“Shit.”
“I’ll go talk to her. In the meantime, find Jamie and stay out of trouble.”
“Okay.” Lisa turned to leave, but I caught her arm. “Wait. Make sure you steer clear of Trina and Erin and Destiny and that other one . . . Cl—” Christ. I was such a fuckwit. I couldn’t even remember the name of the woman I had sex with less than two years ago. “Charity?”
Lisa gave me a pained look. “You told me you were going to talk to Tenley before the party.”
“There wasn’t a good time.”
“There’s never going to be a good time.”
“I know that. I didn’t want to ruin things. Can we talk about this later? I need you to find her and take care of her. She’s drunk and angry and Sarah’s with her. None of those things are good for me.”
“Fine. But don’t think for a second we aren’t going to talk about this.”
I pulled her into a brief hug. “I’m sorry I’m always screwing shit up.”
She seemed surprised by the affection. “Your intentions are always good, it’s your execution that’s lacking. I’ll see what I can do.”
Lisa disappeared outside. I had a strong urge to follow, but then I’d look like a whipped loser. Which I was. Instead I headed to the basement, where Chris was playing pool. At the built-in bar was an array of drinks and snacks, including cupcakes. They were definitely Tenley’s creations. Black-and-white wrappers in varying designs housed a variety of flavors, icing piled high, little hearts and skulls sprinkled on top. I took one, unwrapped it, and shoved the entire thing in my mouth.
“She made six dozen–you don’t need to inhale them,” Jamie said. He approached the bar, dropped ice cubes in a plastic glass, and poured me a scotch. “You look like you need this.”
“Hey bro, I haven’t seen you all night,” Chris said as he racked the balls. “You want to play?”
“Sure.” I didn’t have anything better to do.
“Whoa H, Tenley having a hard time waiting to get home?” Chris asked.
When I gave him a blank look, he pointed to the side of my neck.
“Oh that.” I hadn’t bothered to look at it. It was sensitive to touch, so it must have been pretty bad. “No, that was payback for being an asshole.”
“You? An asshole? That’s hard to believe,” Jamie snickered.
“I guess it could have been worse?” Chris offered.
“It probably will be later.”
The upcoming conversation with Tenley was one I didn’t want to have. I’d put it off for too long and now, like always, it was biting me in the ass. Almost an hour later Tenley still hadn’t come looking for me. Irritable after losing three games, I went upstairs to find her. I trolled the rooms and ended up running into Damen.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked, checking for his entourage of wannabe tattooists and thugs in training.
“I was invited.”
“By who?” Jamie would never welcome him into his house, and Lisa steered clear of Damen at all costs. “Has Lisa seen you?”
“Not yet,” he said, apathetic. His eyes drifted to my neck. “Sienna’s here somewhere, although from the look of things you might have already found her.”
Shit. The situation was going from bad to worse. I needed to find Tenley and get her home before those two ran into each other.
I turned away from Damen, looked over the room, and came up empty. Maybe the girls had gone upstairs. The hall was roped off past the bathroom. I ducked under the rope and tried all the doors, but they were locked. Stepping into the bathroom, I closed myself in to muffle the pounding music and called Tenley. Voice mail kicked in, so I hung up and sent a text instead. I was about to go back downstairs and do another sweep of the house when the door flew open.
Sienna. She was wearing a black-corset-looking thing that didn’t begin to cover enough skin. Her massive cleavage was pushed up and in, her nipples hazardously close to showing. The sequined black miniskirt she paired it with was so short that I’d catch an eyeful if she bent over.
“Trina! Guess who I found?”
Trina appeared behind her, blocking the doorway. Her eyes lit up with the same salacious intent.
“Trina tells me you’ve been occupied all night, but it looks like you aren’t anymore.”
Trina didn’t say a word as she came up behind Sienna. Her eyes stayed on me as she licked a path from Sienna’s neck to her ear. Sienna moaned. She sounded like a porn star.
I’d seen more than enough. “Well, it looks like you girls have got a handle on things. If you don’t mind, I’m going to head back to the party.” Even I was impressed with how blasé I sounded. I was practically shitting my pants. I’d texted Tenley my location. This was not the kind of scene I wanted her walking in on.
“Oh no, you don’t.” Sienna’s seductive pout disappeared. She pushed away from Trina and wrapped herself around me, hooking one of her legs around mine, the sharp end of her stiletto biting into the back of my knee. Her other leg came between mine, and she gyrated her hips against my black pants. That would leave a mark.
“Don’t you want to fuck?” she whined.
“I’m good, thanks.”
Thank Christ my dick had the decency not to get hard. I might hate her, but I didn’t always have control over how my body wanted to react to two chicks making out in 3-D. Fortunately the connection between it and my brain must have been intact, processing the who, and not just the what.
“Get off me.” I caught her hand before it could move lower.
Trina stood off to the side, watching the altercation with perverse fascination.
“Make me,” Sienna purred.
So we were back to this again. “Your desperation is pathetic.” Disinclined to feed into her BS, I gathered up her other wrist as she tried to hold on to my neck. How I managed to find myself in such fucked-up situations was beyond me.
“Hayden?” Tenley pulled my attention away from the overprocessed harpy still stuck to my leg.
Tenley stood in the hall, just outside the bathroom. The color drained from her face. She blinked, eyes brimming.
“Shit. Tenley, I can explain.”
I shoved Sienna away. She stumbled back and hit the vanity, causing the soap dispenser to fall into the sink with a loud crack.
Icy distaste replaced the devastation on Tenley’s face. She turned and ran, skidding down the hall. I went to follow, afraid she’d slip or worse, but Sienna got in front of me.
“Just let her go, Hayden. She’ll never understand you. She’ll never be enough.”
A surge of violent hostility tore through me. I willed my hands to stay at my sides and not wrap around her throat.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Why? So you can chase after her and hear things you already know are true? She can’t handle you, you have to know that. You can’t be faithful to her. You’ll get bored.”
Her words sparked an epiphany. I suddenly realized why I had always gone back to Sienna. On some level I had believed the shit she spewed. Her manipulation had kept me bound to my own self-loathing tendencies. Until Tenley, I hadn’t known what it felt like to be with someone who understood the pain beneath my ink. I did now.
“I need you to listen to me,” I seethed, quiet and controlled. “I hate you. Do you get that? You ruin my life every time you come back into it.”
She paled and staggered back, like I’d slapped her. I advanced on her and Trina seized my arm, but I shook her off.
“I. Hate. You. I hate what you do to me. I hate you more than the fucking psycho who shot my parents. Do you understand?”
“Hayden, stop.” Trina touched my shoulder.
I wheeled on her. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
She backed away, hands up in surrender. When I turned to Sienna, I saw my reflection in the mirror, eyes wild, jaw tight, a malignant sneer distorting my face. There was only panic in Sienna’s gaze.
“I asked
you a question. Do you understand?”
Her head bobbed up and down.
“Stay the fuck away from me and what’s mine,” I barked.
I stormed down the hallway, hell-bent on finding Tenley so I could once again try to fix what I’d broken.
28
HAYDEN
Lisa and Chris stopped me at the front door. Judging by their concern, I must have looked like a complete mental case.
“Where is she?”
“Sarah took Tenley home,” Lisa said. “I tried to talk to her, but she was too upset.”
“What the hell happened? Tee was flipping out.”
“Sienna happened. She and Trina cornered me in the upstairs bathroom. Those two are a fucking nightmare. Sienna wouldn’t walk away. She just kept coming at me and running her mouth.”
“What?” Lisa looked ill.
“Are you kidding?” Chris practically snarled.
“I wish I was. Tenley walked in when Sienna was trying to hump my leg. You know how she is, Chris. I just wanted to get away from her without doing any damage.” My eyes felt wrong, weird. Like they were watering. It was getting harder to breathe. I pressed the heel of my hand against my forehead, hoping to fend off what felt like the beginning of a panic attack. “I need to get to Tenley so I can explain. Make her understand.”
As I headed for the door, Lisa got in the way. “You can’t drive.”
I started to argue but thought better of it. I’d been drinking and I was pissed, not a good combination for getting behind the wheel. “Fine. I’ll run.”
“I can take you,” Chris offered.
“How are you in better form than me?” Chris was usually the first to tie one on.
“He’s had two beers all night. Jamie will vouch,” Lisa replied.
“Sarah said she was coming. I didn’t want to get hammered and do something stupid,” he said with an apologetic shrug.
“I wish I’d been smart enough to do that.” I tossed my keys to Chris. “I’m not getting on the crotch rocket.”
He snatched them out of the air. “It’s not a crotch rocket.”
Before I could follow him out of the house, Lisa threw her arms around me. “I’m really sorry, Hayden. I didn’t invite Sienna. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I know.” I gave her a swift peck on the cheek and took off after Chris.
He was already in my car, gunning the engine. I dropped into the passenger seat and he pulled away from the curb.
“I’m sorry, man. This whole thing is my fault,” he said, downshifting as he turned the corner.
“No, it’s not. I made my own decision to go to The Dollhouse. You didn’t hold a gun to my head.” I tapped my fingers on the dash, anxious to get to Tenley.
“I don’t mean that. I invited Sarah to the party the last time I was there. Damen overheard and asked about it.”
That explained a lot. I couldn’t be mad at Chris, though. It would have gotten back to Sienna somehow.
Both the Tercel and the Prius were parked behind Serendipity, which meant they’d made it home okay. I just hoped Tenley would speak to me. Chris followed me up, prepared to act as a distraction if necessary.
Sarah answered the door. Her eyes widened a fraction when she saw Chris standing behind me, but she remained impassive otherwise. “You’re really not all that attached to your balls, are you?”
I lowered a hand protectively, uncertain about her intentions and the safety of said balls. “I can explain.”
“Oh, really? You can explain why you were in a bathroom fucking around with two women?” The calm façade dropped. “I’d love to hear the story, but I’m busy keeping my friend from going off the deep end because her boyfriend is a cheating fuckwad!”
None of what she said shocked me, except the “boyfriend” part. Was that what I was? Sarah started to slam the door in my face, but I put out a hand to stop her. “Listen. I get that you’re upset with me right now—”
“ ‘Upset’ doesn’t even begin to touch how I feel about you—”
“—and I appreciate that as Tenley’s friend, you want to protect her. But you have no idea what happened, and neither does she. Tenley’s spinning worst-case scenarios in her head and I can’t have that. I need to explain so she can understand, and you’re preventing me from doing that. Do you see how that’s a problem for me?” I asked, struggling to remain calm.
“I’m having difficulty understanding why I should give a shit.”
“Because you, like me, care about Tenley. I wouldn’t be here negotiating with you if I didn’t.”
“You have one minute to explain.”
I briefly considered moving her out of the way to get to Tenley, but if I wanted to make things better, it wouldn’t go over well to manhandle Tenley’s friend.
“I was searching for Tenley. I knew she was pissed at me for being a dick earlier.” I motioned to my neck, like I needed to point out the obvious.
“Excuse me,” Chris said from over my shoulder.
Both Sarah and I turned to look at him with disbelief. I wasn’t sure if I should be more shocked by his polite address or the fact that he was interrupting my time-limited explanation.
“I know you don’t want Tee to get hurt, Sarah, but in this case, it would be better for H to talk to her. Why don’t we give them a few minutes to sort things out? If Tee wants him to leave, I’ll take him home and make sure he stays there.”
Sarah stared at him, clearly contemplating the request. “Fine. But I’m leaving the door to my apartment open.” She gave me a hateful glare and stormed past.
As soon as she cleared the door I went into the apartment. Tenley was sitting on one of the bar stools, her hands clasped in front of her, a pile of shredded tissue on the counter. I could still hear Sarah in the hall, followed by Chris’s gentle coaxing. I ignored them, my focus on the veil of dark hair obscuring Tenley’s face. She lifted her head when I closed the door. Her eyes were red, puffy, her cheeks blotchy from crying. And I was to blame.
Tenley eyed me as I crossed the room. When I rounded the counter, she put her hand up and shook her head.
“That’s close enough.” It came out a gravelly whisper.
I raised my hands in supplication. “I’m sorry, kitten.”
“Don’t call me that.” Her hand shook as she touched the angry mark on her neck. Mine was worse. “What was the purpose of this? Were you looking to mark your territory in case you decided you might want to finish up with me when you were done with your exes?”
“They aren’t exes.”
“Oh no? How would you define it then? Booty calls? Fuck buddies?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like? Please enlighten me, because from where I am, the picture it paints isn’t very pretty. I may not have the wealth of experience you do, but I’m not stupid. Clearly you’ve been with both of those women at some point. From the look of it, neither one of them minded sharing you. Is that what you want?”
“Are you fucking serious?” I asked, shocked she would think that. But it made sense, considering the messed-up situation she’d walked in on.
Her shoulders bowed and she looked down at the counter. “Wasn’t that what the text was about? Some sort of sick invitation to join you?”
Nausea washed over me.
“That’s not how things went down. It had been an hour and you still hadn’t come back. I couldn’t find you on the main floor so I checked upstairs, but you weren’t there. I called so I could come get you, and when you didn’t answer, I sent a text. Sienna and Trina barricaded me in the bathroom when I tried to leave.”
Tenley scoffed. “You didn’t seem to mind the attention.”
“I know how it must look from your perspective, but Sienna is messed up. Dealing with her is a challenge when she’s sober, let alone when she’s hopped up on amphetamines and loaded. I was trying to get her off me without hurting her.”
Tenley regarded me with skepticism.
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“Think about what you saw. I was holding her wrists so she couldn’t touch me.” I waited for her to see the logic and acknowledge it could be true.
“Do you have any idea how humiliating tonight was for me?” She’d gone flat, like I drained all the emotion out of her.
The sinking feeling in my stomach grew heavier. “I didn’t mean it to be that way. Look, Tenley, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. This is new to me.” When she gave no response, I sighed. “This . . . thing, relationship, whatever we have, I’ve spent my life avoiding this, so I’m at a loss here. My past is unpleasant, and truthfully I don’t like the idea of sharing it with you.”
“It’s that bad?” She peeked up at me.
“I don’t know, maybe. I guess it depends on who you’re asking. I can’t change it. It’s part of who I was. Past tense. All I know is that I want you, all the fucking time, every day, endlessly. I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t know how to make sense of it without overwhelming you, and I don’t want to tell you anything that’s going to jeopardize it.”
“Do you think I know what I’m doing any more than you?”
Of course that’s what I thought. Tenley went to college. She must have dated. Had boyfriends. Probably several, which made me want to hurt someone. But that was an assumption, because we never talked about it. “Don’t you?”
“I’ve had one long-term relationship.”
I stared at her, my brain slow to process. “You’ve only fucked one other person?”
She cringed, maybe at my crass terminology. “That’s not what I said.”
Her cheeks went a brilliant shade of red, and I couldn’t tell whether she was lying or embarrassed. While part of me didn’t want this kind of information, there was a certain degree of satisfaction in knowing I was one of very few, double standard notwithstanding.
“Elaborate, please,” I said.
“Are you asking for a head count?”
“Yes.” As soon as I said it, I wanted to change my answer.
“Are you going to give me one?” she asked, brow arched defiantly.
“I don’t have an exact number.”
“Do you have a ballpark estimate?”
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