by Ivy Jordan
“I’m a conventional person. I would never charge up this much money, especially not for clothes.”
“Channing isn’t a part of the conventional world, Ava. If you really want to date him, and I think you do, you have to meld into his world. I’m just doing you a favor.”
“I think I would’ve been fine without all of this.” I said. “Besides, I wasn’t wearing labels when he asked me out. I don’t think he’s the type to separate himself from the common folk. He doesn’t even like being famous.”
“Who wouldn’t like being famous?” she asked.
“Come on. Would you really like having a bunch of people following you around all the time, trying to talk to you?”
“There’s something about that attention—knowing you’re admired. I’d love it,” Nicole said, “and I’m sorry. I know that’s not PC, but I like the idea of knowing that people are looking at me.”
“Well, he doesn’t. I think this whole labels thing is a bunch of crap for pseudo-celebrities and reality TV stars.” I laid my head back against the couch.
“There are a lot of things that you don’t know about,” Nicole said.
“Like what?”
“Like the fact that you’ve never even kissed a man, much less touched one. You probably don’t know how sex works.”
“Of course I do. It’s a pretty simple concept.”
“No,” she laughed. “It’s not simple at all.”
“What do you mean? How hard could it be?”
“Jesus, Ava…”
“Fine, I don’t know a thing about sex. Just give me basics.”
Nicole seemed to think about it for a moment. “There’s a lot to it. I don’t know.”
“You’ve got to give me something.”
“Okay,” she said, “It’s like a rhythm, a way of moving. You have to listen to what he does, and how he reacts. Follow his lead.”
“Is that the best you can give me? No tricks?”
“There’s no magic button. There are spots, but they aren’t enough. You have to know how to go with the flow.”
“That’s not going to help me any.”
“It’s the best I can give you. To be honest, he probably wants you because you’re a virgin. It might not matter how good you are at it. He’s going to enjoy himself either way.”
“At my expense.”
“Maybe not. A lot of guys like to take their time and make sure we enjoy ourselves too, and don’t be afraid to ask. If he’s not doing anything for you, lay your foot down. Make sure you get yours or walk away. That’s another thing. There’s a lot of guys that’ll just shove themselves in you, move around, and pull out.”
“What should I do?”
“Offer to let him explore your body, and make sure he knows where everything is. Half these guys don’t even know what a clit is, and make sure that he takes his time. It’s always a rush to them. You’ve got to slow the pace a little, or else you’re not going to get the full experience.”
“So they won’t do anything for us?”
“A lot of guys don’t. They just think we’re a hole and nothing else. They’ll push you into it, and hold your head down when you’re blowing him. Don’t let him pull any of that crap. If he tries to choke you with it, bite him, and don’t come back for more. Men like that don’t respect their women.”
“Choke me?”
“Oh, they love it. I think it’s a domination thing, but they all do it, and they’ll hold your head into it while they’re coming. It’s disgusting.”
“I’ll bite.”
“You should. Make sure he treats you right. That’s another thing: don’t let him boss you around or say mean things to you. If you let that happen, he’ll think he can act however he wants with you.”
“If any of this stuff happens, I’ll never talk to him again.”
“Are you worried?” Nicole asked.
“No, I’m not worried.”
She gave me a look.
“Yes, I’m fucking petrified. You’ve systematically torn away all of my confidence in the span of six hours.”
“Then at least you won’t get cocky.” Nicole sat up and stretched. “I should get going.”
I gave her a hug and showed her out. I thought about going back to the library, but I knew myself well enough to know that I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate. I needed a small, quieter space, where I could let my thoughts fall away.
I decided to go back home, and take my time trying to unravel. I was making a complete idiot out of myself. If I needed to look and act a special way when I was with Channing, then there was no point in going out on the date at all.
Chapter Fifteen
Channing
I walked out of the shower and back to my locker. Somebody had sprayed cologne. It was starting to get to my head when I put on my shirt. By the time I had my pants on, I could feel like my body was getting lighter. I wanted to get out of there. It was too hot for the showers. I was already starting to sweat again, and my heart was still pounding from the workout.
Somebody tapped on my shoulder. I turned away from my locker. It was Mike. He was already dressed and ready to leave. “Are you ready for vacation?” he asked.
“It will be nice not to have to deal with classes.”
“Dude, we have a whole week off and you’re acting like the walking dead. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m too drained to care.” I slammed my locker shut. “They work us to the bone and expect us to lick their boots over a week off. It’s ridiculous.” I grabbed my bag and we walked out towards our table in the courtyard.
“You’re not staying here all week, are you?” he asked.
“I don’t have anything better to do,” I said, “and I’m definitely not going home. That’s the last place I want to be.”
“It’s better than here. I want real food, and a bed to sleep in, not some fucking mat.”
“I don’t see the point.”
“Suit yourself. I’m going home.”
“Tell me you’re doing well in your classes.”
“I’ve got it,” he said, “but I’m not studying during break.”
“You have to. We have a chem test the day we get back, and we both know that Hamburg’s going to start amping things up.”
“I’ll look it over when I get back,” he said.
“That’s a terrible idea. I’ve been spending all week studying for that test, and I barely know the material. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m prioritizing,” he said with a shrug. “I can’t handle all this work. I need to get out and get some sun. I suggest you do the same.”
“I’m going to be sensible.” I checked the time on my phone. It was 2 o’clock.
“Are you coming to the dining hall tonight? The guys wanted to meet up at the burger place. Freddy snuck a keg in the walk-in, so he’s been serving drinks.”
“I’m thinking of staying in tonight,” I lied.
“Sucks to be you.” He got up to go to class.
I wasn’t going to tell him or anyone else about my date with Ava. The second they found out, it would get around school, and people would start talking. They’d recognize her in the halls and whisper when she passed by. She’d be furious and never talk to me again.
Jason was sitting at a table on the other side of the courtyard smoking a cigarette with some of the burnouts. That man had made my life hell ever since he’d met me. He was always reminding me that he was just one bad test away from taking my place on the team. I knew that he didn’t have a chance with Ava, but I wanted to see the look on his face when he found out he lost the bet.
After Mike left, I retreated into a study room at the library and pulled out my chemistry textbook. I was just doing a quick review so that I was certain I understood what the book was saying. I hadn’t even begun to memorize it. In order to do that, and have the information stick, I was going to have to go back to the terms every day; otherwise, I’d just end up forgetting them.
Mike didn’t do any of that. He crammed as much information as he could in before the test. Then he regurgitated it and crossed his fingers. He might be able to survive like that during his freshman year, but sophomore year was going to be different.
The teachers were going to build on what we learned the year before. If Mike wasn’t learning the material, he was going to hit a wall next year. If that happened, he’d flunk out. I couldn’t let that happen to him.
By the time my eyes were starting to droop, it was time for me to start getting ready for my date with Ava. She had to know that it was a date by now. I could tell that she had no idea last time we went out. This time, I decided to make it special. I wore a nice dress shirt and jeans, and I wore my favorite white shoes.
I kept things casual. I didn’t want to alienate her, but I wanted to look good and show off my assets. I rolled up my sleeves and made sure that my shirt hung right, sitting on the belt buckle to add a little emphasis.
Ava didn’t look at me much. She was a great listener, and she always made eye contact, but I’d never seen her check me out. I needed that to change if I was going to get anywhere with her. It occurred to me that she wasn’t a very sexual creature, which must’ve been where she got her label.
I had to direct her attention and make sure she was focused on what mattered. Just dressing up wasn’t going to be enough. I had to move right, talk right, and act right. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t give off the right vibe.
Ava was very observant. She’d notice if I tried to rush things and get her in bed. I couldn’t play cheap tricks like buying her a drink or offering to show her something at my place. If I was going to get with her, then I’d have to find some way to make her lose control. Anything less would be a complete flop.
I wasn’t going to fool myself into thinking that I was going to get laid that night. If she was the prude that everybody said she was, and I believed she was, then it would take a lot more than a romantic dinner to get her in bed. We’d have to establish a rapport.
I didn’t want things to be fake with her, either. She was good and innocent. She thought that I really liked her, and she didn’t deserve to have her hopes dashed away. If I was going to do this, I had to treat her with dignity and make sure that her feelings were taken into account.
When I got into my car to drive to her apartment, I felt bad. I was using her to get back at one of my teammates. This wasn’t a date. It was a lie that I concocted to get into her pants, and now, I was leading her on.
I should’ve turned around and driven back to the dorms, but I didn’t. I wanted to see her, even if I was lying to her. I liked Ava. She mapped out everything it would take for her to get ahead and she was doing it. She didn’t get distracted by anything.
Maybe she was a virgin, but that just made her even more compelling. It was proof of how she lived her life. She cut through all the bullshit and personal drama. She didn’t let other people distract her. She didn’t care about parties or drinking. Her social life took a backseat to the things that really mattered.
That was something I was still working on. I went out with the team all the time. We stayed up at house parties and drank till dawn. It was wonderful, but there were so many productive things I could’ve been doing with my time.
Ava was dedicated to self-betterment. She saw the bigger picture. She knew that friends would come and go and that her work was the only thing that mattered, so she didn’t bother with all of the petty crap that young people get caught up in.
It was admirable. She was a human living among animals. That’s why I had to get to know her. She didn’t think like everyone else. She was systematic. She planned out everything in advance, even the schedule. She knew how long it would take her to do her work, so she planned everything around it. Most people our age were still struggling to get to class on time.
Ava lived in a gray high-rise within walking distance of the library. It was cheap but practical, with bars on the windows and a fenced-off courtyard. She didn’t keep me waiting long. I could see her hair bouncing when she walked across the courtyard and stopped to open the gate.
When I walked out, I was expecting her to be coy and shy. Instead, she was all smiles, confident and casual. She looked me over and strode up to the car. When she got in, the entire cabin smelled like a meadow, and a strand of her hair brushed against my shoulder.
“You look wonderful.” I had to take a second to drink her in.
“Thank you,” she blushed, and her confidence melted. She looked amazing, but inside I could tell that she was screaming.
I had to do something to make her at ease, or she’d shut down. I decided to give her a little control over her evening. “Where would you like to eat?”
“I don’t know.” She seemed to shrink in on herself.
I had to take the lead. “There’s this nice Italian place I like to go to.”
“Um…okay.”
I started the car and pulled out of the lot. I mostly kept my eyes on the road, but I couldn’t help but glance her way every once in a while. She was staring down at her feet, gripping the door with white knuckles.
The guys were right. I could see it instantly. She really was a virgin. I felt a sickly feeling come over me. That made me a predator, going after a girl’s innocence for $100. I couldn’t stand myself for what I was doing.
I turned on the freeway and kept my eyes straight ahead. I could find the next exit and turn around. I didn’t have to do this. I was hurting her. If she found out, she’d be scarred. She might play it off, and try to move on, but a girl’s first time was special. It should’ve been with somebody she cared about, not like this.
She was so scared. She was tapping her finger on the center console, and holding onto the handle above the door as if at any second a semi could hit the car. I had to say something, but I didn’t know what to say.
I was just as scared as she was. I wasn’t sure I could contain myself when the time came. I wanted her. I’d wanted her from the moment I saw her, and now I was going to have to have her, whether it was the right thing to do or not.
It didn’t matter that I was going to hurt her, or that eventually I’d have to dump her. It sucked, but my instincts were stronger than that, and she was too perfect. I couldn’t get used to the smell of her perfume. It was making my blood boil, and her hair. The cooler would catch onto tiny tresses, and they’d streak over my face.
The restaurant was on the edge of town, set in the hills overlooking the skyline. The drive was far too long to stay silent, so I spoke up while we were still on the freeway. “Are you excited to have a week off?”
“Dear God, yes.” She seemed to ease up.
“Do you have any plans?”
“None whatsoever,” she said. “I’m doing absolutely nothing. What are you doing?”
“The same. I’m going to binge watch a bunch of old horror movies and try to gain 10 pounds.”
“Do you remember when we were kids, and we thought that kind of thing was boring?” she asked.
“It’s sad. We used to like doing things. Now all we want is to do nothing.”
“I still like doing things,” she said. “In fact, I think I’m more excited about life than when I was a kid.”
“In many ways, I guess you’re right.”
“Do you like traveling?” she asked. Now she was starting to open up and show some interest.
“I don’t like doing it alone,” I said. “I like to have somebody to experience it with. Otherwise, it’s boring.”
“Where have you been?” she asked. “I mean, you must’ve left the country.”
“England, France, and all over the Mediterranean. I’ve never been to the Middle East, or Africa, aside from Egypt. Have you traveled much?”
“No, I’ve left the state, but that’s about it. My mom and I always talked about seeing the Alps when we were younger. It was always been kind of a dream of ours.”
“Oh, it’s gorgeous,” I said. “I’ve never
been anywhere like it. They have some of the best countryside in the world.”
“I’d love to hike through,” she said.
“I love hiking.”
“You do?”
“God, yes. We took a trip out to Alaska before I started my senior year. The forest there is so thick, it’s like a jungle, and the mountains are spectacular. We went on a two-day hike around a mountain summit. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.”
“Wasn’t it cold?” she asked.
“No, it was temperate. The summers there are amazing. The sun doesn’t set all day, and the forest blossoms. Everything was green. The trees were covered in moss; the rocks were covered in lichen. There wasn’t a single patch of brown, no dirt. It was like the forest itself was alive.”
“I’d love to see it.”
“It’s beautiful.”
We were passing the cornfields now, driving through rolling meadows, a sea of green that eventually gave way to pine trees, light brush, and lichen-encrusted granite.
“I’ve gotten used to being mobile. I couldn’t imagine not being able to leave the state, much less the city.”
“It’s not so bad. I’ve got other things to worry about now. I know people think I’m a shut-in,” she said, “but I’m sacrificing now so I can do all those things when I get older.”
“That’s one thing I admire about you. You have your goals, and you’re not going to let anything keep you from accomplishing them.”
“It’s not as easy as it sounds. Everyone is always trying to distract me.” She covered her mouth. “I mean, not you, I-I…”
“I totally get it. I can’t have a moment alone unless I hide. It’s terrible.” I turned to her. “I hope I’m not keeping you from work.”
“You’re fine. I’ve got all next week to study. Honestly, I’m glad to be getting out. I have to strike a healthy balance between my work and personal life. I can’t live in the library. My friend Nicole is always making fun of me for it. I usually brush her off, but honestly, I’m starting to think she’s right. I’ve got my classes covered.”
“I feel like I’m trying to develop the discipline you have,” I told her.