Finding My Reason

by Claudia Burgoa

  “Do you have any siblings?” she asks cleaning the counter

  “Yeah, a younger sister whom I love dearly.” I lift my drink to my lips and take a small sip without taking my eyes off her, waiting for her to look back at me.

  “Do you ever get in spats with her?”

  I narrow my brows at her question. Just yesterday, when she told me she had a boyfriend. I shrug. “Sure...but who says spat anymore?”

  “Who says ‘schmooze’ or ‘bequeath’?” Jade argues. She’s got me there.

  Setting my glass down, I extend my hand. “Hudson Drago.”

  “Jade Vance.” I feel the zing when her hand touches mine. Her skin is soft as silk. Like her voice, and there’s a change in the air. Our eyes lock on each other, something passing between us. Everything around us disappears. The music, the people... There’s only Jade and me creating our own light, our own music. My heart beats loud and fast as if I just tasted the kind of fireworks we’ll create. This should be a fun night.

  “Any chance there’s a magic word to get you away from this party and go have some real fun?” I proposition casually. Claire screwed me by picking a married maid of honor, and of course, bridesmaids with significant others. But I just found someone better to spend my night—or the weekend—with.

  Chapter 2

  Jade

  Stop staring and say something, Jade. My heartbeat accelerates at the invitation. I’m tongue tied as my mushed up brain processes the scene from the moment he walked into the bar, the way his stare lingered at my lips, then studied my me. The simple sweep of his gaze warmed my body. His question plays again and again with that low voice that crawled under my skin the moment he spoke to me. Why would he want to get away—and with me? There are many other single, more beautiful women around. Certainly one of them is ready to sleep with one of the hottest guys in the room.

  He’s one of those breathtaking, model look-alike men who I bet pick up their women like their morning coffee—custom made and always disposing of them after they finish. Is he one of those who feels entitled to possess each one of them because of his looks? Tall, broad shoulders and sleek, dark blond hair I want to run my hands through. Or kiss the stubble dusting his rugged and chiseled jaw. God, what’s wrong with me? Since when do I go all giddy about a guy? Something about this man is...just different from the ones I’ve met.

  My breath catches as I feel the heaviness of his stare. His eyes continue studying me while he waits for me to answer. Instead of ditching him, telling him to hit the road or fall into his arms, I stare back. My gaze is drawn to his hypnotizing pale green eyes. I’m captivated. Looking away is impossible. Everything about him pulls me toward him. His charisma, the husky voice, and the well-defined muscles pressing against his dark gray suit.

  Just say yes, Jade!

  “Magic word?” I repeat at the loss of words.

  “If you don’t want to leave with me, at least dance with me.” His plump lips curve up into a sexy smirk. Not as cocky as the one he’s been flashing all night long. It’s been hard not to notice him. All six plus feet of him. “What if I promise not to step on your feet?”

  Usually, I’m well put together. Tonight, my brain seems to have forgotten the basics of communication. No. It’s him. Not many things surprise me, yet, I’m astonished at my reaction toward him. His presence flusters me because I’ve never been affected by a man the way he’s affecting me. I’ve never wanted to extend my hand and touch, or have the desire to run my lips... Whoa, I’m losing it. What is he doing to me?

  I stare at my fingers, still tingling. The heat from his touch created a myriad of sensations. My pulse picked up, my cheeks flushed, my stomach churned nervously, and every cell of my body awoke. He’s different from all the boys I’ve dated—all three of them—and a couple of rebounds.

  “I don’t dance,” I lie. I’m sure I’ll combust if he touches me again. Now I’m being ridiculous.

  “Is that so?” He cocks an eyebrow. “Are you telling the truth, or avoiding me because of the speech?”

  “Your speech was ... different.” I bite the laugh. Terrible is the first word that comes to mind. Mom didn’t like it, and Aunt Carol hated it. “Was it all true? You and Brody making out at the office?”

  “You saw the video; he’s always been in love with Claire.” I frown at him, in case he’s giving me a crappy answer. He nods. “We had no choice. It was either that or the famous pink slip. Neither one could afford to lose our jobs. Claire should be thankful. I improved his kissing technique.” He winks at me.

  Asking him for a taste comes to mind, but instead, I laugh harder, blocking the naughty ideas swirling inside my head. Because there are many ways, I can put those lips to use. He leans toward me. “Laugh, but I’m telling the truth. If needed, I can demonstrate.”

  I shake my head, pressing my lips before the words yes, please, leave my mouth. Suddenly I’m in my fantasy world, imagining what’ll be like not only to kiss him but how’d it feel to be with him in all possible ways? Fear halts the fantasies my body, mind, and soul started. Fear stirs my heart rate up and stops the fantasies my body, mind, and soul began to create. I can’t fall for a guy like him. I don’t know him, but I’ve seen the way his type works. They attract the object of their affection inside their web, suck them dry and leave them soulless. My heart couldn’t take that kind of emotional beating. This smooth operator has heartbreaker written all over his face.

  “So, what do you say?”

  “Nah, I’ll take your word for it.” I compose myself, breaking eye contact to control myself. Then point toward the table next to us where my cousins are and pick out Amy. “She’ll be happy to dance with you, and if you’re nice enough, she might let you teach her a few of those kissing techniques you’re bragging about.”

  “One dance, Jade,” he insists without glancing at my cousin. “You won’t regret it.” He puts his hand on top on mine, squeezing it gently, as if reassuring me I’ll be safe with him. His tone isn’t cocky. The flirtatious, secure man takes a step back. Those pale greens soften, smiling at me. “Give me a chance to get to know you.”

  I look at my station, then back at him. Uncertain to say the least, I take a deep breath and nod. “My cousin George should be here in less than an hour.”

  “Sounds good to me.” He raises his glass; a slow grin spreads across his face. “Thirty minutes should be more than enough time to finish off my drink.”

  He tilts his head, giving me one last smile before moving away from the bar with his drink. At that same moment, Ben approaches giving Hudson a murderous glare.

  “I don’t like him,” the most annoying, overprotective brother in the world says.

  “You don’t like any guy who approaches me, Ben,” I retort. “Want another IPA?”

  He shakes his head. “Him less than the others. There’s something about him I don’t like, and he’s Brody’s friend.”

  Ben doesn’t hate Brody’s guts, but he’s not a fan. Mom says it’s because Claire and Ben are almost the same age, and he feels protective of her.

  “It’s one dance, Ben. Plus, I’m leaving next week. I’ll never see him again,” I remind him.

  “You should skip the backpacking part and just go to school. If you let me, I can find you a grad program and get you a scholarship within this country,” he offers again. “Going to the other side of the world is ridiculous.”

  “Says the man who travels all over the world for a living,” I remind him.

  “Mom’s not happy about your decision.” And we’re back to our early discussion. “She’s concerned about you, baby girl. We can’t protect you if you’re so far away.”

  Ben Vance is a pain in the ass, but he’s the sweetest brother a girl can have. “You’re just a phone call away. I’ll be okay. My big brother has my back.”

  He rolls his eyes but smiles. “You’re a little pain in the ass, but I love you too.”

  “Now go and dance, get laid and stop nagging me.” I give him
a light shove away from me. He shakes his head and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I look around the room, thinking about how lucky I am and thanking God for gifting me such a beautiful and loving family.

  Chapter 3

  Jade

  There are a lot of things that surprised me about Hudson Drago when I first met him. He dances like a modern Fred Astaire, his grandmother’s doing. She helped his father raise him, and, among other things, she made sure he learned how to dance like a proper gentleman.

  “She wanted me to be a gentleman through and through,” he adds while telling me about her. “Frail, strong, petite, but bigger than life. She was ambiguous, but a sweet angel. She died when I was seventeen.”

  “I’m sorry.” I squeeze his hand, taking a bit of the pain reflected in his tense body, trying to absorb the flicker of hurt in his eyes. “She sounds like an amazing woman.”

  “She was extraordinary.” He frowns, looks around and every emotion in his face and eyes disappear. “Are you hungry?”

  “No?” I raise an eyebrow confused by his casual demeanor.

  “I am. Let’s go and find some food.”

  The next thing I learned about him was that he wasn’t just a smooth talker, although that was a majority of his façade. The third being that he hides his emotions easily—too easily—or maybe that is part of number two. Either way, his behavior makes me want to get to know him so I can decode every gesture and word he says.

  “You are too good at this,” he tells me after I’ve snuck us into the freezer of the main kitchen. We’ve dug into their ice cream stash with spoons I stole from the wedding reception. “Aren’t you supposed to disclose shit like that? Like, you walk up to people and say ‘hi, I’m Jade, and I’m a petty thief.’”

  I roll my eyes and hold back a smile. “Only if I am out on parole, and for that to happen, I would have to get caught.”

  “Oh, I see.” He takes another spoonful of vanilla. “So you’re not just a thief, you’re a great thief.”

  “No, I’m resourceful.” I shrug. He turns his focus from the ice cream back to me, waiting for more than the brief explanation I gave him. “I suppose I’m a good girl with a rebellious streak.”

  “And why’s that?” he asks jokingly.

  I don’t know what it is about him. He just gets under my skin. I feel compelled to tell him. “I spend so much time making other people happy. If I always did what I was supposed to, I’d probably snap.”

  “Damn,” he takes another bite. “Why bother? If someone’s worth your time, they’re worth your time. If they become a burden, you just say ‘fuck you’ and walk away.”

  It's not that simple. But I don’t tell him about my childhood. As of today, I have no idea what happened to my birth parents. For all I know, they abandoned me without caring about the little girl they left behind. Jumping from one foster home to another could be seen as an extended slumber party. It wasn’t. I still get anxious about not being the person my family needs, someone they can dispose of if she doesn’t behave the way they expect. Once Mom realized I had anxiety, she sent me to therapists, and though they’ve helped, the fear planted inside my heart remains. It’s all in my head, but I guess some habits never die.

  “You have a real tact about you,” I say sarcastically, noting that this man could shred me if I’m not careful. Fuck it and walk away is my biggest fear. Why bother, Jade? He wouldn’t understand you. “Look, I don’t expect you to get it. I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this.”

  “Because I want to get to know you?” He removes the spoon from my hand, setting it on top of the shelf next to us. I barely managed to remain standing as he presses his hand against my hips, my back against the freezer wall. We are so close, his lips mere inches from mine. “Tell me more about Jade Vance.”

  “I’m sure it’s a conversation for another day.” My voice lowers to almost a whisper.

  He’s a stranger, who doesn’t need to know that I have this burning need to be good enough, to make it up to them for choosing to be my family. Going through so many homes and rejections transformed me into this character who believes pleasing others is the only way to remain in their lives. Sounds stupid.

  His light green eyes soften, letting their guard down. “Just try me.” He invites me to trust him. Will he do the same? Has he decided I’m safe? Trustworthy of his secrets? He lifts his hand caressing my cheek. His other arm goes around my shoulder, and he presses me closer to him. Those well-defined lips nearly brushing against mine. Something about the gesture makes me feel safe, protected. My heart makes a couple of flips while butterflies flutter inside my stomach. “But maybe you’re right. We’ll exchange those deep secrets later. During our next date.”

  Our next date? I watch him closer, and I realize that I do want that next date. Somewhat he feels familiar, yet, I want to learn everything about him. To some degree the thought of having a few more hours with him excites me—a lot. There’s this unknown warmth spreading through my body as I fantasize about the next time we dance together, or...Authors have written about this moment when you meet someone who understands you without saying many words, who you connect with on a deep level and want to spend all the waking hours of your life learning about who they are.

  Wait, Jade, you’re romanticizing this moment. Don’t create some fantasy with a man you only met a couple of hours ago.

  I nod somberly, then force a laugh to lighten the mood. “Does every wedding turn out like this for you? Having a heart-to-heart in a freezer with a random stranger.”

  “No,” he admits breaking eye contact, releasing me, and taking a step backward. “Only the one’s where I make a fool of myself, and the bride’s cousin takes pity on me.”

  “You’re an easy man to pity,” I tell him in mock-seriousness. “Talking about speeches. Why live in Colorado and not New Jersey? I’m sure they have plenty of law firms in need of a tech guy.”

  “Yes, Jersey has plenty of law firms, but I’m not interested in going back there,” he answers, closing the barrel of ice cream. “We should continue this conversation somewhere else. I don’t want to spend the night at the police station because you love to steal ice cream.”

  I laugh as he drags me outside the freezer.

  “Your hand is cold,” he states, taking off his jacket and covering my shoulders with it, then brushing a loose strand out of my face. Those playful eyes stare at me as if trying to read something I’m sure is in another language. The gesture is adorable. “We can’t have you freezing before the night is over.”

  Then warm me up with those big hands and strong body, I want to say. But I don’t. “Why Colorado?” I insist, pushing away the need to kiss him, touch him and maybe taste him.

  “I went to UC Berkeley. My roommate is from Aspen. He invited me a few times to his home, and I fell in love with the entire state. The mountains, the white powder, the unique weather.” He shrugs, placing his hands inside of his pockets as we walk to the elevator. “It felt right. Where are you from?”

  “Colorado Native. Born and raised here.” At least that’s what I think. He pokes the up button, calling the elevator. “What else can you tell me about yourself, Hudson Drago?”

  “Come to my suite and you’ll find out.”

  “I don’t put out during the first date,” I warn him playfully. Wait, we did establish this is a date. Didn’t we?

  “How about the second date?” His flirty smile is tempting. “Or do you have a number?”

  “Seventh,” I make up a number, laughing at his growl. I don’t know what he meant with do you have a number. All I know is I’m leaving in a couple of days, and we might never see each other again. My instincts tell me having sex with him—or even a kiss—might not be a smart move.

  “Ah, so you’re planning on making me work for it. Challenge accepted.” He grins, placing his big hand on the small of my back and directing me inside the elevator.

  • • •

  Hudson

  Once we
enter and the doors close, she pushes a different number than mine. Is this over?

  Not by a long shot.

  “Why don’t you join me?” I insist. Grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. Wanting to run my lips all the way up her shoulder and kiss her. Hard. Slow. Deeply. Instead, I think of the right words to keep her around for just a little longer. Long enough to taste her. “We can order as many movies as we want. The groom is paying.”

  She bites her lip as if considering my offer. She glances around the elevator. But then she stops, connecting it with my gaze briefly. Her eyes move to my lips and linger there for a couple of beats before they drop to the floor. At least I think that’s where they are. Unless she’s looking at my pants, that can barely contain my throbbing dick. A kiss. At least one kiss before we say goodbye.

  I step into her. Reaching out, I cup the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me. She sucks in her breath; her eyes widen, but she doesn’t step back. I’ve been wondering what she tastes like, how it’ll be to kiss those plumped, shaped heart lips. Imagining the feel as I run my hands over her luscious curves and taste her, feel her body quiver under mine while she screams my name. My heart slams hard against my ribcage, but my lungs stop working because something inside my heart tells me that if we do more than kissing, I won’t be able to let her go easily.

  The logical side of my brain suggests I turn around and leave. Call it curiosity, lust, or the fucking pull Jade has on me, but I push away all reason and let my heart lead. Just a taste. One kiss. Before I chicken out, I slant my mouth over hers. As we touch, the electrical current we produce increases, knocking me off my stride. She tastes like nothing I’ve ever had before, and I want to taste more. All. Fuck, why did I wait so long to kiss her? I ask in silence as my hands tighten around her waist. She brings her arms around me. Pressing herself closer to me, my dick pushing hard against her abdomen. Our tongues dance as our kiss switches speeds. From sweet to demanding, to... I stop as the elevator’s bell dings and the doors open.