Charlie skates across the base of the park and jumps onto a metal bar, sliding across it, only stumbling a bit as he dismounts. I stand up and walk over to the fenced partition, scared that Javi will attempt the same thing. There’s no way he can make it.
I hold my breath as I watch Javi skate the same path, but as he reaches the metal bar, his skateboard falls right off and he tumbles onto his feet. Charlie, who’s stayed nearby, says something I can’t hear and Javi nods.
Javi picks up the board, jumps back on and skates over for another attempt. I grip the fence in front of me, wondering what Mami would say if she could see this. First, she would yell at me for not stopping him. Then she would yell at Charlie, and finally she would save the biggest scolding for Javi himself.
Javi tries again, this time falling right to his knees. Part of me wants to go in and stop him, but the other part of me wants to see him succeed.
Javi tries several more times, each time falling down on his knees.
He gives up. Charlie teaches him a few easier tricks, going down the ramp and skating around the base of the park, but Javi stays away from the metal bar.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. And I try not to think of those families at the border, still not sure if their kids are safe, still feeling helpless to protect them.
≈
When we get home, Mami is at the kitchen table, talking on her phone. I wave to her on my way past, but freeze when I see her face. She’s tapping on the table with her fist and nodding as she listens to whoever is on the other end. She says little beyond an occasional “okay.”
I wait until she disconnects the call.
“Que pasó?” I ask her.
She lets out a long breath and stares at the blank screen of her phone. “That was Detective Blake.”
I sink down into the chair next to her. “What did she say?”
“There’s been no progress on the case.” She sets her phone down in front of her and cleans the screen with the hem of her shirt. “She said the majority of arson cases go unsolved. There are no fingerprints, no witnesses. They have nothing to go by.”
“But they have to find out who did this,” I say. I try to meet Mami’s eyes, but her head is hanging low, resting on her palm.
Mami always has answers, can usually offer me some kind of comfort, but not today. “Detective Blake said they’re still looking up IP addresses from some of the online comments. But I think we have to be at peace with the possibility that we’ll never know who set the fire.”
I cross my arms in front of me on the table and lay my head on them.
“God will look out for us.” She reaches over to me and squeezes my arm. “We’ll find a new home.”
“This is my fault,” I burst out, my head still buried in my arms. “I shouldn’t have done that interview with Mr. Zambrano. These people came after us because of me. They found us because of me.”
“Mija, you can’t blame yourself for this. You did the interview because I asked you to. And do you know why?”
I shake my head.
“Because we were never safe. Not really. Even as citizens, we aren’t safe here. People will hate us no matter what we do, no matter how much we keep our heads down, no matter how silent we are. Hiding would not have protected us.”
I look up at her, shocked that she can say this so calmly.
“We can’t be scared, Millie. It’s not living if you live in fear.”
Chapter Twenty-One
A couple days later, Mami asks me to take the kids to the beach so she can do some errands. Dr. Wheeler and Charlie have swapped cars for the day so that Charlie can drive us all in his mom’s Land Cruiser. Mami and I have packed a cooler full of drinks and snacks. Caroline is bringing every beach toy she owns. She and Ceci are wearing matching swimsuits that Dr. Wheeler bought them as end-of-year presents. The only shadow over the day is the fact that Sele hasn’t been saying much to me. She’s not giving me a full silent treatment, but she’s seemed unhappy with me ever since I said I wouldn’t go to next week’s rally in Victoria.
We drive to North Padre Island, which is twelve miles closer than the National Seashore where Charlie and I went to see the hatchlings released. As we walk down the ramp to the sand, Charlie says to me, “You really love this, don’t you? I can just tell by the way you look out there.”
“Yeah, there’s no place quite like it, right?”
Charlie sets down the cooler. “There’s no place quite like it when you’re here with me.”
I spread out our towels while Sele and Javi bolt for the water with Charlie’s boogie boards under their arms, and Caroline and Ceci start digging into the sand. They insist that Charlie help them build a sandcastle for their Hello Kitty miniatures. I know Sele will stay close to Javi, but I keep an eye on them as they plow through the waves.
Sele catches me watching, and her brows knit together in a frown before she turns away. I can’t remember the last time we weren’t getting along. And even now, it’s not like we’ve had a fight—I can just sense that she’s upset. Or maybe . . . disappointed.
Charlie is already on his knees filling a large blue bucket with moist sand. He pats it down with his hand and skims the excess sand off the top. “Ready, girls?” he asks as he turns it over to make the first part of the castle.
“Okay, we need another one,” Caroline demands. “And we need some water.” She gets up and skips down toward the water’s edge.
Ceci is filling her own bucket, and I help her scoop sand into it for a minute, until I realize I’ve forgotten about the sunblock. I retrieve it from my beach bag and bring it over to where the girls are busily filling small plastic molds that will shape their castle. “Come here, Ceci. I need to put sunblock on.”
“I don’t need it,” she says.
“Come here.”
She sighs and gets off her knees to come over to me. I squirt the cool, white cream onto my hand and rub it on her shoulders and back. “You’re next, Caroline,” I say as I continue to do Ceci’s back, arms, and face.
Caroline takes her place, and I squirt more cream on my hands, rubbing them together. I begin on her pale shoulders, applying nearly double the amount that I used on Ceci. Caroline’s pale skin tone worries me, and I fear she’ll burn within minutes. I do her neck, arms, and face with an extra dab on her nose.
Charlie is nearly finished with the girls’ Hello Kitty sandcastle, and Ceci and Caroline are taking turns running back and forth to the shore. They’re filling buckets and pouring water into a small moat that surrounds their castle. The water sinks into the wet sand, vanishing almost as quickly as they fill it, but that only hastens their work.
By the time I’ve rubbed sunblock on my own arms and neck, Charlie finishes his sculpting and cleans his hands of sand in the water that Caroline is pouring into the moat. He joins me on the blanket, lying down with his arms stretched out behind him.
“Very nice work on the castle,” I say.
“I think so. Should keep them occupied for a while.”
“Aren’t you going to put on any sunblock?” I ask him. Mami ingrained in me a great fear of skin cancer.
“Will you help me?” Charlie asks.
“No,” I say, handing over the tube. “You’re a big boy; you can handle it.”
He puts some on his face and arms, and I immediately worry about the little part of the back of his neck exposed to the hot sun, but I don’t do anything about it.
“Javi’s doing pretty good on the boogie board,” Charlie says. “You think he’d want me to go out and help him a bit more?”
“He’d love it. He really looks up to you, Charlie. He thinks you’re pretty awesome.”
“How about his big sister? Does she think I’m awesome too?”
“Selena? Yeah, I’m sure she does.” I smile without looking at him, without taking my eyes off the ocean in front of me.
He laughs. “That’s good, but that wasn’t the big sister I was referring to.”
He reaches over to me, bridging the five-inch gap between us, running his fingers up and down my arm. The effect of his touch on that small space reaches up to my neck and shoulders, and I shiver despite the scorching sun on my back. “I love your skin,” he says, his fingers grazing my forearm.
I watch as his fingers move up and down my arm, across the width of it, in circles, and then up and down again. I turn to look at the girls, so focused on making a home for their Hello Kitties that they’re oblivious to Charlie and me. “Maybe you should stop,” I say, thoughts of Mami never far away.
His fingers freeze. “If you want me to stop, I will,” he says.
“I don’t want you to,” I say. For a moment I shut out thoughts of Mami, of the girls just a few feet away from us, of Javi and Sele swimming. All I focus on is the sound of the waves, constant and powerful, and on Charlie’s touch on my arm, prompting feelings I’ve never felt before, not even with Jay.
I pull myself up, grabbing his hand as I stand. “Last one in the water’s a rotten egg.” I release his hand and run toward the water’s edge.
≈
When we get back from the beach, Javi helps Charlie clean out the Land Cruiser while Caroline and Ceci head off to shower. Sele and I bring the cooler into the kitchen to empty it of leftover drinks. I try to catch her eye, but she’s still acting withdrawn.
Mami is seated at the table with some paperwork in front of her. “Hola, niñas. How was the beach?”
“Good, Mami,” Sele says sitting down beside her.
I look over Mami’s shoulder. “What’s that, Mami?”
“This is a copy of the lease I just signed. I rented a house for us, not too far from the elementary school. We move in on Saturday.”
Two thoughts pop into my mind simultaneously. One: We will finally be in our own place and not have to feel like houseguests anymore. That is the ultimate relief. And two: I will finally be able to kiss Charlie Wheeler again.
I ask Mami for more details about the rental house. It’s pretty close to our old neighborhood, and it’s small, similar to our old one. That doesn’t matter—it will be ours.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tomorrow is moving day, so Mami told us to wash and fold our clothes and she would bring us boxes to pack them in. Sele and I are on the floor in our guest room folding shorts and T-shirts. In the flurry of preparations, Sele is acting more normal around me. We’re not saying much as we pack, but the silence feels companionable. Part of me hopes that she understands why I decided not to go to that immigration rally. A bigger part of me just wants to focus on the task in front of us.
There’s a knock on the door, and when Sele answers it, Dr. Wheeler walks in.
“Hi, girls. How’s it going?” She walks slowly into the room as if she’s entering someone else’s space and not her own.
“Good,” Sele says. “We’re almost done packing.”
“Oh, good. Good. Well, I sure am going to miss you girls. Your whole family will be missed. We’ve loved having you here. And Caroline, her little heart is just breaking. She’s going to miss Cecilia so much. So, make sure to come with your mom during the summer and hang out. Caroline would love that. And Charlie too, I’m sure,” Dr. Wheeler says with a wink in my direction.
Immediately, I wonder what Charlie has said to his mother about me.
“Anyway, I have a little parting gift for you two. I already gave Javi and Cecilia theirs.” She walks out into the hallway and comes back in holding a wheeled suitcase in each hand. “These are for your clothes.”
“Wow, thanks,” Sele says.
“This one is for you, Selena. A little birdie told me that green is your favorite color.” Dr. Wheeler hands Sele a large hunter-green suitcase. “And purple for Millie.” It’s a dark purple suitcase with black trim.
“Thank you, Dr. Wheeler,” I say, taking the suitcase from her. “This is really nice. You didn’t have to do that.” I think of the cardboard boxes Mami was going to get for us.
“Of course I did. We just love your family. You mean the world to us. And if there’s anything else you need, please let me know.”
“Thanks,” I say, looking around the room at all she and her family have done for us already. I think there isn’t anything we could possibly do to ever repay them. It’s humbling, this charity, and it’s hard to accept, but I try to push the prideful feelings aside because I know Mami has. It scares me, though, to think that I’m about to embark on a relationship with Charlie Wheeler, knowing we’re not on equal footing.
Dr. Wheeler squeezes her lips together in a tight smile. “I know what you girls are thinking, and you’re wrong. Do you know my friend Sarah Campbellton? She’s one of the doctors I work with?”
Sele and I nod. I don’t know Dr. Campbellton, but I’ve heard Mami mention her.
“Well, she’s had four nannies over the last six years. Caroline’s only had one person taking care of her in her life, and that is your mom. The day I went back to work, I handed Caroline over to your mom with tears in my heart, but also with a feeling of complete trust and peace. I trust your mother in everything. You can’t buy that kind of trust. My family is so blessed.”
Her frank words enter my heart and sting my eyes.
“So, you may think that you owe us for what we’ve done to help you, but the truth is that we owe you and your family far, far more.” She smiles, and it lightens the mood a bit. “And I always say that if your mother ever stops working for us, I’m quitting my job because there’s no one else I could trust with my little girl.”
She laughs, but I feel a pain in my gut. Caroline is only seven. I imagine Mami working for the Wheelers for another ten years, until Caroline is practically my age. I picture Mr. Wheeler becoming a senator, flying back and forth from D.C. multiple times a year, mounting a reelection campaign six years from now. Charlie and I will be twenty-four by then, out of college, full-fledged adults. But Mami will still be here, at the Wheelers’ house, as if frozen in time.
“So, I’ll leave you to your packing,” Mrs. Wheeler says. She gives each of us a hug before she leaves. I wonder if she’s thinking of me as her son’s potential girlfriend . . . or just as her housekeeper’s daughter, who’s made her own life so easy.
≈
I zip up my new suitcase, pull it off the bed, and reach over to pick up my backpack, which now holds my makeup and other bathroom stuff. Mami has gone in the moving truck to the new house, and Charlie and I are supposed to take the kids and the suitcases over there in Dr. Wheeler’s Land Cruiser.
“Hey,” Charlie says behind me, and I turn around. He’s standing in the doorway, but his smile reaches me from across the room. “Need some help?”
“Yeah, maybe,” I say, pointing down to my suitcase.
He looks down at the suitcase and then back up at me. He takes a step closer and reaches out for one of my hands. His touch is warm and soft, and I want him to never let go. “So, this is it, right?” He smiles nervously, his warm fingers playing with mine. “I can finally kiss you?” He says it in question form, like he’s not sure yet.
Before I can think too much about it, I shoot my arms around his neck, pull myself against him, and press my lips to his. His hands quickly jump to my hips and his lips respond to mine. Slowly, he kisses my bottom lip, then my top lip, and then he presses his mouth to mine more eagerly.
“Millie!” I hear Javi’s voice from the hallway, and I start laughing.
Charlie laughs too and pulls away. “Nice timing, Javi,” he says under his breath with a smile. He picks up my suitcase and steps back a few feet just as Javi comes into the room.
“Millie, I can’t find my shoes!”
“They’re probably right where you put them last. Did you check downstairs?”
“Yes, and I can’t find them.”
�
��Look outside, in the backyard.”
“Oh yeah!” Javi says, disappearing down the hallway. “I left them outside last night!” I hear him bounding down the stairs, and the sliding glass door slams open a minute later.
“Sorry for the interruption,” I say to Charlie, who’s still smiling at me.
“To be continued?” he asks.
“Yeah.” My lips are still throbbing and moist, and I can almost still feel his hands on my hips.
“Can we go out on a date tomorrow?” he asks, still holding my suitcase. “Like a real date?”
I pick up my backpack and follow him toward the door. “I’d like that.”
“Okay, I’ll text you tonight.” He leans in and kisses me once more on the lips, a quick, soft kiss that leaves me with goose bumps from my shoulders to my fingertips.
≈
Charlie drives the twelve minutes to our new house, and when we arrive, the small moving truck is already there. A bunch of our old neighbors are helping Mami unload boxes and furniture from the moving truck. Mrs. Rosario has given us her kitchen table, claiming she was going to buy a new one anyway. There are also boxes of dishes and plates from Mrs. Rosario’s kitchen. Chloe’s dad has brought his pickup with twin beds that used to belong to Chloe’s older sister and brother. Charlie parks the Land Cruiser across the street and carries our suitcases to the front door.
It’s our new house, but there isn’t anything new about it. Walking up to the house carrying Ceci’s Hello Kitty suitcase and Mindy Stincil’s red backpack doesn’t bring me the immense joy I’d thought it would. The searing rays of the sun scorch the patchy brown grass of the lawn. We walk across a cracked sidewalk and up a cement path filled with weeds.
I take in every detail: the torn screen on the front door, the graying paint that once was white, the flower beds laden with old leaves, the cinder blocks that hold the house in place above the ground. It has no foundation, but rather a crawl space where stray cats make their home and brown beetles go to find shelter from the sun.
Where I Belong Page 18