by Nicole Thorn
My mother had been annoyed that I called her with this. Are you kidding me? My mom could be cold on a good day, but this felt entirely new. A level of apathy that impressed even me. Work must have been a real heavy load on her if she didn’t mind sharing her town with a psycho.
What could I do now? Of course, a murderer probably wouldn’t show up to kill me tonight, but none of his victims thought they’d get picked either, in all likelihood. I didn’t really know much about this killer, the cases, or the victims. Better safe than sorry.
I rushed to turn my laptop on. I sat at my desk and tapped my fingers until the desktop popped up. I couldn’t have moved my fingers on the keyboard any faster. I wanted to know it all. Everything there was to know about this man. So I began to do what any good twenty-first century girl would do.
I Googled him.
CHAPTER FIVE:
Silence
Isaiah
A single drop of blood fell on my bathroom counter. It splashed, staining the white. I set my straight razor down and took care of the cut on my chin. The small cut made a lot of blood.
After the flood dried up, I finished shaving. It made me look too… approachable, when I had some scruff. I didn’t like it. People would smile at me, speak to me, ask me for things. I also wore a police uniform, so maybe that had something to do with it. People were supposed to look to us for help, not harm. Guess I missed that day at the academy.
Blue had taken to running around, trying to bite his own tail. He didn’t seem to understand that catching it would not be that easy. Still, he tried with all his heart. The poor dog probably needed another companion. Something more alive for him to play with. Two puppies would undoubtedly end me. I didn’t want four huge eyes trying to wear me down. And they would. They would win every time, because I couldn’t say no to a dog.
When I bought him, I knew I did the wrong thing. I knew something like him deserved to be in a loving home. Maybe one with a kid or two. People capable of taking care of him emotionally as well as physically. But no. I brought him home. I brought him here to be my company, and I didn’t give a damn about him. I didn’t realize at the time that he would be a real, living thing with a soul. He looked at me, and I could see what he felt. I knew what bark meant what want. I knew how to make him happy. It made me wish I never took him from what he could have had.
Once I finished shaving, I went to get dressed. Blue pounced on my shadow as I walked, and he looked pleased to do so. I started buttoning my shirt when he managed to get up on the bed by himself. That earned a treat. I got some of his special treats out of my nightstand and tossed him one. He barked at me and attacked it.
“It takes so little with you.”
Blue looked up and cocked his head. He watched me while he finished off the treat.
I finished dressing and getting my gun belt loaded up with my equipment, then I went for the shoes. Luckily for the dog, I had to sit on the bed in order to put them on. Blue hopped up, pressing his nose to my face as if to tell me he loved me. I returned the affection as best I could. I pet the little bastard’s tummy because that gave him bliss. I wasn’t a good person in any sense of the word, but I wouldn’t deny something as innocent as an animal delight. Especially my own. If he had to have someone like me as an owner, then at least I could pet him.
He closed his eyes and wagged his tail as his leg kicked in the air. His tongue fell out of his mouth, and I thought he might propose to me. I had to cut it off when a few minutes passed. He looked upset, but he still tried to lick my face. I did not let him.
I picked up my puppy, and he yipped all the way to his bed. I laid him in it, and he stared at me. His eyes looked accusing, but I didn’t know my sin.
“What?” I asked like he could answer.
He stood up and walked back to my bed. He looked at me, and then the bed again.
“No more petting. I have bad men to catch.” I felt myself make a face. “Well…” I squinted. “Worse men.”
The dog barked and tried hopping onto the bed again. He couldn’t find his footing, so I showed mercy. Not the neck breaking kind, but the good guy kind. I picked him up and placed him on the bed. He proceeded to walk up to the top of the bed and lie down right on my pillow. The one I used, as opposed to the unused one, meant for the wife I’d never have. I had no clue why I bought more than one pillow. Maybe because the comforter set came with two pillowcases. The woman who sold it to me promised that it had been good quality. Right before she gave me her number. I never went shopping for home goods in my uniform again after that.
I left Blue to sleep on my pillow, because I couldn’t actually stop him. Before I left, I turned the radio on for him. He seemed to like jazz, which I found interesting. I chose not to read into it.
I didn’t turn the radio on as I drove to the station. I found that silence made it easier to focus on not steering a little to the left, moving to another road, and ending some random bastard in the next town over. I didn’t have time at the moment, since I worked half the day and needed to sleep the other half. If I didn’t sleep enough, I’d get sloppy. I couldn’t afford to get sloppy if I wanted to stay out of prison. Not that I think I’d mind so much. Except that I couldn’t relieve this pressure in my head there.
My breaking point drew nearer every day. It had become a steady decline, and I honestly didn’t know how much more I could take. I needed something. Something to make this sick, desperate feeling go away. I needed to exchange it for something else.
I felt like a drug addict. If draining the life out of people could be a drug. Watching the look in their eyes the precise moment their soul left their body. I took from them because it gave to me. I needed a hit, and I didn’t have any supply. Desperate men did desperate things. Ugly things, even for me. I didn’t think this world could take my version of ugly.
When I walked into the station, everyone worked in a frenzy over the new body. Tension rode the air and the sheriff looked like a mess. I’d seen him down six cups of coffee in an hour and a half. His hands shook as he pored over the files he’d been staring at for weeks. Getting nowhere aged him faster than he could afford.
I went to my desk and started the paperwork I skipped out on the day before. I should have put to paper how my day at the school went. Since nothing happened, it went quick.
“Christ.” Deputy Carter groaned as he hung up his phone.
The sheriff leaned to the side and yelled out the open door. “If it’s another body, I quit. Right. Fucking. Now.”
Carter shook his head. “Nope. Someone called in a bomb threat to the high school. Probably some damn kid wanting to get out of a test.”
The sheriff cursed for thirty seconds straight before he stood up and left his safe little office. “Well, great. That means I have to send a couple of you down to the school, but I need you all here.”
“What about the deputy who’s already at the school?” another person asked. I couldn’t tell who.
Draper leaned his arm against the doorframe. “He’s not enough. The school needs a full sweep. Sorry.”
I didn’t know what I planned to do until too late. “I’ll go.”
Every head turned to me, but the most confused expression belonged to the sheriff. “Um, are you volunteering?”
I nodded, letting my body take over. “I am.”
He blinked. “Oh, okay then. You and Carter can go. Take separate cars.” Draper turned and went back into his office, closing the door.
Carter didn’t look at me. He slid his chair back and stood up, gathering what he needed. I did the same, not saying another word on my way out.
In the car, I still couldn’t figure out why I did this. It would be nothing more than a waste of time.
When I got to the school, all of the students shuffled outside with annoyed teachers behind them. The deputy stationed outside spoke with one of the teachers. Authority figures never really liked me, but that teacher acted like he knew something had been broken inside me. He could see
it every time he looked at me. He could be smiling, catch my eye, and then his expression would turn haunted like he couldn’t remember what it felt like to be joyous. Like I took it from him.
I scanned the field. I didn’t look for anything, of course, but my chest tightened when nothing caught my eye. It left an already hollowed out center feel even more hollow.
I never let myself get surrounded by this many people. Certainly not when I had been in the middle of a drought like this. My fingers twitched at my sides, wanting to touch the steel of my gun. I’d never ended anyone like that. Too quick. Too loud. But right then, I could hardly remember my own name. Like a ticking clock in my head, this monster poked at me.
I could pick any one of them. So many to pick from, too. They would come with me. Yes, they would come. They felt safe with me. I could pick one, and take them somewhere. I closed my eyes, trying to feel a throat in my hands, pressing down on that throat, listening to the last breath they took, feeling the pulse as it faded. I needed… I needed…
“I’m fine. I have a book to read.” I heard a voice that sounded like wind chimes.
With a rush of adrenaline, my eyes opened. They found the source. Her. The girl, Lynn, leaned against a car with that group of brats, but I couldn’t see them. I only saw her. I saw the way the sun hit her hair, making it almost pink. I saw how pale she looked, and how flawless it made her appear. Then I saw her look up and see me. A small smile painted her face, and she waved to me.
It had vanished. The twitch in my fingertips, the ticking clock, the need. They evaporated. Gone with the wind. I felt peace, and a strange joy broke through me.
I didn’t respond to her quickly enough, and I watched the embarrassment on her face as it grew. Her bottom lip vanished under the upper one, and she looked to her book. I ruined it. I ruined it so quickly that I almost couldn’t believe it.
Any other man would go and talk to her. Greet her, like she tried to do with me. Another man would have eased the feeling in her stomach. A better man would have never looked at her in the first place.
She sat just a little ways off, and knowing that seemed to chase away the knots in my stomach. I felt at ease in a way that I didn’t have any right to. The monster went back to his cage and fell asleep.
“Barker,” the other deputy said, patting my shoulder. I glared at him until his smile faded and he removed his hand. “Um, Lee is heading in to check the left wing. I’m doing the right. Can you talk to some of the kids? Get an idea of who may have done this?”
I blinked and kept my face stony. “You think that I should go and talk to children? What makes you think any of them are going to tell me anything?”
He sighed. “Good point. You should head inside.”
I heard that shrill giggle again and looked toward it. Bird also leaned against her car while her boyfriend buried his face in her neck. She giggled and told him that they should stop or everyone around them would get jealous. Though by the sound of her tone, I would have guessed that would have been the ideal situation for her, feeding off that jealousy. Her hands slipped into his back pockets because she didn’t want him going anywhere. The bees around her stared off into space, waiting for their leader to tell them what to do. And there stood Lynn, reading her book and trying to squirm away from the group she didn’t belong in. I still wanted to know why she would pick them.
“You should head in,” the deputy said. “Before this whole place goes up.”
He took my attention from the light, and I thought of doing something violent to him. I thought of getting his blood on my hands for the sin. Killing him would be a bad idea. I tried not to kill people so connected to me.
Instead, I took one more look at Lynn, and I turned and entered the school.
****
We almost sent the students home. We did three sweeps of every single room in the whole place, and no one found a thing. They even brought the dog in. He didn’t find anything worthy of all this bullshit, but the kids probably liked getting some time off class. I knew I would have been back when I when I attended high school. Anything to get away from people and being locked in a little classroom, trapped at a desk.
Considering how many different bombs existed, calling us in had been a waste of time. They should have called in the right people from the start, but they hoped to save a couple of bucks. No expense could be spared with children’s lives on the line.
Still, I went through everything, even having to ignore the pull I felt to go outside. The building made me feel trapped. Walls surrounded me, and my head whispered that my salvation waited outside.
When we gave the all clear, students filed back in to class. The ones that had stayed, anyway. At least a third of them took off an hour before and I couldn’t blame them. I would have wrote the whole day off without even hesitating. We didn’t finish until nearly lunch time, so I could see the appeal of running away.
I stood outside, watching the students move in. My eyes found Lynn again, and that calm feeling slipped back through me. She walked with her eyes on the ground and her lips still overlapping. I watched her walk right past me without even a glance.
I told myself she didn’t see me.
Carter could be seen in the distance, shoving a kid into the backseat of his car. The boy started laughing, and that alone pissed me off. I didn’t care what he did, but I thought he might have been the boy who’d been throwing rocks at cars when all the students had been ushered outside this morning. Something to pass the time, I supposed.
The deputy on duty at the school, Lee, walked up to me. “We found him. Some damn kid called it in. He was bragging to his friends about it when Carter overheard.”
I rolled my eyes. He should have just stuck to throwing rocks. “Of course. What’s going to happen to him?”
Lee shrugged. “Probably let the rest of the boys down at the station scare the hell out of him till his mom picks him up. He’ll get tossed in a cell for a while. Maybe get expelled.” He looked up at the doors.
“Good.”
Lee nodded. “Yeah. You can head back now. I’ve got it all covered here.”
He walked away before I could say anything. I listened to the door close behind him, leaving me with this silence. It didn’t feel like it had this morning — hard to breathe. But without Lynn, the small reprieve started to wane. I didn’t feel the pull at the moment, but I knew it would return soon.
I walked into the school, not entirely sure what I planned to do, or why I decided to do this at all. I moved forward, walking without a destination. Students still filled the halls, trickling into class slowly as they saw me. I started losing focus. Quickly, the monster began waking up, and all these people hovered around me. I could go off at any moment, and I didn’t know which of these people would cause it.
The light came back through the cracks all at once. She leaned against the wall outside of a classroom, chatting with a teacher. I felt the stone cracking in the center of my chest. The light became too much for it, and the cracks broke apart wider. How? How could this be happening to me? Why did I feel human?
The students had almost gone, and I needed to leave. I’d be called back any moment now, and I had to be all right with that. The light would retreat, and the monster would come back out to play.
Lynn turned to walk through the hall, and I kept my eyes on her. The woman she spoke with walked just behind her, hand on Lynn’s lower back. It dipped lower, and I didn’t really think much of it until it dipped a little too low. I saw Lynn’s face as she turned. She looked back at the teacher as the woman went in the other direction. She had quiet and defeated discomfort on her delicate face. She shook it off and vanished around the corner.
She looked so upset. That woman did it. The woman upset Lynn. But with the light so brightly in my eyes, I had the ability to rationalize. Maybe it had been an accident. Best not jump to conclusions. Not when I felt this volatile.
I walked out of the school, trying to preserve Lynn’s face, but the imag
e already started to fade. I couldn’t get evergreen eyes that looked just as alive as the actual trees out of my head. I wish I knew what it felt like to be that alive.
CHAPTER SIX:
Why We Cry
Rocelyn
“That was pretty freaking awesome,” Hillary said, taking a bite of her salad. “I got out of having to present my project in front of everyone.” Of course that had been her priority.
Rosita rolled her eyes and sipped from her diet Coke. “You love attention, Hill. Don’t pretend you don’t.”
Hillary shrank against the tree. Her hand went to her pocket, feeling the cigarettes that she couldn’t smoke on campus. I’d seen her sneak off to smoke one. Always after a jab from our friends.
“Be nice, Rosy.” Axel flicked his sister’s arm. “Mom says you’re gonna age quicker if you’re pissy all the time.”
She flipped him off.
I ate quietly, not adding to the conversation. I still felt a little upset from this morning. Miss Finch seemed a little too… friendly. I didn’t think too much of the invite to her house, but things didn’t end there. During class, she spent the entirety of the hour staring at me after switching my seat so that I sat right in front of her. I could have written both of those things off if she hadn’t grabbed my ass on the way back to class. After that, I started thinking of every interaction we’d had to that point. She’d taken to making jokes that would be totally fine if they came from a friend. However, a teacher shouldn’t do it. I thought that maybe she tried to be ‘one of the kids’ but she failed. Hard. Make a joke about screwing me, fine. But touch me, and I didn’t play anymore.
The icing on the whole damn cake had probably been Deputy Barker not recognizing me when I waved. I got embarrassed far too easily. I was the girl who hid in the bushes if she accidentally called out to someone and they turned out to be someone else. And this time, I waved and smiled like a little kid. His face had been blank when he saw me. I could have crawled in a hole and died. At least he wouldn’t remember the incident.