Catching Fireflies

by Terri E. Laine

  I nodded.

  “And you knew she was into you and you invited her over late at night? If that doesn’t scream hook-up call.”

  “Brie,” I said gently. “I told her I had a girlfriend. What else was I supposed to do? Wear a sign?”

  “It’s past midnight, Chance. What are you, dense? Guys don’t call girls over at night—”

  “I didn’t call her now. It was like after ten when I did.” Which sounded bad when I said it out loud. “I hadn’t planned to ask her over, but it was her notes I was using. And she thought it would be easier if she showed me in person. I thought it might be a bad idea, but my scholarship is on the line. Plus, I thought you trusted me,” I pleaded.

  “Your scholarship’s on the line?”

  “Yes, but you wouldn’t know anything about that since your parents probably pay the tuition in cash.”

  If I could have taken the words back, I would have. The stunned look on her face had me realize how sharply I’d spoken.

  She took a step back. “That’s unfair.”

  I scrubbed my hand down over my mouth. “You’re right. That was a shit thing to say. But honestly, when have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

  She started to open her mouth, and I could see what she was going to say next. She was thinking back to freshman year.

  “I’ve been honest with you even when it hurt your feelings. Why would I lie to you now?”

  Using both hands, I pushed my hair back and held there, waiting for her verdict.

  Tendrils of her hair went flying when she blew out a breath. “You’re right.”

  I took a step in her direction, and she moved back. “I should probably go.”

  “Brie—”

  She held up a hand to stop me.

  “You’re still angry.”

  “Damn right, I am. But I have no right to be. I just need a little distance to calm down.”

  “It’s late. Let me drive with you and I’ll walk back.”

  Her eyes sparked with fire again. “I’m not a little girl. I did get around from parties and such before you came into my life. I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay. At least text me you made it home.”

  She nodded. When she opened the door, I quickly closed the distance between us. My move to kiss her was halted.

  “I can’t kiss you now either?” I asked.

  “You already had a kiss tonight.”

  “So you’re punishing me.”

  “No, I’m punishing us both because I want to kiss you. But for health and safety reasons, I don’t want her germs.”

  The half-playful smile she granted me left me somewhat confused about where her head was. I watched her walk down the stairs. There was the chivalrous part of me that wanted to walk her to the door. But given her current mood, she probably wouldn’t appreciate the gesture. Instead, I watched through my window to see that she got to her car safely before she drove off. I counted the seconds until I got the text that she’d made it to her room. Mad at myself, I didn’t want to be mad at her for jumping so easily to the wrong conclusions. If she hadn’t seen Melanie kiss me, why had it been so easy for her to assume I would make a douche move like that? Still, I stared up at the ceiling, wondering if passing my test had been more important than losing the girl I loved.

  Today was turning out to be the day from hell. My period had ended, but I chalked it up to hormones anyway. Chance had some girl crawling all over him. And I felt like the biggest bitch for even thinking he would cheat on me while I was upstairs. He might have been a guy, but he also wasn’t the type. I knew that, but jealousy had again showed its ugly head.

  “How do you deal with all the girls who want Kelley?” I asked.

  Lenora slowly chewed her food before answering. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I guess I just deal.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Of course you do. I’m not sure why I asked you, Miss Homecoming Queen. All the guys trying to date you balances things out, I guess.”

  “Oh my God, what has crawled up your ass?”

  Shame filled me. “My period is over, but it’s still messing with me. Forgive me, pretty please?” I held up praying hands. “That was such a bitchy thing to say. You are beautiful, though. And I’d be lying if I wouldn’t kill to be your identical twin.”

  “I’m going to chalk this all up to PMS, and that’s post not pre because this isn’t like you. And I don’t know what you’re talking about. I would kill to look like you. You’re flawless, with gorgeous skin. You’ll probably be one of those women who never gets wrinkles.”

  “You forget my freckles, and as far as wrinkles go, it’s called being fat. My face is puffy and probably always will be.”

  “You are so not fat. And so what if you have freckles? You don’t have to wear makeup. You’re stunning without it.”

  “And gag me with the love-fest. Are you trying to use reverse psychology on me?”

  We started laughing. It was pretty pathetic that I was getting my psychology degree, yet my life felt mentally out of control.

  “You started it. You’re on some sort of glass half-empty kick, and it isn’t like you.”

  It wasn’t. I never believed I was beautiful or anything. But I’d never felt insecurity the way I did now.

  “Now you’re using Psychology 101 on me?”

  She shrugged. “We all had to take the class.”

  Breathing was suggested as a good cleansing way to get your thoughts together. I sucked in a few and blew out the rest.

  “To be honest, this whole Davenport thing just hurts. To have him tell me that he was only using me, I don’t know… Then Chance and that stupid girl. What does he even see in me? I saw her last night. She’s prettier than me, probably smarter than me. They’re taking some of the same classes. They have a lot more in common.”

  “And you think he’ll see that and dump you again?”

  It was the brutal truth of things. I nodded.

  “I haven’t known Chance for that long, but I’ve never seen him as happy as when the two of you figured this shit out. He’s mad for you, girl. Believe me on this. And Dave-n-craig is an ass. His girlfriend wouldn’t be so bent out of shape if he didn’t like you more than he admitted. He was just pissed off, not used to being turned down.”

  I wanted to believe her because she made sense. So I shut up and finished my food.

  Later that day, my pity party turned into full on hell fire when I ran into Davenport.

  He ambushed me in the halls, taking my wrist and pulling me into an alcove. I snatched out of his hold.

  “What do you want?”

  His actions were erratic and suspicious as he glanced over my shoulder and all around with a nervous twitch.

  “Are you on something? Because meth is a terrible thing,” I said.

  “No!” Apparently, he didn’t find me amusing, only useful as a virgin test subject. “I just need to know what you’re going to say tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  He focused on me with beady eyes and then glanced around again. Okay, maybe it wasn’t meth. I checked his nose to see if it was red.

  “At the hearing.”

  Finally, I got it, but he continued when I didn’t immediately respond. “Check your notifications. There is an inquiry about us tomorrow. And I need to know what you’re going to say.”

  My phone was typically on silent when I was in class. Because my head hadn’t been on straight that day, I’d forgotten to check for messages and emails.

  “The truth,” I answered.

  “What? That I pursued you? Because I know you were interested in me.”

  I was so shocked; I stood speechless for a few seconds. “So, this is all about you? My academic career is on the line, too.”

  “Yeah, but I have more to lose than you.”

  “What?” I exclaimed exasperatedly.

  “I stand to lose everything. No other school will bring me in for a master’s program. And besides, these last two year
s will be for nothing. If I can find a program to take me, I’ll have to start from scratch. You, on the other hand, will be able to get into another undergrad school and won’t lose all your credits.”

  I didn’t know if what he said was true or not. And could I truly believe him? Still, I had no plans to say anything that would negatively impact me, and therefore him if I could help it. Though I wouldn’t tell him that.

  “You are a total asshole.”

  I was walking away when he added, “Brie, for what it’s worth, forget what I said the other day. I did really like you.”

  “Frankly, your word means nothing to me. I wouldn’t trust it if you called out fire right now unless I saw smoke.”

  I walked away and tried not to run. When I found a seat in my next class, I pulled out my phone and found that I did in fact have an email from the dean requesting my presence for the hearing. I’d also had a missed call from the lawyer. He’d left a voicemail. My day really had turned to shit.

  Hours later, at my desk, I worked on a paper. I stopped when a knock came at my dorm door. I had to look up from the chest that was in front of my eyes to see Chance standing there.

  “Hey,” he said hesitantly.

  He’d texted me earlier asking if I would come over. I’d told him I was busy and maybe I’d see him tomorrow. Apparently, that wasn’t soon enough for him.

  “Hey.” I stepped back to let him in. “What brings you over?”

  I hated the weird tension, but I didn’t know how to fix it.

  “You said you were busy.”

  He paused, so I chose to cut in. “I’m rewriting a paper. I got a B, but the professor said that most didn’t pass. He refused to give a curve, but offered everyone the opportunity to rewrite the paper for a better grade.”

  During our fight yesterday, he’d talked about grades for school. What he didn’t get was that my parents expected the best, and anything less was a failure. And unlucky for me, my siblings shined like polished silver in school and out. So anything I did that wasn’t up to their standards was a glowing neon sign that shouted I was a letdown in their eyes.

  “Can I borrow you for an hour?”

  “I really should work on this paper.”

  “How much more do you have to do?”

  He said he would never lie to me, and therefore I wouldn’t lie to him.

  “Not much.”

  His smile widened. “Then give me an hour.”

  Lifting a bag, he asked, “Have you had dinner?”

  I nodded.

  “I brought dessert.”

  I reached for it because I caught a whiff of something sweet and decadent. And I so needed it.

  But he was quicker than me, moving out of my grasp. With the other hand, he produced a jar. “I thought we could go catch some fireflies first before dessert. I even put holes in the top this time.”

  “Catching fireflies?” I laughed.

  “It’s a second shot at catching some of the light in your eyes when you look at me.”

  I leaned the back of my legs on the bed, because he made me weak in the knees. “You don’t need a second shot, especially when you say things like that.”

  He grinned and I melted further when his dimple appeared.

  “Then go with me.”

  “You don’t have anything to make up to me. Honestly, I wasn’t mad. I was more upset with myself.”

  The door opened and hit Chance, a sound of whooshing air escaping his lungs. Behind him my roommate appeared.

  “Sorry, but not sorry if the two of you are at it again. We agreed this is a no sex zone.”

  We hadn’t agreed. She’d demanded. I longed for my roommate from the last two years. She’d changed schools, leaving me stuck with the one person no one wanted to room with.

  Chance held out his hand to me after he tucked the jar under his arm while holding the bag in his other.

  That damn dimple of his was my undoing.

  I licked my lips before catching one corner between my teeth. “I need a break anyway. Let’s go.”

  As we walked across campus, he kept hold of me.

  “Do you need me to help with something?” I said.

  “I got this and you.” He winked.

  Red alert, my brain shouted. He was too smug and too beautiful for even the dictionary to comprehend.

  “Don’t be cocky. You might drop the jar. Let me hold something or let me go so you can use both of your hands.”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want you to peek in the bag. That’s a surprise. And in order to give you the jar, I have to let you go.”

  “So, let me go.”

  He gave me eagle eyes that pumped blood through my veins.

  “I let you go once and we both know how that turned out. If the jar breaks, so be it, as long as I have you.”

  We made it to the place where we’d had the picnic before. He steered me to sit on a bench nearby the walking path. He placed everything down before taking both of my hands.

  “Why did you doubt me?”

  I found the ground easier to look at than him.

  “Truth is, knowing that Davenport used me and was never really interested in me, bothered me more than I wanted to admit. And then, there’s the no sex zone with you,” I said, using my roommate’s language.

  He didn’t speak until I glanced up at him.

  “You’re not ready,” he said.

  “How can you know how I feel?”

  “I don’t. But if you were, you would trust me. And the truth is, you don’t, not fully at least. Not that I blame you. I need to earn it back. The last thing I want is for you to have any regrets when it comes to us.”

  “How is it you’re the mature one about all this? Should we switch majors?”

  The sun had almost descended into the horizon, and I thought about what she’d said.

  “I spent my fair share of time trying to figure out what went wrong with Lindsey. Then I tried to regain my pride by getting back at her by being with a girl I didn’t really like. Once I got here, I decided that I didn’t want to be my dad. I didn’t want to ignore the signs I’d missed with Lindsey or like Dad did with my mom. Best way was to not get involved with anyone.”

  I’d set my things down already, so I knotted my hands, bent forward, and rested my arms on my legs before finishing.

  “What I was wrong about was that I am my dad. We were made to be with one woman. That woman wasn’t Lindsey. But I hope it’s you.”

  Out of the bag, I produced two sticks that I lit with the Bic I’d brought. I handed her one of the sparklers.

  “Let’s forget all the shit going on and let’s be young tonight.”

  Her eyes glittered in the light, but it was her smile that made her so beautiful.

  “To being young,” she said, tipping her sparkler to mine, making them sizzle and flash. “Let’s start by forgetting about Davenport and Lindsey. They don’t have any power over us. Deal?”

  “Deal,” I agreed.

  We didn’t seal our pact with a handshake. She got up and spun around until the sparkler’s light burned away. I watched, waving my sparkler to the imagined music she heard. It might have been the beating of my heart.

  “Now what?” she asked, after the sparks were gone.

  I stood and used my hand to cup her head and drew her in for a kiss. She must have dropped the dead firework stick to the concrete path because her nails scraped over my scalp. She took what she needed from me. Things may have gotten overheated if we hadn’t pulled back to breathe.

  “Are you going to tell me what else you brought in the bag?”

  I grinned. “You know how Lenny likes to bake. She made cupcakes for Kelley. She handed two to me and told me to take them to you to cheer you up. She didn’t say why.”

  Holding up one of the perfectly made cupcakes, I offered it to her.

  She groaned. “I’m so going to kill her.”

  “Why?”

&nb
sp; “Never mind. And it’s a girl thing. I promise I’m not keeping anything from you.”

  She took it from me and removed the wrapper before biting into it. I couldn’t watch, not unless I wanted to walk around with wood all night. So I focused on eating the other one.

  After, she said, “I thought you said we were here to catch fireflies.”

  She might not ever say it, but I thought she secretly liked to be chased because she ran off. I gathered the trash and discarded it in the metal bin next to the bench. After taking my time, I got the jar, having given her a sufficient head start. Then I went after her.

  The fireflies danced all around us as we tried to catch—in her words—the little buggers.

  “Look, we got two,” she said, holding up the jar.

  Sure enough, two lights flickered on and off inside.

  “We can’t keep them forever,” she said.

  “How about we come back and let them go tomorrow.”

  After her nod, I placed it on the ground. I wanted to kiss her again, but she took off once more. That time, we went down in a tangle of limbs when I had her in my grasp. She didn’t wait; she became the pursuer.

  I might have rolled her underneath me, leaving the jar behind. Then I let my hands roam. We were reckless and uncaring about being caught, finding pleasure for the both of us.

  It’d been more than an hour by the time I walked her back to her room, still horny as hell. So I backed her in her door and kissed the shit out of her again.

  The door opened, and Brie went stumbling back. I almost lost hold on the jar as I reached out to keep her from falling.

  “What is it with you two?” her roommate asked. “You guys are like rabbits.”

  Brie said, “We didn’t break any rules. We were in the hall.”

  It was cute to see Brie all self-satisfied like she’d won the war. Her roommate wasn’t appeased.

  “Remember sex-free zone.” She indicated the entire room with a sweep of her hand. “And I don’t expect to see you two at it again when I come back.” She stepped through the door, but turned back. “That means you, Peter.”

  “My name is Chance.”

  “Yeah, I know, Peter the Rabbit. And you…” She pointed at Brie. “Jessica Rabbit, no breaking the rules.”