“This ends now. We aren’t even in our thirties yet. Damn it Lexi, we need to get out there and have some fun. First margarita Wednesdays, next we’ll be back to having fun like normal twenty somethings.”
She laughed. “Easy for you to say, you don’t have an entire line up of patients about to go into labor at any time. I will promise you this though, I will make an effort to get out there and meet more people.”
“Deal. Now get the purple one, it’ll look good with your hair.”
I fumbled around on the nightstand trying to find my ringing phone without knocking it to the ground. It was the middle of the effing night. If it was the idiots from work, heads were going to fly.
"Hello?" I said still half asleep, irritation ringing out loud and clear.
"Baby, I've missed you." There was a long pause between slurs. "Why did you leave me?"
"Mase?" I said sitting up and tucking the sheet around me.
I was awake now.
"Emmy, I lied when you were here," he slurred. "I love you so damn much. I didn't file because I still fucking love you."
What the what?
"Mase, have you been drinking?"
"Yep. Sure am. Whiskey is good, although I wouldn't mix it with beer. Unless it's—"
"Why are you drunk dialing me, Mason? You need to have Aubrey or Kale drive you home."
"I'm in our home, but you aren't here with me. Everything is so empty here without you. I miss all of your stuff."
I sighed. "I'm hanging up now."
"Why were you still wearing your wedding ring when you came to Savannah?"
I froze. Damn it, I was still wearing my wedding ring when I went back, but I didn't think he would notice. It wasn't something I had planned on, but after everything that had happened, I decided that I couldn't deal with yet another disappointment. Taking those rings off meant I had given up all hope of ever getting back together with Mason. Everyone grieves in their own time, and after losing our child, it took me a long time to accept I hadn’t just lost the baby, but Mason too.
"I don't know what you mean. You really need to go to sleep, Mase."
He huffed out a laugh. "I can't because every time I do, I dream of you. It's not fair, Em. I think about you while I'm awake and I can't get away from you while I'm sleeping."
"I can't hear this," I whispered.
"You need to. You think I'm a stupid asshat that made you leave, but if I hadn't, you would have stayed here with me. You wanted to go and I would have held you back."
What was all this? Why now?
"Why didn't you come with me then?"
"I promised."
"Promised what? Promised who?"
"Can’t tell you. I'm tired now. Good night, baby."
"Mason, damn it, tell me what you’re talking—"
The line went dead before I was able to ask him what he had promised. I was thoroughly confused and pissed. Looking over at the clock, it said it was four am. Had he been up drinking all night long? That man was so infuriating. I would try to call him back, but he wouldn’t answer, experience told me so.
My thoughts raced as I climbed out of bed and got ready to go to the gym. Maybe if I ran for a few miles it would help clear my head. Mason shouldn't still have this power over me, but he did. It pissed me off and gutted me all at the same time. I thought my carefully constructed façade was going to crack every time I heard his voice or thought of him. It wasn't fair that every time I thought I was getting stronger he was there to knock me right back down, unsure of where I stood in my own life.
I took the stairs down to the gym. Thank goodness my apartment had a twenty-four hour facility. I’d spent more time running on the damn treadmill than I wanted to admit over the past few months. I shoved my earbuds in my ears and turned up the speed. There was no room for his manipulative bullshit in my new life. I ran to try to make myself forget, but ten miles later and I still felt as shitty as when I started.
***
I put my head down on my desk and fought the urge to bang it several times. Everyone I’d dealt with today was more ridiculous than the next person. Everything was pissing me off. My work day started with the pop princess diva from hell demanding that I fly to France because the venue she was playing wouldn’t get her 30 bottles of Dom. She hadn’t liked my answer much, especially when I threatened to rip away her contract if she didn’t pull her shit together. Two hours later, my advertising team told me there was an emergency with a billboard going up in Times Square for a new artist. We had been working on this campaign for months, and they were just now realizing that we had misspelled the name on the artist’s original contract. My job was like babysitting toddlers some days.
My finger hovered over the call button as I contemplated calling Taylor. She had so much going on right now too. I didn’t need to bug her with all my drama on top of her issues with Lexi’s brother, Stephen, but I wanted to talk to my friend. They had been doing this dance of sorts about their relationship for months now. I had never seen her so emotional. Taylor was a free spirit, a traveler, but she had never let her emotions completely control her life. We both needed time away from everything to forget about all the bullshit. I needed time to process the divorce and figure out what I wanted from Adam. Taylor needed time away from her self-imposed punishment.
I pressed the screen and waited for her to answer. The phone rang several times before she finally picked up.
“What’s up, lady? Are you calling to tell me how stupid I’m being about Stephen too?” she asked as soon as she picked up. I looked down at the phone in confusion.
What the hell?
Apparently she needed to get away worse than I thought.
“No, actually I’m not. What the hell is going on out there?”
“Nothing.” She sighed. “Everything. I don’t fucking know.”
“I’m calling to tell you to pack your bags because we’re going to Vegas.”
“I can’t just pack up and go to Vegas. I’m trying to convince people that I’m through running.”
“You aren’t running this time. You’re going on a well deserved girl’s weekend with your best friend, and we both need to get our shit together. Now, am I flying out to Cali to drag your ass with me, or will you meet me there?”
I could hear her smile through her words. “You would really come drag me kicking and screaming from Cali just to do a girl’s weekend?”
“Hell yes I would. We need this. I need this. I’m calling in the best friend card. My life is falling apart and I need you right now.”
She hesitated for a second before responding. I held my breath, hoping for the best.
“Fine, we’re going to Vegas. I want drinking, and gambling, and laying out by the pool. No heavy shit. You can talk about your life, but I’m not talking about mine.”
“Deal. I’ll have my secretary book everything and email you the details.”
“Hey Em?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
I felt tears prick at my eyes. “You’re welcome, Tay, but this trip isn’t just for you.”
“Are you okay?”
I bit my lip. I couldn’t get into it now or I wouldn’t make it through the rest of the day.
“I’ll see you in a few days.”
***
I almost missed my flight out of JFK because some drama queen recording artist thought the president of the label had to be at the studio while she worked. It was days like today that made me dislike my job. Most of the time it was great, I loved being around music and the inner workings, but entitled people pissed me off. My filter wasn’t working very well today, so when I walked into the studio, the spoiled little girl got an earful more than she probably should have. At least she would probably avoid me for a while since I threatened to pull her contract. The girl was a brat who was only there on Daddy’s dime. It was the truth, but she didn’t need to hear it. I was known for being ruthless in my work, but I wasn’t cruel.
I sighed as I settled into the comfy pool lounger. The cabana boy assigned to our area was hot as hell. Taylor and I kept taking turns asking for different drinks just so we could ogle him more often. He couldn’t be more than twenty-one or twenty-two, but with his abs, it didn’t matter. We giggled like teenagers after he left each time, but by the end of the afternoon we’d tipped him so much I was positive he would try to get our section again tomorrow.
After hours of hanging out by the pool, we decided it was time to go get ready for dinner. I wanted a nap and a shower before we went out. The hotel suite was gorgeous, decorated in a modern style. I sprawled out on the couch as Taylor dug around in the mini fridge for a bottle of water. If I closed my eyes I would fall asleep right here. Time next to the pool had been exactly what I needed to finally relax. It helped having Taylor here with me. So if I needed to talk, I could, but there wasn’t any pressure to say anything.
“What’s the plan for dinner? Did you book us at any of your fancy restaurants?” Taylor asked as she took a drink of water.
I laughed. “No, my assistant didn’t make arrangements, but I’m sure I could get in somewhere if you want to.”
“Actually it’ll be nice to go somewhere like normal people for once.”
“Normal people?” I asked, confused.
“Yeah, no money or recognition. All that shit gets old when I’m out with Violet, Jax and Stephen. I think it’s one of the reasons that I like hanging out with Rhys so much.”
“Speaking of Rhys, what’s going on there?”
She shrugged. “Nothing. We’re friends and he’s great, but he’s not the one I want.”
“So a few months ago when you came to New York and were like ‘I met a guy’, that’s nothing now?”
Taylor sat down on the chair across from me. “I was still in denial.”
“Got it.” I threw an arm over my eyes. “Conversation over because we promised not to mention that one name.” She looked relieved and I knew I’d made the right decision.
“I’m going to go take a shower. You decide where we’re going to dinner.”
“Deal,” I said before drifting off.
Taylor was distracted all night, lost in her thoughts and hopefully trying to figure out what to do with her Stephen situation. Me on the other hand, I hadn’t figured out a damn thing. I was still just as mixed up as I had been back in New York. Time and distance weren’t helping me stop thinking about Mason, the divorce, or my feelings about Adam and how to handle our relationship. Why was I even thinking about Mason? He didn’t have a place in my future, but I couldn’t get him out of my head.
We ended up at the pool again the next morning. Between the drinks and the lack of sleep, I took advantage of having my best friend there. I couldn’t help the word vomit from coming out of my mouth.
“I still love Mason.”
Taylor sat up and looked over at me, dropping her sunglasses down on the bridge of her nose. I stayed on my back with my eyes closed. I couldn’t stand to look at her right now.
“What are you going to do?”
She didn’t sound shocked or disappointed.
“Fuck if I know. Adam is amazing, but I still have this deep connection with Mase. I want to hate him, but I can’t.”
“You guys have been together since you were sixteen. He’s not a bad guy, Em. He’s just…lost. You can see it every time you look at him.”
I sighed. “So am I. I really thought I could move on, but I think I’m kidding myself.”
I was bound to be in love with a guy that couldn’t or wouldn’t ever love me back. My future was starting to look bleak.
“Have you had closure with Mason? Not just you telling him he’s a prick for not filing the divorce papers, but actually discussed everything with him?” I didn’t answer. How could I answer that? “You can’t ignore him and hope he goes away.” She continued. “He will always be a significant part of your past. And exhausting yourself with work isn’t going to help.”
“I’m not trying to hide behind my work,” I argued.
“You didn’t even come out for Vi’s baby shower.”
“I was busy,” I defended. She raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I concede to the work shit.”
“Just talk to Mase.”
I couldn’t fight back the tears any longer. I started to cry, and Taylor sat up quickly.
“Em, what’s wrong?”
It took me a few minutes to pull myself together enough to start talking. God, I hated crying. I never cried, but it seemed like that was all I did lately.
“When I left Mason, I was pregnant.” Her mouth dropped open, but I needed to tell her. It wasn’t fair that Lexi had to keep my secrets. “I spent too much time trying to figure out how to tell him, but in the end it didn't matter. It was an ectopic pregnancy. I had to have emergency surgery, and now I don’t know if I can even have kids. Adam started out as my doctor, but now he’s offering me everything. He wants to be the father to my babies. I'll need to do IVF if I want to get pregnant.”
She moved over to my pool chair and wrapped her arms around me tightly. I was so happy she was here and I could finally tell her about everything. It had been so hard trying to keep everything inside for so long. Taylor was the person that I told everything to. Being across the country from her sucked.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’ve been in denial, or shock. Lexi’s been listening to me bitch. I’m embarrassed.” I shrugged. “Take your pick.”
She cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Why are you embarrassed?”
“I don’t know.” I sniffed once. My tears were starting to dry up, but now I was left with a runny nose and red eyes.
Fucking great.
“If you’d called me, I would have been there in a second.”
“I know.” I hung my head in my hands. “That’s why I missed Violet’s baby shower, not work. I just couldn’t be there. I’m a horrible friend because I couldn’t make myself go. After everything, I buried myself in work and tried to figure things out with Adam. I haven’t even told Mase,” I whispered.
“Oh, honey. You need to. That's something you can't keep from him.”
I bit my lip. “I know, but I’m not sure how he’ll react. We’re not together and I thought we were divorced when it happened.”
“He’s going to be hurt that you didn’t tell him sooner, but he will support you.”
“I wanted the baby,” I admitted for the first time out loud. Even with Lexi and Adam I hadn’t been able to talk about how much I wanted the baby.
An onslaught of new tears hit, and she pulled me in closer.
“I'm so sorry, Emmy.”
We sat there, holding on to each other and letting go of all the heartache that had been chipping away at us for so long. She had been sleepwalking through life after Stephen; and I had been doing the same thing since my move to New York. It needed to end. Something had to give.
“We’re going to be okay,” she whispered. “Somehow, we'll make it through this.”
This was why she was my best friend.
***
As I curled up in bed for my nap, I couldn't stop the thoughts running around in my head. I tossed and turned, fighting back stupid what ifs. Telling Taylor about the miscarriage had brought up the old feelings of what it would have been like if the baby had actually made it. I stared into the dark as I finally gave in to the memories.
"Alexis, I got here as fast as I could. What happened?" A male voice I didn’t recognize. If I turned my head I could see who it was, but I didn’t have the energy.
"Oh thank God, Adam.” I could hear relief in Lexi’s voice, but I still couldn’t make myself care enough to move. “She collapsed in her office. She’s three and a half months pregnant. I don’t know any of the doctors here and that always makes me nervous. Em had an appointment scheduled with you for next week."
"Controlling as ever huh Lexi?” He sounded muffled as he moved across the room, but apparently he
knew her well if he understood her controlling tendencies. “I’ll do what I can. Do you know if she’s had any bleeding?"
"They wouldn’t tell me in the ER, so I don’t know, and these assholes won’t let me look at her chart. They keep telling me I’m too close to this one. These nurses are on my fucking list. One of our friends called me when he found her. I rushed over and met the ambulance."
"I’ll get you news as soon as I can."
"Thank you, Adam. I can’t thank you enough for coming."
Their voices moved further away. I could hear other people talking around me, but I couldn’t respond. I just wanted to answer Lexi; she was so worried. My body ached as I became more conscious. The nightmare in front of me was a reality I didn’t want to face. No one had to tell me that I had miscarried; I felt the sense of loss immediately. Alexis had been talking to the doctor she’d handpicked for me, right outside my door, but it’s not like I needed him now.
People moved around the small hospital room, but I couldn’t process what was going on. Darkness overtook me again. I didn’t fight against it this time.
As I woke up the next time, I remembered the calming cadence of a male voice. I strained to remember who he was talking to. Alexis? No, that wasn’t right. He’d been comforting me, not speaking to someone else.
How did I remember that?
After what seemed like hours later, they finally let Lexi back into my room. She had tears in her blue eyes when I looked over at her, showing an overwhelming amount of sympathy. Tears pricked at my own eyes as I stared at her. My best friend felt my pain like it was her own.
It took me losing the baby to realize this hadn’t just been an exciting thing for me, Lexi had been excited too. Maybe because she wanted a baby, but with her schedule at the hospital and hectic lifestyle, that possibility seemed so far away? Whatever it was, she was there for me, showing unconditional support. And I was so thankful for her.
She sat down and took my hand in hers. “Dr. Parker said there was nothing that anyone could have done.” Her choked voice was almost my undoing. “He still wants to see you next week though because he saw something that he wants to look into further. They did a D&C because you were fourteen weeks along and they didn’t think it was safe without one.”
Flawless: A Relentless Series Novel (The Relentless Series Book 4) Page 4