Beautiful Strangers (The Masquerade Series)

by Maynard, Glenna

  Checking out and in….

  Saving Grace is everything you would expect a rehab to look like. It reminds me of a nursing home for young people almost. I am nervous as all get out but I need to do this. The intake nurse takes my vitals and gives me a shit load of forms to fill out. My first day will be spent finding out what my needs are and getting me acquainted with the facility.

  I am tickled to death to find out that I get to have a private room. It isn’t much; a single bed and a small dresser. I also get a small private bathroom. The nurse checks my bags to make sure I didn’t try smuggle any contraband in. I am bummed to find out that I’m not allowed to have my cell phone.

  Three hours later and I think I am suffering from cell phone withdraw instead of from the lack of speed. I will be given phone privileges in two weeks. I find myself missing Evans text, that man is consistent I will give him that.

  I meet with my therapist for an evaluation so that they can select a course for my treatment.

  “Hello Grace, my name is Dr. Andrews.” She slides her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. “I want you to know that you can talk to me about whatever you feel like talking about. Tell me anything about yourself, so I can get to know you better.”

  “Well I am a dancer; I have danced since I was a child. Until I decided to come here I was working at a burlesque club called Masquerade.”

  “That is an interesting name for a club, tell me about working there. What appealed to you, to make you want to work there?”

  “I could be anyone I wanted there. You see dancers and customers there are required to wear a mask. So I was able to pretend to be whoever I wanted to be, except myself.”

  “I see and how did your drug use start?”

  “I don’t think we have enough time for that today doc.”

  “Grace we have another forty-five minutes.”

  I tell her about meeting Evan and trading myself to him to get the drugs from him. I tell her how he had planned on using me to get revenge against my father. I also tell her how there is a huge part of me that still loves him, no matter how hard I try to deny it.

  “Would you say it is a fair assumption to say that you were using your body to get what you wanted from Evan, the same as he was using the drugs to get what he wanted in return from you?”

  “I would say that is a loaded question doc, and I think our time is up.”

  “Very well Grace I will see you again in two days.”

  We continue dancing around the same questions over the following week. Doc Andrews seems to think I am emotionally closed of because of my parents divorce. She tells me that I don’t believe in love, and maybe she is right. Doc thinks I purposely sabotaged my relationship with Evan long before the lies because I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy with him.

  She also has a great deal of theories about my relationship with Jax but I am not open to exploring them, not yet. She has asked my permission to bring Evan in for a joint session.

  I reluctantly agree to allow her to schedule the session one week later. I am already with Dr. Andrews in her office when he arrives, I can feel his presence before he even knocks on the door. It is as if a part of me will always be tuned into him. Like I am an antenna picking up on his frequency.

  Evan bends down to kiss my forehead and I shiver. Oh the things this man used to do to me. Hell what am I saying; the thought of what he could do with me right now crosses my mind briefly. But those thoughts are interrupted by their introductions.

  “Evan I am very pleased that you agreed to be here today. Shall we get started?” She crosses her legs at her ankles. I briefly glance over at her feet when I notice, the good doctor has a tattoo across the top of her foot and it is one word:

  ~Believe~

  “Evan how about we get started with you. What were your intentions when you first met Grace? Did you set out to harm her?”

  “I never meant to hurt her; I was in a bad place in my life. I guess Grace has told you about my mother’s suicide? I wanted Harry, Gracie’s father to hurt as badly as he had hurt me. I wanted him to know what it felt like to lose the one person you cared more for than your own self. When I went to his office to confront him, I saw my chance. There were photos of Gracie throughout the room. I could tell how much pride he had in being her father. I wanted to take it away from him.”

  I have to fight the tears that are begging to escape once he mentions my father. I try to look anywhere in the room but at him. I can still feel the warmth of his breath on my forehead and I catch myself rubbing the exact spot his lips touched my skin.

  In the middle of his confession, he takes the time to comfort me by taking my hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. I am forced to look at him and I can see the pain on his face this is hurting him as much as it is me.

  “But you see my feelings for Gracie they are real. Everything I shared with her was real, and it still is. I still love you. That is why I am here, because I need you to be happy more than I need to breathe.”

  “Grace how do you feel about what Evan has said?”

  “To be honest it isn’t anything he hasn’t said before. Evan and I have been down this road before. I do forgive him, but it still doesn’t excuse his behavior does it?”

  “What do you want to say to Evan right now, tell him how he makes you feel?”

  I hesitate I don’t want Evan to take what I am about to say in the wrong context.

  “I hate that you know me so completely. The way you accept every part of me without any judgment scares the hell out of me. I am afraid that if I love you in return, you will break me again. When I found out who you were, deep down it shattered me. I am still trying to pick up the pieces.”

  “Our time for today is up. I really believe we are getting somewhere. Grace, Evan if you both agree I would like to have another session with the two of you next week.”

  We both agree and Dr. Andrews escorts Evan out, I suspect she wants a private word with him.

  The injuries from my accident are healing my ribs are still sore but the pain is manageable even though I am not allowed to take anything for pain. I have started keeping a journal; it feels so good to be writing again. I have missed the sound of my pencil scratching against the paper.

  New attitude…..

  I am in my third week of treatment it hasn’t been easy but I can feel a change in myself for the better. I have started gaining back the weight I have lost and my skin tone has improved dramatically. I have been feeling queasy the past few days, but the nurse says it is a side effect where I am being weaned off the medication they gave me to help with my withdraws.

  There isn’t much here to occupy my time. Since I have been journaling it is helping me to put the feelings down on paper that I can’t talk about, mainly my father’s death. I have finally forgiven him. We all make selfish choices. God knows I have made plenty.

  How well do we ever really know anyone? At the end of the day aren’t we all strangers hoping to find the one person who can see the beauty we each posses on the inside? And isn’t that what Evan has turned out to be, my Beautiful Stranger.

  I only have one week left of treatment and I will have completed my thirty days. Today I am meeting with Dr. Andrews to discuss what my plans are when I leave here. She is concerned that I will fall back into my old life when I tell her that I am going back to Nashville. I know it will be tough. But now I have something to look forward to. I am going to go back to school for my B.A. in English. Our session is cut short when I get so sick from the smell of her coffee, I vomit right there in her office in the trashcan.

  She sends me to my room to lie down. I don’t know what has come over me. The nurse on duty comes in to check on me.

  “Hello dear, Dr. Andrews says that you suddenly got very ill. I am going to take your temperature and check your vitals.” She straps a blood pressure cuff to my left arm and starts pumping the bulb. Damn that is tight, I feel as if my arm might explode.

  “Well your blood p
ressure and temperature seem to be normal. I just want to ask you a few questions and then I will see if I can’t get something to settle your stomach.” She pulls up a chair beside my bed and takes out my chart.

  “Now there let me see. You have been weaned off the medicine, so you should be fine there. Did you eat something that made you sick?”

  I think back over the morning before I answer just to be sure.

  “No I had toast, cereal, and some orange juice. I didn’t feel sick until I smelled the coffee.” Just thinking about it is making me sick all over again.

  “When did you have your period last? I notice you haven’t had one since you have been here.”

  My periods have never been what you might call regular. I have went a few months without one and then to have two in one month. It takes me a few minutes to figure it up in my head. Then I realize what her question implies and I have to run to make it to the bathroom before I vomit all over my bed.

  This is Thanksgiving week? I look at the butterfly calendar hanging on the wall just to be sure.

  “My last menstrual cycle was in September.”

  “I am going to go get a test from the dispensary and I will be right back.”

  I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that I could pregnant and then an awful realization hits me square in the chest. If I am pregnant what effects will the drugs have caused already and who is the father? My thoughts and self-pity are interrupted when the nurse returns.

  She waits patiently for me to collect my urine into a cup for her. I nervously hand over my fate. Who knew that a cup of urine could change your whole life in an instant?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Surprise….

  The stick beeps and a pink plus sign makes its appearance, I think I would heave again if there were anything left in my stomach.

  “Congratulations Grace. A baby is a true blessing. I will let your Doctors know your news.”

  I have my joint therapy session with Evan tomorrow. I don’t know how he will react to this when I have barely processed it myself. Then there is Jaxson, will he think I played him this whole time for money when I tell him?

  Do I even care what he thinks at this point? This is too much. I spend the rest of the day walking the property line in the cold crisp evening air.

  Doc Andrews spots me on her way to her car. She holds her hand up and motions me over to her.

  “Congratulations Gracie, a baby, now there is something to believe in. I hate to ask you, but I need to before our session tomorrow. Do you want to tell Evan? I mean it might be easier to do it before our session, I can lend you both my support.”

  “Yes I think that would be better, thank you.”

  I head back inside and try to get some rest but my brain doesn’t know when to switch itself off. All I can think about is how will Evan react to the news that we may be having a child together.

  I can do this….

  I arrive a few minutes early for my session and find Evan and Doctor Andrews talking in hushed tones. By the huge grin that is spread across his face, he has taken the news well. I can’t help but smile back at those gorgeous dimples.

  We take our seats, there is so much to discuss in one session. Doc starts the conversation.

  “I want to put discussing the pregnancy on hold for a minute, there are a few things we need to address. Grace you have made great progress since Evan was here with us last week. And Evan has informed me that he has started seeing his own therapist.” She places her hands neatly on her tweed pants.

  “I want you to each tell me where you see this relationship that you share going in the future, pregnancy excluded of course. Evan you start.”

  “I want us to be together. I love you Grace, it will always be you for me. I have been thinking about us a lot and I want to take things slow. I want to build your trust in me again. When you are released I would like to take you out twice a week, on real dates and get to know you all over again. You aren’t that girl I met two years ago, and I am no longer that boy. I am ready to be a man, your man.”

  “Grace, Evan has made a valid point. What do you want to say to him?”

  “I’m in, if we can take it slow and do what you say Evan. I am willing to do this, but we have to talk about the elephant in the room. There is a good chance that this baby could belong to Jax. I did a lot of thinking about it last night. I’m not sure I want to tell him that I am pregnant. It might not be fair of me but I am thinking about what is best for my baby.”

  I cross my arms over my belly in a defensive way, like I can somehow protect this tiny being in me from all the evils the worlds has to offer.

  “He lives in a world that I don’t think I want to raise a child in. Jax is getting ready to launch is solo career and I won’t let my choices stand in his way. And I refuse to let my baby grow up with a part time dad who will always have to put his career first.”

  Not to mention he is an even bigger liar than I could have imagined. He certainly had me fooled. I was so taken in by him.

  Doc excuses herself and gives Evan and me few minutes in private.

  “Babe, I am so fucking happy right now! It doesn’t matter if I am the father or not. I promised you forever and I meant it. Even if you decide you don’t want to be with me. I will raise this baby with you.” Evan pulls me in for a deep kiss, my body is responding but my head is saying no.

  “Slow down, remember, taking things easy.”

  I won’t see my doctor until next week since tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

  “I am worried about the effects the drugs might have had on the baby.” Evan takes me in his arms.

  “Whatever they say I will stand behind you, we will get through all of it together.” He places his hand over my heart. “I got you.”

  In this moment I am grateful for Evan, and his patience with me. I have pushed and pulled him in so many directions and he is still standing right by my side. And he is ready to take on a child that he isn’t even sure if he is the father of.

  “I know you promised me forever. I can’t offer the same in return, because forever and always don’t exist, but if they did just know that I would spend it with you, if they did. I love you Evan, it might have taken me a long time to see the real you, but I am so glad I finally did. You have me; I won’t walk away from you ever again. You love me, I know that now. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

  Evan is allowed to come for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow as my guest. They are holding a family dinner for everyone. I am so eager to see him and it’s only been since yesterday! What was I saying about taking things slow?

  When he walks into the cafeteria everyone takes notice. He is dressed in a white button down dress shirt and dark jeans. I feel underdressed in my yoga pants and Grinch t-shirt. That’s right ladies, take a look, he is here for me, I think as they watch him give me a kiss on the cheek. He presents me with a small gift bag and a yellow rose.

  “Yellow is for friendship.” I comment aloud as I bring it to my nose to smell it.

  “I am serious about making this work. I want you to trust me.”

  I open the bag and he has brought me a couple of pregnancy guides.

  “Thank you. You didn’t have to get me these but I appreciate it.”

  I spend the rest of my weekend reading over all the material Evan brought me. Pregnancy is some serious shit. I am finally able to meet with my doctor and there isn’t much he can do for my pregnancy right now except give me prenatals and refer me to an OBGYN when I am released in three days.

  I attend my final session and we review my plans for life in recovery. After I find out how far along I am I will be going back to school to finish my B.A. in English and pursue a career in writing. Evan and I are going to continue couples therapy as well as single sessions. Dr. Andrews gives me her card and hugs me making me promise to never hesitate to call if I need to.

  My release day is here. I can’t believe how much life has changed in thirty days. If you would have asked me a y
ear ago today where I would see myself, it sure as hell wouldn’t have been standing outside of rehab waiting for Evan. He pulls up to get me in a car almost identical to the one I just totaled except it is red instead of black.

  “What’s with the car?”

  “Don’t freak out but I bought it for you. I got a good deal on it at an auction and besides you do need a car.”

  “Can’t argue with you there but I will pay you back for it.”

  “Just think of it as me investing in the safety of our baby.” He kisses my hand. Fuck taking it slow I practically crawl across the console and into his lap. Our plans of taking things slow are thrown out the window. Evan starts living with me immediately. I want to find a new job, but Evan makes me promise to wait until I have been to the baby doctor.

  I wasn’t able to get an appointment until the week before Christmas. I can not wait to find out how far along I am. I know it sounds crazy but my stomach is already beginning to take on a round shape. Evan was able to take off work early to come to the appointment with me. I believe he is more excited then I am.

  I am given a years worth of paperwork to fill out. Once I get the forms complete the nurse calls me back to weigh me and gives me another pregnancy test. After seeing a positive for a second time my heart swells. After taking my vitals she leads Evan and I to an examination room. There are posters on the wall about the effects of smoking and drug use during pregnancy. My good mood is immediately soured and I mentally beat myself up for the millionth time.

  “You didn’t know babe, so stop whatever you’re saying in that head of yours. Just stop!” He tries to rub my back in soothing motions but it only pisses me off. I don’t deserve his pity.

  The nurse returns and measures my stomach. Once she is finished she gets out a Doppler so we can hear the baby’s heartbeat. It is the most amazing sound I have ever heard. I look over at Evan and he too has tears in his eyes. The nurse starts moving the Doppler around again and listening intently. She quietly excuses herself from the room. I go into panic mode, something must be wrong and it is my fault.