Addiction

by Hart, Romi

  ‘Male company?” she asked, irritated. “Look, Jordan, I don’t know what the problem is. I’ve held up my end of the bargain. I haven’t pressed for anything more than you’re willing to give, and I haven’t been screwing around with anyone else. So, I would appreciate it if you didn’t act like you caught me with my pants down when you haven’t bothered to get in touch with me for days.” She felt a fight brewing now, a different kind of heat in her chest, and she wouldn’t let it go until she had the answers she wanted, the answers to questions she hadn’t even realized plagued her until now.

  He scrubbed a hand down his face and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling. Sighing, he closed his eyes and let his chin fall to his chest. “I’m sorry, Kylie. There’s a reason why I’m not the kind of guy to settle down. It’s only half my choice. I’m just not good dating material. I forget to call, I don’t think ahead.”

  Backing away, Kylie put her hands on her hips. “Sounds like a bunch of weak excuses to me.”

  The contrite expression faded from his face, his jaw tightening and his eyes hardening. “Don’t act like we’re in some whirlwind relationship, Kylie. I told you, this is a lot of fun, and I really like you. But I’m not looking for anything more. Now, you can accept my apology, and we can move on, or we can go our separate ways if that’s what you prefer.”

  An ache spread through her, and Kylie suddenly feared the idea of him walking away when things had just begun. She knew it was a bad sign; especially with his reminder, she shouldn’t form any real attachments. But she also knew it was too late for that. Even though they hadn’t spent all that much time together, she’d gotten used to having Jordan in her life. And if she had to deny her growing feelings to keep him around, she would put on her big girl panties and do it.

  Swallowing her anger and trying to take her fear down with it, she nodded. “Okay, you’re right. I forgive you. Try to at least send me a text so I don’t start imagining you with some buxom blonde in Tahiti, okay? Because I can’t compete with that.” There, that sounded light enough, didn’t it?

  His shoulders sagging as if he was relieved by her decision, Jordan smiled and reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. “That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. You’re sexy and feisty, and you have a great sense of humor. And you’re phenomenal in bed. You’d be the one no one can compete with.”

  For some reason, Kylie wanted to cry. The words were kind and caring, and she wished suddenly with all her heart that they meant more to him, meant as much as they would coming from the love of her life. Stop it, Kylie. No more longing and future-tripping. “You really think so?” she asked, needing that confirmation, at least.

  This time, he wrapped his arms gently around her waist. “I’m a lot of things, Kylie. Sometimes, I’m even a rotten bastard. But I’m not a liar. I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t mean them.” He bent and kissed her lightly on the nose and then again with a simple brush of lips across hers. “Come on, let’s go finish that popcorn I smell and watch a movie. I’ve missed you, and I think tonight should be a good, quiet night.”

  Part of Kylie protested, the part that still held the fuse he’d lit when he’d come barging in, all lust and libido. But Jordan was right, she needed a different kind of care and companionship tonight, and she would settle for sharing the rest of her pathetic popcorn dinner with him and maybe laugh over a good comedy flick. She could at least pretend to be a normal girl, dating a normal guy, for a few hours.

  A normal, famous, smoking hot guy that turned her into a raging hormone every time he was close enough to smell.

  Pressing her lips tightly together, Kylie led him to the couch and let him pull her onto his lap as he settled in and grabbed the remote, ready to take over in true masculine style. She would have argued, but this was too real and too comfortable to want to screw it up.

  Chapter 5

  “So, you’re still going strong, I take it.” Kylie tried not to let Reesa’s words spark anything as she devoured a half-naked Jordan with her gaze. The guys had put themselves into a dunking tank for the children’s charity that Marcus loved and seemed to touch Jordan’s heart as well. As Marcus came out, drenched and sexy as hell, Jordan made his way to the booth, glowing like some supernatural being even with the chill of fall in the air.

  “I told you, we’re having a good time, that’s all,” Kylie practically grumbled. Reesa just laughed and then squealed as Marcus wrapped his cold, wet body around her, and Kylie moved away, toward where Jordan stood next to the tank. She didn’t want to discuss her not-so-relationship, and she wasn’t in the mood to have the blossoming one beside her rubbed in her face. So far, she’d put up a good front of being genuinely happy today, and even Jordan didn’t seem to notice her foul disposition.

  But things had changed.

  Well, maybe not. For the last two weeks, she’d lost herself in Jordan’s arms at every opportunity, and she couldn’t complain there. Never had she been so sexually satisfied and yet needy all at the same time. He was a perfect lover, gentle and rough all at the same time. She’d also enjoyed his company, watching movies, eating out, taking walks in the park and talking.

  But in that time, her illusion in her ability to maintain a platonic level of emotion toward Jordan had shattered. When he held her hand during their walks, it sparked romantic longing, and every time his eyes scanned her face with bright appreciation or he tucked her hair gently behind her ear, her heart squeezed a little tighter. She knew she was falling for him. She needed to break it off, and she had to act soon or risk having her heart broken.

  The problem was, he wasn’t exactly acting like he didn’t have feelings for her. Kylie didn’t have a lot of experience with this sort of thing, but she had been with men who claimed to love her that didn’t treat her with such courtesy or look at her with such adoration. How could she end this when she felt like their growing closeness could really turn into something deeper and stronger, something lasting?

  “You look like you’re a million miles away right now, and not in a good place.” Jordan smiled down at her, but worry creased his brow.

  Kylie forced herself to brighten and grinned broadly at him. “I’m just afraid you’re going to come out of there and get me all wet like that. I’m wearing silk, and I don’t want it to get ruined.”

  He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m sure I’ll eventually ruin plenty of your clothes, tearing them off you. Don’t worry, I’ll replace anything I ruin.” He kissed her forehead and winked as he rounded to the back of the booth to climb up on the seat. Kylie tried to hang onto the tingling sensation of arousal his words caused, but even that faded quickly with her sudden dark mood.

  She suddenly wondered if she should have come here today. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to put a little distance between her and Jordan, not forever, but long enough for her to get her thoughts and emotions under control. She needed to adjust to the reality of the situation rather than the dream forming in her head and, more importantly, her heart.

  A commotion near the restrooms drew her attention, and she frowned, trying to see what was going on. Craning her neck, she could see Marcus and Reesa, surrounded by flashing cameras. Well, it looked like the media had latched onto their relationship, and whether Reesa considered it to be serious or not, the world would soon enough. With a sigh, Kylie wished something like that would push Jordan into overdrive. Then again, if the paparazzi confronted them, he’d probably deny they were anything more than friends and stop coming around.

  “Enough!” she whisper-screamed at herself. She crossed her arms over her chest, hoping it just looked like she was cold rather than angry. With the media chasing after her best friend, Reesa and Marcus would likely leave now, so she didn’t have to worry about Reesa questioning her any further. And as much as she hated to admit it, Jordan wouldn’t have to work very hard to bring out her good side again. So, she would just be miserable for a bit now, and she’d recover.

  A splash and a thunking sound drew he
r attention, and she rounded to the front of the tank to see Jordan popping up out of the water, gasping and shivering. His eyes were wide and shocked, but his grin was priceless as he noticed the kid who’d pitched the winner giggle and jump up and down with his friends in triumph.

  And he looked damn sexy drenched in the cold water, his hair plastered to his head and curling around his ears.

  “Focus on the sex appeal, Kylie, nothing else,” she muttered to herself under her breath. That would be the key to making sure she didn’t let her emotions get the best of her. It worked, and despite her concern for her best friend, who had disappeared shortly after the media debacle, Kylie felt better through the next couple of hours. Jordan finished his round in the tank, ending up in the water at least two dozen times, and when he finally emerged, Kylie couldn’t help but giggle as he teasingly chased after the teenage girls who had been pointing and giggling the last time he went down.

  When he came to her, he acted like he was going to hug her, but she shrunk away, and he just chuckled. “You made me promise, so I guess I’ll go dry my ass off before I come for you.”

  Kylie swallowed hard, not missing the predatory glint in his eyes as she scanned him from head to toe. His board shorts clung to him, showing his thick, muscular legs and the angular indentations that pointed down to his very obviously large package. The water beaded on his chest and arms, and his hair dripped around his shoulders. He was the picture of sex on a billboard ad, and at least in terms of physical pleasure, he belonged to her.

  She shoved a towel into his hand and pointed toward the bathrooms. “Go. Dry off and change.”

  He pouted at her. “Sure you don’t want to join me in there? Think of how lewd and dangerous it would be.” When she shook her head, eyes wide that he’d even suggested it, he smacked her backside and took off at a slow jog. She watched him, admiring his grace and poise, the way his muscles bunched and stretched with his movement. He really was prime pickings.

  When he returned, he had dressed fully in a thin blue sweater and tight jeans that revealed almost as much as the wet shorts. Her mouth dry, she focused on his lazy grin, and when he finally approached her after what seemed like a very long walk, he pulled her into his arms. “See? I know how to warm a girl up.”

  She grunted. “You’ve proven that numerous times.” If only he could warm her body without touching her heart, this would be so much easier. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “How much longer do we have to stay?”

  He raised a brow at her. “Are you ready to leave so soon?”

  Kylie shrugged. “I just feel like doing something normal, you know? Like going to see a movie or something. This is all great and fun,” she gestured around them to the charity event, “and it’s for a good cause. But I feel like I’m on display, even when I’m not with you.”

  “I understand.” He nodded and brushed her hair back. “Then I think we should go to McDonald’s and get Big Macs and fries. And then we’ll catch a film. Maybe after that, we’ll find some blacklight mini golf or something, if you want.”

  “Really?” She knew she sounded ridiculously giddy, but that sounded like so much fun. And if would help her create an illusion that might get her through the rest of the afternoon, until she could fall into bed with Jordan and forget about feeling anything but absolute ecstasy.

  “Well, if I’d known that appealed to you, I would’ve fed you greasy cheeseburgers and taken you to see chick flicks sooner.” He laughed and kissed her forehead. “Come on, let’s go before people start lining up for autographs. I’m not in a mood to be gaped at, either. I want you a little more to myself.”

  Kylie wondered if the rest of the day was just about making her happy. He fulfilled his promises, and she reveled in the normalcy of it. They held hands, shared popcorn, and Jordan even licked his finger to wipe a smear of chocolate candy from her face. Did he just want to make sure she didn’t grow jaded with the arrangement? Did he really enjoy the sex enough to want to appease her just to keep her in his bed?

  Or was there something more? She tried to tell herself it was a friendly gesture, that he wanted her happy because they were friends. But for some reason, it felt like more, as if he had started to think of her as his girl and wanted to be a good, accommodating man for her. it was probably pushing the line of what feelings he might have for her. He’d said so many times that he didn’t want to settle down, and yet, most men who said such things slept around and kept their options open. He’d completely sealed off their relationship – or whatever you wanted to call it – so that it was exclusive.

  Those weren’t the actions of a man who didn’t care. Men who didn’t commit weren’t jealous of a woman’s time. He’d just go find someone else to fill his time until she came around again. Or was she severely misguided in her understanding of the world? Kylie didn’t have previous experience with this kind of thing, save for what she read in books. And those stylized romances were made to get a reaction, so she didn’t trust that those stories were based on facts.

  “You’re far away again,” Jordan said quietly as they strolled down her block, toward her apartment.

  Kylie felt instantly guilty. She didn’t know how long she’d been lost in thought, but it must’ve been a while. She couldn’t even remember what they’d been talking about before. “I’m sorry,” she told him. How could she possibly share with him what kept troubling her? Even if there might be something growing between them, she had started obsessing over it, which was bad. And if she mentioned it, she would likely just scare him away. And if he just laughed it off rather than leaving, wouldn’t she be just as heartbroken?

  “Come on, sweetheart, you can tell me whatever’s on your mind. I promise not to judge, even if you’re pissed at me for something. I’ll just listen and try to understand. That’s what we have here, isn’t it? We spend time together because we can talk to each other as much as because we’re fucking hot in the sack.” He squeezed her hand as he spoke, as if to reassure her.

  Kylie gulped, indecisive. What if there was a chance…

  If she told him how she felt, maybe he could open up with his feelings. Maybe he harbored some of the same emotions within him and was too frightened to face them. She still didn’t know why he had such a problem with settling down. Maybe he’d been stung by a woman who wouldn’t share her thoughts and feelings, and this would be the way to break through the protective shell he’d erected.

  Even as she thought it, she knew she was reaching. But something inside bubbled over, and she couldn’t hold back anymore, not all of it. She wanted to ease into it, hedge around at it, but instead, words spilled out of her mouth harshly. “I don’t understand you, Jordan.”

  He stopped walking and stared at her, obviously taken aback by the outburst. “What do you mean, love?”

  Love. That only irritated her in this moment. “Don’t call me that,” she snapped. “You’ve made it very plain that you have no interest in the emotion. You want to keep things casual, even though you act like you care. You don’t think about the fact that, by being charming and sweet and gentle, you might make some girl fall for you, only to break her heart because you don’t want anything but sex and to have a good time. The hell if you’ll ever give someone a place in your heart to match the place in your bed.”

  As she railed at him, Jordan looked shocked, then flustered. But his face slowly morphed, his brows knitting together and his chin hardening. “What are you trying to say, Kylie?”

  She threw her hands up in exasperation. “What are we doing, Jordan? You take me out, we act like a couple. We hold hands, we cuddle on the couch, and we have phenomenal sex. Sometimes, I feel like you look at me with something more. But you refuse to commit to anything. You say you’re not the type for a relationship, but you say you respect me. Well, what about my feelings and my needs, Jordan?” She hated herself, even as she spoke her heart. She sounded like every other selfish woman in the world, accusing a man of mistreating her when all Jordan had done was set
limits.

  And still, she couldn’t stop herself. “You parade around like you own me, but you refuse to stake your claim. What does that make me in your eyes? What does that make me in everyone else’s eyes? And how am I supposed to deal with the fact that I’m deeper than that and can’t help but start to fall for you while you stand there and feel nothing?”

  Jordan winced. “Are you really accusing me of being cold and having no feelings?” he asked, his voice low and raspy. Kylie wasn’t fooled. He wasn’t the least bit calm. “Is that what you’re saying to me?”

  She shrugged, the anger suddenly leaving her so she just felt empty. “That’s part of it. Obviously the only part you heard.”

  He shook his head, crossing his arms. “No, I heard everything you said. But you’re fucking clueless if you think I don’t give a shit about you, Kylie. Just because I don’t want to get serious about a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. That should be obvious from the way I treat you.”

  She wanted to ask him what that meant, but she didn’t dare. And even if she’d had the nerve, he continued before she could say anything. “As for your feelings, they matter to me, and I try to take that into account with every move I make. You told me you could handle this arrangement. If you can’t we’ll have to rethink it because I care about you, but I can’t give you what it sounds like you want right now. And because I care about you, I’m willing to step away so you can find a good man who can be there for you, all the time, and love you back.”

  Hurt and determined that she wasn’t wrong here, Kylie jutted her chin out defiantly and threw her shoulders back. “I could handle it. I have handled it. But I didn’t expect you to come around and charm me the way you have. You didn’t add that into the equation, so how could I add it all up?” She shook her head. “What is it, Jordan? If you really care about me, what’s the problem? Are you too scared to get involved? Heaven forbid you might have to give up a little freedom or control! Oh, god! You might have to compromise and deal with someone else’s demands the way I put up with yours!”