“Good swim?” Jeff asks innocently.
“Uh, yeah, thanks. You don’t swim?”
Jeff shrugs. “I swim, I just don’t engage in aquatic warfare. I thought you two were gonna drown each other.” He puts his hand against his heart melodramatically. “I wasn’t sure which of you to save!”
Dan smiles. “Save Evan,” he says softly. “I can look after myself.”
Jeff gives him a quick look, and then Evan calls over, “Do you guys want mimosas?”
“I don’t know,” Dan replies. “Will there be any left after Tat’s done?”
Evan looks at the huge volume of ingredients on the counter, and then at his slip of a sister. “I’m not sure,” he laughs. “You’d better get yours first.”
Dan grins and stands up, leaving the towel behind as he walks over and perches on one of the bar stools. “I shouldn’t admit it, since I’ve actually been paid to work behind a bar, but I don’t think I know what a mimosa is—I thought they were just orange juice and champagne.”
“Oh, they’re heaven!” Tat swoons.
A little more informatively, Evan points to the ingredients on the counter. “A basic mimosa is just OJ and champagne, but at Casa Kaminski, we like to spice things up a little.” He grins. “We just add strawberries and ice, make it a blender drink.”
Dan shrugs. “Sounds good. Get some vitamins, right?”
Tat looks at him in concern. “An alcoholic beverage should not be your source of nutrition! Robyn said you only eat cold cereal and frozen dinners. Is that right? Are you taking care of yourself? I see your lunches, and… frozen pizza is gross the first time around, you really shouldn’t be eating it cold the next day.”
Dan ruffles her hair, and she doesn’t seem to mind. “Thanks, Tat, but I’m all right.” He glances at Evan. “Normally I’d say I grew up big and strong eating that way, but around here, maybe I do look a bit stunted.”
Tat shakes her head. “I’m gonna start bringing an extra lunch down for you, okay? Tia makes mine, and it wouldn’t be any trouble for her to just double up.”
“Yeah, sure, you get me all spoiled over the summer, and then you go back to school in the fall and I’m left with a lunch-dependency and no way to get a fix. Nah, I’m fine, Tat. Besides, I eat a lot of apples.”
“No, you eat two bites of an apple and feed the rest to your horse.” Tat seems to have been paying a little too much attention to Dan’s eating habits.
“Okay, but I eat two bites of, like, ten apples a day.”
“Wait a second,” Evan interjects. “Doesn’t the barn buy the apples? Those apples are for the horses, not for your greedy gut.”
“Dude, it’s quality control. I have to taste each one to make sure it’s good enough for them!”
Evan grins and pulses the blender, and for a moment the rattle of ice being pulverized by an industrial-strength bar blender drowns out all conversation. By the time Evan is done making noise, Jeff has stood up and joined him behind the bar, pulling out a bottle of red wine and a corkscrew.
“Not the mimosa type?” Dan asks him.
Evan mouths the words with him as Jeff says, “It’s a waste of perfectly good champagne.” Jeff knows what Evan’s doing, and gives him a mock elbow to the ribs as he reaches across to get a wine glass for himself. Dan feels it again, the sense of belonging, of being part of a family. It feels good, but it scares him a little. It would be too easy to get comfortable here and too hard when he has to leave. He wonders if he’s not already in too deep, though, because he can feel himself relaxing as Evan pours the blender’s contents into three big wine glasses and Tat garnishes each one with a slice of strawberry and of orange, and then gives each glass a straw. Evan doles them out, and they all raise their glasses, three pinkish monstrosities and Jeff’s rich red wine, and they toast and drink and then sit happily together enjoying the evening.
Tia brings the first of the guests out, and Evan was right, they are a little older, older than Jeff even, but still healthy and vibrant. Dan takes the time when they’re being greeted to pull his shirt on, although he doesn’t get it buttoned, and then he’s drawn over to be introduced.
Evan does the honors. “This is Dan. He just moved out here from Kentucky, so we’re trying to get him adapted to the California lifestyle.”
Dan raises his mimosa as he extends his hand for shaking. “They’re doing a pretty good job of it.” He notices that Evan didn’t mention that Dan was his employee, didn’t say why Dan had moved. He can’t decide whether he likes it that Evan hasn’t immediately slotted him into a social class, or if it’s a slight, if Evan didn’t mention it because he thinks Dan should be embarrassed by it. Puppet-Chris slaps him upside the head, and he tries to concentrate on the conversation at hand.
The new people, Will and Addie, are talking to Jeff about his upcoming show. Apparently they’re collectors. They look rich, maybe not in the Kaminskis’ class but well off at the least, and Dan wonders how that works. Do they buy Jeff’s art, and if so, does he wonder if they’re doing it because they really like it or just because they’re friends? Dan can’t even figure out whether he should be leaving a tip for Ryan when he eats at Zio’s. He can’t imagine having to make the decision on a much larger scale. But they seem to have figured out some way to deal with it, because he doesn’t sense any tension coming from them or from Jeff when they discuss the likelihood of making sales at the show.
Another couple arrives, Jason and Liam, and Dan likes Jason immediately. He’s a bit dumpy looking, sort of an Elmer Fudd type, and he has one of the most open, friendly smiles Dan has ever seen. Liam seems a bit more reserved, especially around Dan. When Dan goes to help Evan get drinks for everybody, Evan whispers, “Don’t worry about Liam. He’s just used to being the prettiest one in the room,” and winks.
The final arrival is Natasha, who sweeps in dramatically, as if expecting an ovation. Evan, Tat, and Dan have retired to the bar, ostensibly mixing drinks but really just hanging out. Evan had grinned when he’d noticed how the crowd was divided, and said, “See? The kids’ table.” Now he watches the new arrival with amusement, then leans over and says, “She acts like an annoying flake, but really she’s salt of the earth. She used to be an actress, then her husband died, and she took the money and opened up an after-school program for street kids. She teaches them drama. Jeff volunteers once a week teaching them art… a bunch of people help out. It’s a really cool program.”
Evan brings the drinks over, and Tat and Dan trail behind him. Natasha hugs Tat and then turns to Dan and almost purrs. “And who is this delicious newcomer?”
Evan’s busy distributing drinks, so this time it’s Jeff’s turn to do the introductions. “Natasha, this is Dan. He’s helping Evan train his new horses.”
Dan reminds himself of her good work with the street kids as she looks him up and down like a piece of meat. And then Evan is there, an arm slipping possessively over Dan’s shoulders as he leans forward to shake Natasha’s hand. “Hey, Natasha, how are you?” The arm on his shoulders pulls him in tight against Evan’s side, and Dan can’t believe it. He stiffens and pushes away, trying not to be too obvious but definitely looking for a little space.
Natasha notices, of course, and raises an eyebrow as she responds with, “I’m fine, darling. Thank you so much for asking.” She looks from Evan back to Dan, and then over to Jeff. “So, what’s been keeping you busy these days?” she asks him, her tone making it clear that she thinks she already knows the answer. She takes his arm and walks with him over to the seating area, while Jeff casts a concerned look over his shoulder at Evan and Dan.
Dan just stares at Evan, who brings a hand up as though to hide his face. “Shit, man, I’m sorry, I did it again. I know. I just—”
“You just what, Evan?” Dan tries to keep his voice down. Everyone else is being pretty loud, so he’s sure they can’t hear him. “What are you thinking when you do that shit?”
“I don’t even… honestly, I was fine, and the
n I saw her look at you, and… I don’t know. Fuck!” He looks genuinely upset. “I can’t believe I screwed this up again. It was going really well, I thought.”
Dan wants to stay angry, but Evan seems genuinely upset. “Okay, dude, it’s not the end of the world. I mean, you’ve got to figure out a way to keep a lid on that, but….”
Evan looks at him hopefully. “Yeah, I totally will. Seriously. It just caught me by surprise tonight. Now I’m on guard… I really didn’t think I was going to have to worry about getting jealous of women.” He peers questioningly at Dan. “Or are women a concern as well?”
Dan shakes his head in frustration. “Jesus, none of this should be ‘a concern’ to you.” He takes pity again, though, and grudgingly adds, “But, no. Women are…. I’ve been with two women, both when I was a teenager. I’m not going back.”
Evan nods. “Okay. And, hey, tomorrow night at the bar, Ryan can be all over you, and I won’t even frown. I promise. I’ve already got myself totally psyched for it.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not going to be a problem.” Evan gives him a strange look, so Dan explains, “Ryan’s worried that the guys from your company might be homophobes, so he’s playing it straight.”
Evan frowns. “And you’re okay with that?”
“Yeah. I mean, mostly. We’ve gone out, like, three times, and I’ve been the one saying I want to keep it casual. So, obviously he’s not going to risk something this important. And we’re not exactly PDA people, so it’s not like I’ll even notice the difference, likely.”
“I don’t know, man. I mean, if it was me, I’d dance right up to you in my tight black pants and unbuttoned black shirt and I’d say, ‘Nobody puts Danny in a corner,’ and then we’d dance and dance.” Evan waves his upper body around slowly, and Dan just shakes his head.
“Yeah, we’d have the time of our lives, I’m sure. Jesus, you are so gay.”
“Hey, you recognized it. And I’ve been with lots of women! So you’re gayer than me!”
They don’t notice that Jeff has returned until he interjects, “Sweet Jesus, I thought you two were over here having an actual argument. Let me settle this one for you: You’re both plenty gay. Now get your pretty little asses over there and talk to some people.”
Jeff swats them both, Evan hard on his ass, Dan lightly on his lower back, and herds them over to the crowd. The rest of the night passes pleasantly, but Dan heads home fairly early. Jeff and Evan both walk him to the side of the house—they would have walked him to the door, he supposes, but it seems stupid to go inside just to go outside again. All three pause at the corner, and Dan has a sudden urge to reach out for them, to kiss one or both, to….
He breaks off from the fantasy, but he thinks it might be too late. Jeff, at least, seems to be able to read Dan’s every thought, and even Evan looks like he caught that one, judging by the way he’s smirking.
“Yeah, okay, I’m off. Thanks for dinner and everything.”
“You sure you want to leave so early?” Evan asks. His voice doesn’t have the low rumble that Jeff’s does, but it’s got its own little purr that Dan is finding pretty damn effective. “You could stick around for a bit. We could drink a bit more, maybe have a soak in the hot tub….” He’s smirking, clearly ready to leave it all as a joke, but Dan has no doubt that he’d follow through with it if Dan went along.
“Yeah, no, I really do need to get going.” He stops himself just before he starts babbling. “Okay. But I’ll see you both tomorrow at the Fireside?”
“Absolutely,” Jeff answers. He smiles lazily and drapes an arm over Evan’s shoulder, and for the first time in all of this Dan feels a little bit jealous over Evan, wishes that he were the one touching him. He waves quickly and turns to walk home. He doesn’t think the jealousy can be a good thing, in any direction, but he’s really not sure how to stop it.
Chapter 30
DAN GETS home from the barbecue and showers before bed. He tells himself that he’s washing the pool’s chlorine off, but he’s hard before he’s even gotten wet, and there’s a jumble of images playing through his mind as he jerks himself off in long, slow strokes.
He’s asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, and when he wakes up the next day with morning wood, he goes again, this time focusing in on Ryan. Ryan’s his current interest, Ryan’s the one who makes sense and is simple, and Ryan’s the one he imagines as he shoots all over his hand and bare stomach. But he’s barely up and dressed before he’s thinking about Jeff and Evan again. Then on the way out the bedroom door, his eyes fall on the photograph on the bedside table, and it’s like everything else falls away.
A wave of guilt washes over him, and he actually feels a little sick to his stomach. He knows he hadn’t forgotten about Justin, knows he never will, but how had he let himself be distracted from him? He knows the guilt isn’t rational. There’s nothing he can do to help Justin now, nothing he can do to change anything, but he still feels like he owes Justin more grieving time, owes their relationship more of a tribute. Puppet-Chris tells him that he doesn’t have to be sad to remember Justin, doesn’t have to deny his sexuality in order to honor their love, but Dan doesn’t want to listen to that little bastard. What does Chris know about losing a lover? He takes the picture in his hands and leans against the wall, then slides his back down it until he’s sitting with his knees drawn up, the picture resting on them.
He runs his fingers over Justin’s face, and tries to channel all of his love and send it into the picture. Justin is gone, his body already probably being absorbed by the plants on the farm he had loved, but surely as long as Dan’s thinking about him, a part of him is still alive. Then Dan thinks about the way they’d kept Justin’s body around for too long after his essence had disappeared, and wonders if he’s doing a similar thing by hanging on to the memory. He thinks maybe it would be a better tribute to only focus on the happy memories, and not carry this sadness around with him. But what if he can’t do that? He rests his head on his arms and lets himself be sad for a while, and then he makes himself get up and put the picture back on the table. He goes into the bathroom and splashes some cold water on his face, then he heads off to the barn to look after Justin’s horses.
He’s a little subdued through the morning, but the training goes really well. The horses all seem to have settled into their new home and are starting to respond to the more regular training schedule. The afternoon is almost as smooth, although one of the young horses plows into a jump and sends Robyn flying. But it’s a stadium jump, built to collapse under any sort of pressure, and Robyn is barely bruised. She gets back on the horse and takes him through his paces to make sure he’s not injured while Dan rebuilds the jump. She goes over it, this time without incident, and gets a round of applause from Dan and Tatiana.
They quit for the day shortly after, and Dan heads home to get cleaned up and changed. He takes his time, but when he goes down to the barn to pick up Robyn and Michelle, they’re still getting ready, so he sits on Robyn’s couch and offers his opinions on her various outfits. She hasn’t seen Scott the drummer since the trip to Santa Cruz, but she doesn’t seem too upset about it. She says he was cute, but didn’t really have anything interesting to say. She does want to make sure she’s looking good, though—best to make it clear that she is the one who isn’t interested.
Michelle comes in eventually, and Robyn settles on the clothes she’s wearing, and they head out. They’ve planned to have dinner at the Fireside before the show, and run into a lot of other people who’ve had the same idea. Ryan is already there, fussing with the equipment, and when he sees them he comes over to say hello. He’s actually nervous, and Dan finds it adorable. Seeing laidback Ryan all tense makes Dan feel better about his own neurotic moments. Michelle and Robyn go to join Devin and Sara at a long table near the stage, and Dan leans over to talk quietly to Ryan.
“It’s really a shame you’re not being gay tonight. I might have had an idea for how to help you relax.” Ryan groans, and
Dan leans back and smirks at him.
“Shit, Dan….” But one of the guys from the band is calling him over to deal with some amp issue, and Dan goes to join the rest of the table. Jeff and Evan show up shortly after, and Evan is on his best behavior, keeping his hands to himself and smiling at everybody. He really does look relaxed and friendly, but Dan reminds himself that Ryan hasn’t gotten closer than twenty feet since Evan’s arrived.
They order dinner, and drink a while, and then the band starts. The crowd is enthusiastic, and Dan looks around, trying to see if anybody seems less like a fan and more like an observer. He doesn’t see anybody. After the first set, Ryan comes over and sits down for a beer, still careful to keep a certain distance away from Dan. He’s discouraged, though.
“I don’t know, man… we all talked, and someone in the band knows everybody in the bar except for those four old people at the back and the drunk kids by the door. I really don’t think any of those are from the record company.” He sighs. “I dunno—maybe something came up, and they can’t make it.”
Dan frowns, and his eyes cut to Evan. Evan looks back and then subtly holds up his phone, a questioning expression on his face. Dan doesn’t like it, but he looks at Ryan and then back at Evan, and nods a little. Evan gets up and goes outside, and when he comes back he claps Ryan on the shoulder. “Hey, man, cheer up! If they came up all the way from LA, they’re probably trying to see more than one band tonight. They’re probably watching the first set somewhere else, then driving here, and they’ll be here any minute.” Ryan looks at him a little doubtingly, but Evan puts on his best smile. “Seriously, man! I’m the business guy, remember? I know this stuff.”
Dreamspinner Press Year Four Greatest Hits Page 57