Although I’d found out the truth, she and I had never spoken of it.
Her pleading stare had no effect on me. “You make it sound so wrong.”
“No, I just put it together. How long had you been going out with him behind my back?”
He’d been in college. It had been easy for her to play both of us.
“You don’t understand.”
“No, let’s clear the air. Be honest for once in your life.”
Her tears started to dry up, but the pleading in her voice remained.
“The truth is, I liked him. I thought…”
She waved a hand like magically her sentence would complete itself. As entertaining as she used to be, I was no longer awed by her act. It was time for a curtain call.
“You thought what?”
“I thought he liked me.”
“And how long after he knocked you up did you figure out that he didn’t want you?”
She covered her eyes. “My daughter could be yours.”
“But we both know that’s not humanly possible seeing as we never had sex. Now it’s time for you to go. What’s that saying? You made your bed…”
“I know she’s not yours, but I wish she were.”
“You screwed everything up by screwing him. No college, no college guy, and you somehow think I want you back?”
“You’re an asshole,” she said weakly, calling for more useless tears.
“I’m the asshole? I didn’t cheat on you, Lindsey. I would have given you the world. But you did me a favor because I met someone who means more to me than you ever did.”
“What has happened to you? You’ve never been so mean.”
I scrubbed my face. My day had been long. It was late, and I worried about Brie. I didn’t have to be a dick to her. It could make her think that I still cared about Lindsey when I didn’t.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. The past is the past, and neither of us can change it. You’re a bright girl. Work things out with Tad, or move on, but not on to me. There will never be an us again. Go find a way to get your college education and don’t rot in this town. You’re smarter than that.”
Mysteriously, her tears had all dried up. “I forgive you.”
And I wasn’t sure she’d heard everything I said. But by that point, I just wanted her gone.
“You should go,” I said evenly.
She nodded, and I would have breathed a sigh of relief if I didn’t think it would stir more unnecessary conversation.
At the door, she turned. “I get that you’re mad. And we needed to have that conversation. But we all make mistakes. And mine was thinking anyone was better than you. I have faith you’ll realize the same.”
The door closed, yet I still said, “Don’t count on it.”
Exhaustion hit, along with a deep sadness. With no one there to distract me, I was once again reminded that my father was gone.
I almost went into my room when I turned and went into Dad’s. Lying down, I felt closer to both him and Brie. If Dad knew what I’d done in there, he’d probably slap my back and tell me to take care of her.
Sleep came in spurts. I’d wake up, forgetting that my dream was in fact a dream and reality was far different. By the time light streamed through the windows, I hadn’t slept much at all. Nothing in the kitchen was edible. I tossed everything from the fridge into a garbage bag and left it at the curb. With Dad’s keys, I made a run to the grocery store.
Wondering about Brie made me realize I still didn’t have my phone. I bought more food than I needed for just myself. I needed to have stuff for my friends because at some point they would come. It was going to take a huge hit on my budget, which only reminded me that I had no idea what Dad’s money situation was like. How would I pay for a funeral?
Kelley called the house phone later that morning and told me that Lenny had gotten sick after taking care of Mason. I wondered how long before Sawyer and Ashton caught it, too.
After a small and quick breakfast, I began a search of the house for Dad’s important papers. It didn’t take long to find an old bank statement and unopened bills. But later, I also found two envelopes. Oddly, one in a drawer in the kitchen was addressed to me. The other in his sock drawer was a signed document.
I sat and read through each. As afternoon approached, the doorbell rang. Let the show begin, I thought. Living in a small town, it was only a matter of time before well-meaning people stopped by to give their condolences. I slowly went to answer it, not really in the mood for company outside of my friends.
However, not in a billion years did I expect to find my mother on the other side of the door with puffy eyes as if she’d been crying.
“Chance.”
The drive back to school had been endless. It felt wrong leaving Chance, especially the way I did. I had no right to be jealous. Whatever happened between them was before we’d gotten together again because he’d been at school that whole time. It shouldn’t matter if he had been with her. Though it did. So I chose to leave before I said something that would have been petty on my part.
I was stiff after such a long drive, but my body ached more from being with Chance. He’d made my first experience beyond anything I’d expected. Sleeping without him that night sucked.
The next morning, I sat on a bench outside of the hearing room, waiting to be called in. My lawyer was running late, which left me alone with Davenport.
“It was my girlfriend,” he said suddenly, shattering the silence like it had been glass.
He shifted in his chair like he had ants crawling over his body. His inability to sit still only made me anxious and wonder again if he was using drugs.
“Some girlfriend,” I muttered.
No surprises that she’d been the one to turn us in.
“She got jealous.” He shook his head. “And because of her, we could lose everything.”
My eyes narrowed. “Really, honestly, you believe it’s her fault?”
Which was strange for me to say, but she hadn’t been the catalyst.
He glared at me. “Of course.”
“You need a new profession. We’re here because you used me. You had a girlfriend, and you attempted to use me sexually to be the subject of your thesis. You wronged both of us.”
And though I wasn’t Catholic, I nearly crossed myself for saying it. She was a royal bitch, but they deserved each other.
With no remorse, he said, “You have to admit, it was genius of me. A beautiful girl in her third year of college, still a virgin. It’s not like there are a ton of you out there.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t assume. I’m sure I’m not alone.”
Although I’d felt like it.
“Believe me, you’re a rarity.”
I wasn’t going to argue with him. “That didn’t give you the right to use me.”
“No, it didn’t. For what it’s worth, I hope you don’t get in trouble because of me. I told them as much.”
He didn’t say anything after that. My lawyer showed up looking like he’d been through a windstorm when they called Davenport in. After he went inside, I shared our conversation with my attorney.
They seemed to take forever talking to him. When he exited, I was quickly waved in. Chance had been right. It was a good thing I was there.
After we were seated, the dean perched her chin in the cocoon her hand created as she leaned on the table.
“We only have one question.” I tilted my head forward in acknowledgment. “Did you engage in a relationship, whether friendship or romantic, with Craig Davenport with the intentions of gaining a higher grade?”
Emphatically, I said, “No.”
She glanced at her colleagues before saying, “Thank you. You will be notified of our decision in writing. You should continue with your studies as normal until you hear from us.”
There should have been relief, but there wasn’t without their verdict. The first thing I did was to call Chance, but when his phone immediately went to voicemail, I r
emembered he didn’t have it.
I had a couple of classes that day, but my head wasn’t there. I needed Chance and hoped he wanted me there because that was where I was headed. Lenora sent me a distress text before I got to my room to pack a new bag with a few more things. Apparently, the whole house was ill. I made a couple of stops and picked up some supplies before I went to the sick house.
Lenora, Kelley, Mason, and Ashton were all curled on the couch together looking pathetic when I entered the house. I tried not to smile, but it was so damn cute. I was glad to see Ashton hadn’t moved yet.
“I’m sorry it took me so long, you guys. I brought some meds, crackers, ginger ale, and soup for you all. Cures Mom used to give me when I felt crappy.”
Ashton darted from the couch and made a mad dash upstairs. Sawyer came in just as Kelley said, “Don’t mind him. I think using crap and soup in the same sentence didn’t work for him.”
Sawyer laughed. “Have no fear, Sawyer’s here.”
“It’s not funny,” I chastised.
“Oh, but it is.” He chuckled some more while the rest of my friends moaned and looked green around the edges.
“And how come you’re not sick?”
He wiggled his fingers at me. “My nanny was all about washing your hands.”
“We wash our hands,” Lenora protested.
“Yeah, Lenny, but you’re swapping spit with him.” He pointed at Kelley.
Ashton came back down, hunched over and holding his stomach.
Sawyer glanced my way. “Something smells so good. What kind of soup is that? Chicken with what veggies? Dumplings?”
Ashton glared at Sawyer before dashing back up the stairs.
I shook my head. “That wasn’t nice.”
“You have to admit, it was kind of funny.” But no one laughed.
“Man, cut it out. Leave Ash alone. You two are getting on my nerves. Why don’t you guys just fuck and get it over with. None of us care if that’s your thing. You’re still our brothers.”
Lenora lightly punched Kelley. I think it was too much effort for her ill self to do more. “Language,” she admonished, but then she high-fived him.
Sawyer grumbled something and went to put away the things I’d brought over.
“Can I leave you guys alone with him, or do I need to stay and referee?” I asked when I finished.
“Go take care of our boy and tell him we’ll be there whenever he needs us,” Sawyer said, serious for once.
I hated leaving them, but there was nothing more that I could do. Lenora said they’d been to the campus clinic. And there was one more musketeer who needed my help.
During the long drive, my mind drifted to Chance and Lindsey. Did I really want to know what had happened between them? He’d admitted that he’d been in love with her. Would he give up an opportunity to get back with the girl he’d probably loved more than me? He had four years with her. We had days.
I pulled up behind a car parked in front of his house. It was possible that a person or persons were there for one of his neighbors. But with the street mostly empty around midday when most would be at work said otherwise.
Optimistically, I brought my overnight bag with me as I walked to the door. I knocked and heavy footsteps came to the door. It opened in a rush, sending a breeze to blow over me.
“Brie.”
Chance’s expression was wild. I couldn’t read if he was happy or upset with me being there.
His fingers did the talking as he grabbed my hand and threaded his through mine, pulling me inside the house. A pretty woman sat on the sofa with golden brown hair and eyes a royal blue similar to Chance’s. It took me several seconds to wonder why she looked so familiar. Then my eyes landed on one of the many framed photos. She was a little older, with frown lines marking her pretty face, but she was his mother.
He cleared his throat. “Clarissa, this is my girlfriend, Brie. Brie, this is Clarissa, my mother.”
I noted that he’d called her by name instead of Mom. But that time I didn’t hesitate. For the second time marked in many hours, I met a woman instrumental in trying to destroy Chance’s heart with her actions. I wanted to punch both women. But even as I shook his mom’s hand, I wanted her to hurt more.
“Mmm, Brie.”
Her tone suggested she, like Lindsey, wasn’t thrilled by me being there. Chance was tongue-tied, so I decided to help him with the conversation.
“And what brings you to town? My understanding is you walked away years ago.”
It might not have been my place to step in, but fuck it. The words needed to be said. And what I’d learned from my studies was that most people need closure. If I could help Chance get it, the more the better. And seeing her sit primly with eyes brimming with tears, I thought the direct approach was the best method.
“As I was saying to my son,” she emphasized the latter, “I’ve been in town for over a week now.”
I glanced at Chance, who teetered on the edge of anger and befuddlement. That was when I heard the toilet flush.
My eyes darted to the hall as I waited to see who was there with his mother.
When the boy walked into the living room, I studied him from head to toe. I wanted to see something different than I did.
“Brie, this is Ian. Ian, this is my friend, Brie.”
The boy was around four. I wasn’t sure if it was appropriate for me to call her my girlfriend or not. Mom had barely introduced us by the time Brie showed up.
“Ian is Chance’s little brother,” Mom gleefully added.
Brie squeezed my hand as she and I traded glances. I’d felt sucker-punched when she told me that very thing moments before Brie arrived.
“Hey,” I said to her, “would you mind finding Ian something to watch on TV while I talk to Clarissa?”
She silently agreed. I walked past the kitchen down the hall that eventually led out back. The sun was baking hot, so I stayed under the covered porch and waited for my mother to follow.
The door squawked from many years of use and neglect.
“Your father always said he would fix that. I guess he never got around to doing it.”
“No, he was too busy drinking himself to death, fucked in the head because of you.”
“Chance,” she pleaded, reaching out a hand.
Stepping out of her reach, I held no sympathy for her as she solemnly let her hand fall.
My eyes narrowed on hers. “Why are you here right now?”
“Like I said, I’ve been in town for a little over a week. I came to talk to your father.”
“What? To tell him you had another kid?”
“No,” she said, her head shifting slowly side to side. “To tell him we had another son.”
In the back of my head, I expected it her to say something like that. Ian looked like I did in some of the pictures in the living room. He had Dad’s blond hair and his gray eyes, but our faces were shaped the same. There was no denying he was my brother.
“And you expect me to believe that. Convenient for you to show up now. But you have to know Dad doesn’t have a pile of money stashed away so you can go travel the world. And he’s not here to take care of your spawn because you’ve had enough playing mommy.”
Anger and frustration made the back of my eyes burn.
“Chance, you have to believe I wasn’t here to do that. And I was a bad mother and maybe I still am. But I came because I wanted your dad to go away with me. It isn’t the first time I’ve asked him. I came when you were in eleventh grade. He sent me away. Said it wouldn’t be fair to uproot your life. I agreed. But just because I couldn’t stay here didn’t mean I didn’t love your father.”
Dad had shared that story with me, so I couldn’t refute her.
“You didn’t love him enough to stay.” Or me, I didn’t add.
“Maybe not, but he’s the only man I ever loved. And we shared a night together.”
I didn’t want to know that. Things had gotten worse for me that year. His
drinking had gone from a lot to every waking moment. It wasn’t hard to see why given she’d come and brought him hope before leaving again. And he’d stayed for me.
“And now that Dad’s gone, you want to tell me you kept this secret from him for four years. Then again, I should expect something like that from you.”
She bit at the corner of her cheek. “I didn’t tell him because I was afraid he’d take Ian from me. After what I did to you, the courts would rule in his favor.”
“Good to know one son meant something to you.”
“Chance.” She tried again to touch me, but I sidestepped her.
“So, now what? Dad’s dead. He died like that old saying, ‘of a broken heart.’ You can leave now. It’s too late to share your lies with him.”
Her lip quivered. She bit it before saying, “But I saw you father. I told him. He met Ian.”
Every part of my body went cold. “When?”
“Two days ago.”
The rumble in my throat started low. “Get out.”
“We should talk about this.”
“Get out,” I barked.
“I want you to get to know your brother before I leave. I’m staying at Nana’s.”
“Fine, I’ll come by tomorrow or the next day and pick him up. But I don’t want to see you.”
“But I can help,” she offered.
“No, you can’t. You’ve done enough in one lifetime.”
“I’m his wife.”
Her comment reminded me of something. How quickly I’d forgotten.
“No, you’re not. Dad had a divorce agreement in his desk from about four years ago. It was drafted by a lawyer you hired. Funny, you didn’t mention that when you said you came here then to work things out with Dad that last time. Not that it matters. He signed it, and someone witnessed it. You aren’t married. And if you think you’re getting anything of his, he put everything in my name weeks ago.”
Had Dad just been spooked by his friend’s death, or had he known he had a bad ticker? I thought about that time he called me in the middle of the night. He’d said he’d gone to the hospital because he thought he was having a heart attack. He’d said it had been ruled out as acid reflux. Had that been true, or had he lied to protect me?
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