m the only one who dreams of Jett Stewart. Her father.
13
Jett
Fuck, I’m hungover. The brothers know how to party like no crew I’ve ever been around. I remember doing body shots with five, no six girls, and then there was… Cami. Oh shit, that’s right, Camryn was here. She was in the clubhouse, with me. And I didn’t do shit about it. She escaped right after I found her.
“Wilson, where the hell are you?” I ask, putting one foot on the floor and grabbing my head. Damn, I have the spins. And I slept on a couch?
“Wilson?” Is he even here? Then I hear some bottles crash near the pool table. He’s lying on top of it with a half-naked girl. She has nice tits, and I don’t avert my eyes as she falls back to sleep.
“What? Stewart, what the hell? I was sleeping!”
There’s guys and women passed out all over the clubhouse, but no members. Just prospects and club whores; everyone else has a room, or a place to sleep. We’ll have to clean this shit up and send the nonmembers home.
“I'm going to make some coffee,” a broad says as she passes us. She has her clothes on, but she’s a cute little thing.
“Wilson, tell me why in the hell Camryn Ruiz was here last night. And why didn’t you tell me she was coming? I thought she moved away!”
“What?” he says, still scratching his head. “Wait, rum and coke? She went to high school with us, didn’t she? I kinda remember her.”
“You kinda remember your name?” He was so drunk, I’m not sure.
“Yes, dumbass. Now the girl, I remember her. Julie brought her, oh that girl, fine piece of ass. I’ve fucked her a couple times.”
“Camryn?” My blood is boiling. I’ll kill him if he laid a hand on her.
“No, hell no, not rum and coke. Last night was the first time I’ve seen her since graduation. You know she moved in with some low life, that’s what Sara said.”
“Yeah, about Sara, does she know about this place? Your extracurricular activities?” Just as I ask him, the girl with the coffee reemerges and hands us each a mug. It’s piping hot, and I immediately begin drinking it. I have to sober up. I have to find Cami.
“She’s forbidden me from the club because she says she smelled women's perfume on me.”
“And yet, here you are.”
“Ah yes, here I am. I love her, but we fight a lot. We just have different values, I guess. She doesn’t understand the brotherhood here. She never will. And man, I don’t think rum and coke will either. She seems like a good chick. Not the club type.”
Cami is good. She’s everything innocent and sweet about the world. The world I miss creating with her.
14
Cami
A bike roars outside, and even though I haven't laid eyes on the rider, I know it’s Julie getting dropped off.
“Well?” I say, annoyed by her lack of calling.
“Well, thanks for bringing my car back. Didn’t you have so much fun last night? I did. That was Grime, can you believe that’s what they call him? Grime. These club guys are so weird, but kinky as hell. He was so good in bed.”
“Uh huh, and what about just leaving me? I had to fend off some guy.” That’s a lie; I was trying to protect my heart from a man I used to love, but it still played well into my evening.
“Oh, you were fine! Besides, wasn’t that Jett Stewart, like from high school? You loved him back then. God, you should have slept with him. He’s so hot now.”
Annoyed, I walk back into the house. Julie spends most of the day sleeping and watching TV with Ella; occasionally, she reads her a story or plays a game. But in the evening, good clean fun Julie is gone, and the typical party girl is here to stay. I have no interest in this side of her. I never have. Partying with Julie was a mistake, one I won’t make again. Around nine, I lay down with Ella and fall asleep, waiting for Ty to come to bed.
I wake to giggling coming from the living room the next morning. I sneak around the corner expecting to find them talking again, only to find Julie and Ty all cozy in the recliner. She's sitting there on his lap, and he's got his face buried into her neck. My blood begins to boil as he removes her tank top and kisses her deeply. I can feel the bile rising in the back of my throat and run down the hallway, barely making it to the bathroom. After my nausea fades, I stare at myself in the mirror as anger takes over completely.
Always there in the back of my mind is the memory of that night. We had argued and verbally fought with each other many times, but the first time he hit me, I thought my soul would break in two.
The backhand across my face not only hurt me physically, but mentally as well. I'd cried like a baby, blubbering and sniveling into my pillow for hours on end until I'd finally fallen into a sorrowful sleep. Ty had carried me to bed and watched over me for the remainder of the night. When I woke up, my face was sore and swollen. He had made me breakfast and acted as though nothing had happened.
“Ella, go sit on Mama’s bed, I'll be there in just a minute,” I whisper. Drawing in several breaths, I walk back into the living room loudly. Julie jumps up, covering her exposed breasts. “I'm sorry, Cam. I don't know what I was thinking,” she says.
As she takes a step closer to me, I shake my head. “Get your stuff and get the hell out,” I hiss. Locking eyes with Ty, I scream, “You had me fooled, you really did!” I stand there fighting the anger and tears that are now taking over. He stands there, clearly angry but not speaking. I turn and go to our bedroom, locking the door, and grab my suitcase.
“Mama, what's wrong?” Ella asks, running to me. Tears are streaming down my face as I start slinging clothes into it.
“Sweetheart, we’re leaving, ok? I need you to sit behind the bathroom door for a little while so I can get some things together. Can you do that for me?” I ask, kissing her now damp cheek. She nods and goes into the bathroom, shutting the door. I bend over to pick up some socks that had fallen, and the light glints off my pendant that Ty gave me. I grab it and rip it off, throwing into the corner.
A knock on the door brings me back to reality. It’s Ty, wanting to come in. “Cami, let me in so we can talk,” he says.
“I don't want to talk to you,” I reply between sobs.
“Cami, damn it, I'm sorry… I'm stupid,” he says angrily.
“I don't care how sorry you are, I am done. You have crossed a fucking line,” I snarl. He pounds on the door, and I can hear the stream of obscenities coming from him as he kicks at the door. Ella is whimpering from the bathroom, and that makes my skin crawl. After a couple more kicks, he goes out to his truck seething and slams on the gas once he's in it, backing up haphazardly, knocking over the trashcans. I run down the hallway and grab my coat, phone, and some things for Ella. I'm in the kitchen when Julie comes in with a bag in her hand.
“Cam,” she says softly. I know she’s sorry, or her version of sorry, at least. But I can’t do this shit anymore. Not when I know what’s out there, what I could have. I want more.
“Lock up when you leave. And never come back.”
Loading everything I can into my car, I jump in and crank it up. I go back in the house to grab the last load and Ella. I quickly buckle her in and shift into reverse. I don't know where I'm going, I just have to go. Calling
a couple hotels on the way, my frustration turns to hurt. I’m just driving around looking for one with a vacancy, as everything replays in my head, making my chest hurt. Deep down, I knew he’d cheated before, but I had never caught him and never had any hard proof.
I drive until I can't drive anymore, and just a few hours outside of town, I find a vacancy. After fifteen minutes, I gather myself and check into my room. The old, ratty curtains aren't much, and the faded floral bedspread looks ancient, but it's clean and I'm away from Ty. I bring in Ella and my suitcase, plopping it down on the bed, and exhaustion takes over.
I pull Ella to me and hold her close. When I wake up, the room is dark, the only light coming from the dim hotel sign. I reach over and grab my phone, seeing I have about twenty missed calls, all of them Ty. Ella is still sleeping, so I ease into the bathroom and look at my reflection; the streaks of black mascara running down my cheeks flip something within me. In my life, I've never felt so vulnerable and weak, even after Tommy’s death. Then I felt helpless, but not this time. I will change fate, I have to. I jump in the shower and the warm water runs down me, drowning every emotion I feel. For the first time, I'm numb. I get out and dress quickly, being careful not to wake Ella. I crawl back in bed beside her and snuggle up to her.
The morning sun creeps through the old, worn curtains, and I roll over and tuck the blanket snugly around Ella. I turn on my phone and search for my Aunt Suzanne’s number. She lives in Nashville now, in a quiet suburb outside the city. A nice place to stay, to be safe. We drive for hours, but when we finally arrive, I’m happy to see Suzanne in the driveway with a smile on her face. She has a kind look to her. She’s wiping her hands on her apron, just like I remember when I was a child.
I get out of the car and a film of sweat instantly coats my forehead and the heat takes my breath away. We must have had the air conditioning on blast in the car. Aunt Suzanne meets us with a bright smile and the same wild, curly red hair, even though silver strands are now laced through it.
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