Catching Fireflies

by Terri E. Laine

  But my sister, despite our age gap, had always been one of my best friends. “No, just in the neighborhood. So, what happened?”

  She didn’t live terribly far, but I wasn’t buying her neighborhood story. Still, I answered, “A bust, but what’s new?”

  She stopped her ministrations and turned to face me. Placing her hands on the counter, she asked, “Why was it a bust?”

  Rolling my eyes, I unburdened myself. “Most likely because I wouldn’t let him in my pants.”

  “You’re wearing a dress.”

  “Don’t get technical on me, Brenda. You know exactly what I mean.”

  “You’re still a virgin.”

  My gaping mouth and you-got-to-be-kidding-me stare were enough answer. Still, I said, “Of course I am. And obviously you’re not.”

  I stared at her rounded belly. “When is my niece due?”

  She stood and folded her arms over her ample chest. “Why do you think it will be a girl? Harrison thinks so, too. But that’s because he wants a daughter.”

  My sister’s husband wasn’t your typical guy. He was sweet to the point of sugary. And he put up with my demanding sister. He was practically her lap dog, but he was so kind, I didn’t see it as a flaw.

  “Don’t deflect, Brie. Are you saving yourself for marriage?”

  “Pssft. I’m not that altruistic.”

  She shakes her head. “Altruistic. My little sister is such an old soul.”

  “Old soul.” It was my turn to shake my head. “That comes from sitting around listening to you guys talk growing up.” Everyone was a doctor, from my parents to my sister and brother. “My best section on the SAT was the vocabulary.”

  “You need to take your head out of a book sometimes.”

  “Books are good,” I said, giving her a thumbs-up.

  Books didn’t hurt you like boys did.

  Not giving up, she broached a subject I’d avoided. “What happened to that nice boy, Jack, you were dating?”

  And there it was. A subject I had no one else to talk to about because Jack was still in my life. He was my very best friend. We’d dated much through high school.

  “He decided I wasn’t his type,” I confessed.

  One thing I could say about my sister was that she had a kind soul. Her eyes softened, and I could tell if there wasn’t a counter separating us, she would have wrapped me in a hug.

  “Don’t tell me this is another you have a pretty face, but…”

  She was sweet enough not to finish. But I did it for her, because I had aunts who said that to me all the time. “I have a pretty face, but maybe if I lost some weight more boys would be interested in me.”

  Our family came from large stock. My sister was five feet nine inches. I was shorter at five feet seven. Our brother took after Dad and was six feet. Mom was between Brenda and me. We were also big-boned, except for my father. I would never be skinny. And I’d accepted that.

  “Oh, Brie,” she said.

  I waved her off. “Don’t worry. He didn’t have a Barbie complex. He just decided he’d rather play with Ken.”

  Her jaw dropped, which I expected.

  “When did he tell you?”

  A sigh came when I resigned myself to the humiliating truth. “Well, we’d dated a long time and fooled around a lot. I guess I should have picked up something when he didn’t touch my boobs that often. But we decided to, you know, lose our virginity together. After I gathered the courage to bare myself to him, he quickly covered me up.”

  Her gasp broke up my story. I gave her a sad smile.

  “But he knew my issues with my weight. Hell, we talked about everything. So quickly, he gave me the truth. Told me he truly loved me and found me beautiful. And when he found guys attractive, he thought maybe he was bisexual. He loved me, so he thought that his loyalty to me kept him from being attracted to other girls. But when he saw me naked and it didn’t, you know”—I waved a floundering hand—“and it had nothing to do with my body type because he thought me beautiful, he realized he didn’t play on my team.”

  Brenda rounded the counter and pulled me in for a hug. I allowed myself to be comforted. There was relief in spilling my guts. I didn’t hate Jack. He’d never lied to me, and I trusted him. We cried together over it, and he apologized over and over again about not wanting to hurt me. I believed him. Our conversations changed over the past few months. We talk about boys a lot.

  “You’ll have college in the fall. And a whole new set of boys. And that school you’re going to is big. The selection will be endless. You’ll see.”

  “Maybe. But maybe I’ll just focus on getting my degree. Boys are stupid anyway, except for Jack.”

  “You say that now. But there will be a time when the right guy will come along. Mark my words. And once I pop this boy out, we will go for walks.”

  “Trying to help me lose weight?”

  “No.” She shook her head adamantly. “I’m going to need motivation to help me lose my baby weight. I’ll come by with your nephew.”

  I smiled at her because she knew everyone had made wild guesses about the sex of her baby, and most thought it would be a girl.

  “And we’ll walk in the mornings. It will be fun.”

  And it was. When little Robert was born, we walked. And I had to admit, the exercise paid off. I lost a few pounds, not enough to ever walk a designer runaway, but enough so I didn’t quite feel so bad wearing a swimsuit.

  That fall, I started college with a new attitude and changed my hair color to blonde. Maybe looking different would help me feel different. Though I planned to get an education, I was also determined to have fun and make new friends because Jack had gone to school in New York. Despite our vows otherwise, we would eventually lose touch.

  What I didn’t count on was one boy who made my heart beat to a different drum. Tall, athletic, beautiful in all ways a guy could be, I was struck by Cupid in August.

  Even better, he asked me out. Little did I know he would break me, crush me, and lead me down a path filled with tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.

  Layton University was a whole new world for me. As I stood on the quad doing a three-sixty, I took in a sea of women in every flavor, shape, and size. The view held me captivated until a hand clamped down on my shoulder.

  “Dumbstruck?” Sawyer asked.

  He was right about that. Even after a few weeks in school, I still hadn’t totally absorbed my new world. I’d grown up in a small town with less than six thousand residents. My graduating class had less than one hundred students who walked across an erected stage on the football field. My only shot at college was at a school that would offer me some form of assistance.

  Sawyer wouldn’t understand my humble upbringing, so I shrugged.

  “Don’t you get it? We are gods.”

  Okay, even that was a little egotistical for him, although he had every right to be. He’d grown up wanting for nothing, including girls.

  With a raised brow, I said, “Gods?”

  He patted my shoulder like he was schooling a small child. “Look around. You, Ash, and I are the best this campus has to offer. And they,” he nodded in the direction of a group of girls, “are hungry for what we have.”

  Ashton, our other roommate, was quiet and a good guy.

  Glancing around, I saw with new eyes all the women openly staring at us. I wasn’t quite used to this much attention. I wasn’t a bad looking guy, but he wasn’t exaggerating.

  With one final pat, he said, “Let the games begin,” and strode off toward a pack of women who appeared eager for his attention.

  Ashton grunted, and I almost jumped out of my skin. The guy moved like a ghost, and I hadn’t known he was there. Then again, where one was, the other was usually not far away.

  “Do you agree with what he said?” I asked, knowing he must have been close enough to have overheard our conversation.

  His response was little more than a mumble I didn’t hear. But the lifting of his shoulders was a
nswer enough.

  “Me neither,” I muttered.

  I scanned the crowd under the glow of the bonfire. Tonight was a celebration for our first game. I had a blue cup in my hand, but I was nursing the amber liquor. I wasn’t opposed to drinking, but I also didn’t want it to get the best of me like it did my dad.

  Our campus was large, and the population of girls was more than I’d ever seen in one place. My eyes bounced from pretty face to pretty face, but none of them stuck.

  Ashton let out a sigh, and I glanced to see Sawyer waving him over. After one more exhalation, Ashton moved in Sawyer’s direction. I was just glad he’d left me out of it. So I began to peruse the crowd again until they landed on her.

  She was like the end zone beckoning me to cross the line I vowed never to cross again. With a face of an angel and the body that would make any guy a sinner, I was surprised she stood alone without some guy looming over her in a protective stance. I swallowed, finding my mouth dry and my dick hard. So hard, in fact, I had to adjust myself.

  A girl moved to stand in front of me, blocking my view.

  “Hi, I’m Amanda, but people call me Mandy,” she slurred with unfocused eyes. “Looks like you have a problem there.”

  Her eyes dropped to my jeans, and I almost groaned out loud because she’d caught me.

  “Sawyer sent me over. He said you might need some assistance.”

  Her hand landed on my arm, and she started to tug. I stumbled two steps forward, caught off guard. Were all girls this forward? She must not be from around here.

  I surprised myself when I said, “Yeah, maybe another time,” as I pried her clawed hand from my arm.

  Not sure how she would take my brush-off, she stunned me by only saying, “Your loss,” before walking away.

  And not once did she ask my name. I shook my head. Being at this school was going to take some getting used to. Being in one relationship for so long and only hooking up with one female over the summer did not make me an expert on women.

  My eyes immediately searched out the girl who had given me the awkward boner. And when I found her, she was staring at me. Bold, I was not. But like in The Odyssey, required reading in my high school English class, I found myself lured in her direction as if she were the siren set on a rocky shore. That should have been the warning that my heart would suffer utter destruction at her hands.

  But the closer I got, the better she looked, if possible, making me lose all rational thought. She was all golden hair with a spray of freckles across her face, if the firelight could be trusted. And her curves made her a breath of fresh air from the animated stick figures who took skinny to a new level.

  “Hey, I’m Chance,” I said foolishly.

  Thank fuck, she took my offered hand. I wasn’t exactly sure how to approach women. I hadn’t ever had to. My two relationships, if you could call the latter one that, they’d approached me.

  “I’m Brie.”

  And damn, if her smile didn’t sparkle. That sounded stupid in my head, but it lit up the field we stood on.

  “You want to take a walk with me?”

  Her eyes grew large before her smile dipped.

  “Shit, no,” I blurted, thinking about how it might have sounded. “I didn’t mean anything. Just a walk. You know, so we can talk away from the crowd.”

  Her smile was back. “Sure.”

  I didn’t know if I should hold her hand or just walk at her side. Taking the route somewhere in between, I placed my hand at her back and guided her to the fringes so we could find a spot to talk.

  “Where are you from, Chance?”

  “Not too far from here. A little town called Tyrian west of Lawton.” Not that she’d know that place. It was a small town, too. “You?”

  “Chicago.”

  Figures. She didn’t speak like she was from around here.

  “What brings you here to this school? There have to be better schools in Chicago.”

  “Maybe.” When she blinked, it was like in slow motion. I hadn’t been this attracted to a girl since Lindsey. “But that was the point, to get away. Plus, I wanted to be at a school that wasn’t in the middle of a city.”

  I nodded.

  “What’s your major?” she asked.

  “I’m between math and engineering, electrical.”

  “Ah, brainiac.”

  “Not exactly. They’re practical. I like using my hands and mind.”

  She smiled. “Go ahead,” she urged. “Ask me what my major is.”

  Her tone was almost taunting, so I took the bait.

  “What’s your major?”

  “Psychology, though I might switch it up and go pre-med so I can become a psychiatrist.”

  “That’s cool.”

  The space between her brows crinkled before it smoothed out again. Although, her eyes remained narrowed and focused on me.

  “Not afraid? Not running for the hills?”

  “Why would I?” I asked, confused.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I use my brain for more than fashion and beauty like a lot of girls.”

  “For me, your brain only adds to how beautiful you are.”

  That got a shy laugh out of her, though I hadn’t meant it to be funny.

  “You are the charmer. Let me guess. You played football or some sport in high school.”

  Eying her, I asked, “What gave you that idea?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. You’re taller than most boys from around here. You’re built, but in a good way.” The fact that she seemed to like how I looked gave me a confidence boost. “And in high school, I bet you were voted most popular boy and crowned homecoming king. And you probably had any girl you wanted.”

  “Not exactly,” I mused, as I squirmed somewhat, not liking that she read me so easily. Could she tell how much I wanted her?

  “What part did I get wrong?”

  I’d never been a liar and didn’t want to start now.

  “I dated only one girl from ninth to twelfth grades.”

  Her mouth rounded in surprise, and I wanted badly to kiss those lips to find out what she tasted like. Then her pretty face changed to anxious curiosity.

  “So, what happened? You two went to different schools?”

  “More like she chose someone else over me.” I lifted my shoulders and let them fall, trying not to remember the pain I’d endured over that loss.

  Before I could ask her the same, her friends surrounded her like a pack of wolves. They were all speaking at once. I couldn’t make out heads or tails what they were saying.

  As they all headed off, she shrugged. “I guess we’re leaving.”

  I snagged her arm before she could go. “Can I talk to you another time?”

  She smiled. Instead of pulling out her phone, she pulled out a pen. I let go of her, not wanting to be a creep. She took my hand, and her soft touch only made my pants feel more crowded. I wanted this girl badly. In the center of my palm, she wrote her number.

  “Call me.”

  I never wanted to be one of those girls, but there I was three days later dancing in my dorm room. My crabby roommate, who was sleepy over whatever shenanigans she was up to last night, didn’t appreciate my happy dance.

  “What’s your problem?”

  “He called,” I sang. “He called.”

  She didn’t get it, only snagged her sheet to cover her head to block out my ray of sunshine. I didn’t care. I squeaked, jumped on my toes, and danced some more as I cradled my phone to my chest.

  Okay, he hadn’t called. He texted, but it was just the same. But then, all my happy fled. My classes weren’t filled with the easy basics many freshmen had. I had a plan, a future that was all mapped out. So my inner girly girl I’d briefly let out, got muzzled.

  With two papers, a quiz, and lots of reading this week, I could barely squeeze time out to eat. Not to mention the book club I started. Because, no offense to the many super nice girls I’d met since my first day, I longed to talk books with friends since I spent
most of my off time reading.

  So, I glanced at my phone and hated the words I would type. I hoped he wouldn’t think I was giving him the brush-off. But honestly, I hadn’t thought of boys when I crafted my schedule or my study plans for the week. Boys generally weren’t interested in me when beautiful Barbie types were available.

  I read his message one more time.

  Chance: You want to meet up for dinner tonight?

  It was kind of heartening that he didn’t substitute u for you and 2 for to. Who was this guy?

  Me: I can’t. I have book club. Maybe this weekend?

  Chance: Book club where?

  Me: Library.

  So what I didn’t expect was for him to show up. I hadn’t given him the time, but he could have seen my post on the web or the flyers I’d printed up. I stood in a circle of eight other people when he walked over. Although it was a library, it had gotten even quieter at his appearance. He didn’t seem to notice and took a seat. He had to fold his large frame into a chair as his blue eyes found mine.

  “Well,” I began. “Now that we are all here, I thought we can talk about what you are looking for out of this group. Maybe a monthly read or weekly depending on what you guys can fit in. Then we can discuss. Maybe each of us can suggest a book and vote on it. But let me not do all the talking.”

  Nestled in the back, with the permission of the library staff, the group erupted. But I found myself glancing at the boy in the back. Dreamy was how I would describe him, and wasn’t that silly? Who was this silly girl, and where did I find her?

  That was when I noticed the silence, and when I glanced around, all eyes were on Chance.

  He peered into my soul then and spoke as if I were the only person in the room.

  “I read. We didn’t have cable at our house.” It was a confession of sort. He paused as if waiting for my reaction. I gave him my best hard stare, daring him to judge me for thinking I would judge him. The left corner of his mouth lifted, and damn, if he didn’t have a dimple. Something I’d missed in the dark the other night. “But I did have a library card and I used it.”

  Since they were all faced in his direction, I couldn’t tell who asked the next question, only the direction it came from.