by Kyle Autumn
I want you to know I’m leaving…
Leaving what? Her job? The country? Las Vegas?
Mason?
I almost can’t stomach thinking that last one.
Whatever it was, it was important enough that she sent it to me even though we hadn’t talked for years. It proves she has thought about me at least once since I left. And it could have been my shot to finally get the girl. But I didn’t even open the damn thing.
Everyone’s right. I couldn’t risk being the runner-up. The one who got the girl because the other guy wasn’t even in the picture anymore. I’d have spent the rest of my life wondering if she actually wanted to be with me or if I was just the convenient choice at the time. God knows that’s how she picked the first time.
I don’t doubt she had some kind of feelings for my brother. He’s not that different from me. We look similar. We have the same family. And we do some of the same stuff. So it’s not hard to admit that my brother was kind of a catch. But he happened to be more successful, have a more promising future than I did, so that gave him the edge.
Plus, he went in first.
I can’t count how many times I stayed up all night wondering if things would have turned out differently had I manned up and asked her out when we met. If I hadn’t been so enthralled with the getting-to-know-her part, would we have gotten together? Gave it a real shot? Been a real couple?
When my phone rings in my hand, I jolt back to reality. The one where I didn’t read that text and Nic and I never got together. Then I notice Matt’s name flashing on my screen, so I answer the phone as I reposition myself on my couch.
“Yeah?” I ask roughly.
“Did I catch you at a bad time?” he laughs down the line. “You sound angry. But when don’t you sound angry?”
“What do you need?”
He sighs, giving up on being an asshole. “I’m out with Dani right now and Cade needs food dropped off at the office. You’re the closest. Think you can manage?”
I lean forward, putting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hand. “She can’t have something delivered?”
“She already ordered it, so you’d have to go pick it up and drop it off.”
“Seriously?” I say on an exhale.
“It’d mean a lot to her, man. She’s so stressed out from the wedding, and I’d do it, but we’re not even close to that side of town.”
It’s my turn to sigh. But then I think about it. If it gets me out of the house and keeps me busy, I should probably do it. I should do anything but sit at home and sulk over the fact that the woman I love has rejected me a second time.
“Fine,” I tell him. “Send me the address and I’ll do it.”
“Thank you!” he says a little too loudly. “I’ll have Dani text you.” Then he hangs up.
The text pops up two seconds later, which seems too fast. We just got off the phone. But whatever. At least I don’t have to wait around to find out where I have to go. I can get this show on the road.
Twenty minutes after that, I’m pulling up to Cadence’s office, food in hand. It seems like a lot of food for one person, but I’m smart enough not to ask what she plans on doing with all of this while wedding stress is getting to her. In fact, I’m even smart enough to ask her if she needs help with the wedding stuff.
Smart enough. Not desperate for something to keep my mind off the one thing I can’t have.
Whatever I have to tell myself to make it through the day.
With the bags of food, I push through the door and a pleasant alarm sounds. But no one’s at the desk when I walk in. I peek around the spacious office and see no one. Just a desk where a secretary should be sitting, empty chairs for clients to wait in, and framed artwork on the wall. A small refrigerator next to the desk is stocked with water bottles, and the lights in the office marked Cadence Griffith are off. Is Cadence even here?
I’m about to call out for her when someone walks through the open archway that leads to a small room with a copy machine. I can’t see all the way in there, so I didn’t realize anyone was back there. And, when I notice just who’s in this office, I nearly die on the spot.
The bags of food almost slip from my fingers when my palms begin to sweat. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about Nic a whole fuck of a lot since she arrived on my porch almost a week ago. But I haven’t thought I was this delusional that I’d imagine her into existence in front of me. She really was at my house that day, so surely she really is standing in front of me right now.
She’s dressed in another pencil skirt—black this time. A white button-down with the sleeves rolled up to right before her elbows hugs her curves as well as the skirt does. But still—the image is all wrong. I can way more easily picture her in yoga pants and one of those flowy tops she loved to wear. Nothing about this version of her speaks to the authentic woman I know she wanted to be.
Nic doesn’t know it’s me as she walks my way, staring at the paperwork in her hands. “Sorry. Ms. Griffith isn’t here right now, but…” She trails off and stops in her tracks as soon as she raises her head. “Aidan?”
My name being spoken in her soft, sweet tone is how I know she’s real. She’s the only one who’s ever said it with such reverence, such honesty. And there’s no way my memories can even come close to the real thing. I’m not imagining anything. For some reason, she’s here. In Cadence’s office. Working?
“What are you doing here?” I ask with too much irritation in my voice. I don’t know why, but I can’t control my tone with her. Everything comes out as anger and frustration, and I need to work on that if there’s any chance something will happen between us. A guy can’t easily forget falling so damn hard on his face though. I try anyway, clearing my throat. “I mean…you’re here.”
“So are you,” she says, setting the paperwork on the desk. “So I could ask you the same thing.”
I lift the bags of food. “I’m bringing Cadence lunch.”
A raised eyebrow greets me in response. Along with a hand propped on her hip. “Is there something I should know? The woman’s getting married in a week, in case you forgot.”
I jerk my head back, narrowing my eyes at her. “Are you insane? You think I’m having some kind of affair with her?”
There’s that irritation again. But come on. What a ridiculous notion. Like I’d ever do that.
“We don’t really know each other anymore, do we?” Nic quietly says, pressing the fingers of her free hand against the desk.
I approach the desk and set the food in an open spot. “If you think I’d do something like that, then no. I guess we don’t.” Then I turn my back to her and start to leave the building before I say something I’ll regret. But, when I get to the door, I feel like telling her the truth. Being hostile won’t help me get over her if that’s what needs to happen here. “Matt asked me to bring her lunch. Now, lunch for two makes more sense.”
“She’s not even in today though.”
When I spin back toward her, her brow is creased and her arms are folded over her chest. Then the skin on her forehead relaxes.
“Your friends are devious,” she says. “Incredible but devious.”
It’s my turn to raise an eyebrow at her. “What do you mean?”
She sighs before going around the desk and taking a seat behind it. “I told them I wasn’t ready to tell you I was here,” she says, rearranging the folders on the desk. “So they sent you here so I didn’t have to tell you.”
“What do you mean you’re here?” I ask, stuck on that part. My heart trips over itself in anticipation of her answer, hoping it has very little—if not absolutely nothing—to do with my brother.
Her eyes are wide and bright when she finally looks at me again. “I mean I’m here. For a while. I don’t know how long, but when Cadence mentioned she was looking for a secretary when I was helping her with the wedding favors—”
“You helped Cadence with wedding stuff?” I ask, cutting over her. “When?”
“Whe
n I was here before,” she says, waving a hand in the air to dismiss the question. “That’s not the important part. The important part is that, right now, I have a job, a place to live, and time to figure my shit out. Just like you said I need to.”
“I said I didn’t want to be the excuse you used to leave your boyfriend,” I clarify. I remember exactly what I said to her.
She takes her time before replying. Her eyes stay locked on mine, and with every second that passes, I feel more and more like I might pass out. The floor of this office might be my next stop if she doesn’t explain what the hell is going on soon.
“Which I did,” she slowly says, all sorts of emotions I can’t parse pouring from her expression. “And, for now, I’m here.”
My stomach knots into a pretzel shape as words get stuck in my throat. Swallowing does nothing to relieve myself of the lump lodged in there, but I try speaking anyway. “Why?” is all I manage to ask.
Her chest expands as she fills her lungs with a breath I wish I could take. I can’t seem to find any oxygen in this room, and I have to put a hand on the desk to keep myself upright. Whatever she says next literally has the power to break me, and I’m not sure how much longer I can stand to wait.
“I don’t know, Aidan. I’m just drawn to you, I guess.” Sooner than I can speak, she rushes to add, “And I know I have no right to say that or feel that after what I did all those years ago. And I know we’d have to get to know these new versions of ourselves, which may not even be compatible. But…” She gazes at the desk for several seconds before bringing her eyes back to me. “But I can’t do any of that right now. I need to get back on my feet first. Live my own life for a bit and figure out what the hell I’m doing. I can’t run headfirst into a new relationship when I haven’t fully healed from the first one.”
It takes everything in me not to run around the desk, scoop her up, and tell her I’ll do anything to make that happen. Just knowing she’s free and clear and willing to give us a second thought means everything to me. But, if I have a shot in hell of finally getting the girl, I have to play by her rules.
For now.
So I simply nod before heading to the door, smiling the entire way.
***
Nic
“Do you want me to kill you a week before you get married?” I playfully tell Cadence over the phone as soon as Aidan’s gone. It’s better than crying or screaming or laughing myself to death over what I just did. Or, rather, what I didn’t do.
I gave him hope. I basically told him there’s a chance we can give this a go.
But I didn’t tell him the truth.
And, for that, I might lose everything before it’s even gotten started.
“Does that mean our mission was successful?” she laughs down the line. “Aidan knows you’re here and no one had to tell him?”
“Yep,” I tell her, dragging the bag of food closer to me. It smells like those tacos we got after we’d put all the favors together and had our yoga class. But the aroma isn’t appealing today. Not after that scene. “He knows. Just about everything, too.”
“That you’re working for me and staying in Jeremy’s house while we sell it?”
“Not in such specifics, but kind of. He knows I’m working here, and I told him I have a place to live.”
Just not the news I got from the doctor. The news that could kill this whole thing.
“Well, that’s a start,” she says. “Aidan’s a private guy. He’ll understand if you don’t want to tell him about Mason yet.”
“Oh, I told him that too.”
There’s a quiet lull in the conversation before Cadence says, “Then why are you calling me so soon? He’s already gone even though he knows you’re single now? I was hoping you’d eat the food together.”
Yes, he’s gone because there’s more than you know and we can’t just take a running leap at this. “He just…left,” I tell her instead. Because that’s true. “I told him I needed time to get my life together on my own, and he nodded and walked out.”
Did I see the smile on his lips before he was gone? Maybe. But that might have been wishful thinking, seeing what I wanted to see. Not that I deserve a second chance after turning him down. And maybe he doesn’t either after he ignored my text. My plea. Yet he still has feelings for me.
So, if I don’t at least try, I’ll never know.
That’ll include having to tell him the truth sooner or later. It’s not like he won’t figure it out at some point if we do give this a chance.
Give us a chance.
God, how good does that sound? So damn good. Our timing has never been successful, and I’ve let too much time go by while my life was set to autopilot. But maybe, just maybe, we can figure out how to make this work. Make us work.
Only if he’ll somehow be okay with the bomb I have to drop on him. A girl can hope, I guess.
For now, I just need to focus on me. On how to build a life that doesn’t include Mason. On how to make myself successful enough that my father won’t want to disown me. That stuff needs to come first before I even think about starting a new relationship—with anyone.
“Hmm,” Cadence says. “Well, that’s Aidan, I think. He’s always a little mysterious, I guess, so I wouldn’t think too much about it.”
I can only hope she’s right. This new Aidan seems a lot more grown up. A lot more complex. And, well, if I’m being truthful, a lot sexier. None of these things are worth complaining about. But I can’t lie—they make me nervous as hell.
“I just hope I didn’t turn my dream job down for nothing,” I mumble. I didn’t mean for Cadence to hear that, but she did.
“You didn’t, okay?” she stresses. “There will be plenty of opportunities, especially if you stay on with me for a while. Just save your pennies and you’ll make it happen.”
I can hear the smile in her voice, the pure positivity this woman exudes. She tried to tell me that she met Matt—she calls him Matthew, but he insisted he’s just Matt—at a time when she had to stay positive to do all the things she was doing. But it seems so effortless for her now, and I hope to be that effortlessly happy one day.
One day can be today, right?
“Right,” I say out loud, answering both her and myself. Though I don’t think I’ve convinced either one of us. “Thanks again, Cadence. I really appreciate this.”
“You’re helping me more than I’m helping you, I promise. Knowing I’ll be leaving the office in safe, trusted hands while I’m on my honeymoon is such a lifesaver.”
At that, I smile too. No, I don’t need a man to be happy. I don’t need my dream job or even a hint at whether the man I’ve always loved will give me a shot in the dark. Happiness, as they say, is an inside job, and that open position has been filled starting today.
~~~~
I’m still riding the happiness train when Amelia comes to pick me up after my shift. Not once did I let myself get overwhelmed by the fact that I reached out to Aidan the tiniest bit and put an “us” on the table and he didn’t immediately jump at it. Nope, I didn’t.
I didn’t stop thinking about it, but I kept the worry to a minimum. Because I was right. I need to just do me for a while. There’s no harm in taking things slow.
But even I smell the bullshit coming from that excuse as I put everything away for the night. Taking things slow is exactly how Aidan and I never happened in the first place. Still, I’m not letting that bring me down from my happiness cloud. One day of being happy won’t make or break things. It can’t.
It did before, a small voice in my head reminds me.
Which makes me reevaluate my position on this topic. What harm would it cause if we maybe took a step in the right direction? Could that possibly be a bad thing? If we put a label on this, gave it a name, and took it slow…together?
I’m debating the merits of that as I lock the door behind me. If Cadence can trust me with the keys to her office after knowing me for a week, I should be able to trust Aidan to work with
me on this. So it’s decided. I’ll let him know as soon as I get home that I want to talk to him.
“Hey!” Amelia says as soon as I get in the car. “Sorry I’m a little late.”
“You’re doing me a favor,” I tell her, setting my purse on my lap. “Don’t even worry about it.”
“You’re all smiles.” She grins at me. “Was it a good day at work?”
“Something like that.” I put my seat belt on. “I just filled out some paperwork, answered the phone, scheduled appointments, did some filing. Nothing major. It was really nice of Cadence to give me this job.”
“Well, I come bearing good news!” She puts the car into drive and pulls out of the parking lot. “We’re having a family dinner tonight.”
Call me crazy, but I don’t know how that’s good news. Not for me anyway. It doesn’t sound like I have anything to do with this.
When I’m quiet for too long, Amelia glances at me and says, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t quite finish that thought.” Then she chuckles. “You’re invited. So I’m taking you with me over to Matt and Cadence’s house. Jeremy’s already there with Danielle.”
My hands are already waving in the air before she can finish talking. “No, I can’t intrude. You’ve all done so much for me already.”
“Nonsense!” She waves her own hand back at me. “You’re part of the family now.”
I open my mouth to debate that sentiment, but the words die in my throat. And then I swallow them down, never to let them see the light of day. Part of the family? A nice, full family of people who care about each other, help each other out, and don’t expect me to be someone I’m not?
Count me in.
Chapter 13
Nic
“What can I help with?” I ask when I enter Matt and Cadence’s kitchen.
“Don’t be silly,” Cade says, pulling a foil-covered pan out of the oven. Whatever it is, it smells delicious. “Just take a seat in the living room. Food will be ready in a few minutes.”
When I peek into the living room, I find Matt and Jeremy on the couch and Dani in a chair. She waves to me, and I wave back. Amelia kisses Jeremy on the mouth in greeting. But then Jeremy gives me a look I don’t quite know what to do with. It’s part angry, part worried, part…something else I don’t know him well enough to read. But the whole expression makes me pause, and I twist my head back toward Cadence.