by Dianne Drake
On her way back to the ER, she thought about the many ways she’d like to throttle that Donnie character, and every which way seemed too kind. A man like that deserved…
“From the look on your face, I’d say you’re about to tie someone up with surgical tape,” James said. He was bandaging the hands of the cook who’d tried dousing the grease fire with water. Not a good move. The fire had leapt from the pan. Luckily, the cook had managed to jump back far enough that his injuries weren’t serious.
She went to the sink to scrub her hands. “Surgical tape’s too good. I want something that’ll hurt more coming off.”
“Not for me, I hope,” he teased.
“For Donnie.”
“Donnie? As in…?”
“The man who isn’t Tyler’s father! Tyler thinks he’ll be accused of starting the fire at the lodge,” she said, trying to keep her temper in check, even though she was so angry she was almost shaking.
“I don’t understand.”
“I mentioned that we had to take care of people from the fire and he said he didn’t start it. Because of the way he reacted, I asked him if he’d ever started a fire at his house, and he said his dad accused him of it. It seems one of Tyler’s chores was to pull a burning cigarette from Donnie’s lips if Donnie dozed off. Apparently once Tyler didn’t do it and Donnie’s chair caught on fire.”
“Damn,” James muttered, as he rolled gauze over the fleshy part of the cook’s palm.
“I hated to leave him but we’ve got several people coming in at the same time and…”
“I understand,” James said, through gritted teeth.
“He’s fine, James. For now, he’s fine.”
“Plucking lit cigarette butts from the lips of his stepfather… A mother who allows that…” He looked up at the ceiling, clearly trying to grapple with his emotions. “Nothing about him is fine, Fallon. The kind of life he has to live with his mother… The thing is, I should be there to help him, right now when he’s afraid he’ll be accused of starting the fire. But I’m not there, like I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
She stiffened. “Don’t turn this into something about me! I told you I understood, James. Tyler needed you then, and you had to be with him. He needed you, and I was fine. And I’m pretty sure Tyler understands why you’re not there now,” she said, even though she knew James was right. Tyler needed his father…his real father. Right now. “Once Eric gets back, maybe you can go to him.”
Maybe turned out to be a fantasy when seven patients rolled through the door, one after the other. Not only had Eric come in with them, so had Neil. “Fallon,” Eric called, from down the hall. “I’ll need you in room three. Get me an oxygen set-up and an IV.”
“Fallon,” Neil yelled, from the other end of the hall, “get respiratory therapy in here, stat.”
“Fallon, we need bandages down here in exam two, and can you check the vitals on the patient in exam one…he claims he has high blood pressure, and I’m afraid the stress of all this might be too much for him.” That from Gabby.
And so went the next two hours, with Fallon running from place to place, being all things to everyone. In a spare moment James watched her. Simply leaned against the hall wall for ten seconds and observed—his first time ever to see what she did so well—and it took only a moment to understand why everybody in the hospital praised her so highly. Fallon was amazing. Absolutely everybody here on every medical level depended on Fallon to do, well, pretty much everything. And she did, without ever missing a beat. She responded to the doctors, took time to comfort the patients, directed the volunteers and nursing staff. Yes, she was truly amazing. And if he hadn’t fallen in love with her all those months ago, he’d have fallen head over heels in love tonight.
Damn, he wanted to make things right with her. He wasn’t sure how, wasn’t even sure what, but there had to be a way. But he had to make things right for Tyler, too. And that thought overwhelmed him. Fallon…Tyler… How was he going to do it? How was he going to be everything both of them needed?
“I think you’re good to go see Tyler,” she said as she rushed by him. “No more burns coming in, and word from the scene is that there are no more casualties. So I’d say now is as good a time as any to get out of here.”
He reached out and caught her arm. Stopped her and, surprisingly, she didn’t yank away from him, as he’d expected her to do. In fact, she looked grateful for the momentary break. “You need to slow down,” he said.
“I will.”
“Now. You look…exhausted.”
“And I feel exhausted, but it’s almost over. All the serious injuries have been treated, and as soon as we get the barrage of minor injures taken care of, I’m going to take a break.”
“How about I go check on Tyler for a minute then come back and take over Triage for you while you go put your feet up for a while? It’s showing on you, Fallon. It’s been months since you’ve worked this hard physically, and I’m worried.”
“I appreciate that. And you’re right. I am out of shape.”
“Then for once you’ll listen to someone else?”
Stubborn was what Edith had called her. She wore that with some amount of pride but sometimes it did get in the way. “I’ll listen. But just this once, and don’t get used to it.”
James chuckled. “You do have your red-headed ways, don’t you? I think one of the first things I liked about you was that stubborn streak. At least, some of it.”
“I prefer to think of it as independent, not stubborn.”
He chuckled again. “Like I said…” This was the old Fallon, and it was so nice to have her back. Even if only for a moment. “Look, let me get out of your way, go see Tyler. Then I’ll be right back. OK? You’re not going to go back on your word, are you?”
“No. Unless someone needs me.”
No one needs you like I do, he thought. Then he spun away before he said the words aloud. But Fallon reached out, grabbed hold of his hand, and pulled him back to her.
“I know it’s not the way you want it to be between us, James. And I know this is hard on you. But someday you’ll realize that what we’re doing now is the way it has to be. And in the meantime…” She stood on tiptoe and brushed a light kiss on his cheek. “Thank you. Thank you for caring about me, thank you for helping me and, most of all thank you for letting me be part of Tyler’s life. He’s an amazing little boy. So go. If he’s awake, tell him I’m anxious for my first lesson.”
“Lesson?”
“Video game. He’s going to teach me how to play.”
“Are we talking about my Tyler? The little boy who breaks things? That’s the Tyler who offered to teach you how to play?”
“One and the same. We had a talk earlier, have a little bet going that he’ll beat me.”
James blinked hard. “Amazing. I can’t even get him to talk to me, and here he’s offering to play games with you? How’d you do that, Fallon?” He was surprised and, admittedly, a little hurt at the same time. Tyler wanting to teach Fallon was a good thing, but it would have been nice if Tyler had made the same offer to him. Of course, Fallon was Fallon, and everybody responded to her that way. He had. So why should Tyler be the exception?
She tossed James a sassy wink. “I’ll never tell.” This time she was the one who spun away from him.
As it turned out, Tyler was sound asleep when James finally got back to his room. So he stayed but a moment, pulled the covers up over him, gave him a light kiss on the forehead then returned to Fallon. When he found her, she was carrying a stack of IV set-ups to the central supply area. He took them from her then she was off to take a break. Like a whirlwind, James thought. Damn, he loved that whirlwind.
“You OK?” James asked.
She was studying the choices of soft drinks in the vending machine, trying to decide between the orange and the strawberry. She’d been standing and staring blankly at them for the past several minutes, almost too numb to think. “I’m fine. Just ready to call it a night and go home. E
verybody has been seen, we’ve transported a few people to Salt Lake City, most of the volunteers have left. So, after a sugar boost from one of these cans, I’m out of here.”
“And your friend Edith?”
“Good. Giving me hell for being so stubborn. But good. I’m going to make arrangements to send her to her sister in Florida for a few weeks. Edith needs some warm weather and sunshine, I think. She asked me to come along and be her private duty nurse.” An intriguing idea, and a tempting one. But she’d had to turn it down because, well…she wasn’t sure. Somehow she just couldn’t bring herself to leave White Elk. Funny thing was, just a few days ago she’d have probably jumped at the chance to get away for a while. Now she couldn’t. “All expenses paid. Beachfront cottage. Amazing restaurants. A dream come true.”
“And?”
“And I turned it down. Arranged for Jessica Walthers to go in my place. She’s a retired nurse, widowed. I thought the warm weather would do her some good.”
“It wouldn’t do you any good?” James asked, the corners of his mouth turning up.
Fallon looked away. “I have a job now.”
“But Gabby’s not in a big hurry. Besides, most of what you’re doing to get her hospital set up could probably be done from a warm, sunny beach in Florida.”
“I don’t fly any more. Edith is going to fly.”
“Take a train and meet her there. I’ll bet it would be a nice, relaxing ride across country.”
“So how’s Tyler?” she asked, turning back to the drinks machine, trying to change the subject, trying to ignore what James was hoping to get her to admit—that she was staying because of him, because of Tyler. “Last time I looked in on him he was busy playing his game. Doing really well with it, too. He taught me a couple of things, then turned around and beat me. And had the audacity to laugh at me.”
“I’ve never seen him laugh.”
“I’m sorry, James. I never…”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s good he’s comfortable with you. God knows, he’s not with me. But if it’s not me, I’m glad it’s you, Fallon. I trust you with my son.”
His words were like a sharp knife through her heart. Words that were meant well and turned into bitter, deep pain. “I, um…I want to go home,” she said. “Get some sleep.” Get away from James. Get away from the reminders.
“Then I’ll drive you. And if you don’t want me there, I’ll come back and sleep in one of the on-call rooms…won’t even try and persuade you to let me stay.”
“I can drive myself.”
“You’re exhausted.”
That, she was. And this was an argument she wasn’t going to win because she was in no condition to drive.
“How about this? I’ll take you home, and when we get there you can decide what you want to do with me? Fair enough?”
“I’m not going to send you away. But…”
“But you’re still not easy with the decision of having me stay there…not when Tyler’s not there.”
“Maybe a little. But he’ll be there in a day or so. And I want him to be comfortable, to be settled. And with Christmas coming…”
He shushed her with a finger to her lips. “One day at a time, Fallon. And on this day I’m taking you home to sleep. When you wake up, we’ll decide what happens from there. OK?”
She nodded her agreement. He was so easy to give in to. And that was the problem. She wanted to give in. With James, she always wanted to give in.
Fallon slept the whole way home and, to be honest, she didn’t remember getting out of the car and walking into her house. Surely, the brisk winter wind or the falling snow would have woken her up, but her first recollection when she finally opened her eyes was of her sofa. She was under the patchwork quilt she kept on the back of it, all comfy and safe. She was still tired, and a little achy from over-exertion. Most of all, though, she was really wishing the morning light wasn’t peeking in through the living-room curtains because she wasn’t ready to start the day.
“I didn’t look when I undressed you,” James said.
He handed her a mug of coffee, but she refused it. Instead, she peeked under the covers to find, much to her relief, that she was still dressed. No snow boots, no socks, but otherwise decent.
“You thought I’d strip you naked?” he teased.
“I don’t know what you’d do.” Finally, she snatched the mug from him and took a sip.
“Actually, what I did was carry you in from the truck.”
“No, you didn’t,” she said, forcing herself to sit up.
“Well, somebody did. And I’m the only one here.” He stepped back then grinned at her. “You’ve put on a couple pounds, Fallon. And I’ve got the sore muscles to prove it.”
“I have not,” she argued, realizing he was just trying to get a rise out of her.
“If that’s how you want to argue this thing, that’s fine with me.”
“You!” she said, tossing a throw pillow at him. ‘You always did like to goad me into things.”
“Or out of things…like your clothes, if I recall. But that didn’t take much goading, did it? In fact, I remember a few times when you—”
She thrust out her hand to stop him. Just like that, the light moment between them was over and all the bad things were weighing her down again. “Not the past, James. I don’t want to talk about the past.”
“Was it that bad for you, Fallon? Because I thought you were happy…we were happy together.”
They had been. She had been. But that had been a different life. One to which neither of them could ever return. And the way this conversation was turning into those memories—that was the reason she couldn’t be around him. It was too painful.
Fallon cleared her throat. “Is…um…is Tyler going to be released today?”
The expression on James’s face shifted almost instantly, going from warm and caring to reserved. “Eric wanted to run another set of tests this morning…a fasting blood sugar in case his mood swings are coming from an onset of diabetes, but he’ll release Tyler after lunch if nothing shows up. Under the present circumstances, I don’t think we should come back here to stay. You need more rest, and—”
“We can get along, James. You can bring Tyler back here, and the three of us can get along.”
“The three of us, maybe, but what about the two of us?” James sighed deeply, audibly. “I don’t know any more, Fallon. One minute you and I are doing fine, then the next…” He walked away from her, went to the kitchen door, and stopped, but didn’t turn back around. “Tyler responds to you. That’s a good thing and I’d like to see if you can draw out more in him than I’ve been able to. I think he might warm up to the maternal instinct in you, and you do have that toward Tyler. It’s pretty obvious. But this animosity between you and me…”
She was afraid of that, afraid that denying her maternal instinct wasn’t enough. But what could she do? She was a mother without her baby, and he was a little boy without a real mother. Those were situations she couldn’t change, situations that were causing what James was seeing. But it was temporary. Once James and Tyler found another place to live… “Not animosity, James. I don’t have any bad feelings toward you. And for what it’s worth, I want you to stay. I just don’t want you and me to live in the past because we can’t get that back.”
He finally turned around. “Then why do I feel like I never lost it, Fallon? Because I still have the same feelings for you. Still have the same reactions whenever we’re together.”
“You’ll move on. Once your relationship is more settled with Tyler, you will move on.”
“The way you have? Because I hope to God that doesn’t happen to me. I loved what we had, what we were. And I don’t want to lose it or, worse, pretend it never existed.”
“It existed,” she said, praying the tears wouldn’t come. But she could feel them, stinging in the backs of her eyes. “It existed then it was gone.” But not forgotten. Never, ever forgotten.
But now it was a sh
adow. One that broke her heart.
CHAPTER SIX
“BASICALLY, he’s healthy. Couldn’t find a thing wrong with him except his blood sugar was a little off. But that could be stress working on him. I’d like to test him again in six months, after his life has settled down, and see what we get then. In the meantime, just make sure he gets a healthy diet, and you’ll be fine.” Eric sat the chart down on the desk. “And maybe I should prescribe the same for you, James. Because you’re looking really stressed out.”
“I am. I’ll admit it. I’m living with Fallon, still in love with her and pretty much facing her brick walls every time I turn around. And I have a son who barely speaks to me, who’s destructive, who may get yanked away from me at any minute if, or when, his mother decides she wants him again. I’d say that’s stress.”
Eric shook his head. “Anything I can do, James. Just name it, and I’ll try my best.”
“Do you know a good local lawyer? My last lawyer…well, let’s just say that he went off to seek his fame and fortune chasing ambulances, which leaves me high and dry. And I really do need to file for custody before Shelly does whatever it is Shelly intends to do next.”
“Actually, I have a great attorney—Jason Greene. Say the word, and I’ll make a call.”
James didn’t even hesitate. “Make the call. I’m ready for the battle, and I hope that the way Shelly has abandoned Tyler with me three times in six months counts for something. This attorney, Jason Greene, has to be good enough to make it count for something, because I want Tyler all the way. Full, permanent custody, with limited visitation from his mother and none from the stepfather of his.”
Eric patted him on the back. “Jason’s good enough. I’ll call him this morning, see if he can get you in right away. He has a chronic upset stomach, a symptom of his profession, and he’s had a few spur-of-the-moment appointments with me, so now it’s payback time.”
“You know, the longer I stay in White Elk, the more I like it. I think the lifestyle could be addictive. The people here sure are.”