He had to work through this time in his life, come to terms with how he really felt about her on his own. He sensed she cared about him as deeply as he did her. Still, a future with her didn’t look promising. Even if she were to be accepted into his family—which she wouldn’t be, he reminded himself brutally—she wouldn’t be comfortable in his world, considering her background and the way she’d been reared. She’d never said that, but she didn’t have to. Her personality spoke for her.
If only he had the willpower to walk away from her now, they could both start over. But he didn’t.
“I’m willing to listen if you want to talk,” she said, tangling her fingers in the hairs on his chest.
He went instantly erect. “I’m through talking,” he said thickly, covering her lips with his.
She moaned, trapping his erection between her knees and rubbing.
Brittany awakened and peered at Collier, who was still sleeping. Sighing, she simply stared at him again, committing to memory every line, every angle, of his face just in case she never saw him again.
No! She had to stop tormenting herself like this. If this was the time he walked out and never returned, then she could deal with it. She’d had a life before Collier, and she would again. In fact, she’d had everything all planned, and Collier certainly hadn’t been part of that plan. Yet when he held her and made love to her, her plans ceased to matter. She felt so complete, so protected, so loved….
For a millisecond, her heart stopped beating. How could her mind play such a mean trick on her? He wanted her and needed her, but love her? Absolutely not. That was much too strong a word.
And she didn’t love him, either, her heart cried. Yet she didn’t want to think of what her life would be like without him in it, though they were as different as two people could be and had so much unopened baggage between them. If he knew Tommy wanted her to use sex to blackmail him, Collier would turn on her for sure. But unless she told him, he had no way of finding that out.
In reality, it didn’t matter. Even if there wasn’t bad blood between them because of the car accident, she knew his family, his profession, would never embrace the likes of her. Both demanded more than she was and more than she was able to give.
Still, she didn’t want to give him up.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
She looked at him and smiled. “Why?”
“Because you were awake,” he said, tonguing a breast, then watching the nipple harden.
Her breath caught.
“I can’t ever see myself getting enough of you.”
“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” she said, tweaking his nipple and making it hard like hers.
His eyes darkened. “As much as I want to make love to you again, I want to talk. Or rather, I want you to talk.”
Her hands stilled. “Me? I don’t have anything to talk about that would interest you.”
“Sure you do. You’ve never told me who slapped you around, then pushed you out of the car.”
Those words, out of the blue, blindsided her. For a moment her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth and she couldn’t speak. “What made you think of that?” she finally asked, stalling for time.
“I never stop thinking about it. Not only does it make me crazy, it remains one of the unsolved mysteries about you.”
“Maybe I wonder about you, too.”
“No one worked me over.”
“He’s no longer bothering me.”
“That doesn’t excuse the bastard.”
“Let it go, Collier.”
“I can’t. What happened that night just doesn’t fit with your personality. You’re too intelligent, too levelheaded, to get involved with such a lowlife. It just doesn’t make any sense.”
“It doesn’t have to,” she maintained stubbornly. “At least not to you.”
“You’re right,” he said harshly. “It doesn’t. But I can’t stand the thought of that bastard hurting you and getting away with it.”
“What if I ask you a personal question?”
He stiffened, and his eyes turned leery. “Like what?”
“Like do your father and brother know about me?” She’d been dying to ask that, only she hadn’t had the courage until now, when he’d delved into her personal life.
His grimace told her the answer louder and plainer than words could have. Her stomach revolted, but she hide her torment. Her pride came to her rescue.
“I’m not surprised,” she said in a shaky voice, unable to control the tremor.
“It doesn’t matter,” he responded, his voice equally shaky. “You’re in my bloodstream. Even if I wanted to leave you alone, I couldn’t.”
Though he sounded more resigned than happy about that, she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. She would take Collier any way she could get him.
“Now it’s your turn.”
She gave a start. “I—”
“I played fair,” he said, cutting her off. “I expect the same from you.”
She released a shuddering breath. “It was a married man who does business with our travel agency. He’d promised to help Tommy. That’s the only reason I agreed to have dinner with him. He caught me in a vulnerable moment, when I was feeling guilty and desperate about Tommy.”
“His name, Brittany,” Collier demanded in an unflinching tone.
“Rupert Holt,” she said in a small voice.
Collier swore, then stared at her out of glazed-over eyes.
Travis Wainwright kept pulling on his upper lip as he paced back and forth across the carpet.
“Will you sit down?” Rupert told him. “You’re making me nervous.”
He had driven the hour and a half to see Travis to let him know his chances of getting the appointment had significantly improved in light of what he’d found out about Collier.
Because of Brittany and his feelings for her, he hadn’t gone into detail. He’d just said Collier was involved in an illicit love affair that could nix his chances once and for all.
Travis halted, but only for a moment. “I make better decisions when I’m moving.”
“Since there’s no decision to make, sit the fuck down.”
“How can you say that?” Travis asked, his tone incredulous.
“I’m calling the shots, that’s why.”
“I’m the one who’s going to sit on the bench.”
“Only because my money and I put you there,” Rupert said through tight lips.
Travis’s features registered his resentment, but when he spoke, his tone was even, “So why aren’t we jumping on the info, using it to our advantage?”
“Because we don’t have to.”
“Do you know something I don’t?” Travis asked, hope replacing the resentment.
“My gut instinct says you’ll get the nod.”
“But why take a chance when we could shit-can Smith once and for all and be done with it?”
Rupert scratched his chin and looked around Wainwright’s office, though nothing made an impression. Unlike the man, everything was average. Travis deserved better, while Collier deserved worse. He would love to hurt Mason directly, but since that wasn’t possible, he’d do the next best thing and take his son down. Hopefully that would still be a lethal blow.
“If it’s necessary, we will.”
“I don’t get the reason for waiting.”
“Why dirty our hands when we don’t have to?”
“No one would know who started the gossip,” Travis pressed. “We could make sure of that.”
“They’d blame me, but they wouldn’t be able to prove it. Even if they could, it wouldn’t matter. The harm would be done and Smith would be out.”
Travis’s face lighted. “Then let’s go for it. I’ve never known you to play fair before.”
If it hadn’t been for Brittany, Rupert wouldn’t have hesitated. Her screwing Collier had put an unexpected kink in his plans. Just thinking about the two of them in bed enraged him all over again.
If she told Collier…
That hadn’t happened and it wasn’t going to, he reassured himself. But if the tide changed, he still had his trump card. He would merely up the ante on his threat to hurt Tommy. That would keep Brittany quiet for sure. It was that backup insurance that had given him the balls to confront Mason. And if necessary, he’d follow through with his threat to start the rumor mill, as well.
“No. I’m going with my gut and holding off. Meanwhile, you keep your ass clean. You hear me?”
“No problem,” Travis said on a sigh.
Rupert stood. “I’ll be in touch.”
When he reached town, he headed straight for the travel agency. It was past time he and Brittany had another chat.
Thirty-One
Collier opened the door of his office and pulled up short.
“Surprised, little brother?”
“That’s an understatement,” Collier responded, staring blankly at Jackson, whose wheelchair was in front of the window.
Jackson rolled toward one side of the big desk, where he parked, then grinned sheepishly. “You can close your mouth now.”
Instinctively Collier did just that, too shocked to think for himself. As far as he knew, his brother hadn’t been anywhere near the law firm since the accident, much less inside it. For him to just show up, out of the blue, was unreal. But a great surprise. And did he ever need something to lift his spirits.
His guts had been churning ever since Brittany told him who assaulted her. As soon as he got out of court this afternoon, he planned on paying Rupert Holt a visit.
“I knew you’d be shocked but not pissed.”
Collier gave his brother another blank stare. “Pissed? What makes you think that?”
“The look on your face, like something suddenly went sour in your mouth.”
“Hey, bro, don’t mind me,” Collier countered lightly, striding deeper into the room and plopping his briefcase on the desk. “There’s just too much going on, not to mention the trial.”
“How’s that going?”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, or I wouldn’t have asked.”
Collier’s mind reeled. Two days ago Jackson couldn’t have given a shit how that case or any other was progressing. Now, suddenly, he was interested. It didn’t make sense. What was going on? It was as though his brother had done a complete about-face overnight.
“I find that hard to believe,” Collier added more bluntly than necessary.
Jackson flushed. “I had that coming.”
“No, you didn’t,” Collier said with a sigh. “It’s just that I’m about to lose my freakin’ mind.”
“Something tells me it has nothing to do with the case.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t.”
“It’s Brittany Banks, isn’t it?” Jackson asked in a sober tone.
Collier could have denied it, but he didn’t. Since the genie was out of the bottle, what would be the point? He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling his bunched up muscles. “Yeah,” he admitted tightly, continuing to rub, trying to work the kinks out, but to no avail.
“I agree you’re in a tough spot.” Jackson gave him a lopsided smile. “Closer to reality, your dick’s in a nut grinder.”
“I can’t deny that, either.” Collier’s eyes pinned his brother. “But right now, I want to talk about you, not me. Not only am I stunned you actually came to the office, but that you’re even speaking to me.”
Jackson was silent for a moment, then he shrugged. “Me, too.”
Collier actually smiled. “So why are you? I know you feel like Dad, that I’ve betrayed you by having an affair with Brittany.”
“I’ve thought long and hard about our conversation.” Jackson gave him a sideways glance. “At first I did feel like you’d karate-chopped me from behind, but then I realized you were in that same boat.”
“You got that right.” Collier heaved a sigh. “Still, I could’ve pulled out, stopped seeing her.”
“So why didn’t you?”
Because I fell in love. That unbidden thought jerked him upright. He didn’t mean that. He couldn’t.
“You really care about her, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Collier said, following another deep sigh. “Much more than I should, that’s for sure.”
“I would never have thought you’d look at a woman like her.”
Collier scowled. “What does that mean?”
“Don’t act so outraged. You know what I mean.”
“You’re right. I do. Under ordinary circumstances, I never would have gotten involved with her—which is not to say I wouldn’t have given her a second glance, because I would have.”
“She’s a looker, huh?”
“Not in the sense you mean.” Collier smiled. “She’s lovely, all right, but it’s more than looks with her. She’s sweet and unassuming.” When he realized he must sound like a lovesick puppy, he felt color surge into his face.
“You’ve been bitten bad, little brother.”
“Only temporarily,” he said, hearing the desperate ring behind his words.
Jackson snorted.
Ignoring that, Collier went on. “Obviously you’re not going to kick me out of the family. But what about Dad? Think he’ll ever speak to me again?”
“Not if she costs you the bench.”
Collier cursed, then walked to the window, where he swung around, too agitated to stand still. He felt like fire ants were crawling all through his insides. “I know what you’re saying, but it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“It’s the idea that you’re hiding her.”
“I’m not hiding her,” Collier said tersely.
“That’s a crock and you know it. You’re ashamed of her.”
“No, I’m not!” Collier lashed out, his breathing labored.
Jackson peered up at him. “Sorry, but your actions speak louder than your words.”
Collier muttered another expletive, feeling as if someone was using a jackhammer inside his skull. “You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand, all right, and so do you. If the media were to get hold of the fact that you’re having an affair with a waitress whose brother’s in the pen for nearly killing yours, they’d have a field day. Senator Riley and the committee would scratch your name off the list with a thick, black marker. And we can’t forget about Lana, who you’re expected to marry. Old Bill may come after you with a gun.”
“That’s a cheery thought,” Collier muttered darkly.
“Is she worth the price?”
Collier’s first inclination was to shout, hell, yes. But something held him back. To say that would be tantamount to admitting he loved her, something he just couldn’t do. “It’s not that cut-and-dried,” he said lamely.
“Unfortunately matters of the heart never are.”
Collier cut him a sharp glance. It wasn’t so much what Jackson said, though coming from him that statement was certainly profound, but rather his tone, as if he knew from experience what Collier was going through. Haley suddenly popped into mind.
“Sounds like you might be in the same boat as me,” Collier said, relieved not to be the focus of the conversation any longer. “Is that why you’re here?”
Jackson didn’t respond.
“Something’s going on with Haley, isn’t it?”
“Yep,” Jackson admitted, his mouth turned down.
Collier could barely contain his excitement. If that woman was responsible for the remarkable change in his brother, then he would be indebted to her for life. Yet his gut instinct told him to temper his excitement for fear of spooking Jackson. Collier sensed his brother was having difficulty adjusting to life in his new skin.
“So what’s going on?” Collier asked as nonchalantly as possible.
“More than I can digest, that’s for damn sure.”
“So are you two going to start seeing each other? Romantically, I mean.” The moment he asked that question, Collier wished he could
withdraw it. Of course romance wasn’t in the cards for his brother. How could it be, when he could no longer make love? Friendship was the key here, and that alone was a gift from above.
“It’s a bit more than that.”
Collier raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”
“Actually we’re getting married.”
At first Collier thought he hadn’t heard him right, but he knew he had. The words had been spoken plainly and from the heart.
Jackson chuckled. “I have to say, your jaw’s getting a workout today.”
Realizing his mouth was indeed gaping in astonishment, Collier slammed it shut, then swallowed. While this news was definitely another shocker, he was thrilled beyond words.
“I haven’t told Dad yet,” Jackson said. “I wanted to test the waters on you.”
Collier grinned, then crossed to his brother, leaned down and gave him a spontaneous hug. “Man, I couldn’t be more surprised or more delighted.”
“But you have to be wondering if Haley’s lost her mind. And me, too, for that matter.”
“Hey,” Collier said, backing up and gesturing with a hand, “whatever it takes to get your life back on track. I’m not about to question anything at this point.”
Jackson angled his head and narrowed his eyes. “Unbelievable as it is, I can make love.”
Collier’s eyes widened. “That’s about the best news I’ve heard in ages, but how?”
“Considering I still can’t walk, beats the hell out me,” Jackson responded, his own voice filled with amazement. “However, the doc wasn’t all that shocked, considering the type of SCI I have. He says it happens all the time if the person’s involved in intense therapy.”
Jackson went on to fill in the details from his conversation with Dr. Ames.
“I couldn’t be more thrilled,” Collier insisted again. “Just wait till you tell Dad. He’ll be beside himself.”
“It took Haley to make me realize I still had feeling in that part of my anatomy.”
“Well, bully for her. If I’d known she was going to bring about a miracle, I would’ve tracked her down a long time ago.”
Like Silk Page 23