So. Damn. Beautiful.
But just as he was about to place his lips on mine, a buzzing noise came out of nowhere and Gage stopped, but he was so close. He was almost there, but the vibrating disturbed it all. He then looked down and pulled away. “Your phone’s ringing, Eliza,” he murmured.
I blinked quickly, taking a step back and snapping out of my daze. I’d forgotten about everything else that was going on outside of us. I quickly pulled the phone out of the pocket of my dress and saw Ben’s name on the screen.
“Hello?”
“Liza, where are you?” Ben asked.
“I’m out… with Gage,” I said, taking a brief glance at him. Gage forced a smile.
“Ohhh,” Ben sang. “Hope you’re having fun. I just wanted to check on you. I went by the bus and didn’t see you there. I knew you weren’t at the club.” He laughed, teasing me.
“Hardy-har-har,” I said sarcastically, biting on a smile.
“Well, have fun. I’ll be out with a few friends tonight so don’t wait up for me. Hugs and kisses.” Ben hung up and I slid the phone back into the pocket of my dress before turning slowly to look at Gage. I took a step back and he looked me over, confused by the space I allowed to grow between us. He turned his head, breathing strongly through his nostrils. His features became aggravated, frustrated. His jaw ticked and his grip around his cowboy hat grew tighter.
“Should we get out of here?” he asked, forcing another smile as he finally looked me in the eyes.
“Yeah,” I breathed as I stepped to his side.
His eyes softened and the walk to the barn was quicker, but only because Gage was pacing forward. During our walk, he called Stan and told him to come and get us. We waited in the barn for only ten minutes, quietly watching the people square dance, before Gage checked his phone and then told me to come on.
The ride back to the bus was worse.
Ten times worse.
If Stan wouldn’t have had his jazz music playing, the ride would’ve been dead silent and way too awkward. The night was ending in the wrong way, but I didn’t care because it was way too close. I’d gotten too close to Gage.
Stan pulled up in front of the tour bus and I climbed out quickly. Gage got out, but before he shut the door behind him, he told Stan to wait. One of the security guards hopped out of one of the trailers behind the bus with a bundle of keys in hand. He unlocked the door, nodded at me, and then hurried back.
I sped for my room, latching the door behind me. I slipped out of the boots, the dress, and removed the pigtails before sliding into some pajama shorts and a tank top.
Zippers zipped and Gage grunted a few times on the other side of the door. It was too damn quiet and I was starting to get annoyed by it.
I pulled my door open to look out, but my forehead creased as Gage sprayed some cologne over his fresh clothes. I expected pajamas, but instead he’d changed into some black jeans, a tight blue T-shirt, and his usual Chuck Taylor’s.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Out,” he said without looking at me.
“Again?”
He looked at me, his jaw locking. “Something wrong with that?”
“No, I just thought you were tired or something—” I broke off as he kicked his suitcase beneath the bunks, causing a loud scraping across the floor that overpowered my voice.
“FireNine never sleeps, Ellie,” he said, stepping past me. “We do whatever the hell we want. Remember that. Now, excuse me. I have someone to meet.” He continued down the hallway and after only a second, the door slammed shut behind him. I slammed my door as well, hating myself for even bothering to ask.
What the hell was his problem? Was he mad that I didn’t finish the kiss? To be honest, I was glad we didn’t kiss. I was glad to be interrupted because if I would’ve kissed him, feelings would have gotten involved between us, and I didn’t want any feelings. I couldn’t afford them. Feelings and emotions sucked and I wasn’t about to start letting them get to me because of him.
I slumped into my bed, yanking my blanket over me and turning off the lamp. I wanted to sleep, but I kept tossing and turning, thinking about how much fun we had dancing at the barn and even about us almost kissing… and then him leaving to most likely go to a club—to most likely kiss another trashy girl or maybe even meet Penelope. How the hell is she getting around anyway?
It frustrated me how worked up I was, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. And the only reason I didn’t let it go was because his actions were my fault. He’d gotten so silent and rushed away from me, as if I were carrying some kind of disease. He shouldn’t have been upset anyway. He’s Gage Grendel. His motto was always “I don’t give a shit,” even during high school. What was one kiss from me anyway? I’m pretty sure it was nothing.
There was one thing I was sure about, though: I was never going to figure him out, no matter how hard I tried.
Obnoxious giggling woke me out of my sleep. I groaned, pushing the blankets off my head as the sun spilled down from the window above. The giggling started again and I shook my head, knowing for sure one of the boys had a girl with them.
My stomach grumbled and I cursed myself. I didn’t want to go out there and see any of them. I definitely didn’t want to see any of them with a girl on top of them or even beneath them. I wasn’t up for being scarred.
I went with being bold. Fuck the band and the girls with them. This was my bus first. I had to hand it to myself; my confidence was rising. I guess it was because the boys never bothered me like I thought they would.
Sliding into my slippers and grabbing my toothbrush, I opened my door and went for the bathroom. I couldn’t help but stare at Gage’s empty bunk as I walked past. After brushing my teeth and tossing my hair into a sloppy bun, I headed for the kitchen, but the giggling started again and I should have never looked. I should’ve slapped myself for even giving it the time of day.
What I expected was to see Montana or even Deed with a girl. It wasn’t either of them. In fact, none of the boys were in the living room… except Gage… and his girlfriend Penelope. At first sight of them, my mouth hung open, but I clamped it shut quickly before Gage glanced up at me. I guess I was right about him going to meet Penelope last night. Fuck, did he hold off on hanging out with her for me? No wonder he was upset… I wasted his time.
“Oh, good morning, Eliza,” Penelope said, smiling. She was sitting on Gage’s lap.
Gage smirked. “Morning, Ellie.”
If it were possible, darts would’ve been flying from my eyes and right for Gage’s head… or maybe his balls. Either way, it would teach him a lesson.
“Good morning.” I sighed, stepping ahead to get into the kitchen. I couldn’t let it get to me. Penelope was his girlfriend, but why the hell did he have to come back to the bus with her? Why didn’t he just stay out and get a hotel like the other boys did? It was like he was trying to get under my skin.
“Gage, stop it,” Penelope giggled.
I rolled my eyes as I pulled the cereal from the cabinet. Her voice was pleasant the night at the club, but it was starting to annoy me the more she talked and snickered. After dumping my cereal into a bowl, I grabbed the milk and drowned it. I then looked at Gage and Penelope, who were practically glued together—her legs wrapped around his waist, her fingers tangled in his hair, his arms around her waist, and his hands sliding beneath her waistband to touch her ass. He was looking up at her, his eyes lower and lazier than usual, as he spanked her, and then pulled his arms back to rest them on top of the couch. He had to be stoned; I could tell by the glazed-over look in his eyes, his lazy smile.
Penelope swung her head to look at me and then at my bowl. “Oh, what kind of cereal is that?” she asked, hopping off Gage’s lap. “I have a serious case of the munchies.” Well, I guess I was right about the stoned part.
Gage laughed, but I rolled my eyes again and started for my room, shoveling my cereal into my mouth. I had to bite my tongue. I could have ruined their m
oment by telling Penelope that Gage hung out with me before meeting her and we almost kissed, but I held off. Neither of them was worth it. Being immature wasn’t worth it. If I were the old me, maybe I would have done it, but I’d calmed down. I was living life differently and I was proud of who I was becoming.
I was curious about something, though. Before I could make it down the thin hallway, I looked at them again. “Penelope?” I called.
She looked at me quickly. “Hmm?”
“How do you get to each of our locations?”
“Oh, Gage pays for me to come and go,” she said, sinking onto his lap again and hooking her arms around his neck, smashing her cheek against his. He leaned back a little to kiss her cheek and a part of me cringed. I didn’t want to take the next bite of my cereal, but I forced myself to swallow it down. No point in looking pathetic in front of him. It’s what he wanted and I wasn’t about to let him win.
“So, in other words, he only brings you around when he wants?” I asked.
“Sometimes we agree,” she said.
Boy was she ditzy. And I thought the blondes like me were the crazy ones. “Hmm,” I mumbled, turning around. I went down the hall, hearing more of, “Stop, Gage,” and, “Oh my gosh,” from Penelope. As I entered my bedroom, it got so quiet I couldn’t figure out what the hell they were doing. There was shuffling, stumbling, and muttering. Why the hell was I listening anyway?
But then Penelope started moaning, and I cringed, placing my cereal on the nightstand to cover my ears. I scrambled through my suitcase for my headphones and iPod and was more than relieved to hear Hayley Williams of Paramore versus them fucking.
I don’t think I could have been more disgusted with Gage.
I had to get out of the bus. I had to go somewhere to rid my mind of what I’d seen and heard earlier that morning. I had no right to be upset, but it seemed like he was rubbing it in my face. What was his point? Was he still mad over the measly kiss I didn’t give? I was so frustrated I couldn’t even see straight. When I got ready to plan a mini adventure, Gage and Penelope were already gone, and I was glad. I didn’t want to see him.
Who knew anyone could be so disrespectful? And how dumb was she to sleep with him while people were around? Careless broads like her were why rockers ran over every girl that crossed their paths.
The bus was in a parking lot, but it was surrounded with trees, trees, and more trees. Trudging forward, I clutched my sketchbook beneath my arm and went straight through. A few mosquitos and gnats buzzed around my head. Some kind of water source was nearby and I wanted to find it. I kept moving forward, hoping to come across some sort of serenity. I just wanted to allow nature to consume me and help me forget and live on.
And then I found it.
Centered between tons of large boulders and hovering trees providing shade was a lake. It was a warm day and I had on my sunglasses, along with some jean shorts and an orange tank. It felt nice as I stepped beneath the shade of the trees. The grass was softer than I thought it would be so I sat and placed my sketchbook in front of me.
I didn’t want to draw yet. I just wanted to take it in. The breeze was nice. In the shade it wasn’t too hot. It was just right, actually. I finally decided to get started. I took a pencil out of my white satchel Ben bought for me a while ago and opened my sketchbook to a clean page. I drew the lake first and then all its surroundings. I drew the birds perched on tree branches and even on top of the boulders, the various flowers sprouting near the edge of the lake. I don’t know why, but seeing one of the grey birds flying by reminded me of what I said to Gage the night before.
A single dove.
That, I certainly was and I didn’t give a damn about it. I would rather be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable. The right one was coming for me. I wasn’t rushing to be found or even introduced. I just had to wait for the right moment and that moment was going to be after I started a career and a real life for myself.
Sad to say, but I’d never been in a relationship in my entire life. I’d never kissed a boy or even held hands with one. The closest I’d gotten was with Gage at the club the first night of the tour and then after square dancing when we almost kissed. I don’t even know why I allowed him, of all people, get that close to me.
I shook my head. I was fucking insane, but I had a right to be. I couldn’t allow anyone to walk into my life and try and steal my heart away from me. They had to work for it. I had high standards and it may have been because my mom stooped so low and I never wanted to be like her.
Ever.
It also could’ve been because of all the books I read. I read so much that words were a big deal to me, almost as much as art. Words consumed me until my eyes crossed from reading too much. Plus, finding a new book boyfriend to love was always better than finding a guy in real life to fit my expectations. It was a mental thing only a few could understand.
My high expectations were probably the number one reason I was still single. Ben always said it was a good thing, but sometimes I felt like it wasn’t. Sometimes I felt the need to stop being a stuck-up, picky brat and give in to someone for a change. But the person had to be at least halfway decent. I didn’t want a one-night stand kind of guy. I wanted someone who would invest more if I were to actually give a relationship a try.
My surroundings became calmer as I dropped my sketchbook and took in the view of the lake again. It had really put me at ease. I was able to let some stuff go and I’d even forgotten about Gage and Penelope’s little shindig on the bus.
But then a crackle came from behind me. My head whipped toward the sound and I waited for whoever or whatever it was to step out. I hoped it wasn’t a large reptile or animal of some kind. I was deathly afraid of reptiles and if it were a large animal… well, I guess I was just dead.
The crackling happened again and I didn’t look away. I then saw a black tennis shoe step out first. My eyes traveled up the lanky length of his legs and then his FIRENINE T-shirt. I finally met his dark-brown eyes that were just as confused as mine and then gasped, taking in the purplish bruise around his right eye.
In an instant, Deed took a step back, placing his sunglasses over his eyes rapidly. “Eliza,” he said. He sounded cool, but I could tell by the bothered look on his face he was far from it.
“Deed.” I stood to my feet quickly, staring at him. “W-what happened to your eye?”
“What do you mean?” he asked as if I were an idiot.
“Deed, I’m not stupid. Let me take a look at it.”
“Um, no.”
“Deed—”
I marched toward him, but he took a step back and shook his head. “Eliza, back the hell up and mind your own fucking business, all right?”
I ignored him. “Is that why you were late to the concert last night?”
His lips remained sealed.
“Deed, I swear you can talk to me. What happened?”
His tongue ran across his dry lips as he took another step away, shaking his head. “I don’t have to explain shit to you. I didn’t mean to run into you out here anyway. I’m going back—”
“Has anyone else seen your eye?”
“No, so don’t go around the bus telling everyone about it. I’ve been blaming the sunglasses on a hangover.”
“What really happened?”
He scowled. “Even if I were to tell you, what would you do about it, Eliza?”
“I—I would tell Ben or the boys. It seems like you got jumped or purposely beaten up.”
He shrugged. “Shit happens.”
I folded my arms. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“And you’re being nosey.”
My mouth clamped shut. I couldn’t disagree and say I wasn’t.
“Look, whatever you do, don’t tell the band about it. It’s whatever.”
Before I could respond, Deed turned his back to me and took off, leaving me completely stumped. I wanted to chase after him just to find out. What could he have possibly done to get
a black eye? It sort of freaked me out.
I wasn’t the kind of person who brought darkness to light. I had my own closet that I never wanted to open and memories I never wanted to relive again, so instead of chasing after Deed, I grabbed my sketchbook, slid my pencil into my satchel, and headed for the bus.
“All right, let’s go!” Ben yelled from the front door of the bus. Snickering, I crossed my legs on the couch and pretended to watch TV. I wasn’t really a TV person—plus, the entire time I’d been listening in on Gage and Penelope arguing outside. It was sort of my entertainment.
All I could make out was her being upset that she couldn’t ride with him on our bus to the next city. He’d already bought her a plane ticket to go back home. The next city stop was Orlando, Florida, and their new FireNine tour bus was waiting there. I was glad about it. I was growing tired of the boys being around… specifically Gage.
Gage stepped onto the bus with a heavy sigh. I turned slowly to look at him, but he was already looking at me. He didn’t say anything, though. Instead, he turned for the hallway and the bathroom door shut behind him.
Deed, Roy, and Montana stepped onto the bus next. Deed still wore a dark pair of sunglasses. I could feel him looking at me through them, but he didn’t say a thing. He most likely thought I was going to bring something up, but I knew better. I doubt I had it in me to mention it in front of everyone anyway.
“This is a twenty-hour ride so get ready, boys,” Ben said, the door slamming shut behind him. The boys groaned as they parted ways. Deed went for his bunk, Roy went for his room, but Montana came for the couch across from me.
“S’up, Eliza? Didn’t see you at the club last night.”
“I don’t really do clubs.” I hated repeating myself.
Montana nodded, looking at the TV. A movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis was playing, and I found it kind of interesting. I wondered if it were possible to have benefits with a friend of the opposite sex. To have a guy I could mess around with whenever I’d like with no feelings involved until I was ready. It sounded like a good plan to me. No feelings, no problems. No attachments. Just fun.
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