Finding My Reason

by Claudia Burgoa

  “This is me,” she says, catching her breath. Stepping out of the elevator, she turns around and waves at me. Her brown eyes watch me, and I want to understand what they’re saying, learn what she’s thinking, and... God, I’m screwed. “Thank you for everything.”

  “When will I see you again?” I ask, holding the doors open. Missing her lips already. Hoping she changes her mind and joins me so I can continue tasting all of her. Every inch, every corner.

  She shakes her head, while still catching up her breath. As she lifts her head, her big brown eyes are heavy-lidded. Mirroring my desire. “Someday?”

  Hell no. That’s sounds like too long. I step outside, dragging her against my body. “For the road?” I mumble against her lips as I claim them, tasting her one last time, sucking in her scent and remembering the feel of her body, even when this is over before it started.

  My mouth trails through her jaw, stopping behind her ear. “One night, Princess. Give me tonight,” I beg her. Her breath hitches as I grab her ass and press her against me taking her mouth one more time. “Please,” I plea.

  “One night,” she whispers with a raspy tone as she tries to catch up her breath as I drag her to my room.

  Chapter 4

  Jade

  THUD. My back presses against the bedroom wall. I whine softly through his lips as he scoots farther up, our tongues opposing the other perfectly. His demanding control; mine is submitting to his heart-melting kiss. Everything around me becomes a blur. Somewhere between run away and our first kiss my common sense disappeared and along with the list of reasons why I don’t do one night stands. Was there a list? I can’t remember anything but him. The now and the moment we’re sharing.

  He breaks the kiss, bringing his lips to my ear, his teeth grazing over my lobe. “You taste like fucking heaven.” My heart burst inside my chest, and before I can respond, he stamps his mouth over mine again making me forget how to speak. His teeth tug at my bottom lip. I whimper, clawing at his back wanting more. I buck my hips to meet his, desperate to create friction. More, I scream inside my head. Give me more.

  “Patience, Princess.” He chuckles lowly, almost with a mischievous gleam to his smirk. He knows I’m at his mercy, and he’s just getting started. I moan as his lips meet mine, this time, he kisses me hard. Leaving me breathless.

  His hands grab the hem of my top, breaking the kiss as I lift my arms so he can remove it. Tossing it on the side as I help him taking off my skirt. His eyes roamed over my body, which warms as I realize he’s drinking me all. Eye fucking me while his lips draw a wicked smile. His hands rest on my waist as he brings me closer to him. I can feel his throbbing cock through his pants. Instead, his fingers dance through my skin, outlining my lacy panties; climbing my torso and then my strapless bra. My chest rises as he unhooks it, releasing my breasts.

  “Beautiful,” he moans against my skin as he lowers his head and sucks my nipple. I try to help him with the buttons of his shirt, but it’s impossible. My breath catches in my throat, as my legs begin to go weak. My panties are soaked, and I’m panting, begging for more.

  He takes off his shirt, and while he uses his hips to keep me pinned to the wall, he reaches down to unzip his pants while his other hand snakes up to tweak my pert nipple. I glance down for a brief moment, unsure if it’s the massive dry spell I’ve been experiencing making his pulsating erection much more desirable. It’s throbbing against my pelvis and his rock hard abs as he grabs my chin roughly, redirecting my attention back to his perfect plump lips and the dimple on his chin.

  “Bed,” I mumble, wrapping my legs back around his waist before he gets any more encouragement to take me here and now.

  The frustration emanating from his animalistic growl makes me giggle. Look who’s in charge now. But it doesn’t last long. He grabs me by the rear as if I weigh nothing. He wastes no time taking his pants off. I only take a few short breaths before he’s on top of me once more, his light green eyes lit with burning intensity in the moonlight. His tongue is shoving down my throat once more. Teasing me roughly, his mouth moves to trace my jaw, then my neck. He slips past my breasts, sucking one mercilessly as he makes his way down my body. The next thing I know, his tongue is at my slit, parting my lips expertly while driving me mad. He works his tongue as far as it can go into my passage, back and forth on repeat. When he relinquishes, his tongue hooks onto the top of my entrance—sliding as roughly as he can up to my clitoris. My clit is pulsing with desire as two fingers replace where his tongue attempted to dig into me. I push myself forward seeking release. For him to fill me.

  “Greedy little girl, aren’t you?” he rasps. “Can’t suffice with just one measly finger,” he chastises me playfully before sticking a third finger inside me, pushing deeper.

  It’s all too much, his tongue licking, making me wetter so his hand can slide into me. His head bobs, as he works between my legs. His mouth sucking my clit, his finger moving in and out faster. Spreading me open, thrusting, plunging as he consumes me. I shut my eyes, grasping the comforter like a safety blanket as he continues the ministration. I scream as the heat building inside my body creates an explosion that shatters every cell of my body. He kisses my core once before the weight of his body leaves the bed. As I open my eyes, I find him on top of me. He leans down and kisses me sweetly. Tasting myself on his lips feels somehow personal. Intimate. Exciting.

  “God, you’re perfect,” he murmurs, tracing my jaw with his fingers. “I plan on tasting every inch of you tonight.”

  I lick my lips as I watch him tear the condom wrapping open, and rolling it on his long, thick cock. He moves between my legs. “Open wide.” He pushes my knees lightly, and I spread them open. I tense, as I feel his cock drive inside of me. Every inch sliding deeper and deeper. Despite the shadows, I can still make out the glistening beads of sweat marring his wavy, dirty blond hair.

  “Fuck, you’re so tight, Jade.” His low husky voice travels through my ears, making me shiver.

  “Please.” I move my hips forward, wanting friction, release. More. He moves his hips backward, but slams forward making me grunt, as my pussy clutches him tight. I’m overwhelmed with the sensation of being full, whole even. He reclaims my mouth, balancing himself on one hand as he thrusts faster and harder. The other hand flicks my clit briefly before pressing hard onto my lower abdomen—pushing my g-spot further onto his cock. I grip his back as his dick slides in and out of me, hitting spots I’ve heard exist, but no one has ever reached.

  “Wrap your legs around me,” he orders speeding up his rhythm as I follow his instructions. His mouth kisses my neck, sucking my hardened nipples, nibbling my sensitive skin. Our eyes meet, and I see it. A fire consuming us as he slides in and out of me, and my hips move at the same rhythm matching each thrust.

  “So beautiful,” he growls. His eyes grow heavy as he slams faster and faster. Pleasure taking over my body again, sending me higher, burning from the inside out. I don't want this moment to end, but a spectacular wave of pleasure wracks through me. Followed by a shout that fills the air, and I realize with a flash, that it is my own. His face goes tense; his mouths takes mine as he thrusts a couple more times before he comes. It’s a slow, sweet kiss. His tongue moves just the same way he does inside me. With leisure, with... care. And I can feel it. His heart beats just as fast as mine. He kisses my forehead before pulling out of me and rolling off. He leaves the bed leaving me cold. Missing him and wondering if this is it. Should I leave? I’ve never had a one-nighter before, and I really don’t want to leave. It doesn’t take long for him to come back pulling me into his arms.

  “Stay the night.” His lips rest on my naked shoulder. I nod in response, my eyes feeling as heavy as my body. Tired from the excitement of the wedding, helping my cousin with the last minute details, bartending. And... from the bone-melting, heart-stopping moment we just shared. “Go to sleep, Princess. I might wake you up a little later for another round.”

  I close my eyes, settling my head on t
op of his chest. His lips touching my head, the slow beat of his heart soothing me. I was asleep within minutes.

  • • •

  Mom taught us to experience life in the fullest. Take it as a big adventure and don’t shy away from the unknown—as long as it’s safe. I’m sure her philosophy doesn’t apply to Hudson or our unexpected night, but I’m glad I didn’t shy from dancing with him and... well, the sex was great, but it isn’t the only thing I enjoyed. After a long nap, we woke up for another round. It was different from the first time. Slow, but delicious. Hudson ordered a snack, and we chatted for a couple of hours. Our conversation covered college, our families, and hobbies. I don’t remember when we fell asleep the second time.

  But now I’m confused on to what to do next. I have no idea how a one-night stand works, and how to react as I wake up covered with a blanket and a strong arm hugging my waist. Should I collect my stuff, dress, and forget we happened? Rolling slightly to my right I can appreciate his serene face. He looks peaceful. I dare to say a little satisfied and happy, but I wouldn’t be sure of the last two. My heart beats fast as I imagine another night with him and what not, sharing another day too. And I wonder about the warm feeling inside my chest. The same that lingered once we came back down from the high of the orgasm. My heart skips a beat when I listen to his soft breathing. Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

  Doubtful. Though, everything between us feels right. From the moment our gazes connected to waking up with him after sharing what I think might be an unforgettable night. But maybe I should leave it like that, a night to remember. Leave and never look back.

  “Morning, beautiful.” His eyes open as I try to escape his hold, he reaches up and caresses my jawline with the back of his hand. His sleepy gaze glossing over, watching me intently. “Did you sleep well?”

  The answer is yes. I’ve never had a better night’s sleep with someone next to me—or alone. I smile pleasantly, training my features, mostly ordering myself to use my head and waiting for the wave of doubt to settle. I’m worried that he’ll see right through me and accuse me of making our time together seem like more than it was. But it was so much more than the night he offered. Is that why my heart is beating fast, and my skin tingles with his touch? The army of butterflies that fluttered inside my stomach since the moment he approached the bar hasn’t stopped.

  What is he doing to me?

  Settle down, Jade. Don’t confuse great sex with...it was one night.

  Of course. This insignificant crush will be in the past after I board the plane, why worry?

  “Should we have breakfast?” I ask as he gives me a mischievous glare and his fingers begin to caress my skin.

  One side of his lips curls up, he pulls me towards him, his nose nuzzling my neck. “I’ll have you for breakfast.”

  His husky voice reminded me of the big bad wolf, and I was about to become his meal—again.

  Chapter 5

  Hudson

  Always avoid sleepovers. That’s a cardinal rule of mine. So waking up next to her was unexpected, but felt natural. She’s ...perfect. Jade’s more than a pretty face and a sexy body. Her eyes captivated me, her plumped lips along with her witty mouth sucked me into her world. There’s a sweet innocence in her eyes I want to corrupt and protect all at the same time. Well, maybe she isn’t perfect, but who is. My point is that I can see myself with her, or the least having her for breakfast often. Daily.

  Fuck. Wait. What happened to a one-night stand? It wasn’t only one. I blew the entire one-night stand sequence the moment I brought her to my room. Usually, I go to the woman’s place, we fuck, and I leave. She was supposed to leave, but after we had sex I couldn’t see her leave my side. Let’s make it a night, I thought. Earlier, when I felt her moving, I held her tight. Afraid she’d escape. I just couldn’t entertain the thought of letting her go. Once I had her for breakfast, I suggested brunch. And here we are, sharing a meal while learning even more about her. Finding ways to see her again.

  “You never told me, what do you do for a living?” I ask while pouring syrup over my pancakes. “It’s fair; I told you about being a project manager, studying an MBA and planning on opening a company someday.”

  “Hey, I told you a lot about me,” she complains. The wrinkle between her eyebrows is deepening, her mouth twisting to the side. Reading this woman isn’t hard, yet, there are many things I don’t understand well. Just like I can’t comprehend why I want to know everything about her. “Even my darkest secrets.”

  “Like?” I throw out the question, hopeful she’ll add something new to the tapestry of who she is.

  “I still sleep with a nightlight. I create stories—fantasize about alternate worlds that combine different centuries. I fear that someday my family will be fed up with me.” Her chin hits her chest. Her shoulders go up and down in resignation. “I want to find my biological parents, or at least my origins.”

  With my index finger, I lift her chin. The sight of her watery brown eyes creates a desire to hold her tight, press her against my chest to drain out all the sadness she harbors and promise her that while she’s with me nothing and no one will hurt her.

  “I’m good with computers and research. If you ever need help with that last part, I’m your man.” The last three words freeze my entire body. As I repeat them inside my head, I realize they don’t alarm me, not with her. But I’m not ready to act on them or whatever is brewing between us. I don’t want to scare her. “Are you going to tell me what you do for a living, or should I Google you?”

  And, as she’s been doing all night long, she laughs at my stupid comments. “I’m a little of everything. Photographer, journalist, graphic designer.”

  “An artist?” I look at her, wondering how she can do all of them at the same time.

  “Yeah.” She bows her head, looking away from me like she’s embarrassed. “I’m not as smart or patient as you, computer engineers. I know, because my best friend, Libby, is a techy like you. Or as highly competitive and anal as my cousin, the lawyer.”

  She lets out a loud breath. “I’m curious, determined, passionate, creative...but I have zero discipline.”

  “You’re smart,” I assure her. “And creative. Us engineers don’t have a creative bone in our bodies. It’s the beauty of being human. Our unique abilities are what makes this world diverse.”

  “I love what I do. But every time I tell others...” She lets out another breath. “Each person has a different reaction, but everything comes down to how little money I make and how much more I could make if I had chosen a different career. And it’s not like I don’t care about my salary, but as long as I can support myself and my lifestyle, the rest doesn’t matter.”

  “Each person is different,” I agree to disagree. Because for me is about the bottom line, how much I make and that I’ll have in my bank account for the rest of my life. Working hard and achieving my financial goals is the only thing that matters. I’m lucky I am able to do something I love—work with computers. Once I start my own business, though, that’s when I’ll be doing what I like—be my own boss. “You have to focus on what you want and not what others want from you. As long as you’re happy, the rest doesn’t matter. Don’t let anyone change who you want to be and what you want from life. Never.”

  “What is it about us?” she asks, placing the fork on top of her empty plate. “We start talking about something light and end up discussing deep subjects.”

  I press my lips tight, pondering the same. What is it about Jade Vance that brings out the guy I don’t want to be? The kind of man who takes a woman to dates, pays attention to the conversation and wants to know more. Even introduce her to his family, wonderers what she’s thinking. She makes me want to spend with her all night talking about everything and nothing. A man who wants a serious relationship.

  Fuck. There’s that word. Relationship. Those are complicated, and when I’m in one, I try to keep it casual. In my twenty-eight years of life, I’ve avoided deep conn
ections and falling in love. If I’m not careful, this woman will introduce me to both and serve me with a plate of broken heart and lifeless nights. To counteract the effect, she’s having on me, I go for something light.

  “Next weekend, you and I will climb one of the Fourteeners—your choice. We can call it date number two.” No, that’s not light. Fuck what is she doing to me?

  “I think I can handle it.” Suddenly, she freezes, her brows raise. “No. Wait. What am I thinking? I can’t.”

  The deep connection we forged seems like a stupid subject only I worried about seconds ago. “Really?” The irony. She’ll be the one ditching me.

  “Yeah, I’m leaving the country tomorrow,” she tells me cheerfully.

  “Seriously?” That’s the lamest excuse I’ve heard. “You’re not just pulling some ‘nice to meet you’ bullshit?”

  She giggles, finishing her juice.

  “I’m not kidding,” she reassures me warmly. “I’ve been planning on backpacking with some friends since freshmen year of college. After, I’m going to grad school.”

  “Not to sound like a narcissistic ass, but do you think...” Jesus, I feel like a sap even thinking about asking her.

  “That if I had met you sooner I’d stick around?” It’s like the woman can read my mind. Jade shrugs, fidgeting with her napkin.

  Well, we still can exchange numbers and once she’s back, pick up where we left. And then she mentions years.

  Three years away from home. No, no, no. What happened to hikes during the summer, skiing every other weekend? Wait, I made up those plans inside my head.

  Keep this casual, Drago. It was only sex. She’s going to grad school, and you don’t want a serious relationship. Think what can happen if you fall for her and she leaves you.

  Still, she could’ve been a great steady date. Damn, you meet a great girl, and there’s always a catch. There’s no way I could even wait that long without having sex. If it weren’t the most forward and stupid idea I’ve ever had—or even if I had known her for more than just a day—I think I would ask her not to go. At least we had fun.