Once practice was over, and I’d showered, I had to hustle if I intended to prepare for tonight. I had errands to run, and Kelley graciously let me drop him off while I drove his truck all over town and would have it the rest of the night.
I could count on one hand the kind of friends I had who would do such a thing and never expect anything in return or hold it over my head. Sawyer and Ashton were in those numbers, too. However, Kelley had proved to be my best friend.
During one of my stops, I remembered to text Brie.
Me: Wear something comfortable.
Not that I expected her to dress up for our night out as she had for the other guy. Still, I didn’t want her to be worried about what she was wearing for what I had planned.
Last of my errands run, I pulled up in the annex parking near Brie’s dorm. It was a minute before seven. Just as I took out my phone to text Brie, she walked out the side door of her building. Had she known I was there? Or was this a test? If I hadn’t been there, would it have been her excuse to get out of the date?
I sprang out of the truck and rounded it, ready to open her door when she approached.
“Right on time,” she said with a sweet smile on her face.
“Always,” I murmured, closing the door once she’d seated herself inside.
We could have walked, but I drove the short distance to the other side of campus and parked in a tiny lot. The sun was still high enough in the sky, though it leaned toward the horizon, which was perfect for what I had in store.
“Okay.” She was unsure of what I had planned.
“Trust me,” I said, getting to her side before she opened the door herself.
“Such a gentleman.”
“You deserve no less.” And she didn’t.
It was a tough call to let go of her hand so I could reach in and get the bag I’d packed. I’d wanted a basket, but such was not in the cards. It turned out the damn things were expensive and hard to come by at the retailers nearest campus. With my limited resources, I chose to go with a reusable bag and hoped Brie would give me points for being environmentally friendly.
After locking the truck, I took her hand again. She reluctantly let me have it. Shouldering the bag on my other arm, we walked on the path to the other side of the small pond. I found a spot nearest the trees that lined the campus on all sides, insulating it from the world outside.
Snapping the blanket in the air, I made a show of setting it out so we didn’t have to sit directly on the grass. The navy blanket cracked in the air before floating to the ground.
Brie was impressed, though she said nothing. I caught her more than a few times biting back a smile that played across her lips.
“A picnic.”
“A picnic,” I repeated. “I may not be able to take you to a fancy restaurant, but I can cook.”
“You cook?” she asked, sounding impressed.
“I wanted to, but time didn’t permit.”
“So, what do you have in that bag?”
The moment of truth. I took out two individual boxes of KFC.
“Kentucky Fried Chicken?”
“It was that or McDonald’s. Chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob won out.”
Her smile was infectious. “You forget the coleslaw.”
“I couldn’t possibly forget that.” I held up the plastic wrapped utensil. “A spork for your dining pleasure,” I teased, mocking a tone a butler might use.
Damn me, if she didn’t laugh, and fear that she found me lacking because of my choice of dinner or location lifted.
“I like sporks. They have a dual purpose. They’re safe, yet they have just enough teeth to bite when needed.”
“Sounds like my goal in life should be a spork,” I said.
“You were never safe.” She ended her sentence by using the spork to spoon a mouthful of potatoes between her parted lips.
Damn, that was hot. Too bad what she said doused the flame in me.
“I was always safe. I never lied to you.”
She focused on me, then her eyes went distant and her voice dropped to a whisper. “Part of me wished you had.”
“Brie.” That one word was filled with apology.
“Let’s drop it. I don’t want to ruin a perfectly good evening.”
I wanted to, but my lips pried apart and I forced myself to speak.
“That’s the thing. We’re never going to get past this if we don’t talk about it.”
She stabbed the spork into the potatoes, leaving it to stand upright, rigid like a spear in a man’s chest. Maybe that was what she would have preferred to do with it and to me.
“Okay, let’s just put it out there. You made me fall for you. So much so I opened up to you and revealed my secret. It wasn’t something for the world to know. Somehow, I felt as though we’d gotten close enough that you deserved to share in that truth. And what happened after you found out I wouldn’t be putting out like half the female population at school?” She paused in her rant and glared at me. There was no way I was stepping into that trap. “You dumped me.”
“It didn’t happen that night.”
“Oh no.” Her head whipped side to side. “No, you ignored me for a few days. Then swallowing my pride, I left my ego on the floor as I had to approach you while you were surrounded by your harem.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“So, you didn’t have a bunch of girls surrounding you at the lunch table?”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t like I asked them to be there.”
“No, you wouldn’t have to. Being good-looking as you are is good enough to have girls dropping at your feet. So, why date the virgin?”
“You have it all wrong,” I said, giving up on eating and hoping this wouldn’t end in a fight neither of us would recover from.
“I do? Then why did you ignore my calls? Why did I have to all but beg you to talk to me in front of your fan club?” she choked out.
Not sure if she would even hear my words, she was so worked up, I held her gaze. “I was afraid.”
She paused and caught her breath before she said, “Afraid of what?”
“Of you.”
Blinking, she tried to puzzle me out, her face morphing between confusion and anger.
“Why?”
That was the billion-dollar question. And the answer was something I knew I would have to confess if I ever wanted a chance with her.
She beat me to the punch, though. “What? Were you afraid because I was a virgin I’d be too clingy? Or that you’d have to put too much effort into getting me to put out?”
“Neither. I wasn’t too far from being a virgin myself.” That derailed her as she struggled with what to say next. I helped her. “I’d only been with one girl before I met you.”
She sat back and glanced down at her dinner. I watched her begin to eat again.
“How is that possible?” she murmured between bites. “Girls practically throw themselves at you.”
“I grew up in a small town. I believe I told you that before. What I didn’t tell you was about Lindsey.” I didn’t have to grit my teeth as much these days when I said her name.
“I don’t think I want to hear about your conquest.”
“If you want to understand, you have to listen.”
She nodded. I expected the psychologist in her won out. Not that I wanted to be analyzed. But if it was the price I had to pay, I would.
“I met Lindsey my first year of high school. She was everything I could have wanted or so I thought. When she agreed to go out with me, it felt like I’d won the lottery. I fell in love with her over time, and I thought she did the same. We were together all through high school, not that there were a lot of choices. We did have neighboring towns. Still, I never pressured her to do anything, and I worshiped the ground she walked on.”
I took a breath because the hard part was next. Brie sat quietly and ate. I didn’t have the stomach for anything until I finally admitted the truth to someone outside mysel
f.
“Senior prom had gone by, and even though I wanted things to move ahead, I never pressured her. Hell, I had no idea what I was missing because I’d never done anything outside of fooling around with her.”
She glanced up at me, and I wondered what she saw. I wasn’t that guy, smooth and had every girl I wanted. Would she still even kind of want me when I finished my confession?
“I can’t say I was jumping up and down when she hinted to me she was ready. Hell, I was scared shitless. We were at a party when I got the call from the bar my dad frequented. They needed me to pick him up, which happened from time to time. I was almost in a way relieved. Not that we’d planned to do it that night. But I’d sensed that it was going to happen soon. And what the hell did I know? We were both clueless, and I didn’t want to mess up that experience for her.”
Since I’d gotten started, it felt good to say it. There must be something to Catholics and confession, because a stone lifted from my chest, freeing me to finish the ugly story.
“She understood what my dad was like and told me to leave her at the party. I did, knowing I wouldn’t be back. Getting Dad out of the bar was only half the battle. Sobering him up and getting him into bed was the other. There was no going to the party after that. So the next day when she asked me to come over, I hadn’t expected to find her crying.”
It was too easy to remember that day.
“When I finally got her to talk, she confessed that she’d drunk a little too much and had slept with some guy at the party.”
I met her eyes again after picking at a thread on the blanket. “I can’t say I was nice. Her excuse was weak because she admitted to remembering everything. She’d made the decision to sleep with some college guy who’d been there. We broke up, but she’d broken me.”
“So Lindsey wasn’t your one.”
“No. That honor went to another girl who’d chased me in high school whom I’d never given time to because I’d been a loyal dumbass to Lindsey when she hadn’t been loyal to me. As I figured out, sleeping with the guy at the party hadn’t been her first time hanging out with him.”
“Who was the girl?”
“Sue and she wasn’t a virgin. She spent the summer sharing all her experience with me.”
“Where is she now?”
“She left for school in Florida, and I haven’t seen her since. She was happy enough to be my first and never let me live it down that I hadn’t heeded her warnings about Lindsey.”
“Have you talked to her?”
“Who? Sue?”
She nodded.
“No. Not even an email.”
“Lindsey?” she asked.
“No.”
Contemplatively, she played with her food. “Okay, so how does that translate into what you did to me?”
“Here at school was a new world for me. There were more people my age than half the towns combined in my area, including mine. And girls were everywhere. I can’t say I wasn’t taken in by all the attention. Then I met this girl. She was beautiful and stood out from the crowd. More important, she was the first girl since Lindsey that I was truly interested in.”
“Now you’re just buttering me up.” She took a bite of corn as if to add to her point.
“No, I’m honest. You scared the shit out of me. Because when you said you were a virgin, I was taken back to all that crap with Lindsey and how she played me. I was scared you’d play me, too.” I paused. “It was fear that had me walk away.”
“And now, because I’m still a virgin.”
I placed my hand on hers. “And now, I realize how stupid I was. Because I can’t forget you. Every time I see you in a crowd, I remember all that I missed out on.”
“And what if I plan on waiting to have sex until I get married?”
“Then I’ll be waiting until you marry me.”
Her jaw dropped, and I’d said all I wanted to say. I began to eat the food that had started to go cold.
Damn him, I thought. Why did he have to say the right things? Why did my heart have to beat like a wild drum every time he was close to me?
We ate while the sun began to set. It fell behind the trees that had been planted annually starting years ago by alumni. Now the school and student housing were surrounded by a forest. It was a tradition each year every member of the graduating class would plant more.
The food had been good, but being there with him and getting everything out in the open was better.
“That doesn’t change anything. You could have told me then. It’s been two years, Chance. You had two years to try to talk to me. Why now?”
He licked his spork, and I didn’t have to be experienced not to feel myself go warm everywhere at the sight. There had to be a bylaw that no one person at school should look that good. His hair was a mess from him running his hand through it as he told the story. When he smiled, his dimple appeared on his cheek that only added to his oh my God, he’s so hot look.
And that was it, wasn’t it?
“I knew I fucked up. I knew you wouldn’t take me back. And until Kelley found Lenny, I didn’t have to see you all the time. The school is big enough.”
“You’re losing brownie points.”
“I won’t lie to you, Brie. I at least have that. And the truth is, I was grateful our school is as big as it is. I didn’t have to see you and be reminded of all I’d lost until Kelley found Lenny and suddenly you were always there. And hell, I can’t say that seeing Kelley fight for Lenny doesn’t spur me on to try myself because you’re worth the fight.”
Pointing my spork at him, I said, “You are the charmer. Always knew the right thing to say.”
“Not always.”
“No.”
I started to box up my things, ready to go. Not that I didn’t enjoy being with him, because I did. But I couldn’t give in. Davenport was the right guy. My parents would love him after they got over the shock of his age. My sister would think he was the right choice.
As darkness grew around us, I found myself finishing up cleaning the area around us.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“It’s getting late. I figured you would be ready to leave.”
He reached over and tugged me close. My heart hammered like a work crew intent on building a house in seven days. I turned my head, angling it over my shoulder because he’d settled my back against his chest.
“What are you doing?”
If he dipped his head, even only a little, our lips would touch. My heart would melt, and I might possibly let him have all of me and that scared me more than anything.
“Just wait, look.”
I swiveled my head and face forward, the trees a muted backdrop. And that was when I saw it, a flickering of lights. I sucked in a breath.
“Fireflies.”
He nodded. And he was so close his chin tapped my shoulder and his cheek mussed my hair with each of his movements.
My parents would let me chase fireflies when I was little. It had been such a thrill. We’d be in our backyard, and they would watch as I ran around on stubby legs. It was a time when they hadn’t been so busy with their careers to make time for me. I would cherish that memory forever.
“Why fireflies?” I asked, barely breathing the word for fear it would chase them away.
“I was always fascinated by them,” he whispered. But because he was right there next to me, I could hear everything he said. “Dad would give me a jar and tell me to try to catch them.”
I heard the wonder in his tone and imagined him taking up the challenge. “And how did that go for you?”
“Not so good at first. They’d light up, and just as I got close, the light would disappear.”
“Yeah, that happens,” I said, equating it to our story.
Apparently, his thoughts were on my trail. “That’s the thing. When that light goes, you think you’ve lost. But they give you a second chance. They light up again, letting you find them. Thus giving you an opportunity to catch them
again.”
I maneuvered to face him. “Is that what you think? You can come out here and give me your pretty words and all will be forgiven?”
“No.”
I hadn’t expected him to say that.
“I want your light to shine again. I want a second chance. But I’m not dumb enough to believe I’ve earned it yet.”
“So what then?”
He reached over into the bag and pulled out a jar. “I just thought we could try to catch a pair.”
I didn’t want to fall for him again. It had been a long time until I climbed out of the hole his departure from my life had created. I plucked the jar from his hand.
“There are no holes. You’ll kill them.”
His smile and that darn dimple appeared. “We’ll let them go. That’s if you can catch them.”
Oh, something about a challenge that got me every time. “You’re on. If I catch some, you’ll give up this futile game of yours.”
“And if I win,” he said, “you’ll try to forget the past and look at the possibilities.”
We shook on it. Unscrewing the cap, I was determined to win. My heart couldn’t withstand another blow, especially from him. As I got to my feet, I soon found out the fireflies weren’t the only things being chased.
Our laughter killed any possibilities of catching anything more than mosquitos. I ran with an abandon I hadn’t in years. It was fun having him chase me, but as he tackled me to the ground a final time and our breaths mingled, I was lost. His big body was half on mine, and the moonlight was the only way I saw the blue flame in his eyes.
“Chance.”
His head lowered.
“You promised,” I threw in as a last-ditch effort.
I wasn’t foolish enough to think I could hold out against the memories of his lips pressed to mine.
Warmth sprouted at the corner of my mouth before ghosting over my lips and pressing to the other corner.
“We can’t.”
He touched his forehead to mine. “I know.”
Groaning, he rolled off me and lay in the grass. Little tiny bubbles of light played like silent musical notes above us.
Taking my hand, he said, “I wish we could see the stars tonight.” It was overcast, and the moon was the only light that had broken through. “That’s the one thing I miss about home.”
Catching Fireflies Page 6