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First Edition
Copyright 2016 Terri E. Laine
dedication
This book is dedicated to the fans of Chasing Butterflies.
acknowledgments
First and foremost a humongous thank you to all my readers for taking a chance on me. There are millions of books to read and you chose mine. That’s HUGE to me. And without you, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to share all the stories that are in my head. So Thank You again.
Many THANKS go to Nina Grinstead at Social Butterfly PR. She is my IT girl. And I appreciate everything she’s done for me. And thanks to all the people at Social Butterfly PR, Jenn, Shannon, Candi, Heather and Hillary.
There is a group of people, my beta readers, who deserve my upmost appreciation. Their input for project made this book better by leaps and bounds. So Thank You: Heather, Kelly, Ana, Ashley, Samantha, Jill, Annie, and Nina. You ladies are the absolute BEST!
A huge thank you to Michele Catalano Creative for designing a stunning cover that compliments the series perfectly. And to Lauren Perry for the gorgeous photography.
There are not enough special thanks to my awesome writer partner, Annie Hargrove, who is there for me without question or fail. You are an amazing friend and business partner!!! And to Kelly and Ana, who rock like you wouldn’t believe. Thanks for all your support.
Finally, I want to thank Emily from Lawrence Editing and Paige Smith for polishing up my manuscript. And to Max Henry for adding the details to the formatting that make the book even more stunning visually than I thought possible.
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One call had fucked up my night and not in the way I hoped. Kicking an empty beer can, I watched it skitter across the ground before coming to a stop, pointing accusingly at me. Annoyance made me want to kick it again, especially since no one was there to witness my tantrum. Everyone was inside, where the final party of our high school year still raged on. It had yet to spill outside, where I’d stepped away from all the noise to answer my phone.
Through the back door, I reentered the house gripping my cell tightly. Smells assaulted me as I searched for her. Alcohol and sweat, which hadn’t bothered me earlier, hit me like a sledgehammer. I fisted my hand further when I didn’t find her immediately, but the damn phone didn’t break, which was probably a good thing. I didn’t have enough money to replace it if I’d crushed it into bits.
Frustration fueled my pace, and I tried to gain control over it. This was my one night with her. Fridays were for sports—football, basketball, or baseball—depending on the season. Saturdays belonged to us.
I talked to a teammate of mine first before I found her standing with her friends. Before I approached, I thought about how I would disappoint her yet again.
With no more time to waste, I strode over and reached for her arm. “Can I talk to you?”
Her eyes danced and I could tell she’d been drinking too much, which only aggravated me more. She smiled at her friends before telling them, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
I led her to a quieter spot down a hall and stared into her eyes for long seconds. “How much have you been drinking?”
She shrugged. “Don’t be mad. It was just one. What’s the problem anyway?”
Mad didn’t cover it. She was lying, but I didn’t have time to argue. “I have to go. Dan can give us a ride if you want me to drop you off first.”
“What happened?” she asked, eyes still glazed and unfocused.
“My dad.” It wasn’t a full sentence, but it explained everything.
“He’s…” She didn’t bother to complete that sentence.
I nodded. “We should head outside. Dan isn’t drunk yet, and I want him to drop us off before he gets to that point.”
“It must be bad if you’re willing to ask him for a ride.”
It was. I would have to give Dan gas money I hadn’t counted on spending. We’d caught a ride from another couple, but they’d disappeared almost as soon as we’d arrived. And I wouldn’t leave her there stranded.
“You go ahead. I’ll find a ride.” The strong whiff of alcohol on her breath made me wary. “Don’t you trust me?” she asked when I just stared at her.
We’d been a couple since ninth grade. Almost four years together. I did trust her, though I didn’t like the idea of leaving her there to drink. She must have sensed my concern because she rattled off all the reasons why she’d be fine with her besties there to watch over her and get her home. Out of time with Dan yanking my chain, I didn’t argue. I left.
I waited outside in the heat despite the cover of darkness. Dan pulled up, and I got in. I told him where to take me and closed my eyes while I processed my circumstances. I cursed my mom for the millionth time for leaving us, leaving him, and leaving me to act as the parent.
The car pulled to a stop in front of the familiar bar. I handed Dan more cash than the gas he’d used before he drove off leaving me on the seedier edge of town. I studied the pink neon lights on the signage and resigned myself to what came next. Not quite eighteen, I shouldn’t have been able to gain entrance to the titty bar, but they knew me. The bouncer waved me in without checking my ID.
Stale air assaulted my nose that smelled almost like the party except with the addition of vomit and other things I didn’t want to think about.
Not two steps in, a bare-chested girl I recognized as someone who’d been two years ahead of me in school walked by. “Hey, Chance,” she said, trying to sound sexy and giving me a once-over. I barely gave her tits a passing glance as I swept my gaze over the bar in search of my father.
Still, I tipped my head to her out of politeness. However, I didn’t get the opportunity to respond before I heard my dad’s boisterous voice over the music that blared in the background.
“What do you mean, I can’t get any more goddamn beer?”
The girl gave me a pitying smile before walking off with her tray of drinks to serve. I moved to intervene before the bouncers were called in to haul my father out.
“Dad,” I called out once I was in hearing distance of him.
Bleary eyes turned in my direction.
“Chance,” he said, sounding unsure if he saw me, even though I was a foot away from him.
“Yeah, it’s me. Let’s get home.”
I nodded at the bartender who’d called me. He held out some keys, which I snagged.
“Is your mother home?” Dad asked pitifully.
“Something like that.” Mom wasn’t and would unlikely ever be there again. But I’d say what I had to in order to get him to leave without a fight.
He gave me the saddest fucking s
mile, half full of hope and the other half filled with the knowledge I was lying.
We left the little establishment that claimed all of Dad’s paycheck if I didn’t remind him to pay bills and buy groceries first.
“Your mother came home?” he asked as we stepped out into the night. “I knew she still loved us. She just needed time.”
Time she hadn’t given him or me. She left without a second glance, without a call to at least check on me. Ten birthdays had gone by, and I hadn’t heard a word from her. And I hated her for it.
Using the keys I’d gotten from the bartender, I drove us home where I tucked him in bed. He’d peppered me with questions about Mom’s whereabouts that I’d dodged. Tired of the same old sorry routine, I headed to my room where I beat my fist on the mattress out of aggravation and longing. As much as I hated her, if she came home it would solve so much. Dad might become Dad again. And I could hang out with my girl with no worries he would drink himself dead or worse, get behind the wheel and kill someone else.
I thought about calling Lindsey. She had the ability to talk me off the ledge. But I decided against it. Instead, I texted her to make sure she’d made it home okay. Five minutes later, she gave me a one word reply that probably meant she was being grilled by her parents. So I dropped back on my pillow and called for sleep, which didn’t come easily.
Late the next day, Dad, sober again, gave me a thoughtful look when I finally emerged from my room. “Where are you rushing off to? Are you going to see that girl of yours?”
Days with him were typically fine and normal. It was at night when things got bad.
“Yeah, I’m borrowing your truck. I hope you don’t mind.”
He shifted on his feet. “Be mindful of your heart, Chance.”
What he didn’t say was I don’t want you to end up like me.
“She’s nothing like Mom,” I said before leaving the house.
His craggy smile and pensive demeanor had been unnerving. I fingered the box in my pocket, wondering what I planned to do with the promise there. My so-called friends considered me pussy-whipped, and hers labeled us love-struck and love-stupid. I didn’t care what any of them thought or said. We had something special. She’d been my best friend and the first person I wanted to share anything with.
Her parents’ car wasn’t parked there when I arrived. Anxiety shot through me. Was this it? Had she called me over because she was finally ready? Hell, I’d been nervously ready for a while now. But I’d waited…waited for her to be ready, too.
“Hey.” The word came out cautiously because I couldn’t read her expression.
“Hey,” she answered back.
Usually, by then she’d tackled me with a hug and more than likely a kiss. Her standing there, barely able to meet my eyes, clued me in that something was up.
“What’s going on?” I asked, shoving my hand back into my pocket to feel the box or maybe just to do something besides reach out for her.
I had a plan, though I’d been struggling with the right thing to say when I shared it with her. High school would be over soon. I wanted to prove to her that I was committed to making things work between us long-term.
“I want to talk to you about something.”
Her quiet words lingered as she urged me to follow her into the living room to sit on the sofa. I guessed that maybe she was nervous about prom night. I wanted to jump in and tell her that we still didn’t have to do anything yet. We could wait longer until she was sure. We’d already done just about everything else, and I was cool with that. I’d always respected her choice.
I followed her into the room and sat next to her before asking, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s about last night.”
Was she finally fed up with the occasional time I couldn’t go out because I had to take care of Dad?
“I shouldn’t have left you,” I said, stumbling over my sentence, heavy with anger for my life and wary about what she had to say. “But I didn’t have a choice.”
“I know,” she said, finally meeting my eyes. A tear streamed from her face, and it wasn’t often she cried. My heart started to shred, because damn if I lost her over Dad’s inability to keep his shit together, I would lose it. “That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?” I asked quietly.
She licked her lips, which should have been hot as hell, but right then she looked more like a scared cat. Her hands pulled free from mine. I didn’t know I’d reached for them. Touching her was second nature and calmed me when my world was sideways.
“Last night,” she began. Again, she licked her lips, and her eyes darted from mine. She scooted away and shit was definitely bad. “After you left, I got baited into drinking more than I wanted to.”
I sat straighter, not liking where this story was going. We had a rule not to drink too much when either of us wasn’t around. We were like each other’s designated compass or some shit like that, her idea.
A steady flood started pouring from her eyes and only increased, making her words garble together. Something about the guy’s house we were at last night and his brother were mixed in.
“What?” I said, not sure I heard her correctly.
“He wanted to go out with me last year. I told him I was with you.”
My mouth was suddenly dry, and I took the opportunity to lick my own lips.
“I never acted on anything. And I wouldn’t have, I swear.”
A million scenarios played in my head, none of them good.
“I was so drunk. I never should have accepted that last one.” She shook her head. “And then he was there and saying all the right things.”
“What things?” I asked as dread crept over me.
“Like why weren’t you there? And how I must not be important to you.”
Moving back in my seat, I put more distance between us like she was a train headed straight for me.
“What did you do?” My quiet question had thunderous consequences.
Please say you just kissed him. I could forgive that.
“You have to know I never meant for anything to happen.”
She turned up the waterworks like it was a rainstorm as hail battered my heart.
“I…” She glanced away. And the more she could look at me, the more I knew what she would say next. “He… We ended up in a room. It was just kissing at first.”
At first… I felt myself inch forward, ready to explode from my seat.
“Next thing I knew I let him…”
“Let him what?” I growled.
“We had sex,” she blurted through tears.
The breath was stolen from my lungs as if someone reached their hand down my throat and snatched all the air. Jumping to my feet, I pressed my fist to my eyes as if I could unsee that fucking visual that conjured in my brain.
“You fucked him?”
The words spit from my mouth, and I watched her flinch. She nodded, and damn me, if I didn’t see the remorse in her eyes. Too fucking bad. I could forgive almost anything, but not that.
“You know I waited four fucking years for you to be ready.” Not quite, but exactness didn’t matter in that moment. “And you gave it up to some guy you barely know.”
She stood and moved toward me, but I matched her step for step in the opposite direction.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“What the fuck?” Apparently, that curse word was my go-to in moments of pure rage. “You didn’t mean to? What? Did you slip and fall on his dick?”
She jerked from the stabbing pain I inflicted with my statement.
I half-laughed. “I can’t believe this shit. You know how I feel about you. I’ve never slept with any girl…EVER! You knew I waited for you, and I fucking had plenty of opportunities.”
Surprise lit her face, but I didn’t care. I never told her out of respect, out of love. But right then, she was out of time.
“Chance,” she cried out.
Her sobs had snot bubbles bursting from her nose.
Once I might have ignored how ugly that looked in that moment because she’d been my girl, but not anymore. The box in my pocket burned a hole in my pants as if I could feel it next to my skin. Part of me wanted to throw it. My luck it would take out her eye. And even though I wasn’t feeling particularly happy toward her, I didn’t want to hurt her, which was why I turned to leave.
I saw something in her face, something cruel before I headed for the door.
“It’s not like things could have lasted. We are going to different schools next year,” she yelled at me, not sounding as remorseful as she had seconds before.
True, we weren’t heading to the same college, which was why I’d spent my savings on a stupid ring. It was a promise that one day we would be together again. But if memory served, the guy’s brother she’d banged went to the school she’d be attending next year. Good riddance to them both.
“If you wanted out, you could have told me. You didn’t have to get drunk as an excuse to be with someone else.”
With every step away from her, my heart iced over. My mother hadn’t given a shit about me. Lindsey didn’t either, playing me for a fool. I wouldn’t give another woman my heart, ever.
Why are high school boys so stupid? I thought as I nearly slammed the car door before he sped off. Sighing, I made my way into the house. The only light inside came from toward the back where the kitchen was. That was where I found my sister, Brenda, working a spoon in a saucepan.
There was a near ten year age difference between us. Thus, she didn’t live at home anymore, and neither did my brother who was two years older than her. I was my parents’ late life love child or so they called me. And as I glanced around and listened in search of them, I saw and heard nothing. So there hadn’t been an official gathering that I’d missed, which made me suspicious of why she was there.
“Hey, Brie Berry.”
I rolled my eyes at her nickname for me.
“How was your date?”
I flopped onto a barstool at the counter and sighed. “Is that why you came over, to check up on me?”
Catching Fireflies Page 1