Forever Seventeen

by Lizzie Bowen

CHAPTER SIX: Something special

  You always wake up with that sickening feeling in your stomach when you've cried yourself to sleep the night before. I was sick of being a “touchdown” icon, I was sick of being called fat, and ugly. I wanted so badly to be the pretty girl that everyone liked. It was still difficult to come to terms that I would never be that girl and that nobody did or ever would love me. It crushed me to think about. It also crushed me to think that all my dreams had just crashed and burned right in front of my face.

  I glanced at my phone. The messages were still flashing up. Why did I even keep looking? I guess because every time I looked I was desperately hoping with every inch of me that it would be different... but it never was. I was never going to change. This was my life. Maybe I had put this on myself though. I was a pretty rude person to be honest. Whenever I had insults thrown in my face I just couldn't take it. I used to be that girl who would “kill em' with kindness” or simply shrug it off. But you can only do that for so long. I would usually insult them back. Some people might take it as rudeness or a sign of insecurity. I guess both those assumptions would be true, seeing as I guess I am insecure about myself. I am only human though, right? I called it strength. I perfected that word over “insecure” or “rude.” I thought it was strong of me that I refused to let people walk all over me and shove me down. I thought that if you let others tear you down they'd see you as weak. I thought they'd continue to tear you apart, but... was I wrong? I never wanted to be thought of as a rude individual or some sort of image of insecurity. But I feel that maybe I was perceived that way. I'd freak over the little things which I know wasn't necessary.

  My thoughts were interrupted by a loud scream downstairs. I shot off my bed and bolted down the stairs.

  “Mom, are you okay?!” I cried. I saw her jumping up and down with tears streaming down her face. I ran to her side and whipped her body around so she faced me.

  “Honey, you made it...you got callbacks.” She whispered. My entire body tensed up and froze. An amazing feeling of relief, fear, anxiety, and denial poured throughout my body. Adrenaline pumped in my veins.

  “Wh-what?” I asked breathlessly.

  “They liked your passion and feist.” She said grinning from ear-to-ear. I grabbed my chest in fear that I might just drop dead of a heart attack. I shook my head.

  “This is impossible.” I muttered.

  “It's true.” My mom grabbing me by the shoulders.

  “It is true, isn't it? IT IS! THEY LIKED ME! SOMEONE LIKES ME!” I shrieked, jumping up and down. The shock left me only to be replaced with a feeling of excitement and comfort. I ran around the room throwing my hands in the air like a child at Christmas. I hadn't been this happy since... ever. Thrill and relief washed over me. I shrieked and fell to the ground. I rolled around the floor and giggled like a giddy little school with a huge crush. My mother knelt beside me.

  “I'm so proud of you, sweetie.” She whispered. I threw my arms around her neck, pulling her into a warm embrace.

  “Thank-you.” I said.

  “For what?” She asked, squeezing me tightly.

  “For believing in me.” I whispered.

  “I'll never stop believing.” She assured. I gave her one last squeeze before pulling back and looking into her face.

  “I love you, Mom.” I said. I truly meant that too. Love wasn't a word my mother and I used too often with one another. We fought a good deal as I've told you so the world love usually didn't appear in our conversations. But I truly meant it from the bottom of my heart with my utter most affection. I loved her... and I always would. I loved her for believing in me and for putting up with me when I was difficult to handle. She loved me when I was unlovable.

  “I love you too, sweetie.” I could tell she meant it as well. She even looked a little bit surprised when I said it which saddened me. I guess she really didn't know I loved her and she deserved to know.

  “Can I call Angela?” I asked.

  “Yes, she's going to be so excited when she finds out.” My mom said. I flashed her a grin before darting up the stairs and pouncing on my phone. It rung a few times, my heart rate increasing with each and every ring.

  “Hello?” Angela's voice filled the air on the phone.

  “ANGELA!” I shrieked into the phone receiver.

  “Ouch! What's got you so excited? You got my ears ringing.” She said sorely.

  “You'll never going to believe this.” I stated a grin creeping onto my face.

  “What is it?” She asked.

  “I got callbacks.” I said

  “NO. STINKIN. WAY!” She cried.

  “I'm serious!” I cried with a loud giggle.

  “I knew you could do it! Oh my gosh, I've never been prouder to call you my friend.” She gushed.

  “Aw, stop it!” I said, blushing a little.

  “Seriously! I'm going to be able to say that I knew you when.” She said, causing a huge grin to form on my lips.

  “I just can't believe it.” I said, shaking my head.

  “Well, believe it, baby! Before you know it you'll be rubbing elbows with like the hottest guys in the world. I won't lie. I'm quite jealous.” She admitted. I heard loud voices echoing in the bathroom.

  “Oh my gosh, Angela! Are you in school?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I snuck in the bathroom during Mr. Brooz's class... more like Mr. Snooze. I always drop everything whenever your calls come.” Angela said. My heart warmed a little when she said that. It was nice to know that I meant something to someone for a change.

  “Thank-you so much for being there.” I said.

  “You're welcome, I love you. Mr. Booze is probably gonna send someone in the bathroom soon to check on me so I gotta go, but I am so stinking proud of you!” She squealed into the phone. I smiled as I hung up. So this was it... my one big chance. The rest of the week dragged by pretty slowly as I waited anxiously for my callback. Finally, the day came. I told my mom that I would drive myself there and home just in case it didn't go well and I needed a moment to collect myself. I didn't want her to see me in my breakdown stage again... that was a side of me she was unfortunately forced to see a little too often.

  “Good luck, sweetheart.” She said, kissing my head before I walked out the door. I twirled the keyring around my finger nervously.

  “Thanks, Mom. I'll do you proud.” I said, forcing a smile through my anxiety.

  “I'm always proud of you.” She said giving my arm a squeeze. I smiled a little at that comment. It made me happy that she was there no matter what.

  “Pray for me.” I said sincerely. I could use all the prayer I could get. I hopped in my car and rode off to my future. I hadn't remembered ever being quite this excited in my entire life. When I got there every part of me was shaking in fear. I gripped my guitar neck with my trembling hands. I couldn't get a good grasp though through my sweaty palms. I kept my head down and tried to block out all these beautiful, model-looking girls out of my mind. Right now I needed to focus on the main priority right now, which was landing this job. I hadn't remembered ever wanting something so badly in my entire life before. I hadn't ever really been passionate about anything before. I tried to make myself appear confident though. I plastered a huge, goofy grin on my face and strut right up to those doors.

  “Hello, my name is Sam and I'm here on callbacks.” I said cheerfully.

  “Oh, of course. It's the first room on your left.” The lady stated, warmly. It was the same lady that had given me my number when I first auditioned. She seemed pleasantly surprised to see me so perky and outgoing this time around.

  “I knew you could do it.” She whispered.

  “Thank-you, I think deep down I did too.” I stated, honestly.

  “That's what I like to hear.” She said with a nod. I smiled, nodded in return, and thanked her one more time before starting toward the doors. I took a seat in a chair closest to
the door and sat strumming my guitar quietly to myself. About fifteen girls sat perched up real high on their chairs, with their long tans legs being completely revealed. I looked at my baggy jeans and winced a little. I shook my head vigorously though, shaking the thought away with it.

  “Alright, can all the girls please come in?” A familiar voice said. A heard a couple squeals erupt. It was Hunter. All the girls started drooling and cooing over him. They all raced to his side and looked at him as if he were a freshly baked batch of cookies. I rolled my eyes. For some reason, it made me kinda mad they way they were falling all over him. I wasn't jealous or anything thought. Believe me, I was very used to that feeling. This was a different feeling from that and it was worse in a way really. I didn't know what it was, but I really hated it. These girls really bothered me. Probably they only bothered me because I wasn't them and I really wished I was.

  “Hey, Hunter! I'm so glad you picked me I'm like a huuuuge fan!” A pretty blonde said, flipping her hair.

  “Ohh my gosh! Me too! I know like alll your songs.” Another said, grasping his arm.

  “I love you so much! Can I have a hug?” A curly haired brunette asked. She wrapped her arms around him before he had time to answer the question.

  “Thanks, thank-you, and yes.” He said, answering all the questions at once. He smiled at each of us, his hint of dimples showing.

  “Are you guys ready to play?” He asked.

  “Yes!” All the girls replied with a squeal. There was only one boy in this entire group...wow, figures. This wasn't any of these girl's dreams. They just wanted to be near the boys so they could fall all over themselves flirting with them. That thought made me really angry so I tried to just shrug it away.

  When we entered the room, it was a lot bigger and more intimidating than I thought. We followed Hunter through a little backstage area before coming onto a small little a platform stage with rows and rows of seats. Hunter got us all to line up in a row and gave us all numbers. There were about twenty of us. He then jogged over to where the rest of the boys were sitting in the front row seats, ready to judge us thoroughly. I tugged at my jeans a little self-consciously as I looked around. Hunter smiled right in my direction... surely, not. I looked behind me. There was no one behind me. Well then, it was probably the girl beside me. She was pretty cute... in a totally non-creepy way, you know? But I didn't have time to be thinking about that anyway. Right now, was one of the only moments in my entire life that was for me just me. The first girl went and she had the voice of an absolute angel. The second girl went, she could play better than I had ever heard in my entire life. The third went and her fingers strummed violently she mangled her fingers in the strings, playing every cord precisely. This torture went on until it finally reached me.

  To be honest, I didn't have some big, impressive song in store. I had a simple, but powerful song in mind. I would be playing Sweet Home Alabama. It wasn't much, but I just prayed that it would be an effective one as well. I started the first few cords and the boys began bobbing their heads with the rhythm which made a big grin appear on my face. I started getting into it and moving the neck of my guitar with the beat. The other girls started giving me looks, but I didn't really care. I stayed myself to the beat and jerked the guitar neck on the big notes. I even did a little jump at the end.

  “Okay, we're gonna start letting people go now...” Logan said.

  “The people who stay are...” Josh said slowly.

  “Number 12, number four, number seven, number eighteen...” Hunter said. I glanced down at my number seventeen. I was crushed. Absolutely gutted. They didn't call my name. I slowly turned towards the door.

  “Oh, and lastly number seventeen.” Hunter said. WHAT?! THAT WAS MY NUMBER! WAS THIS A DREAM? IF IT WAS PLEASE NEVER WAKE ME UP! OH. MY. GOSH. I jumped at least fifteen feet in the air, letting a squeal escape me. The boys grinned at my enthusiasm. I cupped my hands over my mouth, trying desperately to suppress my screams... or muffle them at least. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me.

  “Alright, now for a playyyyofffffffffff!” Logan boomed, enthusiastically. My heart was thudding loudly in my chest. I felt like I was going to pass out. I held my guitar tightly in my arms against my chest to keep it from pounding right out of my chest. I played the “Eye of The Tiger.” I again strummed as if my life depended on it. My fingers glided gracefully, yet roughly against the cords. I barred down on the strings, releasing sweet melodies. The rest of the girls went too, but I didn't even really hear them. All sorts of things and were racing through my brain at the moment. My mind was spinning with thoughts running through it a million miles an hour. What did they think of me? Did I mess up? Was I even that good? What if I fail? I'll have to tell mom I didn't make it. Oh, she'll be so disappointed.

  My thoughts were interrupted by a loud cry. My eyes shot up from the small place on the ground they had been fixed on.

  “Congrats.” One girl muttered to me. I cocked an eyebrow at her.

  “What?” I mumbled. They all gave me icy stares.

  “Did ya not hear us, babe?” Josh asked. I looked around, confused. One girl was already headed to the door wailing.

  “You made it, love.” Hunter said. Those four words had just changed my life. Actually, a lot more than I knew at the time.

  “Welcome to “All4U!” Corey said with a warm smile.

  “ARE YOU SERIOUS!” I cried.

  “More than we have been in a real long time.” Logan said. I jumped up and down like a little girl. I just stood there giggling, frozen in place. They all came up and gave me a hug, but I couldn't even really hug back. I was shaking so hard and the shock was clear in my expression. I looked at the ground, trying to hide my face so they wouldn't see how truly desperate I really was for this gig.

  “That was the best we've heard in a really long time.” Logan informed.

  “Th-thanks.” I managed to squeak out.

  “You seem lovely, Sam. I think we'll get on real well.” Hunter informed with a nod.

  “Yeah, thank-you so much. This means a lot.” Was all I could say. I was so surprised that I could even manage to even get that much out. There were cameras all over the place and that made me even more nervous if that was even humanly possible.

  “You wanna call your mum or something?” Corey asked. I nodded and jerked my phone out of my hand.

  “Your shaking.” Hunter said, with a cheeky girl softly placing his hand on mine.

  “Yeah.” I said, breathlessly.

  “You're excited?” He asked.

  “More than you could ever know.” I replied, holding the phone to my ear.

  “Here let me talk.” He said, swiping the phone.

  “Hey!” I cried. He just offered another cheeky grin so I let it go.

  “Hello, I'm Hunter and I'll taking your daughter on tour this summer.” He said, putting the phone on speaker. I heard my mom screaming with joy and all the boys laughed.

  “Mom, don't cry!” I said, a little embarrassed. She was sobbing on the other end. I shook my head a little, but I still couldn't wipe this grin off my face.

  “Those boys are handsome too! You be careful!” My mother warned.

  “Mom, stop it! The phone's on speaker!” I cried.

  “Oh sorry, baby. I didn't mean to embarrass you.” She apologized. I just laughed. Nothing could ruin this wonderful mood that I was in right now. All the other boys laughed along with me as well.

  “I'm so proud of you! I just can't believe this.” Mom sounded like a high pitched, squeaky, teenage girl and it was kind of funny. I chucked slightly to myself.

  “Well, congratulations.” Hunter said extend his hand. I took it and shook it firmly.

  “Thank-you so much.” I said, with a huge goofy smile.

  “Welcome aboard.” Corey said.

  “I'm so happy to be aboard.” I said with a nod.

  “Well, our first rehearsal is about a week from now, alright? But
the tour doesn't start for a good month or so.” Logan informed, handing a me a schedule.

  “Thank-you so much!” I stated with a slight squeal. I hurried off toward the door, but before I went someone snagged me arm. I turned around. It was Hunter.

  “You know why we picked you, right?” He asked. I shook my head slowly.

  “You had... some sort of fire and first in your eyes. I could just tell it by the way you played. You've been through something, haven't you?” He whispered. I nodded.

  “Yeah, I've been through a lot.” I said.

  “Well, I can tell. You've got something special, Sam.” I grinned at the words. Something special... one of the most famous celebrities in the world thought that I had something special.

  “Thanks.” I whispered. I'd never really felt special before in my life. He nodded and gave me a light friendly pat on the back.

  “Good job.” He whispered. I nodded and gave one last wave before I went out. The minute I went through the door, I wanted to run back to where safety was assured for me. I was afraid these girls might kill me before I made it to the first rehearsal. They were looking at me with cold, dead eyes and giving me icy stares that could kill. I forced a tight lipped smile at all of them. They didn't return the kind gesture. I kept my head down on the way to my car, but I felt a hand grab me and jerk me back violently. It jerked my head backward, causing my neck to snap back painfully. I turned to see who was so aggressively violent with me. I turned around swiftly with anger in my eyes and clearly written all over my expression. It was the pretty little blonde girl.

  “I don't care. I don't care that they picked you, I don't care why they picked you...but they did and you don't deserve it. You ugly little disgraceful thing. I worked my butt of for this.” She snapped.

  “Well, so did I and unlike you I've worked my entire life for this and gosh you're ugly. You're ugly where it counts. I don't care what I look like in the mirror. When I look at my reflection I want to see a girl who strives her hardest no matter what. I want to see a girl who is constantly making mistakes and learning.” I said firmly. I held a mirror to her face.

  “You look now... what do you see?” I whispered. She blinked dramatically at me in disbelief. With that, a snapped the mirror shut and turned to walk away. But then I whipped around to add one last thing.

  “They picked me. They like me... they love me. How does it feel to be rejected, princess?” I whispered in her ear. I pulled away and looked at her with a smirk. She turned on her heels and stormed off. I smiled a little to myself. I didn't have that burning sensation stinging deep within me like I usually did when I got insulted. Instead, it was replaced with a feeling of peace and serenity. It didn't hurt so bad, it actually felt kinda nice. I felt like I had done something instead of shy away and take every insult that was flung my way. I belted out the lyrics to every song on the radio when I was on my way home. I didn't care if I was even vaguely familiar with the song. I felt like a songbird flying high in the sky and chirping as she did it, releasing merry music throughout her kingdom. Kingdom. I felt like a princess. Right now, I might as well have been royalty. I didn't mean it in a conceited way, but right now I felt really good about myself. That was rare. That was new.