Carmen flinched when she heard the first snap of the leather against flesh. “How can that not hurt?”
“It does,” Dalton said, his voice low and calm. “She has to make it real enough so that Patrick isn’t further offended into demanding he be allowed to administer punishment.”
Carmen’s heart thudded too hard. Not because Kat would hurt him, but because Carl had put himself in this situation all because he didn’t think she could take care of herself. He called her Mistress, made her believe in herself and that he was willing to entrust her with his welfare, but he’d lied. He didn’t even trust her to handle one pushy imbecile.
Kat landed another lash and, even though Carl didn’t budge, Carmen had the urge to rush over there and snatch the flogger away. Too many emotions engulfed her—frustration over his stubborn, overprotective nature, fury at the creep who started it all, and guilt for having let it get out of hand. Even sadness that it had come to this.
“You okay, Carmen?” Dalton asked. “It doesn’t hurt that bad. It stings, but the pain doesn’t last. He’ll be fine in an hour and most likely won’t have a mark on him.”
Kat struck one final blow across cheeks now rosy from the flogging. Carmen shook her head as tears stung her eyes. “Excuse me, Dalton. I think I need to go.”
She heard Dalton call after her, but she didn’t stop. She had to get out before she fell apart and proved to everyone that she was the biggest fool ever to be born.
Chapter Ten
The sun still slept deep beneath the cover of the horizon as the crescent moon hung high in the midnight sky. Carl, a set of keys in one hand, wound his way along the familiar, softly illuminated path that led to his cottage far from the shadows of the main mansion that housed the club.
He’d left long before the club’s normal 2 a.m. closing, but only after he’d had a chance to talk with Kat and Dalton in private. He’d almost blown his cover as her slave earlier tonight and wanted to apologize for putting her in such an untenable situation. But she’d refused to accept his apology and instead had offered her own.
“I’ve been so selfish,” she’d told him, holding up a hand to stave off his attempt to argue the point. “I’ve pretended to be your mistress, because I thought I needed to be something I’m not. In doing so, I failed you.”
“Kat—”
“Let me finish. A mistress should think of her sub’s needs before her own. A boss should be concerned with an employee’s well-being and not just a company’s bottom line. There’s more to this life than Incognito, so many things that are more important than what occurs inside these walls. I kept you from any chance at living your own life, finding your own special someone to share your dreams and future with, and for that I’m sorry.”
Someone special...dreams...future... Those words flickered in Carl’s mind as he approached the black shell that was his cottage. After one last glance back toward the mansion to ensure no one followed, he pulled his thumb from the waistband of his spandex shorts and flipped the tiny release buttons to free his wrists.
“So, even the bondage is an illusion.”
Carl stopped at the sound of that soft, familiar feminine voice. Carmen. He looked up, squinted through the nighttime darkness, and found her seated in a chair on his porch. It was the last place in the world he expected to see her.
He’d started to search for her at the club, until Dalton told him she’d left. The thought of her departure while he was punished pissed him off, at first, but Dalton let slip that she’d remained there until Kat finished. That knowledge soothed some of his anger, but the hurt and disappointment remained. If she really cared, wouldn’t she have hung around?
“You’re here.” He winced at the sound of hope he heard in those words. He’d thought the evening’s events had sent her running as far away from him as fast as she could go.
She stood and stepped to the edge of the porch, her face a bit more visible now.
“I needed time to think, to calm down, but I couldn’t leave.”
He didn’t move toward her, didn’t dare. “Why?”
“Because I—I had to make sure you were all right.”
He snorted and moved past her then. “Is that all? Well, you can see I’m alive. No harm done.” He suspected it was guilt that brought her back to his door rather than any real concern over his welfare. If she’d wanted to verify the latter, she should have stuck around. Maybe he had been wrong about her. Maybe it was wishful thinking that she was the one strong enough, but if she ran every time things got hot...
He unlocked the front door, pushed it open, and felt an air-conditioned wave of coolness wash over him. He flicked the light switch, and golden beams chased the darkness into the farthest corners.
She caught him by the arm, her fingers biting into his bicep.
“Don’t turn your back on me.”
He faced her and let his anger show. “Why not? Doesn’t feel as good when you’re on the receiving end, does it?”
“I haven’t turned my back on you.”
“No? Where were you when Kat released me? I don’t recall you being anywhere in sight.”
Her lips thinned, arms crossed, and eyes flamed. “You want to play this game? Fine. I was here. I came straight here, and I’ve been here the whole time thinking, trying to determine how big of a fool I want to be.”
“Excuse me?”
“I went into that club thinking I was prepared to be a Domme, your Domme. I thought you trusted me in that role, but the moment some asshole comes along, do you listen to anything I say? No.”
“You’re new. You don’t know all the protocols—”
“And you don’t even trust me to be able to take care of myself, much less take care of you. That’s the real problem, isn’t it?”
Her words caught him off guard, made him step back. She followed him into his home. He let go of the door, which she then took the chance to close behind her. When she faced him once more, she paused to take a deep breath. The rise and fall of her ample chest attracted his eye like magnetic north to a compass.
“Do you deny it?” she asked with a frown.
“You were my guest. It was my responsibility to—”
“Bullshit. Do you think me so weak that I can’t fix my own problems, admit when I screw up, or right a wrong? Am I only a Domme when it suits you? Is it your responsibility to protect me from myself?”
He wasn’t sure how to answer that barrage of questions. He hadn’t realized his rush to protect her from Patrick could be perceived as mistrust in her capabilities as a mistress. In hindsight, he had to admit—at least to himself—he had tried to take control of the situation because he didn’t think she could handle it. The determined look on her face now, however, proved he’d misjudged her.
“Well, thanks but no thanks. I’ll admit I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. I’ve turned tail and run away from the only life I’ve ever known because of a man. I’ll be damned if I’ll do it again. And I refuse to let you or anyone else make me feel as if I’m not strong enough to handle what life throws my way. Never again.” She poked him in the chest. “You got that?”
“Yes...” She was absolutely stunning when she was so fired up. “I do trust you, though.”
She stilled, her gaze locked with his for the longest time, her expression skeptical at best. Finally, she spoke, her words little more than a breath of air. “Prove it.”
“You first.” He tossed his keys on a nearby table and unbuckled the belt with attached chains and cuffs.
“I beg your pardon?” Now it was her turn to blink.
He dropped the belt on the table as well. “When we first met, you refused to answer any personal questions I asked you. Do you still have so little faith in me that you can’t even share your past?”
She spun away from him, and his heart ached.
“Now who’s turning their back, huh?”
In a flash she faced him again. “Okay. You want to conduct a Q and A? You want me to sp
ill the beans?” She waved a hand toward his sofa. “You might want to sit down. This could take a while.”
He took a seat and eyed her while she stood before him like a woman facing execution. When she didn’t speak, he asked his first question.
“Who are you running from and why?”
She took a deep breath and admitted, “I told you the truth when I said I worked at a hotel. For years, I lived there as well and managed the housekeeping staff, but that changed when I put my trust in my boss.” She paced in front of him as she revealed her secrets. “It began innocently enough. A touch here, a heated look, eventually a kiss. I became Sal’s lover, but only in secret.”
“Married?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t want any trouble with upper management. They have a strict policy about in-house romances, especially between management and subordinates. So, we kept our meetings away from prying eyes. After a while, he convinced me to start staying overnight at his place. Although, I kept my quarters at the hotel for appearances.”
Staring out the front window of his living room, she paused, gripping the curtains, until he said, “Go on.”
When she spoke, her words were so soft, he had to concentrate to hear her. “I thought he loved me, but that was a lie.” She turned back toward him, her tone turning sarcastic. “I’ve dated some real winners in my life. I thought Sal was different, but he treated me like nothing more than his personal maid... No, that’s not completely true. He treated me like a paid whore, and when I ended it, when I returned to the hotel, hoping we could just forget the whole thing since no one knew anyway, he destroyed me.”
Carl couldn’t remain seated any longer. He got up, rounded the oak coffee table, and approached her. She released the drapes and held up that hand, palm out.
“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t want your pity.”
He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Is it pity to care for another human being? I don’t think so. And Sal didn’t destroy you; you’re still a very strong, vibrant, and beautiful woman.”
She pulled her hand from his, took a few steps to increase the distance between them, and said, “He took the only life I knew. I’d kept our affair secret because he wanted it that way, but when I left him, he exposed us. I don’t know...for revenge over his wounded pride, I guess. But the way he did it...” She shook her head, her hands splayed protectively over her abdomen. “I lost my job after years of faithful service. My career, my home, my reputation. I lost it all because of him.”
“I don’t get it. How could he—?”
“Upper management told me, out of respect for him, they would make me a deal. If I left quietly, they wouldn’t turn their evidence in—turn me in—to the cops for fraud and embezzlement.”
His eyes narrowed, although he tried to keep a blank expression. Anger on her behalf rose, along with an uncomfortable sensation of suspicion. “What evidence did they have?”
“Hotel security video of me acting suspiciously before entering Sal’s office...edited for effect,” she said with a sneer. “And checks with what looked to be my signature. Checks he supposedly wrote to me and that I cashed at the hotel when no one was looking.” Carmen met his gaze head on. “Payoffs, he’d said, for a brief, ill-advised liaison. He portrayed himself as the victim and me as a woman with a Fatal Attraction mentality. He even threatened to get a restraining order...against me! So, like a coward, I ran. I took their deal, along with my life’s savings, and left as fast as that plane could take me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?” he asked as he inched toward her again.
She shrugged, her gaze sliding away from his. “Why should you believe in my innocence when the people I lived and worked with for years chose to side with him?”
Carl grabbed her upper arms, made her look at him. “Did my submission not prove anything to you? I believe you. If I didn’t believe in you, in your integrity as a person, if I didn’t think you were worthy of my trust, I never would’ve called you Mistress.”
She jerked free of his grip and narrowed her gaze on him. “Which brings us full circle. You didn’t trust me tonight. You disobeyed me in front of another Dom, ignored me when I said I could handle it.”
“I took a flogging for you.”
“You didn’t have to. I didn’t ask you to. I didn’t command you to. You took over.” She pointed at him. “You took control because you didn’t believe I could handle it. Admit it! You don’t really trust me, not that much.”
When he didn’t object, just stood there with his jaw clenched, she continued. “You’re just like Sal—”
“I’m nothing like him!”
“No? Maybe I‘m wrong, then. But either way, I’m still a secret. I wasn’t good enough to be Sal’s lover in the open, and I’m only your mistress in private, when it’s convenient. To those at Incognito, you still belong to Kat.”
“It’s my job,” he gritted out.
“Accounting is your job. Your submission is a personal choice. You taught me that.” Her eyes glistening, she cupped his face, gave him a gentle smile, and murmured, “See ya around, Carl.”
Stunned, he stood motionless as she walked out the door.
Chapter Eleven
Carmen sat back in the leather executive chair and rubbed her eyes. She’d spent today much as she had the day before, and the day before that—delivering resumes and going job hunting.
Dressed in one of her best suits, she’d gone on a job interview earlier but held little hope that she’d land the position if the H.R. person called her former boss. She didn’t dare admit that boss was also her ex-lover.
She sighed. “It’s only been a week,” she told herself. Something would open up.
Maybe she should look for an apartment, although she’d wanted to land a job before incurring bills like a lease and utilities. Olivia and her husbands would be home Monday, and she’d yet to even look for a place to live.
She had enough money to set herself up in a nice rental somewhere, even pay rent for a while and, if she found a furnished place, the money would last even longer. But she was too young to retire and couldn’t live off her savings forever; eventually it would run out. So she did need to find a job, had thought her experience would be enough to land her one quickly, but that bubble burst after the second promising position ended with a no thanks. She suspected they’d checked her references and talked to Sal, but proving it was fruitless.
The latest newspaper lay open on the desk, turned to the job ads. She flipped over to the apartment listings, but after staring at newsprint until her vision blurred, she looked up at the computer screen, which displayed a browser window full of search results to various BDSM community and instructional Web sites.
The morning after leaving Carl, she dove headfirst into a search for a job, expecting it to fill the vacuum left behind. Keep busy. That had become her mantra during the days, but the nights were pure hell. The Montgomerys’ house was large for three people; for one it was massive and lonely. And filled with memories of Carl.
She never should’ve brought him here. Maybe then she would’ve been able to get him out of her mind.
“Ha!” she said, trying to fill the cloying silence with some kind of sound. She clicked on a link and waited for the Web page to load.
He hadn’t called, which she tried to explain away as typical of submissives. Wasn’t it up to the dominant partner to make the moves?
Of course, she hadn’t done that either. Instead, she’d avoided Incognito, unsure how she’d handle—or survive—seeing him again. She wanted to run back into his arms now, beg him to take her, to agree to be hers forever; she didn’t dare consider how strong that urge would be if they were in the same room. Not a very dominant concept—groveling.
She scanned the online article, tried to focus on the words about submissive levels and negotiation methods for D/s relationships, but his face appeared in her mind every time she closed her eyes. Carl. If she didn’t know
better, she’d swear she caught the scent of his cologne at the oddest moments. And the plethora of sweet nothings he’d murmured in her ear echoed in her thoughts at all hours of the day and night.
She startled when the phone rang. After snatching up the receiver, she said, “Hello?”
“Hey, Car. How’s Florida?”
“Liv, hi!” She smiled, but felt a twinge of regret at being disappointed that the caller was Olivia, not Carl. She thrust the thought aside, ignored Olivia’s question, and asked one of her own. “How’s Spain?”
“Excelente.”
She listened to Olivia share some of her touristy experiences, while giving the occasional response to confirm that she was still on the line and listening, but her mind wandered back to Carl. She twirled a long lock of hair around her finger and stared off into space.
“Helloooo?”
“I’m sorry. What?”
“Okay, spill it. What’s got you so preoccupied? You got a guy tied up or something?”
I wish! Instead, a guy had her heart tied in knots. “No. I’m alone.” Her voice cracked as the weight of what she just said took hold of her thoughts. She was alone. She’d walked away from the one guy who really made her feel special.
“Car? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“I’m sorry,” Carmen repeated.
“Would you stop apologizing and just tell me?”
“I’m just... I lost my job,” she said instead.
“Oh, no. What happened?”
Carmen took a deep breath and shared the same story with Olivia that she’d already told Carl and, like him, her best friend expressed heart-felt sympathy and understanding.
“So, I’m looking for a job here. I like Florida,” she explained, “but nothing is going as planned. So far, I’m oh-for-three on the interviews.”
“Have you tried Incognito?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, it’s not a five-star hotel, but Kat’s club has a huge demand for house-keeping. I’d swear I heard them talking about trying to find someone to manage it all before we left. It’s one of the reasons Kat remodeled that cottage out back.”
Anna Leigh Keaton & Madison Layle - Incognito 06 - Charming Carmen Page 10